Good morning.
Good evening.
Good afternoon.
Wherever you may be.
Whatever you may be doing.
And welcome.
Welcome to.
.
.
Stories from the soul.
Welcome to the Self Remains.
Welcome to this small part of the universe that I exist in.
Maybe that cushion was helpful.
And yeah,
Today we're going to talk about enduring rather than enjoying.
And Well,
Actually,
Let me start with a question.
And it's an honest question.
Want to answer to yourself or if you feel like it and you feel comfortable,
Drop it into the comment section.
The question is,
When was the last time?
You actually enjoyed your life.
When was the last time that you actually enjoyed your life?
And that's not to say that there's anything necessarily Bad or negative at the moment?
It's just a question.
And when I say enjoyed,
I don't mean.
.
.
I don't mean survive,
I don't mean push through,
I don't mean.
.
.
Deal with,
Manage,
Suck it up.
I didn't mean any of that.
I mean,
When did you last enjoy it?
Because somewhere along the way.
.
.
You,
Me.
Stop living our lives.
And we started enduring it.
The topic today is one which I actually spoke about.
.
.
What about three,
Four months ago?
And.
.
.
It was on the back of an engagement that I had.
With my IFS went home.
There was a lot about.
Enjoyment versus enduring.
And one of the things which I realized I'd stopped doing was I stopped entertaining people.
I stopped having people over for lunch and just having A good time.
Laughing,
Drinking,
Eating.
And I hadn't done that really for about two years.
And ever since then,
I've started doing that.
And I had the most recent one this last weekend,
And it was honestly one of the best times I've had in a very,
Very long time.
Enjoyment is difficult when you're living in survival mode.
And that's what I'm talking about.
That's what I mean when I say we started enduring and we haven't even noticed or realized it.
So let me paint you a picture.
Alarm goes off.
Tuesday morning.
You hit the snooze button or you wake up.
And you wake up tired.
So you do your morning routine.
Involves coffee or some form of.
.
.
Stimulating you and getting you ready for the day.
Gotta work.
Push through work,
Push through the morning.
Get through the work day.
Survived the evening.
And when the evening comes.
.
.
At the end of the day,
You sit and look back and think.
Sigh.
I made it through another day.
Today was awesome.
Today I enjoyed today.
Not I'm grateful for today,
But.
.
.
I survived.
Or if somebody asks you,
How was your day?
You say,
Yeah,
It was all right.
But yeah,
My point about.
.
.
I mean,
That's it.
How many of us?
The stock answer,
The answer which we give the majority of the time when people ask,
How was your day?
Sit and say.
It was okay.
It was alright.
It was fine.
My hands up.
And we do this.
Day after day.
Week after week.
Year after year.
Until one day you wake up and realize.
.
.
You're not living life.
We're enduring it.
And we don't remember.
That time and that moment.
When it became that way.
So let me tell you what.
In my opinion,
Enduring looks like for me.
Because.
.
.
Someone listening right now might not even realize that.
You're doing it.
Enduring.
From my perspective,
Looks like pushing through.
When your body is asking you to rest.
It looks like saying yes when you mean no,
Or at best,
Perhaps,
Maybe.
Because you don't want to disappoint anybody.
It looks like.
.
.
Maintaining and staying in a relationship.
It really doesn't fulfill you.
Really doesn't give you that joy.
That you had.
At the beginning.
Or if he even had it at all.
But on the flip side of that,
Leaving feels too hard.
You're comfortable.
You know.
You know how to interact in that relationship.
Your job in sliding out.
Turn the comforts in.
You're not being pushed a good push.
You're not growing.
It looks like.
.
.
Yeah,
That you've convinced yourself that.
.
.
This is life.
This is what being a grown-up is supposed to be like.
I also say that it looks like waiting.
Looks like waiting for the weekend.
It looks like waiting for a vacation.
The Amazon order.
It looks like.
.
.
Waiting for retirement.
Be made redundant.
Somebody breaking up with you.
Somebody saying,
Oh no,
I can't be your friend anymore.
