Once upon a time,
In a forgotten land,
In a lost era of dragons,
Wizards and elves,
There was a great army.
It was the greatest army there had ever been,
Greater even than those of men.
It was the Army of the Fae,
Or Fairy to you and I,
And it was known throughout the world as the strongest and most fearsome army,
And it had never,
Ever lost a battle.
Now,
The King of the Fae,
Who presided over this army,
Was a fierce and frightening fae who came from a long line of fierce and frightening kings.
Within his great army,
He made sure he had only the best generals in the land,
And only the bravest warriors a fae could find,
And only the most talented healers and surgeons.
His warriors indeed came from far and wide,
Not just from the fae kind,
But from amongst the men,
The dragons,
The goblins,
And even mercenaries from the far-off elvish kingdoms.
Everybody who was anybody wanted to be a part of this great army,
And wanted to bear the honour of fighting in the king's great wars.
Never had a battle been lost,
And never had a foe not been defeated.
Many great songs were sung and stories told about this legendary force under the skilled and terrific command of their king.
So it was when the king eventually died that his beloved son,
The Fae Prince,
Came to power,
As was the natural way of these things.
And with this change of leadership,
The Fae Prince also came to be head of his father's great army.
Now,
There was just one problem with that,
For the Fae Prince was a very different character to his father,
The Fae King.
You could almost say he was quite opposite,
Really.
He had no interest at all in the army,
Or fighting wars,
Or winning battles,
Or pinning medals to the puffed-out chests of his best and most brave soldiers.
Indeed,
The Fae Prince had no interest in war at all.
It was quite the concern for his advisors and servants,
Who whispered about it behind their hands when the prince walked by them in the hallways.
Until it was,
The general of the army said one day,
Well,
Whatever shall we do?
He was a large man in his later years,
Greying at the ears,
A man who had seen many battles alongside his Fae brothers.
We have the greatest army in the world,
Sitting on their backsides,
Twiddling their thumbs.
This won't do,
This just won't do at all.
We have to do something.
I suppose we might have seen it coming,
Said the High Wizard,
A high-ranking warlock who worked with the Fae to create new magic spells and tricks for use in battles and sieges.
He was always a quiet lad,
Playing with the animals in the forests,
Reading those books of his in the library,
And growing vegetables in the palace gardens with his sisters.
He never did show much interest in weapons training,
Or battlefield tactics,
Or military history,
No matter how much I tried to teach him.
But we never knew it was this bad,
Said the king's steward,
Whose job it was to advise the king before he died and make helpful suggestions.
Whatever will we do with all of the new tricks and spells we have been working on?
We have no use of them now if there are no wars to fight and no enemies to unleash them upon.
And what shall I do with all of my soldiers?
Asked the general anxiously.
They can't sit around doing nothing forever,
They'll get bored and fidgety,
And then they'll leave home and go home to their families and their own countries and their own fields.
We'll have no army left before long.
He gasped in horror the mere thought of it.
Yes,
Yes,
It just won't do,
Said the high wizard,
Twitching his moustache as he always did when he was thinking.
We'll have to speak to the prince.
He's new and young after all.
He needs to learn the ways of being a king.
We'll have to tell him that peacetime can't go on forever.
We have spells to use,
We have warriors to pay,
We have a reputation to uphold.
Let's go to him at once with our concerns.
And so,
As it was agreed,
The general,
The high wizard and the royal steward visited the fair prince that day,
Who was to be found in the palace gardens at the vegetable patches,
Second column to the left,
Third row to the front,
Tending to the carrots and the parsnips there.
The fair prince seemed quite serene as the three of them hurriedly outlined their concerns to him,
And gave their grave predictions for the future of the fair kingdom if something didn't change soon.
He barely looked up at them,
Though he was listening intently,
A kind and patient expression upon his face.
Here and there he nodded,
To show that he cared deeply about what they had come to say.
And so it is,
Your highness,
Prince of the fae,
Guardian of our lands.
We implore you to give some thought to our words today,
Said the high wizard,
Finishing strongly as the elected spokesperson to get their points across.
