What is mindfulness and how it can help me?
So mindfulness means that we're being present in the moment.
So it means that we're not thinking about the past or we're not thinking about the future.
Our mind is present.
So whatever we're doing,
Say like now we're recording this,
So our mind is here.
We're fully engaged with what's happening here.
We're engaged with our thoughts,
Our feelings,
Our emotions,
The environment,
Even our breath.
So mindfulness means that whatever we're doing,
We're present.
A lot of the time we spend worrying about things that have happened in the past or getting anxious about things that might be coming in the future.
So mindfulness means that we're not worrying about the past or the future.
We're just present with what's happening now.
So it means that whatever thought you're having,
Whatever feelings you're having,
Whatever emotions you're going through,
You become aware of them,
You acknowledge them and you accept them.
So let's say that what are my thoughts at the moment?
So you become aware of what the thoughts are.
So say my thoughts are negative.
So I become aware that I'm having negative thoughts.
I acknowledge that.
Okay,
At this moment I'm having negative thoughts and we accept them.
So we don't try to fight,
Oh I don't want negative thoughts,
I don't want negative thoughts.
We just accept that I have these negative thoughts and then we try to find a way to help ourselves through those thoughts.
So a lot of the time we're not aware that our thoughts are negative.
We just believe every thought that comes into our head and we just blindly follow that thought.
So if we're thinking,
I wonder what that person thought of me yesterday when I said something to them.
So then we start thinking about,
Oh this person,
What did they think of me and will I be able to see them again?
And oh I bet they're talking about me now and we tell all big stories because we're not being present in the moment,
We're just letting our mind run back to the past.
And the same for the future.
A thought comes in,
We start thinking about the future,
Tomorrow I've got to go up the village and meet these people.
Oh every time I meet these people they say bad things and they gossip and I don't want to go up.
Oh I know this will happen and that will happen.
And of course then again we get all involved in this big story we tell ourselves in our minds.
So we get anxious and worried and stressed about things that have either already finished,
We can do nothing about,
Or they're not even here yet.
So being present in the moment means that we can become aware,
We can acknowledge and we can accept whatever thoughts.
The same for feelings.
So at the moment if you just check in with yourself,
What are my feelings at the moment,
You become aware.
Ok,
I'm aware that I have pleasant feelings at the moment,
I have happy feelings at the moment.
So we acknowledge that,
I acknowledge that I'm feeling happy and we accept that.
When we're feeling happy and everything is running nicely,
Then of course it's easy to accept and acknowledge them.
Just when we're unhappy that it's difficult for us to accept and acknowledge.
So mindfulness helps us see,
Ok I'm feeling this way,
I'm feeling unhappy at the moment,
Ok I'm aware of that now.
So because I'm mindful I'm aware that whatever I'm thinking,
Whatever I'm feeling,
Right at this moment.
And once we've acknowledged that feeling,
That feeling has already started to lose its power.
Because when we just let those feelings and those thoughts just run away,
Then they become bigger and bigger and bigger and we tell bigger stories and we get all involved in our mind in these stories and we start becoming stressed and anxious.
So when we are aware that at the moment I'm feeling this,
Then we can do something about it,
Ok I'm feeling a little stressed at the moment,
Ok.
So you know I'm acknowledging that,
I've become aware of that,
So how can I help myself through that.
So maybe you just go outside,
Have some fresh air,
Maybe you do some breathing exercises.
Whatever it takes for you to let go of that feeling.
But we can only do these in the present moment.
It's the same with emotions.
There are so many emotions,
Now if we spoke about emotions we can speak about destructive ones,
Pride,
Jealousy,
Anger,
Hatred,
Discontentment,
All you know we have a list of destructive emotions but there are many many more emotions that we are not aware of.
Because a lot of the time we are not present in the moment.
Anger doesn't come like that,
Anger slowly slowly builds in us.
So it's like we start off we are a little bit irritated and then we become a little bit agitated and then finally we become angry.
We only notice that emotion when we are angry.
But if we are mindful we could have caught that emotion when it was just a little bit of irritable.
And we say what is my emotion at the moment?
And you look and you become aware that oh I'm feeling a little bit irritable.
Ok I acknowledge that,
I accept that.
Now what can I do to get rid of that.
So if you get rid of that little bit of irritability then it never becomes full blown anger.
So it helps us.
So mindfulness means that we are present in the moment,
We keep bringing ourselves back into the present moment.
So we are not judging the present moment,
We are not judging the oh I'm thinking negative I hate to think negative or now I feel irritable and I hate to be irritable and it's not good to be irritable and we are not judging in that way.
We are just becoming aware,
We are acknowledging and we are accepting and then we are finding a way to help ourselves through that.
So we can't be mindful 24 7,
It's impossible.
Because our minds have the ability to plan for future things and we also have the ability to look back and have memories,
It means that we can never be 100% present in the moment.
So we have to keep bringing ourselves back to being present in the moment.
So there is many different ways we can do this.
So on a day to day level we can pick something we are doing and do it mindfully.
So all through today I have been saying to you what are you thinking,
What are you thinking?
Because whatever you were doing your thoughts were something else.
You were doing,
You were sitting down cooking,
You were cooking and I said what are you thinking?
Oh I'm thinking about my family.
You weren't being mindful and that's why I kept asking you that question and every time your answer was different to the task that you were doing.
So when,
Say we are just washing the dishes,
Just a simple task like washing the dishes,
We are 100% there.
We are feeling the water on our hands,
We are smelling the washing powder,
We are washing,
We are engaged,
Nothing else,
We are just thinking about that.
We are becoming present and the more you do a practice like that the more that you will understand.
I mean at first you will understand it is very difficult,
It is very difficult.
But the more that you do a practice like that,
Just gently bringing yourself back all the time to the present moment and when you are doing a task do it mindfully,
Like cleaning your teeth.
Do you see people,
They put the toothpaste on and they start cleaning their teeth,
Then they will go outside and do something,
Then they will go and think and then they will walk over there and you know they are never engaged in cleaning their teeth.
It is that they are doing three or four different jobs as well as cleaning their teeth.
So to just really practice being mindful,
Just stay with that.
What does it feel like to hold the toothbrush?
What does it feel like when I squeeze the toothpaste onto the toothbrush?
When I first put the toothpaste onto my teeth,
What can I feel?
What is the sensation?
When I am going up and down and cleaning my teeth,
What is the tingling sensation?
Are there any smells?
Are there any tastes?
So you are just completely focused on cleaning your teeth.
Again it is training yourself to just be mindful,
It is showing you how we can be mindful.
And at the end of doing a mindful task like that,
You feel quite relaxed because there is no anxiety,
There is no worry,
There is nothing negative going on.
I have just washed the dishes or I have just cleaned my teeth.
So you feel calm because you have been 100% present in the task you are doing.
And if you are doing a task that you dislike doing,
So say you had to wash clothes by hand and it is something you hate.
So if you get the big pile of clothes and you put them on the floor and you get down on the floor with the scrubbing brush and the washing powder and then you start going,
Oh I hate washing,
I hate washing clothes,
I hate washing clothes.
And then the more you do that and then you look at the pile and you have been doing it for an hour and the pile has not gone down and oh god I hate doing this.
It makes the job harder.
But if you just focus on doing,
I am going to sit here,
I am going to wash these clothes,
Then putting the water on,
You are focused on that,
You are moving the brush up and down,
Rinsing the clothes and the more that you get involved in that,
You will see that the task goes quicker.
If you sit down to do a task and you say I hate this job,
Then already you have put that negative thought in your mind and you are going to hate that job.
But if you do a job that you dislike,
You do it in a mindful way,
You will enjoy it more and it will go a lot quicker.
So one way to be mindful is just to pick some certain daily tasks and do them mindfully.
Cooking I am just cooking,
My whole thoughts and that.
