Welcome everybody to the adult chair living authentically with Michelle Schalfont.
I am Pete Wright and I am thrilled to be here with Michelle Schalfont herself.
Michelle,
How are you today?
I'm doing great Pete,
Thank you.
I am so excited for this show.
Me too.
Have I told you that yet?
No,
I haven't heard you say that at all.
I am thrilled.
This has been a long time coming.
We have been working together for a while and this,
I think we've come to the conclusion that this is,
That the message of this show is a fantastic message for more people to hear.
We've called this show the adult chair.
Can you talk a little bit about what that means,
Where that metaphor came from for you and how it has become such a driving force in your work today?
Absolutely.
I have had,
Gosh,
Over the course of 25 years so many different teachers come in and out of my life and I certainly have learned some amazing concepts and tools and techniques.
But the one person that really stands out for me is Susan Austin Crumpton.
She is over at the estuary in Nashville,
Tennessee and I have been in her school for the last,
Gosh,
Many years and she is the one that developed actually from taking from other theorists this model of these chairs.
She really made this very simple for people to understand.
So her work has heavily influenced my work here and I owe a lot of credit to her.
I have a lot of appreciation because she has helped me along my journey in finding my own adult which now I can help others in finding theirs.
After spending most of my life looking for ways to love myself,
This would be the way that we learn how to love ourselves and it's by living in our authentic adult,
Which I now call the adult chair.
And I call it a chair because it started out as a chair and it still is very much in my office.
I actually have three chairs and the goal is to live in our adult chair and each chair designates a different part of our being and the adult chair is that authentic part of who we are.
You actually have chairs.
You move people through the chairs.
I do.
So what is the importance of this?
Because we're going to be talking for at least for the next several weeks,
We're going to be talking about the chairs and the role of the chairs.
But as we get into the chairs,
What is the importance of that sort of kinesthetic relationship with these chairs,
Actually moving from chair to chair in our experience of finding our emotional balance and authentic healthy living?
Right.
Well,
What I find happens is when we sit in each chair,
And there are three chairs actually so there's the child chair,
The adolescent chair,
And then we have the adult chair,
Which is the goal.
And unfortunately,
Most of us do not know what our true authentic adult is all about.
So when people come in to a session with me,
I have them sit and report about their week from each chair.
So I'll ask them a question like,
So what went on?
Well,
You know,
I had a fight for my husband.
Well,
Tell me about it.
And each chair has specific qualities to who we are.
So they will report in from each chair.
And as they jump chairs,
What I find happens is the neural pathways in the brain actually start moving and shifting.
So it's a real healing process to get up and talk to what we would call the empty chair of the child or of the adolescent or of the adult.
It feels to me like there's an actual energy in each chair.
So the child chair is this really precious,
Vulnerable energy in it versus the adolescent,
Which is more of our ego,
The perfectionist.
And then the authentic adult is the part that's connected to the higher self that lives very present moment,
That can set boundaries.
So when a client comes in,
I have them report in from each of those three chairs and they get it.
It really sinks in for the client.
Yeah,
You know,
It's a fascinating transformation.
I think this idea that you start out going in maybe feeling a bit awkward,
Right?
Maybe feeling that you're just sort of pretending until it takes hold.
And that energy really starts to sort of flow through you.
Right,
Right.
Well,
What's really cool is I've done this.
I mean,
I've been a therapist,
Gosh,
For almost over 20 years now.
And I've done so many different things from very traditional kinds of counseling to energy medicine to chakras to all these different kinds of things,
NLP,
EFT.
And what I have found over the last 20-some years is that this model is what people need as the foundation of their healing process.
And what I do in session and even in workshops that I do is I'll have the three chairs and I get up and I explain to them what each chair is and what parts of our personality are in each chair.
And people,
I would say 99% of the time look at me and they'll say,
This is the easiest thing to understand.
It's like the big light bulb.
It's a light bulb for them that goes off.
And they'll say,
You know,
I've been in therapy for years.
This makes sense.
I get it.
Now I get what my goal is.
And it's really action-oriented in sessions and in these classes that I teach.
And people seem to like that.
They love it.
And they get it.
And they shift fast,
Which is what I like to see.
How did you end up at this stage of your career and helping people with this sort of transformative therapy?
You know,
I've been a seeker my whole life.
And I had to find a way in my teens is when I really started noticing what I know now to be called anxiety and depression,
Codependency.
