Relationships As Teachers, Growing Pains, & Life Chapters

1:15:01

1:15:01

Relationships As Teachers, Growing Pains, & Life Chapters

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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In this episode of the Happiness Habit Podcast, Kara & Amy dive deep. How life evolves up and down, Suffering as a Catalyst for Change & even how the collective survives the road ahead after the collective dynamic shift for the world.

Meet your Teacher

Kansas City, MO, USA

Meet your Teacher

Kansas City, MO, USA

Transcript

One. Thank you for joining me here on the Happiness Habit podcast where you are becoming the happiest person you know. My name is Kara, I am your host. My guest today here is Amy Keeley from Wild Roots, The most amazing new local, What would you call it? A movement, Energy studio that's just, Anyway, I'm so happy you're here. Tell me about your business so people can, Because this is local to the Kansas City area and I feel like this place was exactly what I needed in a time that I needed it most. And it's just, There's so much more that I have followed, The, Okay, What is it? Booty yoga, Booty yoga? It's booty yoga. Booty yoga. And for those who don't know that are just yogis, Booty yoga is like this, Almost this tribal element that's brought to it that almost, It's an energetic, It's totally a spiritual experience. I love this thing and that's what got me hooked. But then you have other people that come in that are doing specifically meditation work and breath work and this almost a spiritual, You were even doing like a new moon and full moon and just very intentional things. And this space is to die for. She's just moved and this space, The energy, The second you walk in the door is just yes, Home, Release, Freedom, Clarity, It's just a beautiful space. So tell me about your new business. So we have been open for about four months, Just moved at the beginning of March and this is all about women trying to find a deeper level of peace and feeling stronger in their body and viewing movement as an energetic release versus I need to burn my calories today, I ate bad today or whatever the reason why you show up to movement. It's more about come here, Gain mental clarity, Shift energy out of your body. We sneak in a lot of different breath work and mood draws and things even in the ankle weight class to try to give a little bit of that body clearing, Energetic release and that is exactly what this place is about. We have all kinds of different classes that all are tapping into moving your body, Finding the beat of the music, Finding freedom of movement and you can do that with pretty much any class here. I love it and that is so the movement as far as creating that energetic release and it does something to us because if you're just going somewhere to pick up something heavy over and over and over or work up a sweat or something, I feel like we as women just tend to gravitate towards something that has a compelling reason, Something that pulls us toward it and gives us that pain pleasure dynamic that it's like if we can associate something amazing or beautiful or it doesn't compel us to go, I just am not compelled to go into the gym unless I have an association that I've made to it and you have created something here that has such an association that brings people here even if they're not necessarily in a place where they could articulate it, We know somewhere that something about it feels good. The community, The girls, I remember the first time I came, I did happen to have a friend that I came with but even if I didn't and even when say friend stops coming or isn't there that day, There's just a dynamic energy of this just sisterhood and womanhood and such a good vibration to be in and I have come into your space in not a good place before and I've done it multiple times and it's just you leave and you're just like, Ah, It's back, I'm back to me, I'm back home, I'm back center and I do think it has everything to do with like moving that energy out of your body, Whatever's not serving you to just release and that resistance and allowing and that dynamic of like trying to figure out how to wiggle back into that place even if we don't exactly know what we're doing. Resistance is I believe the source of every single piece of suffering that we experience and this is just, This is a dynamic place and I cannot wait to see where it goes. It is a really beautiful thing when you see somebody come into a class for the first time and then there's all those feelings surrounding like I'm in somewhere new, I don't know the people around, I don't even know where the bathroom is and there's all this anticipation of walking into a new space and then you're going to a movement that you're not quite sure what to expect or what to feel and then this collective energy of women supporting each other because we do really have this community of like, You know, Everybody's checking in on each other, Hey, How was your day and just there's always mind chatter or not mind chatter but chatter, Chatter amongst the room and trying to then start this class and then there's just this collective swirl of energy and we're all just releasing and letting it go and finding that freedom and movement, Feeling lighter in your body. When you walk out of the class, That feeling is the best feeling and that's why people keep coming and showing up over and over and over again because they're not quite sure maybe what it means, Like where they're, Again, On the path like you were saying but they just know that their body's calling it in or they didn't know that they needed it or it opens their mind. But your inner being does know. Yes, But your inner being, Yeah, You were being called to step in and experience it and then depending on where the resistance is is how you continue to either show up or shy away. You guys always find a way to tap into that. I remember the first time, I do remember feeling incredibly out of place and it was just a construct that I'd created in my head that I would not belong or something about walking into the place would lend itself to feeling really uncomfortable but something was just like, I know that I need to be here, I don't know what it is and so I feel like this self that gets caught up in the resistance, In our stories, In our beliefs, In all of this energetic stagnancy, That still small voice inside still will pull us into this place and that's why life cycles go as they are. Our inner being will lead us, Even if it's just like we feel like I am being led to the fire here. I am being led to the fire. Why am I going this way? Why am I bringing myself toward this breakup, This end of life chapter, This losing of a job or changing of my mentality or my energy or my patterns or my habits? It's all painful and we only see and perceive the pain until we understand and get aligned with our inner sight that's like, No, I have brought you here because you have been calling for this change and so I stuck it out and it was so wonderful to be, I did not know what I was doing and I probably looked like a handicapped string bean the very first time that I was in this class because I was just octopus arms and no coordination. It was probably pretty humorous. I did not look at myself in the mirror because of that and then I kept coming and there was so many times that I didn't know what I was releasing but as you're doing the meditation at the end or just the reflection when we're laying completely in Shavasana on our backs, I would just find myself crying and face down and just purging all of this like, Okay, I had a good day today. What is happening out of my eyes? I have no idea what I'm releasing but our inner knowing does and our body, It keeps these things. I feel like thoughts are the language of the mind but the feelings and emotions, All that stuff gets trapped in our body and that's the language of the body. So it's just like this release. So even if I can't articulate it, There were some things happening on that floor. I know many will say and probably anybody that's been in like a yoga practice or anything but you carry like maybe a ball of pain behind your shoulder blade or I carried some like in my lower back this week and you come to class and you don't necessarily like stretch that part out or do whatever but there was some kind of energy clearing that kind of stuck emotion like that and trapped force that then you just release into the class and then afterwards, It's like, Well, I didn't know that that was gonna just magically go away but thank you for that relief. I've had the same thing. I'm still very new to the concept of energy. My mind still wants to perceive the tangible and what I can observe with the laws of things like, Okay, I can't see that, What do you mean? I get it intellectually. I'm like, Okay, This table has energy, This floor has energy and it's not really, Our mind perceives a solid, Of course. It's a solid but it's not. It has its own energy. I'm still getting the concept of it. So I remember years ago when there was just this total disenchantment from church and religion and where I was, It's just was something was just not flowing for me and I was so in this, Almost like the backflow of my lack of fulfillment was anytime I would try to take anything in, It was getting into this pool of just this lack of fulfillment and lack of fulfillment pouring into this. Every single time I was trying to refresh my mind, Refresh my body, Refresh my spirit, It just was so hollow. And then I, So I sought out a Reiki practitioner who I absolutely adore also local. Her name is Kristi Marsh. I did not know what I was in for and I was so concerned because it was just hyper sensitive to the constructs of Jesus and religion and making sure that I was following the protocol. And I didn't wanna make sure, I didn't wanna step outside of what was acceptable to the religious practice that I had adopted at the time. And so I was like, Is this safe to do as a Christian? Am I towing the line with something? I was told by many, It's like something akin to witchcraft and be careful with when you're messing with energy and stuff like that. So I had this like strange, Almost a barrier to being open just because I was so, I'd given myself rules to like be good and follow this regimen, Which works for some people. Yes, This is the government box that you need to be here. But I was so unfulfilled with that. I had, I feel like I had, It was like a backyard, A fenced in backyard where I had gone all different corners of it. I was just like, There's nothing else here. There's nothing, Oh no, There's nothing else in this yard to explore for me. Oh my God, My soul needs so much more. This is it? And so I started to reach outside and look at other yards. I was like, Oh, That seems interesting. I could try that. And so I did not realize I was tapping into the all knowing of the universe and I found myself in conversations with someone who was a Christian and recommended Christie to me. I remember laying on the bed with just, I didn't realize, You ever had the chronic pain that you didn't realize was chronic until you were without it? Yes, Absolutely. The way that I felt going into it was a norm. I was, It was, I would have told you prior to going in there I had zero pain, Zero pinpointed. I couldn't put my finger on anything that was bothering me. I just knew that there was something I had, I couldn't hear myself, It was just static. It was, I was not in my body. I was so miserable and so locked and so something, I was just, Something was just wrong. And I walked out of there with this insanely clear, There was no stimulus. It was just nothing. That's all I needed. I didn't need it to fill it with anything yet. I had been filled. I just needed nothing. And it was, She provided that. It was just like, Oh my gosh, This is so simple. The energy was just, And it wasn't, I realized then that it wasn't even something being taken away or given or me finding something to add to me. It was getting everything out of the way. Yeah. So I just. It's like a feeling, You're describing them just like that, Just clearness and content. Yes. Yeah, And stillness. The coherence that we're supposed to experience. Which is a beautiful space to be in and when you tap into that space, It's like. How do you tap into that space with you? You said you did Reiki this morning. Oh yes, I gave myself some Reiki this morning and a long meditation which has helped me to stay grounded. So every day to help me direct my path to stay in alignment with my mind, The emotions that might surface, The ebb and flow, The things that are flowing in and out of my life and stepping into a new business and all of the things. I have to sit with myself every morning and I have an altar. I have where my cards are and my crystals and it's my space to connect with myself and check in with where I'm at. Seeing my gratitude, Calling in any guidance from spirit for the day and then starting my day out that way. If I have to run out the door, Usually I will make it happen no matter what even if it's a minute versus 10 or 15 minutes or 30 minutes, Whatever it shall be for the day. If I've had to run out, My day starts completely different. I'm not tapped in with myself. How can I, I always tell myself, Leave with my heart. Like when my head starts to get too busy, Drop into my heart and what would love do if you're always speaking from a place of love, Then that's where the kindness of words to self and self awareness. But sometimes if I was to start my day without my ritual, Then I'm a little less grounded in my body because I didn't give myself that time and space to check in like, How are you doing today? And being thankful, Showing gratitude to my body. It's been a long path, It's been a long road to having peace within my body. And it just, I know whenever I sit down with that, I know I shine brighter from the outside because there's more contentment by starting my day doing a little bit of reflection and awareness and trying to be really mindful of how I'm gonna show up in the world today. I used to, As a perfectionist, Tell myself that I needed to have a certain amount of time. Yeah. Like, Well, It's not gonna happen, I would run out. And oh my gosh, I'm so grateful that recently I have just, It doesn't matter how long, It doesn't matter. You start and end your day with just this like, Getting back to that resonance. And so this morning was one of the days I woke up and apparently at some point I had pressed snooze. I haven't done that in a long time. I did that this morning and I knew enough to just sit on the corner of my bed. It was one of those where I should have, Well, Not should have, Change of language, Where I normally would have just gotten up, I'm late, I'm behind, Let's go. I sat up on the corner of my bed and I was just like, All right, Who do I get to be today? What thoughts am I going to believe today? What things am I going to enter into today? And who do I get to be? And what does that get to look like? And I'm so grateful that I have that choice and that awareness. And so it's like the gratitude and that coming into self and center. And I was just like giving yourself a hug right in the morning. And so if I am full, If I have that airplane mask on first, Then I can put it on others and just like, Okay, What thoughts that I could believe today that would pull me into who I am and this, What experience would I have if I chose my beliefs today, If I chose my thoughts and chose which thoughts to believe today, Which ones would I want to believe in, Which experience would I want to have by leaning into that? And just even just that, Like, I used to not love the word intention because it was like love. It's thrown around everywhere. It's like your intention. Okay, Well, The roads to hell and heaven lead to within or paved with intention. So it's kind of almost meaningless now, But that's also a belief like intention to meaning. Okay, No, My intention matters. And that is what I want to tap into and believe and experience. So my intention, Setting that intention, I noticed that even the night before, You can just casually, You don't even have to really devote a whole lot of ritual to it, But just the intention, Like I really intend to have a day where I'm totally in congruence and communication with the universe. And I will stay and keep in that alignment. And that's all I need. That's my only work with anything. The universe does the rest. If I just stay in that resonance, Go, Okay, I intend to have a really just good day of communion with the universe and watching the magic and the wonder and the details, Because for some reason, My identity just thrives when I am, The little girl in me, The little girl that I grew up to be was just this dizzy little butterfly that would just kiss all of these things in life. Like I just loved, This is delicious. This is wonderful. This is magical. This is just, I would just bop from here to here and I would land on this and land on that. I was, Oh my gosh, Are you, And I remember even pulling my parents or adults and just like people that could not see, Be like, Oh my gosh, Do you see that? And it would just be the silliest little thing. It was to be like, You really saw joy and beauty in everything. Everything. I was that little girl. I love just, I would watch like with anticipation and like total focus and just like, Just buzzy joy that like exploded at just the, Just watching something like a raindrop fall down a leaf. I was like, I would turn one over and be like, Do you see all these veins? Do you see these lines in this leaf? Isn't this leaf the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? And over my childhood, I noticed that like, I'm taught to put that down. It's trash. You can't bring that in the house. It's dirty. You're truly seeing the beauty of life. Yes. And I'm told this isn't a magic moment. So that's trash. That's not special. You're wasting your time by focusing on that. Grow up, Be, You know, Pay attention. And I really had to start to bring that back as I'm discovering me and going back to that little girl, Because she was happy. She was happy with nothing. She could play in an empty box for all day. It was wonderful. And I have been trained so far out of that for like 25 years or more, That that little girl doesn't know what she's doing. She's wasting her time. She's not focused. She's not paying attention. And she's- All of your self-loathing beliefs that you carry through your life. Give it to me by other people. And so as I'm moving toward that little girl again, I'm seeing that's my youngest son. That's exactly who he is. He is that little boy, But I am starting to regurgitate the language that I was given to him. Pay attention, Focus. Put that sound that's trash. This, It's a rock. It's a rock, Joe. Like put it out in the yard. And I've had to just go, Whoa, Where is that? So the more that I tap into who I am and accept that intention, I'm actually even allowing others to be their self and like telling my son, Encouraging them, Like, Oh, What is special about it? Oh yeah, The little like white and blue vein that's going through that rock that makes it look like it's a volcano or something. Whatever it is. And so that's, It's been the forefront, That intention of just, This is what I can create. My core words are wonder. It's totally, It's wonder. Wonder is the absolute word that I just, I adore that word and I adore living that out. So how can I step into all the things that are wonder? Because then the things that normally stress me out or worry me or create thoughts that kind of lead me into this fear, Pain, Suffering, Just simply suffering because it's not in light with who I am. Meditation, Like you said in the morning, Is just, That is so key. And the more I get out of it, The more I suffer and the more I tap into it. And so that five minutes flies by and all of a sudden you're doing it for 20 minutes. And even, I remember starting from five minute meditations to 10 minute meditations. And then I pulled up a new meditation teacher and his meditations were all 20 to 25 minutes. Like, Ain't nobody got time for that. I have things to do. I do not want to wake up at 6 a. M. And meditate for a half hour just because your meditation can't be any shorter. My schedule, My time is crazy. And now I'm like, Oh my gosh, 45 minutes is 3% of your day. I can meditate for 45 minutes twice a day. It's 6% of all of my days. Like, Okay, I'm gonna sleep faster. And I'm gonna get more done because if I'm in alignment with me, There's so much stuff that takes up my day that would not take up my day if I just got it right toward the beginning. So when did all of this, When did your, Enlightenment's another funny word that I have. When did you wake up to what you now know? Ooh. Yeah. Are we going deep, Deep? That is what I am. I don't have small conversations. I didn't know how far we were gonna go in. Honestly, Tapping on the door of just, Energetics and mind and views was whenever I found yoga and when I found the practice of yoga, I was in a very controlling relationship, Marriage, That ended in domestic abuse. And during that time, I continued to practice and shift energy out of my body and my throat started to open. And the box that I was shoved into, I lost myself completely. So the box that I was shoved into, I started to open the box a little bit and started tapping on the door, Which doesn't go well with somebody who's very much controlling the environment in which you live and breathe in. Not at all. So that. Because you're no longer playing by the rules. I'm no longer playing by the rules. Do as I say. I wasn't in alignment with that. I have expectations of you. We have a contract. Yeah. It was a deep contract. Yeah. That was the opening. That was the, My, Then going through my yoga teacher training, Learning about the chakra system, Learning about energy, How to shift energy, And then just learning the yoga philosophy as well, Like the niyamas and niyamas. And that opened my door. And then from there, Everything. Yeah, You were saying, That's I don't know, I'm so happy right now. I'm so happy. Once that opened, Then I just feel everything from there has just felt in my path. Like everything has just continued to open, Open. And tapping into, I remember I was talking with someone and she had said, You know, You don't realize this, And she was an intuitive. She said that you are a deeply spiritual person, But you're so lost right now. And if you just open the door, It's literally waiting for you on the other side. And I was like, Okay. All right, Whatever that means. Ice cold water down my back, But all right. Okay. But literally, Different things would just like float into my life and I would, You know, Do this workshop or I would go to this training. And then there was a moment in time where I did this entire personal development program, Which then busted my world even to a deeper connection with self and the path at which was being paved. And now here I am literally standing to where it's like, I'm gathering this group of women in this community and we're all just trying to get through life and feel a little bit more joy and contentment versus living in a state of grief or shame or guilt or wherever the collective, You know, Vibrationally sits. And it's really crazy to think from when I was just, You know, In my box, Living my life. Oh my God. To now that I'm like standing and I'm opening a space for women to come and do the healing journey with me. And along by, We're all healing and we never arrive, We're not, It's not a final destination, But it does, You do rise at a higher level each time that you experience the thing that might circle back into your life. Oh God, Yeah. Yes. What would you say to that woman back in the relationship? Whoa. What would I say to her now? Break free, Keep going. Love it. Yeah. I came from a similar, It's interesting. It's different, It's interesting. There's been, It's so, We avoid suffering so much, But when I think back, The places in my life where I would consider myself in the highest levels of suffering, I was also, Because I was desperate and I wasn't, I was no longer able or capable in my own power to do these things. I was just, I was in more communion with the universe because I had no other choice. I had just, It was like cranking this lever of this life and I'm like, I will force this to be this way and it's working and I'm a member of the PTA and my house is huge and I'm wearing jewelry and I have a Mercedes, I've made it. What is feeling, Why do I