I am not cooking and stirring with one hand and my mind has gone off.
With mindfulness your mind and your body are together in the same place.
Now a lot of the time our bodies are here and we are sitting there and our minds have gone off.
You know maybe we are sitting in the home and it is raining outside and so our body is sitting inside and our mind is gone and is laying on a beach in Goa or something.
You know the mind and the body have become separate.
So with mindfulness your body and your mind are together,
Are present in the moment and are in balance.
When they get out of balance this is where we start putting pressure and tension on ourselves.
So with mindfulness your mind and your body are there.
If you are cooking your mind and your body is there cooking.
So that is one way of doing mindfulness.
Another way is just to do a breathing exercise that will keep bringing yourself back to mindfulness.
And particularly when you are feeling you know you have checked in with yourself and you are feeling a little emotional or your thoughts are a little bit negative.
So if we do a you know again a bit anxious if we do a calming breathing exercise.
So we just breathe in through our nose and as we are breathing in through the nose we count to five.
So we are breathing in one two three four five.
And then we hold the breath and one two three four five six.
And then we gently push all the air out through our mouth to the count of seven.
So we are breathing in through the nose to the count of five.
We are holding the breath inside for the count of six.
And then we breathe all the air out to the count of seven.
You do three of those breaths.
They are going to calm you down and they are going to bring you present into the moment.
They are going to bring your mind and your body back together in balance.
While we breathe in through the nose because through the nose we can take in lots of oxygen.
So as we are breathing in to the count of five we are filling our body up with a lot of oxygen.
While we are holding it for the count of sixes because that oxygen is in there.
While we are holding it we are giving the oxygen chance to circulate around our body.
This will make us calm and relaxed.
And then why we blow the air out through our mouth is because we can blow a lot more air out.
If we blow the air out through our nose we can't really empty the body of air.
So blowing out to the count of seven through your mouth means you are blowing out all the stale air that is inside of you.
So you are breathing fresh air in,
You hold it there,
Let it circulate and then you blow all the stale air out through your mouth.
So we are blowing more out than we are breathing in.
We are breathing in five but blowing out seven.
So this will bring you present in the moment and it will also make you calm.
So if you start to get anxious or angry or whatever you can do three of these calming breaths.
The five,
Six,
Seven breaths.
It will bring you calm,
It will bring you peace and it will bring you present back in the moment.
When we are present in the moment we can make good decisions.
When our mind is anxious and worrying about what has happened or you know just getting scared about what is going to happen then we get very tense.
So by doing this breathing exercise it brings you back present into the moment.
So it helps if you have any strong emotion or any anxiety or stress or whatever.
So this is another way and there is also a formal way of doing mindfulness and it is a mindfulness meditation where we just sit somewhere quiet,
Lightly close our eyes and then we just watch our breath coming in and going out.
And this is a formal practice so we can be doing this first thing in the morning,
Last thing in the evening just to get a formal practice of mindful meditation.
But that formal practice is only a little bit of your day.
The main part of your day,
This is where you have to keep bringing yourself back to mindfulness.
So you know if there is a task you do,
So say if you work in an office and you work on a computer screen,
So it is good to put a little sticker on the computer screen and says breathe.
So every time you look at the screen there is breathe and you say oh yeah and you do you just breathe.
It is bringing you back present in the moment.
So if you like you know you eat a lot of food and you spend a lot of the day going to the fridge then put a sticker on the fridge which says breathe.
So every time you go to open you breathe.
Whatever task you are doing a lot of,
Wherever you go you know maybe it is your phone,
Maybe your phone rings 15 times a day.
So instead of that annoying you,
Every time you hear the first ring you take a deep breath.
So the phone goes ring and you go.
You are back present in the moment,
Your mind and your body are in balance,
You answer the phone.
So instead of those 15 rings starting to annoy you,
Now they become part of your mindfulness practice.
So when we are being mindful it gives us a chance to respond to whatever is happening around us.
When we are not mindful we tend to blindly react and we react from past experiences.