And perhaps it won't be too late to act after all,
And we can still have the greatest army the world has ever known.
The general nodded enthusiastically,
Wild-eyed,
While the steward peered at the sea of carrot leaves surrounding the prince in utter bewilderment.
The fair prince didn't reply immediately,
Choosing his words carefully before he spoke.
So you're telling me,
Said the prince,
That we must choose an enemy from amongst our neighbours,
And declare a war quickly,
So that our spells and our soldiers don't go to waste,
And so that we can continue the reputation of my father,
And his father,
And his father before him?
The three of them nodded quickly.
Why,
Yes,
Said the high wizard.
This is the way of it.
We have never had a peacetime to last so long before.
It is really quite unusual.
Our spies abroad are already sending news of lands awash with rumours and hearsay that our new king just isn't up to the job,
Just isn't interested in wars and glory.
The fair prince nodded.
Well,
It is true,
He pondered.
The fair have always been known to enjoy a good tussle,
And we do have the strongest of the mankind amongst us,
And the most courageous of the fae in all our ranks.
And the most fearsome of the dragons,
Added the general hopefully.
And the most resourceful of the goblins,
Exclaimed the royal steward.
And the most cunning of the elfkind,
Said the high wizard,
Nodding gravely.
Yes,
We have so much talent and experience,
Said the prince,
Within our many ranks of warriors and allies.
It must not go to waste.
The high wizard,
The general,
And the steward exchanged relieved looks with each other,
As their prince appeared to have come to his senses at last.
The general opened his arms wide in delight.
So,
He beamed,
Who shall we invade first?
First,
Began the prince,
We shall invade the streets of our towns and villages,
And build shelters for the homeless,
And teach trades to the poor.
There were wild,
Wide,
Bewildered eyes all around.
Then,
Said the prince continued,
We shall attack the rivers and the lakes,
Cleaning away their pollution and their rubbish,
Providing clean water for our people again.
After that,
We shall broker peace with the creatures of the forest,
The wolves and the bears and the boar and the white heart,
Returning their lands to them once and for all.
And we'll create fresh pastures to graze our cows,
Our sheep and our goats,
Which don't encroach on the forest anymore.
And then.
.
.
Then,
My lord?
Choked the high wizard,
Faintly,
Red-faced and sweating.
We shall disperse my great army,
Dispatching them to their homelands and their families,
Carrying on their backs gifts of gold and silver,
Of barley and bread,
Of wine and cheese,
So that they may sow joy and abundance everywhere they go.
And all in the land,
And the lands beyond lands,
And the lands beyond those lands,
Our enemies will know of the generosity and the kindness of the Fae.
And they will be enemies no longer,
And we will welcome them to our hearths,
And we will provide homes for them in our hills,
And jobs for them in our towns.
And we will protect and guard the roads that link us together,
So that no citizen ever need fear the wrath and the fury of the Fae again,
Or indeed the anger of any man,
Elf,
Dragon,
Or goblin.
And finally.
.
.
Finally?
Said the general,
Slumping to his knees,
Gripping his helmet in his hands and staring into it with an expression of shock and grief.
We shall nurture and guide their children,
So that they may run freely through our meadows,
Swim cheerfully in our rivers,
And swing gladly through the treetops and the mountains.
And never again shall they fear for their children's lives,
Or their futures,
For the Fae shall watch over them.
To the end of my time,
To the end of your time,
And to the end of time itself,
The Fae shall watch over all places.
Having finished tending to the palace's vegetable patches for now,
The prince stood up,
Brushed the dirt from his robes and smiled at his subjects,
Who were swaying gently from side to side and gazing back at him in a daze.
And so it was,
And you will hear the story told far and wide,
That many centuries later,
Long after the Fae prince was gone and his descendants sat on the golden throne,
Still then it was known throughout the world that the Fae has the greatest and the bravest army of them all,
And the wisest of wise wizards,
And the finest of fine generals,
And the grandest of grand royal stewards.