still feel like this? I am not in love with my husband. I do not feel connection with my friendships. I feel, I hate being alone, I hate being in my mind. My body is always angry. I was just like, What is going on? I'm just, I just need to keep going. I just need to keep going and forcing it and it finally got to where that lever, That crank of forcing my life to be this way, I was just like, I can't push it anymore. I've gotten to a place where there's so much blocked that I can't get myself to even get myself to even get myself to even get myself to even. And that came to a head one morning. I was leaving a Bible study, Driving through my neighborhood and I remember just this chest tightening sweep of dread that just washed over me thinking like, I put so much hope in that Bible study and the connections with those girls to fill whatever gaping hole that I left with that morning to go distract and cover and fill it. I was just trying, Anything. And so much to my horror when I was rounding this, And the sun was out that day, But it wasn't warm. It didn't have color. It was just like this. And it was not that, You know how the winter months, The sun almost seems more white instead of golden. This was a warm month and it still felt white and colorless and cold. I remember rounding the corner. My kids were not there. They were at school already. And it was just like, Oh God, I have to go. I can tell that I'm gonna have to go interface with this. Whatever this is, I'm gonna be alone in this house with this. And I drove, Pulled from the driveway and I just sat there like, You've done this a million times before. You've just gone on out, Go do whatever you need to do. I'll go get ready and I'll go shopping or I'll open a bottle of wine. I'm gonna find a way to just hide it. And then I walked in the door and I felt this weird, You know that unfamiliar feeling when you walk into a place you've never been before. I felt like I walked into somebody else's house for a split second. It was just this weird like unfamiliarity. It was like my inner being finally saw the house instead of this avatar that I've been playing. So I walked in. It didn't feel like home. It didn't feel like home. It didn't feel like home in your body at all. It was on my body. It was finally just this collective, Like I don't feel any of this. I'm not in this at all. And I scanned the house, The level, I was just like, I could see the pictures, The furniture. I could register like this is where I live but I couldn't see myself in any of it. I faked it. It was all over me. I had actively, I was the only one in the house that made my home. I put together the furniture. I hung the pictures. I, You know, Everything, It was in place because of my own two hands. But I was not, It was like there was two of us now. There was a person that was playing this part and the person that wanted to light a match and walk away and just leave it all behind. And I remember looking up, Throwing my head back and just going, Okay, If this is all there is, God, Universe, Whatever, Whatever this is, If this is all there's ever gonna be, Let me at least feel okay with it. And if there's not, Break it open. Let me see whatever this is that's going on, Break me wide open to all of it. And then I disappeared to Japan for a month and came home to an empty house and divorce papers on the counter. And I sold everything I owned. And all of a sudden it was just like, You finally got to the end and just released and let the universe just go, Thank God, We were waiting for you to stop grinding this same lever. Like the, Not, You don't have to even be there. And I moved into a tiny little house, Had nothing with me. I had mattresses and a few boxes. I taped, It was two days before Christmas. So we had a gift wrap paper Christmas tree on the wall that I taped on the wall for our Christmas tree. And we ate at a Home Depot box as our kitchen table until the patio furniture for the outside came. So we used that as living room furniture until like all was piece mailed furniture in the house. So our undoing, The suffering that commences, It's like our suffering is our, Is just the call, Our ignoring the call or ignoring the voice. Have you been through, Was that the one undoing or has there been this one happened then and now this little one and this one? I feel like you break and there's also little pieces that kind of break into finer and finer detail. Yes, I feel like it just, Some people describe it as like the onion, Peeling back layer by layer by layer. I feel that everything has, My relationship with my ex-husband didn't end because I share two children with him. And so there were so more far many things that I would have to walk and experience that I truly have had PTSD from and had to heal that aspect of things. Because I had to walk these hard things, Then I got busted more open every time I had to walk it. So it's like, Sometimes it feels like the world is happening to you and it's just thing after thing after thing and then you don't feel safe and you're concerned for your actual safety on top of that. It forces you to only grow in those moments. So I had to walk hard things and this massive growth. So I would say that there's been many stepping stones. I would say my current relationship has healed a lot of pieces of me. Like I say, I was like, I think I've had five rebirths since we've been together. And it's, People do come into your life and then onto your path to help show you the mirror that you're holding up and how you're projecting or what your fears and insecurities. 100, 000%. Your fears, Your insecurities, You're all literally being faced with it. And when you have somebody that's really grounded that can see things from a very outside, Logical, Analytical perspective and helps unwind these patterns and these things that no longer serve a purpose in your life because you're not walking that path. I would say, Gosh, In these last three years, It's just like, That phrase, Let me reintroduce myself. Like if you say that in the last like nine years, I can say there's been a lot of cells along that way. Oh my gosh. And the growth that's come from it. So, I mean, I really do totally feel that like we, As a family, We walk some very, Very, Very hard things. And as, You know, Not to minimize that other people don't have hard experiences because we all have it and the way our brain processes those things too can impact you greatly as well. But yeah, These pieces of my path from walking hard things has catapulted me forward to like who I'm standing and who I am now and the people that I've attracted in my life and the friendships and the friendships that left. The friendships that served a purpose for a time and then they no longer resonated and it didn't feel right. And like your body fully almost rejects it and doesn't allow for that energy to like no longer exist. And, You know, For me, It was learning. I have the biggest heart and as a cancer, You know, The mother of the zodiac, I wanna nurture and take care of everybody even if there's a lot of like wrongdoing in the same breath. But so boundering up for myself has been essential to my growth and I guess. One of the hardest parts. One of the hardest parts and yeah, It's been a huge learning curve along the way but I've learned and now I can see things very clearly. So whether it's with family and I have to boundary a little harder in that moment because I have to maintain a flow of my energy. And if I know like that's the energy that's gonna be presented, I'm gonna choose how much I exchange with that energy and I get to control that. And I get to say how much I'm gonna allow in because I know what it's gonna look like and I know what it's gonna be and I know how it's gonna make me feel and I know how to look at it different. Then I was like, Well, Thank you for projecting all over me today. I have discernment. Yeah, But yeah, Boundaries has been essential to my growth tenfold, Yeah. You said about the, I'm dying. You said about the multiple rebirths because I feel like just in the last two years, I'd reached my arrival, You know, When that all of that happened and I came back from Japan and found myself touring with Tony Robbins and