So this person comes up,
This person you know always says horrible things to you and you always react by shouting back at them.
This is the process.
But when you are mindful this person comes up and says something horrible to you,
Because you are being mindful you can have a response,
You can decide I am not going to shout.
When we are not being mindful you don't have that opportunity to give a response,
You just blindly react because this is the way you have already reacted.
So you know when people shout and we are not being mindful we shout back at them and they shout back at us and we shout back at them and then actually because we get so angry and we lose control of ourselves we say things that we didn't want to say,
We didn't really mean.
So and afterwards we think oh no I wish I hadn't said that.
Because it is too late then because we have already said.
So what happened was that something happened,
Somebody made us angry,
We reacted and then after we reacted our awareness came in and then we regret that we said those words.
With mindfulness if we have been present in the moment something happens,
So say this person shouts at us,
We are being mindful so the awareness comes first.
So then because we are being mindful,
Because we are present in the moment we give ourselves this awareness first so we can choose then.
We can choose to shout back at him then we do and then we are off or we can choose to just I am not going to get into this argument.
So you are either just going to say I am not going to discuss this right now or you just say I am not talking about it and you walk away.
So then you respond,
So the awareness comes before the action so then there is no regret.
You haven't said anything,
You haven't done anything.
So you have something happen,
The awareness comes first then you respond.
If you are not being mindful something happens,
You react and then the awareness comes afterwards.
So the gap in between the response,
In between what happened and your response,
That gap there that is the mindfulness gap.
This is where we can do our critical thinking,
This is where we have choice,
This is where we can change.
I have always shouted at that person,
But when you are being mindful you don't have to shout at that person,
You can change,
But you can only change when you are being mindful,
When your mind and your body are in the same place and you are in the present moment.
So basically mindfulness means that we are in the present,
We are not living in the past or the future,
Our mind and body are in balance in the present moment.
We have to,
When we are present in the moment we become aware,
Acknowledge and accept our thoughts,
Our feelings and our emotions.
If we get angry or we get anxious or nervous we can do breathing exercises like the 5,
6,
7 breath which will bring us present in the moment which will stop us getting angry.
We can do mindfulness practice throughout the day that keeps bringing us back to mindfulness,
It keeps bringing us back to the present moment.
And we can do a formal mindfulness practice where we learn just how to sit and just how to watch our breath.
So the benefit of these are that when we are present in the moment we have no worries about what might have been or what is going to be,
We are present.
So whatever is happening now we are just dealing with that.
It's like maybe you are at work and then it's Friday and you are just leaving work and then the boss comes out and says,
Oh on Monday morning when you come in could you come and see me in the office?
And then the boss goes and then you are left the whole of Saturday and Sunday thinking,
What does the boss want to see me for?
Oh God what is he going to say?
Oh he is going to sack me?
Oh if he sacks me then I have got a mortgage,
How can I play for my house?
I will have no money,
I won't be able to feed,
I will have nothing.
Our mind goes like that,
Telling ourselves stories,
Becoming anxious because we are living in the future,
We are thinking what will happen?
We tell ourselves a story and then we believe it.
So the whole of the weekend we are getting more and more and more anxious and then on Monday morning when we go to the office the boss said,
Oh I just wanted to say to you,
You are doing a really good job,
You are a great employee.
From what you have done you have wasted a whole weekend about telling stories about how you are going to lose your job,
Lose your house,
Have no food,
Live on the street,
All these big stories you have told yourself.
So when we are present in the moment we just wait,
Whatever is happening now we will deal with what,
We will respond and deal with what is happening right at this moment.
On Monday morning when I go in you can say to yourself,
Okay,
Monday morning when I go into the office,
Whatever he said,
I will respond.
So if he says,
You know,
You are sacked,
I will respond to that then and not tell myself stories and ruin the whole weekend.
So mindfulness means that whatever you are doing,
You are doing it in a mindful way,
You are just responding to whatever is happening now.
You are not in the past,
You are not in the future,
You are not telling yourself stories.
