I've been absent from almost all but my core practices lately, but believe you me, I haven't forgotten that I plan to listen to every one of these as I'm able. Problem is, your HoHs give me *too much* journey and it takes more time to process (and reply, which I feel compelled to do) than it does to actually listen from start to finish! (This is not a bad thing, just a time management thing, I think.)
So on this one -
I laughed at first. Not that it was funny, oh no. It was the laughter I had, and many have, when something is confirmed that we have known intuitively was an issue for a long time but could never get anyone to take seriously. Like a diagnosis after years of trying to find the right doctors and tests and such. You said in this track that "It's just that everyone knows it all at the same time" or something similar (re: instability). I laughed in relief. People are listening, and to each other, and HEARING each other reflected in the concerns of others. It's a beautiful thing, really. And nobody is bad-mouthing others for their concerns. All the better.
I have known for many years that fear is the basis of many of my thoughts and actions. I've worked hard on this and have made a lot of progress, I think. What I find interesting right now is that on a much larger scale than ever before, I am perfectly calm and unafraid. I am that person who runs towards, rather than away. I have my moments of freak out long after an event. I am cool, calm, collected, and able to manage emergencies under pressure exceptionally well. I have handled crisis hotlines, suicidal clients, done involuntary psychiatric committals as needed, worked with both the social services and juvenile justice departments, done home visits in shady parts of various towns, served in the military, and step up probably far more than I should.
I have been in healthcare one way or another my entire life, and at present am essential personnel at work. I've been running our employees through the American Red Cross Bloodborne Pathogens Training this past week as some of them get suited up to provide custodial services at a military hospital with presumptive positive cases stemming from a recently returned deployment to Italy. Others are serving meals in cafeteria settings, cleaning military offices, and much more. Now that I have most of that preventative training done, I am providing mental health support for our employees feeling overwhelmed or in crisis over this situation as well as providing factual updates to all our project managers and company administration and helping them with operational decision-making as a result.
Basically, I am less fearful and more confident in crisis situations because in these situations I am tested and KNOW I am good and capable in what I do. And if I should get sick, I know what to do there as well. I have consulted with my doctors in advance, and I am ready if it should happen.
I am, oddly enough, feeling rather happy and exhilarated at this point. I am also deeply saddened by the loss of life, and trying very hard to avoid all mention of politics lest that throw my mission focus off, but I coordinate official information as it is passed down and that is sufficient for me, my staff, our employees, our clients, and upper management.
Meanwhile, I feel useful, productive, and that my actions are making a difference in more visible and tangible ways than simply pushing papers and having monthly meetings with clients to check on progress. I've got my sleeves rolled up, hands are dirty (figuratively speaking, as they are washed and sanitized well and frequently), my exercising is reaping benefits now, surgical recovery going well, started coursework for another area of passionate interest of mine, and I feel more alive than I have in a long time. And not fearful. Tired, but not fearful. This also reinforces my career path which has long focused on the fact that meaningful work is vital to health and well-being for all people.
The stagnant water you mentioned - I kept waiting to hear mosquitos mentioned, by the way - is a wonderful metaphor. The Zen koan "You cannot step into the same stream twice" came to mind. Somehow, though, the way you put it resonated on a deeper gut level with me than the more pithy koan phrasing ever has. So thank you for that.
I really feel, deep deep inside, this is Gaia's way of forcing humanity to stop and breathe, take a step back, pause, and look around. Hit the reset button in a way. And with it being so widespread, there is more group resonance globally at the same time as a result. Less infighting. All turned towards common goals of living, not against each other (except for in the toilet paper asile, perhaps).
I cannot help but feel a strange sense of overarching joy - like this is where people have been working to get for hundreds of years and never had the chance, but here we are at last (again). The question is whether it will be sustainable, this spirit of cooperation, the innovation coming to the foreground in creative solutions for distileries converting to manufacturing hand sanitizer, people 3-D printing ventilators and masks, telework that will allow so many with health issues to have gainful, meaningful employment once more while their employers see a decrease in overhead and possibly a reduction in carbon footprint as a result.
If history is to go on, though, this will possibly change some things in a permanent way, but the human memory will fade after a generation or two. My mother lost a great-aunt who was 19 years old during the Spanish flu. Who now living remembers that time first hand? Who knows the history? And they didn't have the technology then that we do now, so it's different anyway, though travel was slower, longer, and less frequent then.
Everything changes. And while philosophically I know all people born will due, I am grieved by those who have lost their lives to this due to lack of planning and resources. If it could have been prevented, it should have been. Period.
In the meantime, rather than be fearful of what is and what is to come, I will continue to stride forth with a smile on my face, determination in my heart, willing to help however I can, and go jump in that running stream of water that is the change we see in the world today. And I shall laugh as I do so, for laughter helps to boost the immune system, and being fearful will not help improve the situation.
Rather like Patch Adams, my smile has made a difference to those in fear, I have been told, and it seems to be reassuring. That's good. If I can be even a tiny spark of light in this time for someone who needs that light, I am here. I am here to hold space for those who are ill or recently bereaved. I am here to train and aid those who must go even further to the front lines than I must. And I constantly express my gratitude for those around me and my continued ability to serve in this way. I am not a physician of the body, but in times like this, I am reminded that anyone can be a physician of the heart and spirit if they are willing to take the time to use their gifts to help others, to connect with others, reach out, and simply BE.
Crisis can bring out the best in humanity. I just wish it so often did not come at such expense and loss of life in order to do so. I may not feel the fear and sadness personally, but I honor it and respect it, as well as the presence of these emotions and others like anger, depression, and anxiety in others. I have been trained to help with these; they are not new or even particularly challenging "foes" for me to face down, and I will willingly stand beside anyone who is doing so and needs support and encouragement.
I feel like I am wearing an invisible cape right now, but there are SO MANY others who should be wearing visible ones made of silk and gold thread. All those who provide direct service to body and mind, those in my field like myself who are exempt from shelter in place orders as being essential personnel in critical operations, my colleagues in the field who, like me, are tasked with explaining what's going on to those with cognitive challenges and other disabilities and have very valid and real concerns about their health, medical care, and income, and more, plus all the utility workers, business owners navigating supply chain issues and minimal staff to ensure vehicles stay safe for use, gassed up, food on the table, supplies available for home workers, and so many more.
We're all in it together, this stream of change and instability. And like sea otters hold hands at night while sleeping so they don't drift apart upon the ocean waves, so too is the human race gradually joining hands during this time of rapid change.
I have no particularly pithy comments to cap this soliloquy off, just going to get back to doing laundry sorting and then go take a walk, followed by some classwork. It was good to resume my listening practice to your recordings, Betsy. I've been limited lately to the long practice I fall asleep to nightly and the handful I do in succession each morning that helps me get out of bed and moving with a minimum of back/neck pain. Hopefully I will be back (with less wordy responses than this particular one) in the near future to re-engage with the sessions of yours I have missed. ❤️
Thank you as always for sharing with us. I see you and the light within you. Be well, Betsy. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻
