How To Ask For Help

1:13:31

1:13:31

How To Ask For Help

by Marlee NajamyWinnick

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Marlee welcomes Raechelle Embrey, Intuitive Energetic Alchemist, Embodied Entrepreneur, and Animal Communicator, for a conversation about hyper-independence. Marlee and Raechelle discuss the root causes of hyper-independence and the barriers to asking for help and support, as well as how to move through hyper-independence towards love, trust, abundance, and community! Raechelle also shares tools for opening yourself up and allowing yourself to receive support!

Trauma Community Awareness Relationships Self Love Nervous System Support Love Trust Abundance Community Support Spiritual Alignment Relationship Dynamics Childhood Trauma Nervous System Regulation Trauma Responses Spirits

Meet your Teacher

Marlee NajamyWinnick

Connecticut, USA

Meet your Teacher

Marlee NajamyWinnick

Connecticut, USA

Transcript

Welcome to the Shifting with Marlee podcast. I'm Marlee. Thank you for joining me wherever you are. All that I ask of you, The listener, Is to have an open mind and an open heart. And in return, I offer you myself. Today, We're going to talk about hyper-independence and the mindset of going it alone and doing everything yourself. We're going to shine a light on some of the barriers to asking for help and the abundance and support and community available to us once we open ourselves up to receive. I think this is a really important discussion because I believe this hyper-independence and separateness and disconnection is a big cause of so many of the problems facing our world. So let's tackle this head on and shift this energy together and welcome in more support and community into our lives. Here to guide us on this journey today is Raychelle Embry, Also known as Ray. Ray is an intuitive, Energetic alchemist who focuses on spiritual and business energetic alignment as well as animal communication and energy attunement. Welcome, Ray. Hi, Thank you so much for having me. I love your intro about the community and bringing in this collaboration. And I think the words when you said the separateness and the disconnection, It just rang through my body. It was, Yes. Yeah, It's such an important discussion. I'm so excited to dive in and I'm so grateful to connect with you today. Thank you for being here. Yes, Thank you for having me. I was really honored and I'm just super excited to dive in. This is going to be really good stuff. Before we dive in, Ray, Can you please let people know where they can find you? Yeah, So I'm at Ray Radiant Vibes is my website and it's R-A-E Radiant Vibes. And then I'm on Instagram, Same handle, Ray Radiant Vibes. I'm also on Facebook, But I would say my primary platform is going to be like my website and Instagram for now. I'm getting ready to launch a podcast, So that'll come soon. So exciting. Yeah, It is. So to start off today, Ray, Can you please let us know what hyperindependence is, How you define it, And where in life it most commonly shows up and manifests? Okay, So this is going to be – I'm just going to preface this. I'm not a therapist, But this has come through to me because it's been such a common theme in my life and something I've had to really be conscious and work through almost on a daily basis. And so for me, And to me, Hyperindependence is a way that we essentially shield ourselves. And it's a very unconscious, Subconscious patterning. And it's a way almost of shielding ourselves. It's a protective mechanism from connection when we're not comfortable in connection, When we're not comfortable receiving support, When we're not comfortable collaborating with others. It can come through even when we're not even comfortable in our body with who we are and what we are. So the hyperindependence comes in as a way of shielding and protecting us from those things that really we truly desire on a more intimate level. But it's very triggering. So we don't know how to navigate the emotions that come with, Okay, Wow, Here's connection. Here's what it feels like to feel connected in relationship. Here's what it feels like to feel supported in my business. Here's what it feels like to feel supported with my friendships, My loved ones, The universe, However your spirit guides. It goes on all different levels. And so we essentially create this independence that is like a streak. It's like, Well, I'm going to go at it all alone. And it's very sneaky because a lot of the times we don't even realize that we're operating from that lens of going at it all alone. And the not asking for help or the inability to ask for help. And then it creates a lot of inner chaos, Essentially. And it does keep you further disconnected from the truth of who you are. Thank you. The reason, Rae, I am really drawn to this topic is because I myself am extremely independent and struggle to ask for help. So I'm calling myself out with this episode today. You and me both. I'm ready to change and hold myself accountable here. Yes. Yeah. Oh, My gosh. This has been an ongoing theme throughout my life. It is something, Again, I have to consciously work at creating a better relationship with receiving in all areas from love, From abundance, Through money. Ironically, Money has never been too much of an issue, But it's like getting to the next layer and next level. And it's also hyper independence can come out in a way that you don't even realize what you have. It's this fear and feeling like you're not even supported yet. You could have so much prosperity and abundance in your world, But not able to recognize it because you're so disconnected from that. I would say the gratitude of it. You might think that it's a graciousness and you might practice that practice of gratitude, But it's almost the awareness that, Yes, You can speak gratitude, But do you feel it? Do you really feel the sense that, Oh, I have this? And so there's so many ways that it shows up. And I mean, You could have so much going for you, But feel so disconnected from that. And it brings in disconnection from purpose as well. It's fascinating to me how when you start to really debunk this, That it just shows up in every single area of your life. I have personally found because I'm so fascinated with business and the energy behind it and how our points of traumas, Micro, Macro, Past life, Life change traumas, Whatever they are, Really influence how we show up in our business. And also relationships is a really key one, But I'm personally like I'm just fascinated in business and the energy behind it. I really resonate with that. I know for me, Hyper independence really shows up in business by not delegating enough. It's a mindset of, Well, I can do it better and faster and it will take me longer to explain it. So I'll just do it myself. Then that with everything. I completely relate to that. And I've recently worked with my mentor on this a pretty good bit because I'm so aware of it. But it was having somebody be able to come in and see my blind spot of what is the fear here. And there's also the fear. I don't know if you experienced this at all, But for me, It was a fear of. Are they really going to support me? Do they mean what they say? And because I've had experiences in the past with employees and other businesses where people said certain things or relationships or growing up, Whatever it is, And they didn't really mean it. So could I trust it and or situations where they went behind me, Unfortunately, And did certain things. So it created this feeling of can I trust that what they say is true, That their intentions are pure, That I'm going to really get the support. And then it's like, OK, They do it. And then I would find myself scoping out with this fine tooth comb. Did they do it right? You know, I I've gifted myself the gift of having my house cleaned every other week because it's just feels good and it's spacious and they do the deep cleaning. I'm a clean freak and I have five dogs. So you can imagine how much one. And even in this scenario, I just hired a new person because I discontinued it for a while and because of hyper independence thinking I'm just I'm going into it. I'm in a season like I have the spaciousness. I'm doing it. I'm going to do it all my own to the point that I'm just driving myself crazy, Trying to keep up with all of the things. And it's not that I couldn't afford it. It's not that I couldn't swing it. I was just thinking I'm going to do it because I should. I should just do more things. And then I hire and I'm like literally looking at everything with a fine tooth comb. Did the baseboards get done? Did the light get done? Did this and that? And I'm like, Ray, This is so crazy. And so it's again, It's just such a the hyper independence is essentially it's a control mechanism. It's a way of controlling your life so that you feel safe and all of the things, You know. I resonated with that so much. And I actually wanted to bring up how it can manifest in relationships by not wanting to rely on others and not trusting others. So thank you for those examples. I was over here laughing in the background. Yeah. Well, In truth, This is what really brought it up for me because I had been single for many years. I'm recently engaged. Yay. Prior to that, You know, I was single for a couple of years and moving in and out of the dating scene at the age of 41, 42 was a whole new challenge for me. And so I had to really look at what I was being energetically and attracting outside of me. And this really brought that awareness of the type of people that I was attracting and bring it into my world. And I had to really sit with it. What is this about? And it really was this independence of I'm not going to let anybody in. And I didn't realize that's what I was doing, But I had really moved through a lot of big life changes over from the age of 37 to 41. Lots of big losses, Transitions, All kinds of some exciting, But they still came with their caveats because even exciting change can offer a lot of caveat stress at the same time. So as I was navigating all of that, A lot of that energy moved over into the other dynamics of my life. And when I went to go date and start dating, I realized, Oh, You've got to shift something here because the type of men that I was attracting were ones that wanted to be babied, Wanted to be nurtured, Wanted a mother, Wanted, You know, These different elements. And they also weren't able to truly open their hearts. And yet this is something I really wanted was this depth of connection and communication. And I have done so much healing around communication and expression through my throat chakra that I was like, That's definitely not it. But it was this heart center. It was my sacral. It was my feminine energy of being able to sit back because I've been boss woman all my life since a young child being the overly responsible child running multiple, Multiple businesses all through life and making big, Huge shifts in my life that a lot of people might not have had the courage or bravery to do. But it's that that drive that did it, That resiliency that constantly moved it through. And then it was it actually came to an actual deficit when it came to inviting somebody into my world because I couldn't receive healthy, Masculine energy. And so this is where this became such a realization for me. And as I healed through it, The caliber of men, The quality of men that were coming into my world where it was just life changing. It was so much different. I had an abundance of options. They were just wonderful, Wonderful people. I so enjoyed the process from them on. It was just whether our values matched up. It wasn't a matter of integrity of it wasn't a matter of them showing up for me. It wasn't a matter of them expression. In fact, Most of them were way better at it than me. And so then it was like, OK. And then after I heal through that, That's when I realized this comes out in business, Too. And how much we actually close down opportunities, How we keep ourselves small and we don't allow ourselves to really rise into the spaciousness of ease, Which doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be easy. It's just the ease of being ourselves and allowing it to be a collaborative process with the universe and other people who really want to support us. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. Right. I love how you're sharing wisdom for others from your own personal experience and struggles. Always. It's just I'm very honest. I'm very truthful about that. I feel that that is really where so much of my wisdom has come from in my experience. And because I've not been afraid to make mistakes and try, Even though I would have this sense of like, Oh, I'm failing because I'm making mistakes. But then I realized actually that was my greatest asset. And then later in life, Through human design, I'm a three six. I'm meant to actually make a shit ton of mistakes in my life and go through and teach through the experience. And then as a six being the role model, You know, Through that wisdom. So not the easiest path, But I've learned to embrace it. It's like, OK, This is this has become my I would say a superpower with my business and my connection point with people that I invite into my world or that invite me into their world. And it really, Truly has been life changing for me and accepting that that's a way that I actually navigate and move through life. Definitely a superpower. So, Right. Let's get into the root causes of hyper independence, Because I think that's an important foundation to understanding. So what are the root causes? Well, We kind of hit on it a little bit, But definitely childhood. I mean, It's our traumas, How we grow up earlier in life, Where I mentioned that I was overly responsible at a young age. So for me, I was put in an environment where I was essentially the adult at a very, Very young age. And I monitored and was a mediator between my parents and arguments. And, You know, It was just ridiculous. No child should be put in that. And there's different degrees in that behavior. Some children are put in situations. And I always believe this is soul. It's so contracted. Right. I don't believe this is karma. I believe this is so contracted for our soul to learn, To move through these so that we can ultimately step into our purpose. And however, That lays out, Whether it's purpose in career, Business or purpose in relationships or other areas of life, Whatever that is. So I just want to preface this because I think that's important to know. But we do sometimes choose these roles that, You know, Perhaps you're as a child, You witnessed a lot of violence between your parents or, You know, You had to, Like me, Take care of your parents from that. Or there was a lot of loss. Maybe you lost a parent at a really young age. And, You know, The other parent was going through that grief and that leaves a void. There's so many ways that this can truthfully play out, Whether it's from seeing a lot of violence, A lot of abuse, Being bullied, Not receiving the validation that you needed, Moving into perfectionism and people pleasing tendencies, Which are still a form of hyper independence. There's still ways that even codependence in a way is a little bit of this, The same traumatic experience because codependence does keep us from connecting. It keeps us in that like hyper separation and that disconnection, Although we think, Oh, Codependent people are really overly, Overly connect. They want too much. That's not the case. It's completely a protective mechanism to keep themselves safe. So hyper independence is a trauma response? 100%. I do believe from that and whether it's childhood or because we have different types of traumas. So it could be life change traumas. For example, What I've already expressed and explained in my world where I went through a lot of deep loss. I lost my very best friend that was like a mother to me. You know, My mother was not stable. She died at a younger age. And then this person comes in as like a mother and I'm like trusting. Wow, I'm supported. I'm so supported. And then she left and that created a huge void. And we don't lose a subconscious, Right? It's coming from our inner child, Our inner wounding, Our subconscious consciously as an adult. I was OK. But then we start operating from these patterns that say, Oh, Connection isn't safe. See here you had several and through my life I've had several women mother figures come in and through whatever reasons they left, You know. And so it starts to create this pattern response of, Wow, Close connections to women in that space aren't safe. And then you close off to the sisterhood that that could provide, Right? Or I did for a bit. You know, I really healed through that. But so that's another way that it can it can manifest in life. It can also through little I call them macro traumas. For example, You were the kid that never got picked on the sports team or little subtle bullying from a sibling. They could be other other areas where your parents could be overly controlling or manipulative. And then you're not sure what real is, What reality, Because especially with an overly manipulative parent, You don't understand necessarily that what is true to you. Right. So other people's how other people treat you sometimes if it's bad behavior, You're like, Wait, Is that true or is that imagined? You know, So the hyper independence will literally be created to shield any type of that from ever getting into your body, Into your awareness to re traumatize that. Then we also have past life traumas, Which we don't necessarily need to know what that trauma is. You'll know by the way that you're acting it out in this life. So I'm not a huge believer in, Oh, We have to go relive all these things. We just have to have the awareness that, You know, These patterns are playing out and they're there for a reason. They're there to bring awareness to what is going on. They're there for us to heal through. And we get to have the opportunity to rewrite and recreate those scripts and those stories, Which is where I think it can be really fun if we choose to identify it with a way of being fun. Past life traumas are really interesting because they're literally stored. All traumas are stored in the body as energy. The body, It stores all of that as information. And so when we can get into deeper access to this through energy, Through awareness, Through deep inner work, And then start to attune to new frequencies of energy, Rewrite those stories, Rewrite the beliefs, We can create so much healing. And then that ends up being able to help every other person that we come into awareness. There's a reason why I do the work that I do and why it goes in the directions that it does. It's because it's literally been my life's path. And that's what I am able to help people the most with. It's something I work with on a daily basis. I loved how you explained all that. I personally really resonate with being forced to be overly responsible at a young age. I remember my parents divorced when I was three and didn't get along or communicate. And I always felt like the mediator and peacekeeper between them. And that definitely forced me to grow up way too fast. Yeah, There's so many different ways this can play out. I mean, I had a cousin that had cancer at Hodgkin's disease, Very young diagnosis. And her sister, My cousin as well, Developed eating disorders because so much of the attention was put on the sister, But not because it was negative. It was just, You know, As a child, You don't understand. And even though she was supportive of her sister, But you're talking a seven-year-old little girl that all of the energy and focus goes on to the sister, Right? And so she developed quite a bit of hyper independence in her life. And navigating that as an adult, I want to really bring some clarity to this because it's not just about it being a negative scenario. Being independent can sometimes be a really amazing, Badass thing. You know, It allows us to have that drive to get stuff done. It does allow us, Typically people that are hyper independent have a shit ton of grit and resiliency. They know how to move through life, You know, And that is a gift in it. So, You don't want this to all be like sounding, Oh, It's so bad, You know. But when it's coming out as that trauma response, As a way to essentially act as a control mechanism to keep you safe in the comfort, It's blocking you from cultivating healthy relationships. It's blocking you from bringing in that divine relationship that you want. It blocks you from communication. It blocks you from aligned clients. It blocks you from your expression in your world. It literally will block you from putting offers out there that are really going to be amazing for people and their healing journey. But we're so like, I got to hold on and be really independent. That's still a way that we're not allowing ourselves to receive the support. Thank you for pointing that out. That is really important to also point out, But it's not 100% negative when you're an independent person. Thank you. And back to root causes. I also want to point out that I think that for some people, It could possibly be fear of rejection, Fear of abandonment, Or fear of being judged, Keeping them from asking for help as well. Yeah, I'm really glad you brought those up because those are three things that in my practice with my sessions with anybody that works in me and long-term containers, These are the three things that we work judiciously on is the judgments. Where are we judging ourselves first is going to allow us to understand why we're allowing that judgment from others impact us and affect us. And then also the shame. I mean, The shame factor in everything is huge because in the end, When we're even more so when we're in a spiritually aligned business and we're putting ourself out there and sharing our gifts and they're unique and flavorful and different and nobody else is doing this and you're wondering what in the heck. And then it takes a bit for things to take off. And I think when we're sitting in that void where we've put everything out there, We've injected it to the universe and we have that conviction and that passion and we're trusting our intuition. And then it's like that shame can really creep up. Oh, Is something wrong with me? There's something wrong with me because nobody is buying this right now. Nobody's taking this right now. And sometimes it's just shifts of our energy first and our belief systems about ourselves, About what we have to offer. It might be a shift in getting really dialed in and your uniqueness and how you can add more of your unique flavor into what you have. But like so much so the automatic response is what's wrong with me or they're rejecting me. I went through this tremendously when it came to putting group offers out there. And so in my community, I talk a lot and reference astrology to a lot of this. So I have Saturn and Leo in my 11th house. So where Saturn is at, It restricts. Leo wants to be the leader and it's in the 11th house of community and in leading in the community, Leading through groups. 11th house is also Aquarius energy. It's the leading it through unique ways. I have also four planets in Aquarius. So talk about independence. Aquarius, They get the bad rap for being almost too independent, But it's not true. Really what an Aquarian wants at the deepest core is that sense of belonging. They're always searching for that sense of belonging because they come here and they feel very disconnected from Earth. I always say most Aquarians, They're not from Earth. And so we come here and we're like, What are we? And from the outside, People would think, Oh, Ray, She feels connected surely. But no, That's something I really had to work at. Oh, Ray has confidence in that. And it's like, No, That's something I had to work in. I'm brave. That's what I am. I have courage. But that confidence didn't come until I started doing those things and moving through the fears of rejections. And in particular, When it came to groups and community and really leaning into what I was so passionate about in my world and putting it out there, Which was in the way of bringing awareness to all of this to the business aspect. It's just something I'm really convicted in. Yeah, Your passion is shining through. Thank you for sharing that. Ray, I also want to bring up our environment. We can't ignore our environment in the systematic and societal forces acting on us because they have a huge impact as well, As well as our traumas. You know, We live in this patriarchal, Capitalistic society that conditions us and glorifies independence, Individualism and quote unquote strength, Especially in the United States. And it's a particular kind of strength that's glorified. It's this, You know, Brute force, Put on a brave face, Be resilient in the face of hardship, Don't show emotion type of strength specifically. And I also think, Like you mentioned, A lot of people feel shame about asking for help. And I think some of that is rooted in the societal conditioning