Grief As Altar – Day 3: The Day I Walked Through Anger

03:05

03:05

Grief As Altar – Day 3: The Day I Walked Through Anger

by Jocelyn Bates

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

6

In the stillness of a forest path before sunrise, I went seeking my anger but found grief waiting instead. This moment, unexpected and raw, became a turning point in my healing journey. There was no roar—there were sobs. There was movement—feet on forest path, body in motion. This is the turning point: when grief morphs into voice and the body remembers its power. Join the alchemy.

Grief Emotional Release Forest Meditation Self Compassion Ritual Mindful Walking Emotional Awareness Physical Sensation Healing Grief Processing Ritual Creation Physical Sensation Awareness

Meet your Teacher

Morristown, NJ 07960, USA

Meet your Teacher

Morristown, NJ 07960, USA

Transcript

So I just wanted to talk about that day in the forest when I went out to scream. I went out to connect my anger and I was walking. It was four in the morning and I was walking. The sun wasn't even up. It was a path and I started to try to find the place where no one would hear me right so I could scream like so I could let it out and I opened up my mouth to scream and nothing came out. It was just sobs and I fell down to my knees and I just sobbed. My hands were on the pavement and I realized then how much sadness I'd been carrying for all the grief from losing friends, Family members, Losing my child, Right? My parents. All the sadness came out at once. I remember I was so shaken and eventually the tears stopped at that moment and I just decided to keep walking. Just keep on the path. Just keep walking. Maybe the screaming would work after I let that out but I was so still and so quiet inside of me. So still and so quiet. I don't know how long I was out for but I walked all of the path and I walked back and there was a moment where I realized what had happened. I realized that I was letting go of all of the sadness not for my parents as much as for through my life through the different deaths I'd had you know which I hadn't grieved obviously because I was crying then and I got home and then life went on as it does but isn't it quite amazing and I went in I mean I took the time to make the time to go to the forest to pack it up to go there to be ready and I didn't even think about crying and the minute I opened my mouth everything started to flow. It was almost like I created a ritual for myself. I went out and whatever needed to happen was going to happen regardless right and I opened my mouth and what happened is I just started to release like a waterfall. I gave myself permission to do what needed to be done and instead of stopping it I leaned into it. I allowed my tears to go right into the ground. I felt how I couldn't stand up. I felt my heaving of my lungs, My stomach muscles and I just I tasted salt and the snot and everything that was coming down. I didn't even have tissues because I didn't think I was going to cry. I thought I was going to yell but I just leaned into it and when I leaned into and I breathed into it all of a sudden I got up and I walked. I just walked right left right left wasn't thinking about anything in particular just walking allowing my eyes to not necessarily focus but not be unfocused. The sun came up and I was still there. It's amazing. I just I was still present. It was still me. The sun still rose. I still had kids to take care of but I had released the top of the bottle right there the shaking can. I opened the can. I just let it out. I think that was a really pivotal moment for me. I think it was a big moment.