Childless | Surviving Father's Day

Thank you for being here.

My name is Rianna.

I'm a serial entrepreneur,

Full-time traveler,

Happily married and childless.

Not by choice.

Father's Day.

We went away this weekend.

Hiking,

Swimming with turtles,

Sailing around islands,

Watching whales,

Kite-surfing.

I loved every minute of it.

And it was hurting just as much.

Seeing him play with the local kids,

Laughing,

Running,

Joking,

Doing magic tricks,

It warms my heart.

And in the meantime,

It hurt so freaking much.

Knowing that he will never experience the joys of fatherhood.

While I strive to be grateful for the incredible life we have created in the past years,

The amazing relationship we have built,

Some days I can't help but feel so freaking sad that we will never be able to share it as a family.

Somebody asked me the other day,

But if you had to choose,

Would you rather have a baby instead of him?

I mean,

What is that question even?

Why do I need to choose?

I wanted it both,

And we would have been so good at it.

And then I remind myself that I'm still grieving.

I don't need to push aside or dismiss or ignore my feelings.

All I need to do is to be kind to myself.

I'll have good days,

Bad days,

Overwhelming days,

Too tired days,

I'm awesome days,

And I can't go on days.

And every day,

I will show up and be kind to myself.

Thank you for listening.

I'm here to remind you that your journey is valid,

Your emotions are valid,

And that you're not alone.

You can follow me for more talks on living this unexpected life.