Another benefit of being mindful is that we can catch our thoughts.
Our thoughts come and there are many thoughts that are useless,
That we just don't need to be thinking those.
So we can let them go.
Negative thoughts,
They can come,
We can let them go.
So we can only do that when we are being present in the moment.
When our thoughts are already about of the future and we are telling stories,
It is too late,
We are already wrapped up in that.
So when we are present,
We can see that,
Okay,
These are not good thoughts,
I don't need to be thinking these,
Let them go and then start thinking good thoughts.
So mindfulness helps you do that.
Mindfulness because it is about being present and not getting anxious about things that might have happened or did happen,
We are being present,
It means that it lowers your blood pressure.
It means that the blood circulates properly.
It means that you are less likely to have a heart attack and stroke.
It means you are not going to get stress.
I mean there are many medical benefits and there are also psychological benefits that you are probably not going to get depression,
You are not going to get anxiety,
You are going to get a better night's sleep,
You are going to be able to be compassionate with people because you are present in the moment.
So there are many many benefits from doing mindfulness.
So you have to try,
Pick a task each day,
Pick something,
Cooking,
Washing,
Whatever it is doing and do it mindfully and then slowly keep bringing yourself back to mindfulness by doing the breath.
You can every now and again sit down for a moment and just close your eyes and what am I thinking now,
What am I feeling now,
What are my emotions now,
That will bring you back into mindfulness,
Bring your mind and body back into balance.
Again you just accept whatever you are going through,
You acknowledge it,
You become aware of what is happening,
You don't judge it,
You just respond to it.
So these are the key things,
You check in with your thoughts,
Your feelings,
Your emotions,
You become aware of them,
You acknowledge them,
You accept them,
You do not judge them,
They are what they are and then you find a way to help yourself through them.
So this is mindfulness and this is how mindfulness can help you in your life,
Help you stay present,
Help your mind and body stay in balance and also help you to let go of any anxiety,
Tension,
Stress and any really destructive emotions like pride or jealousy or hatred or anger.
So mindfulness,
It works in that way.
Okay,
Thank you.
One thing I want to ask that when we go for travelling or we go train or bus or go some function,
Then all the people around us,
Then we try to become even mindfuller but then we still all this energy with these people,
All this blah blah,
Everything,
This comes with us,
Then we again,
So how we can be aware for that?
But I think that you have to be aware that these people are just talking and they are talking nonsense,
You know,
Or they are just gossiping or they are just having fun.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have fun,
It's not going to stop you having fun.
But you'll just be present that I'm having fun and I understand that at the moment we're having fun so I'm going to enjoy,
I'll do everything mindfully.
So it doesn't mean that we're going to block the world out.
I don't think.
.
.
No,
This does not mean sometimes people argue or they hassle you in travelling or they steal from you or cause some problem,
Then all these things going in your mind very deep,
Then this keeps coming to you,
This keeps coming to you,
So how you can avoid that?
Alright so after the incident is finished,
Then you keep going back.
Yeah I think you have to,
You know,
Say to yourself,
Bring yourself,
Your mind and your body back into my mind and just say to yourself that,
Okay that is the past,
I did what I did.
So if there's something to learn,
You know,
Okay they stole something out of my bag,
So then there's a lesson to learn,
Okay in future I'll keep my bag with me,
I'll hold my bag at all times.
So you learn the lesson from it.
Then you leave it,
It's finished.
You have to ask yourself,
What is the benefit then of keep going over it again and then again and then again and then again.
The other person has stolen something from you,
They've gone and if it's money,
They've already spent the money,
They're not worrying and you are just going over and over and over and over and over in your mind,
There is no benefit.
Even if you worried for three weeks without stopping about what happened,
It hasn't changed what happened.
So when you're present in the moment,
You can understand that,
That okay yeah,
I have this anger in me because somebody stole from me.
I'm aware that I'm holding this anger,
So I accept that at the moment I have this anger,
I acknowledge that point and so I now need to respond to that.