From my own family,
I think that we all have a dysfunctional family.
And I started my own journey many,
Many,
Many,
Many years ago and then becoming a therapist.
Again,
I wanted help for what was going on within me.
And then I would learn different tools and I would then work with my clients with them.
And after years of doing this,
I finally started doing more inner child work with myself.
And I started seeing bigger changes within myself than I'd seen with any other work that I've done in the past.
So really delved into that,
Really got a greater understanding of,
Again,
What is our ego?
What are the masks that we wear?
All this kind of thing.
And then learning how do I live authentically?
How do I heal my anxiety and my depression?
And it sounds so simple,
But the basis for all this is we have to learn how to feel our feelings.
And I had to learn how to do that really,
Really,
Really well.
And in the process of doing that,
Another part of me came in that would be called our authentic adult.
And so by feeling my feelings and learning who I am in my child part,
This other part was born and that's the adult chair.
And that's this healing work that I've done now with all of my clients and where I've seen most of the change happen that's so profound.
And then I still take all of the other things that I've learned throughout the years and lay it on top of that.
So I'll still do NLP,
NEFT,
And these different energy kinds of things with my clients.
But this is the foundational healing where I start now with all my clients.
You have said a few things in this description and you've given me like 73 questions I want to ask you.
I'm going to hold off on many of them for now because I think that gets to why we are doing this show,
Right?
When you think about it,
What interests you about taking this message to listeners on the internet?
I just see that there's such a need for help with anxiety and depression and so many of us have no clue that we have codependency issues.
And it's from our childhoods,
It just is.
And it's no blame on our parents because they all did the best they could.
Mine did for sure and I know that I was loved but if our parents are unhealed then they give us all of their stuff.
So I just see that there's such a need and I just have the same kinds of clients that come to me all the time.
And I just know that it's time to get this message out because over the last few years in teaching my clients this model,
Again,
Is where I've seen so much change and it lasts.
Some of these techniques that I've done with my clients,
It changes them for a while,
We do some healing and then sometimes the issues come back.
So I realize we have to get to the root issue.
We have got to get to the core and this work that we do from the adult chair,
It gets to the core issues and we really see change in our lives,
In our personal lives and our relationships at work.
So many different things start happening from a positive perspective.
So I just feel like it's time to get this message out into the world.
Well,
It's wonderful and I think it gets to some of the themes we're going to be talking about in this show.
As I mentioned before,
We are going to be starting out with this series on the chairs.
You mentioned the child chair,
The adolescent chair and the adult chair.
I think the next three episodes of this show,
Our next three weeks are really going to be a nice set for people to understand the sort of basics,
An introduction of how you help people to,
As you say,
Feel their feelings.
Yes.
Well,
And it's not just that.
So what we're going to do over the next three weeks is start out in the child and this is exactly what I would do in a session with people.
So it's just,
We're going to start out with a child and we're going to talk about what is our child part?
What does it mean to us?
Why is it important that we need to understand who our child is and re-experience that part of us?
Then we go into the adolescent part.
We all have it,
Even though you might be 50,
60 years old,
We still have these parts within us but they get tucked away.
So the next three episodes will be finding that child part,
Finding the adolescent part and then introducing our authentic adult.
It's funny because we hear all the time how important it is to love ourselves.
In fact,
I hear it on Oprah and shows like that where they say,
You have to love who you are but nobody teaches us how to do it.
So these chairs teach us how to do it.
You know what's beautiful about that?
It seems like it separates the chronological adult and the chronological adolescent from the emotional or authentic adult.
It does.
Just because I am an adult,
I mean chronologically I'm represented as an adult.
I'm in an adult's body but that certainly doesn't mean I live there all the time.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I have a feeling that me just being a part of this show is going to be therapy for my whole family.
Yes,
It will.
We're going to be talking about some other wonderful things.
You know,
In the show we're going to be talking about how your relationships or which chair you are living in affects your body,
How stress and anxiety and depression affects your physical well-being and health.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I love,
Again,
This is where I will be introducing some of the energy medicine techniques that I've learned and learning how do we,
Why is it important that we understand that we are energetic beings and how do we protect ourselves,
Our energy fields and if we have physical manifestations,
What can we do about that because I believe that everything starts out on the emotional level.
So we have techniques that we're going to talk about that will help with the emotional issues.