and what is and isn't strength. Yeah, No, Absolutely. I mean, I feel like it's really valuable to understand this. And when you were talking, There's two ways I could see in my in my mind's eye, Like separating this out between masculine and feminine as well, Because the way that this shows up for each gender is and however you identify with that. Right. So it's going to be very differently, I feel, Because the cultural, Patriarchal, Capitalistic with men is you don't show your feelings. You just move through and you power through and you dominate and you control and you thrive on anger because that's your coping mechanism versus diving in and being comfortable in reaching the feeling aspect and allowing that feminine energy flow to you, Not from a feminine, From the earth. It's like coming in from the earth and allowing that to soften and really look at it from a different perspective for the feminine, Where I feel like this shows up is that I don't need a man. I don't need anybody. I have got this. I have this business that I'm making. You know, You hear all this talk anymore anyways, That there's multiple seven figures. And I'm doing it and I'm I'm out there and I'm just I'm powering through and I don't need any support. I don't need any help. And I'm going to work myself to the point of burnout and never really honoring like we're sensitive, Emotional beings as women, You know, And especially when we cut ourselves off from relationship. And men and women both do this as as that way of coping. And it's so interesting, Even when it comes to relationship and our culture and what it shows is that hyper independence of like, Oh, You don't need validation from anybody. You shouldn't need anything from anybody. You should just be able to do it on your own, Which is complete bullshit. I don't know where I would be if I didn't get validation from my clients that this was working from my significant other that I'm a wonderful, Loving woman that he desires. Like if I never got that validation, I think I would be a little bit lost. Like, Does he think I'm sexy? Does he not? You know, I mean, You'd want to know those things. Is this working? Is it not? We don't want to depend on it. But we need things like this to feel safe emotionally and allowing us to access these deeper parts in ourselves, Because when we get that, It cultivates a sense of safety and then we can like go to those deeper places and not fear it, That we're going to like get sunk in in the trenches. Yes, Exactly right. And I think it's really no wonder with all of these root causes and everything acting on us combined that so many of us are suffering from hyper independence and disconnection. It's no wonder. Yeah, It really is. And I'm really hoping that it shifts as more awareness is brought up around it. And, You know, We don't have to be a psychiatrist or a therapist to understand this. Right. And I really want to encourage people to look at this as an exploration, As a journey, As a creation of life. That when we dive into these inner workings where we're understanding how trauma affects us in our business relationships and money, All of those things, You know, However that it does, Even our relationships with animals, I mean, I do a lot of animal communication. You wouldn't believe how much people's unresolved trauma comes out in their relationship with their animals. It's so interesting and fascinating that then they can come at the place through animal communication and heal through it because that's where they're comfortable at. Right. They're comfortable healing with their animals versus like taking that one on their own. So there's so many ways that we can heal through this that it doesn't have to be traditional, But sit down, Move through it. I found that most of the people that come into my world, I would say all of them are already very astute. They understand all of this to a very large degree, Maybe not in the practical everyday reality. I think that's one thing that I have a Capricorn Moon. So even though I have all this Aquarius energy, I have this really grounded Capricorn Moon that was a little bit of a detriment as a younger person, But as an older person, It allows me to deliver this information in a very practical way to help people really shift the energy in the day to day. So it's like taking all these far out concepts and let's deliver it in a very easy to understand practical way where we can make quick changes in our lives and that we don't have to sit in this for years anymore. We just don't. Energy is moving so much on our planet and our collective and the way that we are able to access frequency and attune to it has just evolved so much that seriously, If we just have the right person that can help guide us through it and say, This is what is happening. How does this land? When did this start? And kind of accessing it from that point and then starting to shift the energy in the body, It really can be so much quicker than what we have made it. Yes, I totally agree. And that's what I hope with this podcast is that helps kind of bring awareness and shift that energy with each episode. And Ray, I think that it's important to point out. You brought it up, But I want to talk about it a little bit more as to why hyper independence is even a problem in the first place. Because like you said, I'm proud of being independent to a degree like myself. So what impacts does that hyper independence have on our body, Mind, Spirit, Relationships and business? Why do we even need to bring awareness to it? Well, It impacts all of it. If we're going into the far end spectrum, Like you, I'm really proud of my independence. I mean, It's what took me to ending relationships that were toxic, That didn't need to be a part of my life anymore. It is what allowed me to move through my life and create business and have that resiliency to figure out why I was responding to life the way that I was. It got me this gorgeous house. I'm able to have health insurance for all five of my dogs because I have that independence and that drive that I'm so committed to what I do and the universe gives back. So yes, There is a really healthy way that it can be so prosperous. But when it becomes a detriment is when, Yeah, We're shaming our bodies, We're rejecting our bodies. We are so disconnected. It will literally create disconnection from every area of your life. And spiritually, You mentioned that. The spiritual connection is something that's so subtle that we really have to lean in and trust. And when we're in hyper independence, We often don't trust the support that's there. We think that we're the only ones that can do it. So it creates a sense of feeling isolated. It creates a sense of feeling alone. And then you're not trusting that spiritual connection, That universal collaboration that's always happening. Our support from our spirit team, Our support from our ancestors, Galactic beings, Whoever's out there, It's just like allowing the support to come in in all ways. Yeah. And I feel that when it comes to relationships, We can't really cultivate true connection and this depth of connection that I really truly believe that all of humanity wants to a degree. If you're saying you don't, You're not honoring that in yourself, Truthfully, Because humans are meant to connect in deep, Deep ways. And we want that. We crave that. So when you're hyper independent, You'll literally repel it if you're too far into that hyper independence. Right. Versus a healthy sense of independence. And with the mind, You will lead yourself to burnout. You will lead yourself to exhaustion, Anxiety, A whole whirlwind. And then ultimately, I feel like unhealthy coping mechanisms, Eating disorders, Addictions, Alcoholism. I can't tell you how much that gray zone of drinking has just like blowed up in our world because it's not full blown alcoholism, But it's like this gray zone because people can't drink. People can't cope. They don't know healthy coping mechanisms and they're cutting themselves off from even receiving support, You know, In that realm of things from anything. So it's only it's just going to come as a complete disservice to you if you're not willing to really look at how it's reflecting. And then with your business, I mean, I think we've pretty much covered such a good part of that. But again, With the business, You are your business. Your business