Tender Revolution Ep. 10: Unexpected Gifts Of 2020

Welcome to The Tender Revolution.

I'm Katherine Liggett.

In today's episode,

I want to invite us to take a moment to really reflect on the unexpected gifts of 2020.

I know that for me,

And I'm sure for many of you,

The temptation is to just say,

Screw 2020.

Let's get this over with,

Get into 2021.

Good riddance.

And that's generally how I approached the shift of this new year until I had an experience last night that showed me a little bit about how I've grown in really wonderful ways this year without being even aware of it.

So last night,

I escaped from the house in the evening,

As my husband took over to watch our little girl who's 16 months old.

And I got in my car and I was just so relieved to have my own mind,

My own relationship with myself to have silence,

Right?

And those of you who have or have had young kids can totally relate to that,

I'm sure.

So I was driving and I didn't really know where I was going.

I was just letting my intuition guide me.

And I drove into the town of Edmonds,

Which is close to where I live in the Seattle area.

And it's this really cute little walkable town with lots of shops and restaurants that still were very much alive with the holiday spirit with lights and all the outdoor dining set up really beautifully with heaters and stuff.

And so I just drove there and I started walking around and then I passed this restaurant that I had both longed for and judged.

This trendy little seafood restaurant that was pretty new to town.

And I went up and I looked at the menu.

And I didn't know that I was taking myself out on a dinner date when I left the house for this time by myself,

But it turns out that's what needed to happen.

So I looked at the menu and I saw this fish and chips that they specialized in.

That's one of my favorite foods,

By the way,

Usually minus the chips.

So I asked them if I could substitute a salad.

And the nice man behind the counter,

You know,

Behind the pane of glass at the counter in the mask said yes,

Of course.

So I went and I ordered and then I sat down at a table outside right on the sidewalk overlooking this really beautiful little town with all the lights up.

And pretty soon the food came and I was just astonished at the beauty of it.

This huge piece of breaded rockfish that didn't look greasy at all on top of this massive beautiful salad of arugula and apple and squash.

And not at all the fish and chips that I was expecting in such a good way.

And I just really dove into the experience of enjoying this fish and salad that I'd been gifted with.

And I was just taken aback by all of the flavor and just gave myself completely over to the experience of this absolutely delicious meal.

And so here's the difference.

Here's where I realized that I had done a lot of healing without knowing it this past year is that I was able to totally immerse myself in the sensual experience of this beautiful meal.

Even though there were people around me who before I had healed in this way,

I would have been very distracted by what I would call their energy.

There were people around me talking about things like jail,

Going to jail,

Court dates,

Sentences,

Things like that.

But frankly,

The difference is I barely noticed.

And as someone who's identified as an empath my entire life,

It has almost always been the case for me that I've had my feelers out wherever I go to the energy of other people around me and let that have a say in how I feel in a certain moment.

And it just wasn't the case last night when I was on this dinner date by myself.

I was so immersed in the pleasure of this meal.

And I noticed their conversation topics just very lightly without even tuning in,

Without even listening,

Without allowing their energy to affect me at all.

And I realized that 2020 had done this for me.

I realized that motherhood had done this for me as well.

This coming inward that we've done this year to the enjoyment of the small moments of sensual pleasures in everyday reality because frankly,

That's been largely what there is,

Right,

This year.

We're not going out,

We're going inward.

And this ability to really inhabit my own personal sensual experience without having to tune in to make sure I'm safe,

That was revolutionary for me.

And I thought to myself,

So this is what it feels like to have a healthy sense of self,

To have a solid sense of self,

To know that I'm safe from the inside out,

To not be so vigilant and have to determine and tune in to the energy around me,

To always feel into if I'm safe or not.

I felt safe and thus I was truly able to be embodied,

Dive into the sensual pleasure of the present moment and really be in myself.

So as I realized that about my dinner date and what that had revealed to me about 2020 and my own healing,

I remember too a conversation with a really dear friend of mine who had recently moved back to where her mom lives because her mom was having heart problems and they were both waiting for the results of the tests to come back.

And I texted her that it must be so very difficult to wait in that heavy uncertainty.

And she texted back,

No,

Actually it's really okay.

This year has really strengthened my ability,

My capacity to be with uncertainty.

I'm really okay.

And what a gift that was for her.

So I wonder what some of the unexpected gifts have been for you in your own growth this past year,

Maybe ways that you weren't expecting to grow,

But then suddenly one day you just realize I'm not reacting in the same way that I typically would have.

I feel more solid or in my own experience than I typically would in the past.

I wonder how have you really grown this year?

And I want to guide a very simple practice for us today to help you discover just how you might have grown in 2020.

And it will involve an elder version of you.

I usually like to invoke my 90 year old self.

If you happen to be over the age of 90 listening today,

You can invoke an older version,

An even wiser version of yourself.

So we're not going to be here terribly long,

But if you like just get comfortable right now to tune in for just a few minutes sitting or lying down where you can really relax.

Starting to notice your breath now and allowing the events of your day to melt down into the surface that supports you here.

Inviting a deepening breath,

Allowing the belly to be soft and round,

Letting go of any unnecessary tension in the belly.

As you bring the breath a little bit lower,

Feeling the rise and fall of the abdomen.

I invite you now to with closed eyes if that feels right,

Open your inner eye onto a beautiful scene of your making indoors or outdoors where you encounter now the elder version of you,

The version of yourself who has lived your fullest life all the way.

You can see them perhaps in a beautiful chair or standing somewhere,

However they appear.

And imagine that you are the strongest version of your current self there with them.

Really,

Really present with them.

And look into the eyes now of your elder self.

Really seeing into those eyes and all of their wisdom.

Seeing the life that's been lived through those eyes.

And really allowing yourself to receive now the kindness and the love behind those eyes for you.

You who is very much in the middle of your life,

Who is very much still feeling the struggle of life.

How does your body as it is now feel receiving the gaze of your elder self?

Are you able to open to it?

To let it in.

Breathing as you open and receive.

And from this place of open receptivity,

You can see the wisdom and perspective of your elder self.

Ask them a question now.

What is the gift that 2020 has given me that will serve me for the rest of my life?

What is the gift that 2020 has given me that will serve me for the rest of my life?

And really listen now for the answer and whatever else your elder self would like to say to you.

Breathing as you receive these messages.

Noticing how your body feels as you listen to them.

Open and receive now.

When it feels like your elder self has told you what you needed to hear right now,

Just ask is there anything else or what else is needed for me?

Whenever this feels complete enough for right now,

Feel your hands on your heart really sending the deepest love and gratitude for your future self,

This elder version of you.

Thank you so much for your wisdom.

And know that this is you.

And whenever it feels right,

Start to notice your breath again in your body right here.

Start to imagine the room that you're in around you.

And very slowly come on back and open your eyes arriving right here in this place and this time.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for doing this reflection with me today.

And may you have an absolutely wonderful new year and celebration coming up here.

Thank you all so much.