We also,
Which I'm really excited about when you talk about relationships,
I do a lot of work now with couples and I find that,
You know,
I started out only seeing women and now I see a lot of men and they love this work and they want their wives to come on in and then we do couple work and the goal again is how do we get ourselves to be in relationship from the adult chair,
This authentic place of who we really,
Really are and most of us have no idea,
Again.
So when I get two couples coming in,
They're typically coming from that adolescent place and they don't know it though.
Even if they're again in their 40s or 30s or however old,
They're reacting from this very young place and then when I can get them in their adult chairs,
Their whole relationship starts to change and we can take that and apply it to work,
To our relationships,
Let's say even with,
You know,
If we're an adult with our parents or with siblings,
It's just amazing.
It's a really powerful process.
So I'm looking forward to it all.
I really am.
I mean this idea of relationships and how once you start to approach,
This is one of the things we've talked about in the past that really nails it for me.
Once you start to approach the relationship with your spouse or partner and living authentically there,
Having a better,
More clear understanding of love,
Not addictive love or codependent love but authentic love,
How that affects your relationships with your children if you have children or with your partners at work,
People that you work with.
How do those,
You know,
Understanding your spousal and partner relationship affect the relationships of everyone around you and how they interact with you in your space?
I think that's such a powerful sort of vector for approaching emotional health.
Yeah,
Without a doubt.
You know,
Our childhood wounding affects us day to day in our adult life.
This is why these chairs help us so much because that child chair,
We got to get that part of us back and we can get her back or him to come back,
Then oh my gosh,
When we can work with that part of us and do good healing there,
It's just we show up in a different way in our lives no matter where we are.
Like you said,
Like at work or in relationship or with our children,
We don't react to our children when they push our,
You know,
If we know what our triggers are,
Then we don't react.
We don't know what our triggers are unless we go there and we figure out what the heck they are.
That's right.
So we just throw the word,
Oh,
They're really pushing my buttons around,
You know.
Exactly.
It has lost all meaning,
You know,
It's just another button.
Right.
But we delve in on this show to what do we do when our buttons are pushed,
When we have triggers,
What happens then?
You know,
Instead of yelling at the kids,
It's always our stuff every single time.
When we get triggered,
It's our stuff.
Not theirs.
No.
And we want to yell at them and make them stop.
But if we heal those parts of us,
Then we don't get triggered.
And I speak from experience.
I mean,
I've done this work.
That's why I can sit and say this.
It really works.
It does.
In fact,
You know,
You got me thinking about this.
When your children are pushing your buttons,
They are probably living as their most authentic selves.
Right.
They're just doing what they have.
They're so pure.
Fish got to swim.
Yes.
Birds got to fly.
Yep.
Exactly.
Well,
This is wonderful.
I'm absolutely thrilled that we are launching this show.
I'm absolutely thrilled to be doing this show with you.
I think you are a terrific gift and the message and the work that you do.
More people need to hear it.
So I am honored to be in your orbit as we embark on this project,
Michelle.
This is going to be a great deal of fun.
Well,
Thank you.
And I'm so excited to share as much as I can in a podcast.
So thank you,
Pete.
Thank you for helping me spread this message.
Well,
It's going to be absolutely wonderful.
Yes.
This is going to be great.
So to find out more about the show,
This is a brief introduction.
To find out more about the show,
Head over to michellechalfont.
Com.
It's M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E-C-H-A-L-F-A-N-T.
If you are discovering this show in iTunes.
If you're not discovering the show in iTunes,
Head over to iTunes and search for us over there.
You can subscribe to the show for free and it'll just download to your phone or your iPad or your device of choice.
You can also obviously subscribe to the show in many other formats.
More information is available on the website.
If you find that the message is one that you connect with,
We sure do appreciate you sharing the show with others that you feel like would get something out of these conversations and these lessons from Michelle Chalfont.
Also at michellechalfont.
Com,
Take a look at the schedule.
Michelle runs workshops in the Nashville area right now,
But expanding workshops on these topics including energy work,
Including chair work.
Workshops and group sessions are available if you are interested in getting to know Michelle in person and getting the benefit of her wisdom in real life.
Any other notes for the people?
Have I covered everything,
Michelle?
I think that you have covered everything.
Thank you.
Excellent.
I'm excited about this.
So thank you.
Me too.
Thank you,
Michelle.
On behalf of Michelle Chalfont,
I'm Pete Wright.
Thank you so much for listening and we'll catch you next week on The Adult Chair,
Living Authentically with Michelle Chalfont.