is a separate energy and a separate entity, 100%. But you as this being, Your soul is coming through you into that business. You as your spirit, Your essence, Your personality, Your core, Your beliefs, Your values, Everything that you stand for is coming through in your business. So if you're blocking those things by being hyper independent, You're literally blocking the channel from source through you to your business, Which ultimately is your purpose, Is your deepest purpose. We wouldn't be here doing it if we weren't like completely aligned with that business. And so when you're hyper independent, You're you'll block the support, You'll block the energy, You'll block the movement, The momentum, The whole thing. Hyper independence really holds us back in a lot of areas of our life. Yeah. And if it's holding you back in one area, Guarantee, Look at all those other areas. Because wherever it's holding you back in one area, Maybe this is bringing you the realization of, Oh, Wow, I can see how I've been responding this way in my business or in my relationship. And I'm not allowing myself to receive love. I'm not allowing myself to receive support. I'm constantly focused on how the very tangible things of what support means, Maybe the money in my bank account, The number of clients that I have, What I can say to get those things. Those are ways that we'll focus on it in a very physical way of seeing it happen versus the energetic way is where we need to really stream out and focus. And wherever that is displaying to you right now where this is peaking up, Oh, Wow, That's playing out. Look at the other areas and because it's going to play out in that exact same way in the other areas too, Just in a different dynamic because obviously your business is a little bit different. Your money is a little bit different. Your relationship is a little bit different. Friendship's a little different. But it's still playing out in that same way through all of those different energetic containers. Yes, Exactly. Right. And I want to highlight what you said about how hyper independence leads to burnout and overwhelm because I think that's a really big piece. And I think so many people are walking around burned out either consciously or unconsciously, Honestly. And we've talked about burnout a lot on this podcast from different perspectives. And I just think it's really important to point out that hyper independence is a recipe for overwhelming burnout and also isolation. Yeah. Yeah. Isolation is a big one. And, You know, I think after Corona, We kind of all got into that isolation piece. And I feel that children, I think right now in the generation where there's so much focus on, You know, The video games and the TVs and not getting out in nature. I think that there's a lot of parents out there bringing awareness. One of my clients has a great Instagram page where she's bringing constant connection of children and nature to still bring back that life and like allowing her children get out there, Go explore, Go be with life versus like in that space. And all of those all of those things, They're just cutting us off from more connection and leading to more isolation. And it's very depleting to our soul. It's depleting to our heart. And as somebody that has gone through extreme periods of isolation, Because I didn't think I was supported, Essentially, It wasn't that I wasn't. I just couldn't see it because I was closed off to seeing it. So you could have it. But if you're not open to receiving it, You won't even see where it's there. Yeah, You're so right, Right. And right on the other end now on the positive side, What's on the other side of hyper independence? Once we move through it, What does asking for help and support unlock and allow into our lives? Like what can we look forward to? I mean, Everything. I can't even tell you. And like I said, I can talk very thoroughly about this topic because I've made really good friends with hyper independence. I have really become really intimate with hyper independence. But I will say, So it is a work in progress. You know, If this is you, You will still come back to this as a way of coping with life when life gets shitty, When life gets hard. You know, This will be an automatic response. I feel like that's where when you feel through it previously or say, Okay, With dating and I've caught in an unaligned relationship and this person is just everything is really healthy, Masculine. What's amazing is like, Because I'm aware of it, I've been able to express it to other people that are in my world that, You know, I say, Hey, This is a pattern of mine that happens and I recognize it. And what's beautiful about that synastry is that he's now able to recognize it too. And then he'll sit with me and he never calls me out like in a negative way, But it's like a healthy response of like, What's going on? Talk to me. What's going on? I see you shutting down. I see this, You know, You pulling away. I see this closing off because it will show up like that. I mean, Hyper-independence will show up as a little bit of an avoidance. You know, When things get very heavy emotionally for me, I want to stuff my emotions away. That's just, I've learned. But for me, I have learned to sit with my emotions. I do not do it comfortably. I used to think I was going to die if I sat with the heavy emotions. Like that's how bad it was on my nervous system. I didn't consciously think that, But that's how my nervous system responded. And I remember at the time I had a good friend saying, You've just got to move through it. You've just got to allow it to flow through you. You're not going to die. I promise you. You're going to be okay. Just let yourself sink to the floor. Let yourself feel it. And man, It was like a permission slip. And I felt every single thing. But after that, I felt, I was like, Oh my God, I faced that. I faced that. And I cried hysterically for probably three freaking hours that day, You know, And I will never forget that day because it was as if everything just moved through me. And it was such an energetic release that after that, I had so much clarity and it cultivated this trust in myself that I could sit through a really difficult day. And I could sit through a really difficult thing and be okay without shutting down, You know? And so I think when we move through it, We have supportive people. We start to recognize that support and then we can communicate these patternings and then allow the help. And the one thing I know for sure, When you release this pattern and you start to be consciously work with it, Because you're consciously working with it, Right? You're befriending it. You're not going to get rid of it. We're not saying get rid of it because that's actually an unhealthy way to do it. You're not going to use mindset over this. At some point, That will be valuable, You know, Mindset affirmations. At some point it will be valuable, But you've got to sit with this on a daily basis and reflect, How is this showing up in my life today? And you take it day by day and you journal through it and you sit with it and then you're conscious. You're bringing conscious awareness of it to the surface. Eventually, Affirmations, Mindset will work, But it's not going to work with this initially because you really have to get to the root of the energy and then start to shift it in your body. And then what I call frequency attuning, Attune to new frequencies in that. So the amount of leverage that will happen in every area of your life is so amazing. The manifestations that you'll be able to create, Just to give you a preface, Is, You know, I manifested a move across the country by myself with four dogs. I have manifested amazing relationship with my significant other now. I manifested this house. When I moved to the area that I moved to, I had very few close friends. You know, I almost like intentionally put myself in this place of the earth that was very isolating. And instantly it's like I came out here, The friendships opened up and the people and the support and such healthy women connections that I hadn't had ever really truly to that degree of healthiness, You know, And my money tenfolded. Literally, Radiant Vibes on that move, It just tripled. Within six months, It was like, Holy cow, Because I did the challenging things to leave the situations that were constantly keeping me in hyper independence. And then you move through life and you figure it out. But literally every area of your life will just blow up in a good way. And then you have to learn to regulate your nervous system to receive it. That's a whole nother thing. So right. The other side of hyper independence, Love, Trust, Abundance, Support and community. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. And I think that even comes in deeper with self-love, Too. It's like love in every area. But ultimately, You cultivate this sense of self-love and compassion for yourself. And the beauty of that is, You know, When compassion goes overboard, Because you have a healthy sense of independence now. And you're like, Wait, I think you're being a little too compassionate. I think you need a kick in your ass today to get this thing going. You know, It's like that's where it can like be helpful. Sometimes we know when we have to like, Okay, Here's the hard truth. Yeah. And I know it's very vulnerable to ask for help. And I know that's tough for so many people, But it's really part of our innate human nature to exist in community and connect with one another and help each other. We've just gotten really far away from that, Unfortunately, I feel as a culture. Yeah, And it's that sense of belonging. And I think there's a shift happening, Though. I really do collectively. And I feel that again, I'm going to bring this into some astrology here, But we just moved out of Saturn and Aquarius, It really brought to light where this disconnect was. And that Aquarian energy, It didn't come here with that sense of belonging, You know, It craves it, And it's going to create it. And so I think Saturn really reflected in those areas where, If you notice over the last three years, How much awareness there has come about with trauma and how more and more things trauma-informed money, Trauma-informed business, Trauma, I mean, Everything has become, I really feel like that's so much of that Aquarius energy. And now we're shifting collectively. These are the themes we'll be shifting through. So Saturn's given a lot of awareness to it. And I feel like personally, There's going to be a massive rebirth in so much of how we look at the energy around us, The connections, The collaborations, The ways in which we receive support, And even how our connection to spirit, To our spirit guides, To other galactic energies. I mean, We're going to start seeing so much of it. Aquarius energy is really fun, And you just don't know what's going to come through. It's going to be unique and robust. And I think we'll see a lot of collective shifts on board with this, Which is really exciting to me. Yeah, I'm excited. And I agree. I feel we're headed towards rediscovering community and belonging. Yeah, 100%. I think we are. And I'm so glad to be here talking about this with you. And having this community and collaboration. Absolutely. So Rae, What do you say to the people that say, Well, This all sounds great. And I want to ask for help and support. And I want to move through hyper independence. But I don't have anyone in my life to ask. What do you have to say to people that are feeling alone, Even though they want this? Well, I think that you always have somebody to ask. You just have to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to ask. If you look around, Nobody is exempt from anybody in their life. And if you are, That's by choice. So get out there, Get to something in your community, Get into a group of like-minded people. If you love to hike, Go get in a hiking group, Meet up. I mean, That was a huge thing for me when I moved here, Just meeting people. There's so many apps and so many ways that we can start to connect now. And so just get out there and create the connection first. If you don't feel safe asking the people in your current reality, In your current physical reality for help, Then go out there, Create connections, Start learning, Start re-identifying with yourself, Start rewriting your stories of who you are. And the beautiful thing when you create brand new connections, You get to show up as the person you always desire to be. You get to start fresh, And that's kind of cool. So if it's because your family, There's a lot of weirdness there, Or the people in your life, You've had to move through different friendships and situations, Or as we embark on a lot of spiritual awakenings, Which I feel like we go through many in our lifetime, Those are always going to be times where people will sort of move through our life and we will feel a little bit more isolated until we're aligning with those new connections and collaborations. On the other side, If you're financially able, I mean, Paying for support is a really great way. And the reason why I'm such an advocate for this is because it helped me so much because I was paying for it. And even initially, It was like, I'm not going to really take advantage of that ongoing in-between support or my current mentor offers ongoing in-between through an app that she has. And I was like, I'm barely writing this, Barely using it. And then it was kind of, Why? You're paying money for this. And it's almost like the permission slip. And then I had to trust. I really had to lean into that trust that she genuinely wanted to do this because she loved doing it. And there are people that genuinely love to support you. And if you're closing them off from supporting you, Whether it's in your world or in your reality, Then they're not going to know how to support you. They're just going to like, Oh, Well, They've got it under control. I don't know how to support them. So you have to get to know yourself a little bit, Know how you want to be supported and what that feels like to you, And then start to ask for it in ways that are helpful and be willing to ask and trust that if it's too much, That person will tell you it's not a rejection about you. It's not that what you did was wrong. It's just that, Well, That's a little much for me, But here's what I can do in different ways. But people want to support us. And it's amazing how often we develop this mentality that they don't. And again, I think if it's so uncomfortable for you to ask friends, Family dynamics are weird, Whatever it is, Or your relationship is odd, That's something to be addressed separately. You should be able to ask for levels of support and all these things. So that's something to address separately. But if that's not something, Pay somebody because you're paying for it. And that almost takes the light burden off and it gets you into the feeling of like, Okay, I can ask for support. I'm paying for this. So it's a little easier exchange. Does that make sense? Yeah. And that's amazing advice. Thank you so much. And I also just want to point out briefly that we are never really alone. We have a whole team in the unseen realms who are ready and willing to support us as well. So I highly recommend also asking for help from your spirit guides, Your ancestors, Your angels from Mother Earth, From God, From the universe, Whatever resonates with you. But I just really wanted to remind everyone that there is also support available from the unseen realms as well. I trust this because I lose things all the time. And magically, They have a way of reappearing back up. Like this is something I trust because I put the intention out there or, All right, I sit in my quiet space and stillness. I channel my offerings. I channel my forces. But when you're not familiar with that energy and you're looking for the tangible ways, It can be a little difficult to lean into that as a way of support. And you have to really get comfortable and make that a part of your practice as well on a day-to-day basis of getting into the habit of communicating with them, Asking them for support. If you don't ask, Just like your friends and just like family or whomever else is there, If you're not asking, They're not going to come in and just intervene and support. They have their boundaries too. So it's a practice that you really got to get comfortable with of asking and allowing that voice to come in through your mind's eye, Even though it might sound like your voice. Trusting that if it feels imagined, It's still part of that universal collaboration. Imagination is a connection to the other energy realms. So if you allow that to be your guide and trust that that's not