Dear one,
I know what an isolating place it can be to be in a separating relationship.
Not for lack of love that you make the decision to separate,
Sometimes it's for increasing love for yourself.
You come to see more and more clearly how your relationship is taking a massive toll on your mental,
Emotional,
And physical well-being.
Wanting to return to living a life in line with your values,
With what you value in a relationship.
The closeness,
The emotional warmth,
The affection,
The appreciation,
The sense of being heard,
Seen,
And valued for who you are.
Sometimes you feel like you're asking for too much,
But you're willing to risk being alone.
I know you've been alone in the relationship for so long,
Wanting to be appreciated and accepted,
Wanting to be heard.
Asking the other to change,
Wishing they knew that you wanted to love them,
But still want them to grow in certain ways.
To learn to listen more,
To be more present,
To be more affectionate,
To understand themselves more and their past and how it affects your present.
For them to learn to diffuse irritation and anger and support you in the company of friends and family.
To learn how to be loyal,
Kind,
Relaxed,
And present.
Maybe you still love.
Asking for love from the other,
Asking for them to learn in the spirit of affection and support,
Mutual support.
Wanting the space to grow together and learn what you're not good at,
For the other to do the same.
Asking for others to change is one of the most honest expressions of love,
Proof that you care,
That you're trying.
You want to hear your partner say,
I hear you my love,
I'm considering you and what you've said right now.
You might be right,
I might need to change.
Because they know it matters to you.
You have wanted expressions of love that go beyond practical things.
Wanted more holding hand,
Curling up behind,
Listening carefully,
Keeping your needs close in mind,
Wanting to feel loved and wanted.
For the other to understand why things matter to you,
Want an imperfect but good enough source of affection and understanding.
The difference between the practical and the emotional,
Realizing that the practical isn't enough,
The emotional is needed.
Wanting the other to find the ability to be comfortable with the rawness,
The exposure,
The openness amid the struggle.
Asking yourself if you want too much,
Wanting more friendship,
More laughter,
More understanding,
Wishing you could make these needs go away and disappear,
But knowing that no amount of resolve on your part to be 100% independent with no needs can succeed.
To not need what you need is not possible.
Wanting reliable warmth and presence.
Maybe you've learned from the other person and now they're not the right person to teach you anymore.
Maybe the patience is gone and the confidence and the affection.
Maybe they were right for you at one time,
And that you chose well when you were younger.
But now another might be a better partner to them and someone else to you,
Or maybe you both need to be alone for some time.
It's okay to have all of the good memories and still know that the time has come to separate.
Taking a few slow breaths with me now.
Letting all the emotions,
Bodily sensations,
Memories,
Thoughts sink in and rest.
Maybe speaking aloud one of those thoughts.
Maybe it's a thank you for all that you've given me to your partner.
Maybe it's thanking your younger self for doing their best.
Maybe it's reminding yourself of the love that you have that helps you to make a decision that shows love for yourself.
Relationships are not easy,
And there's no such thing as a decision without regret.
But I'm here with you.
It's okay.
We're in this together.