Waiting for some day when life will be.
Be different.
And you'll be happy when you'll enjoy it.
But someday.
.
.
Often doesn't come.
Doesn't count.
Because what's actually happening?
As you're simply enduring today.
So you can get to tomorrow.
And then the next day,
And then the next day,
And the next month,
And the next year.
And it's just a cycle.
Of get up.
Enjoy.
Go to sleep.
Enjoy.
Go to sleep.
With small flashes.
Of enjoyment.
Sprinkled in there.
They just become.
What life is.
Is this the cycle which is on repeat?
So I ask another question.
Why do we do this?
Why do we endure our lives?
Instead of enjoying them.
Let me say that again.
Why do we endure our lives instead of enjoying them?
Because.
.
.
I think somewhere along the line.
So along this journey.
.
.
We learned that life is supposed to be hard.
Strong eyes.
And if you don't get recognized,
You're not going to get promoted.
And if you don't get promoted,
You're not going to get extra,
You know,
Get a bump in your salary.
All of this stuff.
I learned that enjoyment is frivolous.
Irresponsible.
Rest is lazy.
Sitting around on the couch is being a slob.
Pleasure is selfish,
And that word selfish,
I've been threatening to do a talk on selfish for a long time.
And I will do it.
In the same way that I spoke and continue to speak about relationship with the ego.
And how I don't subscribe to the thought process of ego death.
The ego isn't an adversary.
Adversary,
Adversary,
Adversary.
The Eos.
A sum of parts which are flailing their hands.
And trying to bring attention.
It's the fact that there's something that needs protecting here.
And they've created.
A persona in response to the hurt.
That you've had in life.
To help you get through that situation.
I speak about that on the course,
By the way.
End.
We learned that worth is connected and tied to productivity.
Yeah,
Might we.
It's what it's all about.
And it's things that we saw and we learned.
I mean,
If you're of a certain age.
You'll remember parents,
Grandparents.
Getting up to work,
Working all day,
Coming back.
Being completely tired,
Being grumpy at the end of the day.
Having complaining about having no free time.
Tschüss!
On the grind.
Toiling away.
It's not right,
It's not wrong,
It's just what some people want.
Saw when they grew up.
That's what adulting meant.
So.
.
.
Consciously or subconsciously.
Unwittingly.
Weave.
Associated.
That enduringness.
With being an adult.
And we never.
.
.
Some may never have even asked this question.
But for those who used to.
.
.
They somewhere along the line stopped asking,
Am I enjoying this?
Am I enjoying this relationship?
Mind joining this job.
And we started asking,
Can I endure this?
Oh,
You know what?
He's not so bad,
She's not so bad.
The salary is great,
The benefits are good.
Let me just suck it up.
And the answer to,
Can I endure this?
As always.
Yes.
Because we can endure almost anything.
But just because you can.
Because here's what.
I'd hope for you to understand.
And we weren't put here to endure.
We weren't put here to survive.
We weren't put here to push through.
You were put here to be alive.
And being alive.
Isn't the same as enduring.
Being alive means feeling.
It means savoring.
It means being present.
It means letting yourself enjoy.
This moment,
This breath,
This life.
In the future,
Sometime in the future.
Means about enjoying it today.
You know,
Next time just.
.
.
Have a look at a bird.
Pigeons,
Doves,
Crow,
Whatever it is that's unique to where you are.
Are they enduring life?
Or they're enduring it.
There's one image which will go with me forever.
I think we were in Brussels.
With my wife and we were in a park.
And we saw this pigeon.
Doing laps around this park.
Flying up,
Diving down.
This bird was having an absolute whale of a time.
Ad has always stayed with me,
And even now when I talk about this,
My mind goes back to that,
And hence I use that analogy of Birds don't endure.
They live.
I hope.
And I believe that.
So.
.
.
We're back to the classic four things.
I've enjoyed my four things recently.
For things that hopefully.
.
.
Can help you start enjoying your life more again.
And as ever,
It always starts with noticing.
The first thing is to notice when you're just getting through.