fake, You can start to cultivate that communication and that collaboration on an ongoing basis. Yes, Absolutely. And that's been really helpful for me personally, Building that connection the past six months or a year. So it's helped me a lot. Yeah, It is. I don't know where I'd be without my spirit team. And I mean, In truth, Everything that I've been through in my life, You know, Traditional modalities did not work. So I was always very spiritually attuned even as a young child and understood that there was different energies out there, Good and bad. There were. And I always had a really strong intuitive, I would say emotional awareness of, You know, The deeper intricacies of human behavior and the drives that motivate us and what have you in that capacity. And if it wasn't for my connection being really honed in as a young adult with my spiritual team and that collaborative process, I really don't know where I would be. Same here, Honestly. Ray, You know, You've shared some, But just to highlight, Are there any other tips or tools like actionable items you can share today to help people move through this hyper independence and the trauma that caused the hyper independence and to help people begin to ask for help and support? I feel that after listening to this, If this has raw awareness to one area in particular of your life, That this could be limiting you, Impacting you, Keeping you from experiencing that deep desire that you want in that area, Then that's the area to start. You know, Don't just try going to go find out how this interacts with business and all the other things if really the focus is you want to call in a divine partner, You know, And you're realizing, Wait, My hyper independence has really gotten in the way because you're probably already way focused on career anyways. So, Okay. And I'm laughing, But not at anybody's experience because I feel like we do have to enjoy this. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves. Like we have to laugh. I can't tell you how many times where, You know, My partner will be like talking me through it. And then I have this aftermath realization. I'm like, Wow, You really held amazing space for that because I don't know where I was going, But that was just hilarious. You know, It's like we have to be able to cultivate that and just be able to reflect on ourselves. Like we are human and we are messy and this is a human experience. And that's how we're meant to experience all these different ranges of emotions and waves. And it's all a process. So focus on the one area. Dive in. I mean, I would say if you want to learn how to be more open in a partnership, Like dive in, Learn what it's like to open your heart chakra, Learn as a female what it is like to be sacrally activated in your sacral chakra, In your feminine energy, And to be able to lean back with masculine energy. How can you lean back in masculine energy and any other area of your life that that force drives? If you're a man or of masculine energy, It's like, All right, Well, What is really blocking me from connecting with the feminine? And how can I be more receptive, Less defensive with life in general? How can I drop out of my ego, Drop out of my will, And actually be able to soften and receive love from feminine? Because women have a lot of love to give men when a man is willing to receive it without defense, Without pushing it away and repelling. I don't, Oh, No, I'm good. I don't need that now. No, No, No, I don't need this. I'll say this all the time with my partner. I'm like, You're doing that thing where you're repelling my help. Okay, Fine. I'll let you know. And it's cool, But you have to have awareness and you just have to be able to soften in it and let those defenses down and dive in. Let yourself be open. That's where I think asking your spirit team, Hey, Show me the way. Whenever I've asked, Show me who the book, The podcast, I swear to you, It's like, It is crazy how it might not be that exact podcast, But maybe something that they said led to another person or a collaborator that they had on was that person that I was like, That's my person. That's who's going to help me through this. And be open to receive it. And then don't be afraid to reach out because people are there. If they're putting themselves out there to help, I feel that it can even be one of those things. I feel like I'm vulnerable to reach out to people and say, Hey, I actually need your help with this. And I heard this and that's a vulnerable message to share. But trust me, You'll be so better. Like that person that you're sending that message to is going to feel so honored and so grateful that you reached out and they're going to be like lit up to help you. Yeah, Totally. And just reminder also, To give yourself grace, Right? Because changing these deeply ingrained habits can take time. So just have some patience and grace with yourself as well throughout the process. Yeah, Patience is definitely not my highest virtue. I like to manifest things quick. And a lot of the times it has been, But when we're going into really rising up, When we're really raising the level of which we want to operate from and our frequency, There is a level of patience. And I'm so glad you brought that up because there is. We do have to be patient with ourselves because you can shift all this at the frequency of what you're comfortable with. But when you step outside of that and you start to dip your toes in new frequencies, It's going to feel like, I don't know. I don't know if I can. And so it's going to really feel like a bigger hurdle until you allow yourself just to dip your toes in gradually and be patient. Some of those things you will move through very quickly. Some of these things you will have patterns for your entire life with that you're always going to be coming back to, But it might not be so flooding. You'll recognize, Oh, Okay, I'm closing off. Okay, Here I go again. I'm closing off to my business. Oh, Here I go again. Oh, I'm repelling people because I'm not standing in alignment. I'm not holding my boundaries. It'll play out so many different ways. Yeah, Absolutely. And I want to repeat something you said, Ray, Earlier, Because once we move through this hyper-independence and actually take the leap and start asking for help, The next step is opening ourselves up to receive that help and support. It's that receiving and that allowing, Which can be equally as challenging for some people. And I just want to repeat something you said earlier, Where when it comes to that receiving and allowing, That's where loving on your nervous system, Doing some nervous system work can really help, Right? Yeah, Yeah. You have to learn to regulate your nervous system, And that is going to differ person by person. So a couple of things that I recommend a lot is I do a lot of energy clearing. And the first thing, Me and my guides, Mine's very channeled. It's not traditional. It's all channeled through my spirit guides, Your spirit guides, Whatever other beings are there for your highest and greatest good at that time. So clearing out old energy and then neutralizing it in the body and then slowly adjusting to new frequencies and then allowing that to come into this reality, Into this 3D reality, Right? So that is one way. I mean, That is a part of everything that I do. So you won't come into any of my containers without ever experiencing that. And I'm like, Sometimes people are a little hesitant, And then they experience it, And they're like, Holy cow, I don't know why I didn't do that before. That is, It really, Really, Really helps. Other ways on a very practical day-to-day level, I am a huge fan of breath work. And I don't do it in any type of like structured container. I have found really good things on YouTube that are quite simple. I found just sitting with my breath of steady, Continuous inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale without no pause at the top or no pause at the bottom and just doing that in a spaciousness for about 15 minutes with some nice, Soft, Like different types of music. That will clear a lot of energy in my body just like that. Other things are simply just, You can do this anywhere. Tapping your chest. Hey, I'm in a body. My body's here. I'm safe. It's like just feeling your body, Maybe rubbing your arms, Rubbing your shoulders, Swallowing, Activating some sort of response