that whole journey was just like, My mind was so just wide open and this brand new life was unfolding for me. I was like, Oh, I've arrived. And I just took it, I made it. This is what it means to be awake, I love it. And then it's so amazing how the universe just, It has this top view of everywhere you're gonna go and everything you're going to experience and it's just like, I'll let her think that for now because it's working for her right now and this exploratory process is so wonderful and I've added certain things to it and I've called it, You know, The Tony Robbins chapter of my life, The Gabby Bernstein part of my life, The Marie Folayo part of my life. Seeking this like great deep personal development, Let me gobble up everything I am in alignment. And I have been arrived at this plateau for I would say a long time, Excuse me. And the last couple of years, Even like three or four years have been, Or that plateau is like, Okay, It's again, What else is here? Is there nothing else here? And it was like, Okay, She's asking again, She's knocking again, She's scratching again. There are things out to you. There are things out and I, It's so funny. Oh, She's not listening, Hold on, Let me get louder. I'll give you the lesson, Hang on, All right, All right. Pause, You're not listening, I'll give you another six months. And I certainly did that with, You know, Allowing myself into, Especially for some reason, Relationships are my greatest teacher. And I find myself- It is, It is the greatest teacher of our lifetime is relationships. Our spiritual assignments are so, And I've had so many just amazing spiritual experiences and assignments that I have just, I have crushed them. I've crushed them and I would have said they crushed me, But in crushing me, It removes me from even more from like, This, It sets me free from all of these things. Like, Oh my gosh, That really is- It's like the Phoenix rising, It has to all burn to then- It's so nuts how that all works. Burn, Rise, Burn, Rise, It just happens a lot. So my, It's so interesting to be in it because you don't necessarily understand that you are in a very important learning process. And you, Especially when it's reflected in the eyes of someone else that matters whether or not you retain them or not. And our minds go into this place of like personal meaning when something's incompatible or doesn't work, Or it's like, No, But okay, That's fine though. I can deal with that and I can give more energy to it and I can give more loving energy to it. And so this, The fact that this person is narcissistic or toxic or abusive or whatever the case, I can, I can adjust, I can adapt, I can change, I can, You know, Whatever. Just for the retainment because we don't wanna face the suffering and abandonment or loss or the beliefs that are being realized. That it's like, I don't wanna touch that belief. I don't wanna scratch up that fear or pain of mine. Because I'm gonna have to pivot and I'm gonna have to show. Yes, And I don't wanna do that. That's outside, It's a comfort zone thing. And this is what I know, This is where I'm good. And it's so interesting to look back and I would have, The person that I was in a relationship with four years ago, I worked so hard to retain that. And that was the only part of my suffering. The only time that I was suffering was in my attempts to retain something that was not for me. And fortunately with my marriage, You know, For nine years, Yes, I was trying to retain it, But I was still, I was still listening and I wasn't allowing myself to, I was still learning and it was very, All very new when I was still doing my own uncovering and all of that. Where it's, Yes, It was hard, Yes, It was painful, But I knew that I knew that I knew. And this other- It was a deep inner knowing that it was undeniable. Yes, And he is one of the most wonderful people. And we have had to, We grew up together. And so just having that, Like, I respect him and I love him as family member infinitely more than I ever loved him as a wife. And to genuinely want to see him thrive and find fulfillment and find love and how, Like, And genuine, Like, It doesn't have anything to do with me, I'm not trying to retain you anymore. And so, Because I'm not trying to force our connection, You've just, You've got, You have, It's just, It's wild that I, As an energy being, As another person, There's just so much more reverence for who he is and our suffering, That back and forth dynamic. It was just, We let people be what they're supposed to be in our lives and let that be, Instead of the thought that I'm choosing to think is that you are my soulmate and I have to, You are it and you are, I have decided to believe. And so anything that contrasts that, Well, Oh my gosh, This is, This doesn't match my expectations. It says, This is causing me pain and suffering. You were supposed to be this. And we love this like dream, This potential, This hallucination that we've established with like, We are supposed to do X, Y, And Z and that's our rules. And that's the contract that we've signed. But you may have only been meant for this year and a half time. And even just the four year ago relationship, I could not imagine trying to be intertwined with that anymore. And the most recent relationship is been such an amazing teacher. And again, Like you said, The rebirths, There's this human being has seen me come out and come out and come out and come out of that in multiple different identities as I'm shifting and growing and everything. And it's like, Gosh, This person's dated eight different people. And he has exposed me to every single fear I have ever had and face it and defy it and question all of my beliefs and question all of these, It's like, What's behind that thought? What's behind that thought? And then get curious and inquisitive. And I have just, I have never felt so much appreciation for who you are, Who you attract into. And then they are all just, If you look at the people that you end up with as just mirrors, It's been like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even know that was there. Because I found that myself, I would blame him or accuse him of doing something. And then upon looking deeper, I am doing that to him. Yeah, I'm doing that same exact thing onto him and the projection of what I need, Not really, That could be what he needs. And if I met him with what he needs, Then that- The push pull, It's just a flow versus- It's so amazing. I don't think I've ever had a greater teacher than him aside my own children. And it's been so interesting to play with the dynamics of like, Oh my gosh, This is all for my benefit to lean me into all of these things that I have taken for granted or created an identity or story behind and question them, Question them into breaking off entirely. I love it, I love it. So interesting how our pasts are very, In some sense, Same things. Interesting, But like not at all surprising. Not surprising at all because you find anytime that you end up in, We all are attracted in this same, Maybe it's like we all have similar experiences, But it's a lot of times it's like, No, There's like this thing that's like, Wow, You really want so many similarities in a marriage or in a relationship and then- This landing, You are my people, You're my landing pad right now. All of these people in my life and my friends have evolved and grown and changed. The people that I'm around, The people that I've attracted, It's like, I've developed a lot of new friendships in the last two years. It's like, Oh my God, You're where I am. But wait, The people that I knew 10 years ago, They were where I was as well. And it's always been that case. And it's just like, Wow, This is really just about an energy thing. This is a constant energy reflection. What you're calling in. All the time, It never changes from that. From a vibrational, Yeah. What would- I just like imagine these like rings of, I mean, Because like obviously like our aura space and all of that, But like, You know, It's like, You're calling in your people and it's like shifting some vibration outwards to be drawn inwards and yeah. Just went through a whole visual. And that's what I love about the people that