When you're in that survival mode.
When you're counting down the hours,
When you're waiting for it,
Whatever it is,
To be over.
Because you can't change what you don't see.
So just start noticing.
Noticing when you hold or your breath changes,
Notice when your shoulders.
.
.
Scrunch up.
When you're rushing through the moment to get to the next one.
When you're not savoring.
The journey.
And ask yourself.
This is all around having and creating and enabling this relationship and building that relationship of being your own best friend.
Ask yourself.
Am I enduring this moment?
Or am I present in it?
Not enjoying,
Am I present in this moment?
Cause that's the crux.
If you're ruminating and looking back.
Or if you're forecasting and looking forward to something.
You're not in the present moment.
So ask yourself that.
And the jumpstart of this is.
.
.
Try and go back too.
Something that you used to enjoy doing.
And so for me,
Like I said,
It was.
Hosting people.
In South Africa,
We call it having a braai.
Some people call it having a barbecue.
I really used to enjoy having people over for a bribe.
That was my happy time.
And identify what it is.
And ask yourself,
Right,
I used to enjoy doing X.
Horse riding,
Running,
Mountaineering,
Swimming.
Crochet,
Whatever it is.
And then ask yourself the other question.
When did I last do that?
And not just when did I last do that,
When consistently did I last do that?
When did it stop being a part of my life?
And start becoming.
An anomaly.
And once you do that,
Give yourself permission to go back and do those things again.
It could be coloring,
It could be painting,
It could be drawing.
Could be playing video games.
Give yourself permission to enjoy because somewhere along the line.
.
.
You decided.
That you're not allowed to enjoy your life.
Until.
.
.
Whatever,
Until you've achieved enough,
Until you've earned enough,
Until you're making that bonus,
Until.
.
.
You've got that car in the driveway until you've got that title.
Before your name.
Until you've gotten that degree.
That PhD.
Married until you divorced.
Until everything is absolutely perfect.
But the reality of it is that everything will never be perfect.
You never will be.
I can tell you one of the big things which I've come to realize on this journey is that it is a journey.
And contrary to popular social media belief.
We will never fix ourselves.
I can't give you anything that'll fix you.
This course isn't going to fix you.
These talks aren't going to fix you.
And anybody who says they will is not being truthful.
But what this journey does.
Give you the opportunity to learn how to engage with it and gives you the tools.
To help you when things get difficult.
Whether that's somatic work,
Parts work,
IFS.
Shadow work.
Yoga.
Whatever it is that works and resonates with you.
That's what helps you.
Live life in this.
Live this.
Walk this journey in this imperfect life.
So you have to give yourself permission to enjoy it anyway,
To enjoy it regardless.
To savour your coffee,
To savour your tea,
To savour your matcha in the morning.
To feel the sun on your face.
To just.
.
.
When you're on a run.
Take your headphones out and just listen to the birds.
Even if it's for 20 seconds.
To laugh with your friend,
To laugh with your spouse,
Your partner,
Your children.
Not because everything is perfect,
But because.
.
.
We're alive.
You're alive and God willing,
You're healthy.
And being alive,
Being healthy is reason enough.
And the third thing.
.
.
Is to simply stop waiting for some day.
Because.
.
.
Someday is a lie.
Till then,
Have fun.
Someday when I have more money,
When I have.
.
.
A bigger car,
Bigger house,
I lose weight.
My kids are older.
I have kids.
I leave this country and move to another country.
Someday when I retire.
Someday,
Whatever that someday is when you will finally enjoy life.
But that someday never comes.
To some it might,
Luckily for a brief moment in time,
But there's always something else.
And for some people.
They physically aren't on Earth long enough to get to that someday.
That we believe is out there.
And the nature of us as humans is that we always strive.
Whether you categorize yourself as ambitious or not,
We always strive.
And we will continue to strive and we will continue to push.
That's why.
There will always be another reason to wait.
I mean,
Again,
Some of you of a certain era will remember.
You know,
Getting up the courage to cross the dance floor.
To go and ask somebody to dance.