in your body. And it's like brings this physical sensation of like, Ooh, Here's my body. I am safe. I'm in this physical vessel. I'm operating. I'm healthy. I'm alive. Okay, Let me look around. Everything around me is good. I'm safe. It's all good. And just connecting back to your breath in that moment and connecting back to the safetiness and bringing a sense of graciousness for the moment, Of some gratitude in there. Appreciation is a word that resonates better for me than gratitude. I appreciate my body. I appreciate my breath. I appreciate this life. I appreciate my home. And you start to appreciate the things and then bring in some nourishment. What can I do to nourish myself? What is nourishing to me right now? In those moments, It's not going to be hopping on and going in and creating your next business offer. It's going to be literally, Maybe I need to drink a really large glass of water. It's going to be, Maybe I need to go out in nature and just sit on this rock and let this rock pull out the energy and absorb it. Being in nature is huge. Maybe it's if you can't get out in nature and go for hikes, You put your feet on the ground and feel the grass underneath of you and just really connect with the earth and your senses and start to activate your senses as a human being, Which are sight, Hearing, Taste, Smell, Taste, And smell. Smell is huge for me when I can activate those senses and the feeling of feeling things, Touching things, Hugging your animals. These are all very simple practices that get so overlooked because we have overcomplicated what all of this is to the hundredth degree. And so much of it is really simplicity. It's in the simplicity. That's so helpful. Such amazing advice. Thank you so much. And there's really an aspect of surrender to allowing and to receiving as well. And I know that can be really difficult and uncomfortable. I mean, It is for me and it can be triggering. But if we allow the support and allow ourselves to receive, It can also feel like really good, Like a sigh of relief, Like breathing easier, A weight is lifted. It's a total shift in energy. It really is. I, Truthfully, I mean, I have had mentors all along the way of every single thing that I wanted to move through and expand into my life. And having that support, It was a gift. I had different levels of support depending on where I was financially. I couldn't always afford really high level, But I did what I could. And because I did what I could and I saw that level of support that I was able to afford at that time, Maybe it was a masterclass or something like that. I don't remember, But sometimes that's what it will be. And then you start creating abundance in other areas of your life. And then eventually you get to the point where you are able to afford the other higher levels of support that you might crave and desire or you don't. But it's just having that support in some capacity, I feel, Especially when it comes from another human being in some sort of one-to-one capacity is so paramount because they get to know your limiters. They get to understand who you are and they love you. And it's a nurtured relationship. And it's like they want to support you. They genuinely do. So it becomes such an abundant thing. So to me, That's just such a huge component. And I really, I can't even express where I would be without it at this day. Yeah, Definitely very abundant. I love that. So, Ray, To end today, Societal level, Higher perspective. I love talking about this. So on a societal level, Hyper-independence and hyper-individualism and separateness are really prevalent right now in our society, Especially in the United States. So what transformations or changes do you think we would see in society if more people started asking for and receiving the support they really needed? Yeah, As you were talking, I was just getting this massive visualization of this communities and almost like reconnection with like a tribal sense of community, You know, And I really feel that so much in sisterhood would heal. We have so many sisterhood wounds moving through our collective right now that are primarily past life based. And, You know, It creates so much envy and jealousy and separation and women thrive with other female support. I see it with men as well. It's like being able to be around men and being vulnerable and other men when they're actually letting their feelings be seen and another man isn't judging them and telling them they're too girly or whatever. I mean, That level of support is life changing. And I feel that if we can give that and then the way that I keep seeing it and my guys are showing and that's why they're so clear not to focus on, You know, Just feminine energy containers is like opening up to masculine energy as well because there is going to be, I feel, And what they show me, This connection where men and women are going to start to really collaborate and really powerful ways that they're going to be able to bring, Especially when they're coming from a really healthy masculine and healthy feminine and they both have a good balance of feminine and masculine within them. Usually each person is one more than the other. And then being able to bring those energies together and really collaborate and help bring this out in other people in every area of their life. I feel like that's going to start to happen. And then if you could only think if we start to allow ourselves to be supported and all sorts of unique ways, Just the amount of happiness that we feel in the sense of like, I got this, I can do this, I can make this happen. And then we step into more purpose. We create more magnetic relationships and friendships and our animals see us differently. You know, They will connect with us differently and more vulnerably. A lot of people don't realize like if their animals aren't super cuddly, Sometimes it's because we literally, They reflect back to us, You know, What is going on. So there's so many ways that this could play out. But, And I also feel that think coming into nature because I'm such a big proponent of nature, Like there would be healing with nature and this and that connection and, And allowing ourselves to receive, As you mentioned earlier, That support from the earth. So I think, I think it would be expansive. And if only we could hope that like between the government and everything that it would all fall into place, But you know, It's at least we can do what we can do on our level individually. And then within our groups and our communities and, And start to bring more awareness to this and just feel like there would be so much more connection. I love that answer, Ray. You know, We as humans are meant to coexist in community. We aren't meant to go it alone. And part of community is helping each other and reciprocity and a world where each person's needs are met. A world where we are each held in supportive community is a more loving world. And that's a world that I want to live in. Yeah, Me too. 100%. Ray, Thank you so much for being here today and sharing your perspective. I really enjoyed this conversation so much and I love you so much. And I have one final question for you. Oh boy. Sounds like a good one. What is your vision for the future of humanity and the earth? My vision is pretty, Pretty big. I have it written down in it. I reference this every day when I wake up because I always feel like our vision should be bigger than life. And my vision is that each of us as individuals have a chance to really truly embrace our authenticity, Our uniqueness, Our power through our desire, Our intuition, And ultimately create such a sense of love within ourselves and autonomy, But within the unity of connecting and loving relationships, Whether that's with our partners, Our friendships, Our animals, Nature, The world. And I so deeply want everybody to experience that sense of love and even in their business as well. You are not alone. You don't have to do it all alone. You are worthy and deserving of care and support just by being alive on this planet. Let us all set the intention right now to both receive and give each other support and build loving, Intentional, Supportive community in the process. The better future that we all want will be built with community and reciprocity. I'll end today with a quote from Helen Keller. Alone, We can do so little. Together, We can do so much.