you, You being mother energy and the people that walk through your door. Do you ever know when somebody walks through the door, Like you're gonna go through some things? Yeah, I can feel it. Like, Yeah. I'm very hypersensitive to energy and you know, You can, I can feel it. Like I can, And yeah, It's a feeling. Like, I'm just like, No, Like, All right, She's about to get her world wrong. She's not gonna know what happened to her and it's gonna be okay. We're gonna, We're gonna move it out. That's amazing. Yeah. What, What's next for you? Oh, There's so many things. So many things where the path hasn't been revealed yet too. So I'm really excited for, As we continue. So I'm bringing in a lot of different people into the space to bring their offerings. There's so many amazing people in the healing community, Whether it's from Breathwork, Reiki, Meditation teachers, And we're bringing all of these people in and collaborating. And I'm so excited to see what comes from that, What grows from that as far as, You know, And then how our community is gonna grow too. Really excited to just see like how that expands and not putting like a super hard direction and path where everything is supposed to lead, But that is just opening people up and then feeling lighter and better in their body. I'm hoping soon to be running groups to help women rewire the relationship with their body and food. As I'm a clinical dietician of 15 years, So I want to merge the two worlds of Eastern and Western and get down to the nitty gritty of how you show up to your body, How you show up to food, And it goes real deep. It goes real deep. Deep down into the little world that you were. It's not a mistake. It's my design that we put these live things into our body, And we come alive with this dead food-like substance in our body, And we are, I feel deadened. I know how I feel and what I've been eating. You can feel the energetic vibration of that food. Yes. And food is energy, So you're feeling the vibration of it, And so we put a whole bunch of low vibrational food for an extended period of time. You just, You feel that heaviness. You feel the fogginess. You absolutely. And then if it gets the energy, You output. Yeah. It's just really, It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's a cycle of what I put in, I will put out. And then we are human, And we do love yummy things, And it's like how you can still make it all come together where it is not the worst thing in the world if you put something, We'll put it in quotes of low vibrational energy food. Like, Enjoy it. Thank you. You know, Have gratitude. All the way. Thank you, You amazing fries, Or whatever the said guilty pleasure may be, But honor it and enjoy it, And have that moment, And find gratitude in that. Because then you do, You can, Not necessarily that you would literally alter the nutritional value, But you can alter the frequency, The vibrate. If I'm thoroughly enjoying this, It might, It's lemon desserts, For whatever reason, Lemon desserts for me are just to die for. I love them. But if I'm like taking it off and like swallowing it with a piece of self-loathing, What the hell am I doing to myself? You've taken some of the joy of the pleasure. Yeah, And food, That's why it's our pleasure center, Because it's meant to be enjoyable too. So, You know, Teaching people to like, That you can still put, You know, Rewire the relationship with food and how you nourish your body, But then also honoring, If you want, The chocolate cake or the whatever the said thing is, How to, You know, Fit it into your life, That you don't guilt, Shame, Beat yourself up and create some cycle that now you're down this path of terrible eating for a week and then you have to reset, Regroup. And there's no shame in that game either. I always highly encourage everybody, It's always about the power of reset, That at any given moment you can reset and you can shift your energy and shift your vibration. So you can check in with your body, Feel like, That doesn't really feel good. I can choose, But the next time that I nourish my body, I'll hit it different this time. And then from there, It's just a cycle. But if you can stay in a long cycle of continuing to put these things into your body that continues to perpetuate the cycle, But then if you're checking in with yourself, Like where are my emotions right now? Where is my brain? Where is my energy, Right? Because if it's all low energy things that we're putting in and then we're not shifting it out our body and that's why I always encourage everybody to come to movement. It's one of the greatest releases that we can give to our body where you can actually through movement shift energy out of your body. That's why you feel better afterwards. You might feel a little tired or sore or worn out, But everybody has that rush of endorphins that just feels so good. And there's something to be said about when you shift vibrationally, The energy, You're now a higher vibrating human being when you walk out of the door because you allowed for that energetic release. And so I'm really excited to put this program out of where I can work with groups of women. And then those women get to connect with each other as well and have a little bit of a support system and then walk through basically just, There's so many people out there that I know that want and need this. And I feel like that is my deep calling right now. I think everybody is looking for answers all collectively, Not even just in this community, But all over the world. We are now searching and we are tired of consulting with our lower selves, Our fearful selves, Our trapped selves, Our unrealized selves. Even just with food, I feel like my, The way that I show up to say the front of the fridge is being consulted by something I'm trying to suppress or some it's so it's like when I'm putting something into my body that isn't that I'm, I have to ignore in order to eat food that does not serve me or just like covers an emotion or stuffs me full, When I feel you feel your stomach and it actually create that full feeling creates this chemical and this illusion, I feel better. And it tells your brain that you feel better, But you know that you don't. And so in order to put this to stuff myself or to eat something that does not serve me, There's a lot of things I have to push out of the way. And there was some, There was a time probably a year ago. No, No, Gosh, Now it was like two years ago now where I literally had to record from a higher state of being when I was serving my body for at least a week to kind of like detox from the stuff that was influencing me. I recorded myself a voice note. It was literally a coach moment of like self intervention that reminded me, Like if I could just remember to push play before I went and ravaged something that was going to make me sick, To just like to come back and consult and that your higher being called you to press play on this because you know that you know that you know that this is a self fulfilling prophecy that you know how you feel right after is temporary. And the way that you feel after long-term is so much more damaging and it stays with you because it's a mental thing that you do to yourself emotionally, The shaming, The self-loathing, All of that, Why do I always do this? Whatever goes on. That's a great, Hear that everybody, That's a great tip. Record yourself a love message, A girl type of thing. And if I've done that where I've done that with anything, Where if I'm in a higher vibration self, I had such a hard time with this lower vibration, Fearful self, Almost this animalistic survival, Fear, Pain, Suffering, Like entity of me, This hurt wound, It's so called the wounded self or something, Whatever's this wounded thing kept consulting me, It kept like taking over to the point where I would know what was best and still be like, And I'm going to choose, Almost a spite and flog and further damage. It was very destructive for a long time. And so I have in moments where I'm rejecting love, In moments where I am mistreating my body, In moments where I am spinning, Racing, Anxiety, Whatever's going on, If I'm sleepless, Like I have coached, I have all of these recordings, Almost