There's always a reason not to.
But you have to stop waiting.
And you have to choose.
Pluck up the courage.
Walk across the dance floor.
And say,
Will you dance with me,
Please?
You have to strike up the courage to give yourself permission to enjoy your life,
Right now,
Today.
In 2026,
May the 5th.
Or May the 6th for some of you.
Not when everything is figured out,
Not when everything is perfect,
Not when you've got the salary that you think you should have,
Or you've got the job that you believe you need to have,
Or you've got the partner who supports you in the exact way that you want to be supported.
No,
Now.
In this imperfect,
Messy.
.
.
But truly beautiful moment.
Because we are so fortunate.
To have this life.
That changed a lot for me.
When I started to look at things from people's perspective of having a positive intention.
Easy to sit and say.
I had a conversation today which didn't speak to that.
It's very easy to say isn't on-site.
Because.
Negative,
Negative,
Negative.
It may be true,
It may not be true,
You don't know.
Where if you start to look at what people are doing and how they're speaking to you.
With a positive intention.
Your life completely changes.
No matter what the words may sound like to me,
At least I'll take on board.
Some positive energy.
And allow me to engage with him in a very different way.
And the fourth.
.
.
And last thing is find one thing to savor every day.
And this is the most practical.
Save a one thing.
Every day.
Not anything big,
Not anything extraordinary,
Just.
.
.
One simple thing,
The way your coffee tastes in the morning.
The way you feel.
To the window.
Terrible joke your child makes on the way to school.
The.
Velocity at which your dog wags its tail when you come home in the evening.
The way the warm water feels in winter.
And where the cold or lukewarm water feels in the summer.
Yeah,
The memories that a song invokes.
Just save that one thing.
And when you.
Find it,
Don't rush past it.
And I've got a previous episode,
I think it's.
.
.
Three or four ago.
And it's in the same breath it's all about.
Taking the time.
Then ask yourself,
How can I just enjoy this moment 5% more?
And that's what I mean when I say don't rush past it.
Just stop.
And be deliberate.
And allow yourself to be with it,
To savour it.
And let yourself enjoy it.
Have that slight conversation with yourself.
Be like,
You know what,
I really enjoy the way the sun is falling.
On the dew on the leaves on that tree.
Acknowledge it.
Really take off.
Because.
Actually what it means to be alive.
That's what it is.
That's actually what it means to be alive.
I think,
At least.
That kind of inside.
That look that you have with your partner,
Your spouse of an inside joke.
That's not enduring,
That's not surviving,
That's not pushing through,
That is savoring.
And we can start to enjoy by clinging on to savoring.
Save the small.
Because as we collect the small,
They turn into the big.
The next thing you realize,
The next thing you know.
You're enjoying.
And in closing,
What I'd like you to know.
Is that we don't have to endure our lives.
We don't have to wait for some day.
We don't have to earn the right to enjoy life.
And we most definitely don't have to keep pushing through until.
.
.
We get to the other side.
We can enjoy it now.
Straight after this.
Think about what it is that you enjoyed that you no longer do.
And then just savor one thing.
Before you go to bed tonight.
And just feel and savor the goodness which is anchored within.
That moment.
Is not about enduring.
It's about being here.
Fully.
Presently.
And gratefully.
And someone used to say to me,
And I think they heard it from somewhere else,
I'd never heard it before,
They said,
This is our life,
We have one life to live.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
This is not a dress rehearsal.
There isn't another life that we're waiting for or preparing for.
That someday will all of a sudden manifest.
It's this one,
It's this one which we're living right now,
Right here.
And there's a part of you.
The self is asking you to stop enduring.
And the self is welcoming you to start enjoying life.
And in closing.
It's not too late.
We can choose differently,
We can stop waiting,
We can give ourselves permission.
To savour this moment.
And that's the work.
To begin to be alive,
Not someday,
But today.
Thank you.
And as ever.
.
.
I'm here walking it with you.
The bow's T-wall.
And thank you so much.
For your time.
And yeah.
Thank you.