this meditative intervention with myself from the higher self to speak to the lower self. And it has literally changed the game. And there's so many nuanced subjects that I have covered with myself. And it's like, God, If I could just remember to tap into that and right now, All I have to do, I've made it super easy to remove the barriers, All I have to do is press play. Just like, Okay, Yeah, I remember, I remember, I remember. And coming back to that center. I love that so much. No, I'm not going to eat this thing. No, I'm not going to self sabotage this relationship. No, I'm not going to whatever. And I had to do it. And I still on occasion, I'm like, All right, You are in form today. So we're going to press play on this. And I've done it, Especially there's been a lot of tumultuous things going on for me in the last month. And I have returned to those. It's like, Okay, Remember. And so I have, Even though there is so much just chaos going on outside of me, There's zero chaos going on inside of me. And like, I'm not eating horribly. I'm still moving my body. I'm staying with what I know. That way this stuff, It's like, I am in control. You're in the flow state. Exactly. The biggest cause of depression. You're not fighting the wave. One of the biggest catalysts and causes for somebody to be depressed or in a depressed state is our focus is on things we cannot control, Things that are negative or positive things. So just it's on a default to a negative. And then depression comes in when we feel like we can't do anything about it. What if you help us to control what's going on so that life happens to us type thing. And so if we feel like we actually do have control, We always have control over our own environment and our own world here, Here, Physically, All that. For those listening, I pointed to my head and my heart. But then when you feel like at least you have the autonomy over yourself, That alone is just like, I am my own world. I am my own universe. And I, Everything that I think and believe and decide in this moment, How I show up, How I feel, What I say, What I do, All of that is within me and my control. And oh my gosh, If I just decided, You know what? This divorce is the beginning, Not the end. This life change, It allows me freedom and not to be trapped. This is whatever is going on. If I just, Okay, What would I be if I chose to believe this instead of this and understanding like the barrier between the two doesn't exist, Does not exist. The highest self in me, This woman that I imagined stepping into and tapping into her true power. Like how she would show up, How she would dress, How she would talk, How she would interact with the world, All of that stuff, That there's the her that is her and the me that is currently me, There is no barrier. There is no blockade. There's nothing but my own beliefs and the actions that I would walk into if I believed it. So if I believe that I'm her and just fricking started to be that, That's it, That's it. Yeah. And I think that's what you're doing with the women that come into this space is they have followed a calling. It's brand new, This voice is pissing them off. You know, They say the truth will set you free, But first it'll piss you off. And I love that because it's so true. Most of my biggest life truths have been like, No, I don't like that. I'm gonna wait for another one. Yeah, God, Right, Here's my prayer. You have to slap me in the face. Here's my prayer. Got it, Okay. Exactly, Exactly. The universe just, It gives me the same response and it's like the eight ball. I didn't get the answer I wanted, Reshake, Reshake. I didn't like that card, Shuffle again. So as far as a collective society and around the world and all of that, What do you, You're an empath, Clearly. What is your sense for just the human experience right now? In what direction? Any of it, All of it. I don't necessarily know that there is so many directions. It's just like an overall overriding theme and that's my own belief, So it's totally separate. The, What we've been through as a species, Not a culture, Not a race, Not a gender, Like any of, As a whole, When you back up and just look at humans. Yeah. The collective is rising and I feel that more, The way that life was lived in the 80s and the 90s and like where we're at now, It's like a call of, People are, I think, Are being awakened, More tapped into shifting to a different vibration than we as a collective ever have. And then from the world perspective, Like there is, There's so much pain in this world and there's so much hurt and feeling right and a lot of egos ruling this world. So much ego and everybody wants, Like if you think like me, I just posted a quote the other day, My ego wants you to think and act just like I do, But that's, We all serve our own individual purpose in this world. We were born to be our own each individual self and then together as a collective, We then grow and learn from each other. And I think that it's so important to stay in alignment with your true calling and your true north as some would say. Because if not, Then it's dark and it's heavy and it's cold. And so what we back out of our, If I keep myself in check, My ego in check and my highest self on, I don't need you to agree with me. I don't need to belong to you. I don't need you to belong to me. And I feel like in these last two years, Right? You know, From election pandemic and I mean, There was like a really upheaval in the last couple of years. And it's really interesting. I can even like reflect and look at myself of like how I viewed everything. You know, How I viewed the pandemic, How I viewed like how people were acting out and how everybody just felt so righteous. And my opinion was, Yeah, And it's so interesting where my mindset is now. And it really has definitely re-birthed itself and like how I viewed and I can literally look up and see like your mindset was through that because you're operating in a place of fear and the fear of the unknown and the thing that, Which we all had no control of. And around the world. Could you, I mean, The, I would have loved to have looked at to back up to the entire world during that and just watch like the, Somehow watch the frequency dip down and just like see how, So I remember I was so looking, I think what I observed about a lot of people and there's still people in it, Which it's like, It's okay, It's their own pace. They haven't quite, Whatever it was meaning for them, Wherever it was going for them hasn't quite yet reached its point for them where they've been like, Okay, I'm there, I've got it. And there are people that won't, They're just, It's, They're a new soul, And these are all my beliefs. So it's like, This is how I'm projecting and perceiving them and how they would project and perceive me. But so speaking for myself, Just watching myself devolve into, I'm scared so I need to belong. I need to find people who think like me. What do you believe? Trying it on. Yeah, I think I could go there and just like diving in and just like shape shifting all the way through, But not actually truly honoring yourself. So just like being able, And I noticed that everybody, Like we went, It was beautiful looking back on it. There's so many growth and lessons. We went, We went, We trialed together and it may have been in a negative destructive way because it was toxic. It was toxified by fear. But like we trialed together and there's some people that tried together in a beautiful way that was like, I noticed that before it really got fearful. Do you know it's like the first two or three weeks of the pandemic, There was just, There was humor. Yeah. And there was collective. Cause we didn't know like, Oh, By the way, You're gonna be in this for two years. This is two weeks. This is just two weeks we got this. This is a bank head. So we're gonna be on our back balconies. We're gonna watch Tiger King. That was the beginning of the pandemic. Back, I saw these people in like apartment complexes that were dancing on their balconies together and people like that were dating, But they were doing it. There was one girl on a roof and a guy that noticed her and said they were on a date. And it was so beautiful to watch like us coming into this. Let's have fun with this. Let's have fun with this. Yeah, This is different. We've never done this. We've never walked this. And this is, It was so neat to, It was a first. It was, I use the word neat because it really was how I felt. It's like, This is okay. This is fine because my expectation and my comfort was still like, This is two weeks, Two weeks and this will be fine. And so I was like, Well, Let's play with this. Let's really, I was just like, Okay, I'm gonna read books. I'm gonna cook. I'm gonna sleep in. I'm gonna celebrate my friends. I'm gonna write down. I'm gonna journal a lot. I'm going to go places. I'm gonna spend a lot of time outside. It was like, Oh cool, I've had this opportunity. And then something in the, Just the fear part of it, When they really started to push the fear and the people, The powers and egos that be on top that are like, Notice the freedom and the liberation and the positivity that was going on. Like the ego doesn't, It seeks to destroy and diminish and make it toxic. And so I noticed when, As a collective society, Is that almost that opportunism of the ego created this almost like this mass psychosis of this is really bad and this is gonna be really bad and it's gonna continue to do it worse and it became personal and pervasive. And so our mindsets all like cling to the walls. What do I know? I know nothing. I know nothing because this thing could kill me and this messaging and this, Oh my God, It killed her. And so, Oh my God, They're locking down the normal things that I have. I can't go to the grocery store, Lack fear, Loss. All of that stuff is starting to poison us and we felt this way forever. And I would have said that because I mean, I work in a dialysis clinic as the dietician. So I'm not only in it, But as you know, All the new protocols are getting rolled out and what we have to do with the patients. You're getting the first wave of it. It was terrifying. Yeah, And I worked in here locally in Kansas City. I had some that were at a nursing home where almost 40 people died and it was terrifying, Right? And so it just even from like really being in it and then watching the surroundings and like the walls are crumbling and you're just like watching the show and like trying to figure out where you sit and what's safe and how am I supposed to operate. And nothing was safe. So we started to build our own safety. Like, Okay, How can I find a way to build up my sense of security, My sense of beliefs to protect myself even falsely. We didn't care. It was like, These are straw man saviors that we're building up here. And there's no way around finding real security. So I'm gonna find security in opinion, In group think and the echo chambers that we all built. It was just amazing that I'm so grateful that we can look back at it now. I can't believe like 2019 was three years ago. It doesn't seem real. 2019 was three years ago. I feel like we've all been through this collective trauma and the processing. And now I feel like I'm watching people come out of having been so down in that pit and getting that desperation when we're moving out of desperation, Not inspiration. And to come out, I think people have launched so far. They're like anything but that. We've reached this altered state where we're repulsed by where we were and just never wanna go there again. And so we're changing everything. What we've been through is so much harder to navigate because it's like the way we wanna live is nothing. It looks nothing like the way we used to live. And it's all unknown. And I'm watching people do things they've never done before. I'm watching 30 year marriages, Just, I can't stand you. I've never been able to stand you. And people that would never have had children, Have children, People are changing careers. They're coming, People are losing hundreds and hundreds of pounds. Like opening their own businesses, Closing their businesses, Selling their house, Getting on the road. People are making life dynamic changes that are huge. And I feel like there'll be another where we've made this overcorrection where we're just like, Ah, Anything but this. And I feel like here in another couple of years or two, The pendulum will swing back. We're like, Okay. And then hopefully maybe back into this new middle where it's like we are more practiced in consulting with this place of it. So we can't consult with fear. We now know that, But we can't consult with the just the over extreme that, But we'll find that center space. I'm excited to see what's gonna happen with it, But oh man, We've been through some things. So I'm so grateful that your space is here. And I wish that there were a space like this in every city for people to make it super easily, Easy to access. And I hope this place just takes off because I was already in that exploration space when I found you. And it was so much of a confirmation that's exactly what I needed, But it's like, So I'm even advocating. I was like, You, You girl that's unfulfilled, Doesn't know why, Can't figure it out, Has this stuff stuck and doesn't know what to do. You need to be here. Yeah, I, You know, I'm out, You know, Just where I'm at the store or wherever I am. And again, I'm sensitive and I can pick up on and I can feel called to like, Want to say something, Have a conversation. And it's like, I'm just like, Give me your hand. Come on, Come with me girl. That's so cancer mothering. I can show you some things and you're gonna feel lighter in your body. You're gonna feel yourself in here. Yeah. So as at the end of every show and I, With guest podcasts, I love to ask to you, What is happiness? Joy within myself, But joy in the people that surround me and actually feeling their lightness to feel the, Again, We're gonna talk energy. I speak energy. We all do. We just do. Yes, Yeah, I literally do. I really thought more and more. Like to see the joy in my child's space from the most simplest thing of climbing on rocks or whatever it is, Just eluding this energy of just happiness. So for me, It's an energy of just like having a deep, Coming from like a space of gratitude. And if I'm in a space of gratitude, I'm in a space of happiness because I can always shift and turn something. I can change the narrative and turn something into, I find joy and happiness in this because I got to do it this way. I had extra time in my schedule. And so instead of it being, I was stuck doing this, I'm thankful I had the time and space and being that helps me to just be in the space and being that helps me to stay in the energy of happiness. And not that I am happy all the time. I am also human. What? What? I know, Yeah, That human part. But I, As far as I stay in my happiness by showing up for myself over and over and over again, Because I'm the only one that can do it for myself. So I highly encourage anybody and everybody, Come to yourself, Come home so that you can find that deep inner joy and happiness from within and then shine it out onto the world because everybody needs it. That's beautiful. So where can people find you, Your work, Anything that you do? Well, The actual studio location is located here in Shawnee. We're on the corner of Johnson Drive and Quivira, Tucked back in the mobile shopping center. We are on Instagram, Wildroots. Kc. Which is W-Y-L-D. W-Y-L-D. If not, You're gonna find the herbalist or you're gonna find a food market. Right. Yes, The W-Y-L-D, Roots, Underscore K-C on Instagram. We try to keep all class schedules flowing on that and what's going on in workshop offerings. Also the website, And that's where it's the direct to everywhere, Which is wildrootskc. Com. Perfect. Awesome, Well, Now we wanna hear from you. What stood out to you most here? What shook your head, Raised your eyebrows, Stirred up inspiration or created a breakthrough? The best conversations happen over in the comment section at carapayton. Com and Happiness Habit podcast on Instagram. Did you like this episode? Share it with a friend or loved one who you know this will speak to. And thank you for joining us for another episode of the Happiness Habit podcast. Until next time, Keep moving forward. When you show up as your highest self, You live your happiest life.