So what is the best way to respond to that?
Let it go.
Just understand,
Okay that has happened.
Is there a lesson to learn from it?
I'll learn the lesson from it and then I'll put it behind me and even if there's no lesson to learn from it,
Then you know it has happened.
Nothing is to be gained by keep looking in the past and looking in the past,
Why did that happen to me?
Why did they say that?
Don't they know who I am?
They should respect me.
All these things go over in our mind,
But it's not helping us.
So when we're present,
When we're being mindful,
It means that we can see that these thoughts are there.
It means that we can respond to these thoughts.
We can find ways of letting them go.
We can deal with them by just saying,
Okay this has happened,
I will be more careful in the past and when I travel on the bus next,
I'll keep my bag with me and I'll make sure I sit in a certain seat.
I won't sit at the back or things like this that are lessons that we can learn.
You've responded to the situation,
Now you leave it and you start moving on.
It's when we're living in the past and in the future that is going to cause you lots of anxiety.
Keep re-running that story about what happened.
It's absolutely no benefit.
You'll totally disturb your mind and not only disturb your mind in that moment,
All throughout the day.
Everything you do,
Your mind will be disturbed.
So mindfulness will give you the chance to look back,
See why have I got this anger,
How can I learn from it,
How can I respond to it,
Let it go,
Move on.
So we can do this when we bring ourselves back into the present moment.
You can see your thoughts,
You can see your emotions,
You can see your feelings.
If you just blindly run with them,
Weeks and weeks later you'll still be going over in your mind,
Why did they do that,
Why,
Why,
Why,
Why.
Also another example,
Like some people are always arguing with you,
They're fighting and they're always around to you and you have to always deal with them.
There is no choice that you can't avoid them.
So how can you try to be with them?
But it's how you respond to that,
Isn't it?
That's what I was saying about the difference between reacting and responding.
Okay,
You cannot change them,
I totally agree with that.
These people come and they're always arguing around you and they're always causing negative feelings around you.
So it's up to you to respond to that.
So you don't have to join in with their argument,
One.
If you're being mindful you can see,
Okay,
They're starting to make me a little bit angry as well.
So then I'll just breathe it out and I won't respond in a negative way to them.
You have a choice when you're being mindful.
You don't have to follow that argument.
These people come in all the time and doing this.
You've got yourself into a routine.
They come,
They do that,
You react like that,
They do that,
You react again,
They react,
You react.
Nothing gets solved.
Sooner or later one of you has to stop reacting and start responding.
So mindfulness will give you the chance to respond,
To think,
I'm not going to get involved in that.
So it's your mind,
It's your thoughts,
It's your emotions,
It's your feelings.
You are the one that have control over them.
If you shout back then okay,
That's your choice.
But if you decide that,
You know,
I'm being mindful and I'm not going to respond in that way,
I'm just going to sit quietly and then I'm just going to just breathe and then just sit back and let them and they're not going to get me angry.
So it's how you respond.
It's nothing to do.
They will do what they're going to do and there's nothing you can do about that.
But how you respond to what they're doing,
That's the key.
That's the most important thing.
You don't have control over what they're going to say and do.
You have control over what you are going to say and what you are going to do.
And when you're present in the moment,
You can catch whatever negative emotion and whatever harsh words are going to come up and you can catch them.
In your awareness and you can decide I'm not going to respond in that way.
Okay,
Some like the Indian houses,
People living in joint family,
Like 20 people live together.
Then you can't avoid them.
You can't just not be with them.
You have to do everything like you have to cook or live together,
Stay and sometime one or two people will be always arguing or always,
Every day fighting or something.
But you can't avoid,
You can't live separate.
No choice.
So how you can be mindful of that situation.
But you can because you can respond to that in a positive way.
Yeah,
But still they're not happy.
No they're not happy but your mindfulness is not necessarily going to make them happy.
You know,
This is about you being mindful.
They have a choice themselves.
You have a choice.
They're choosing to argue all the time.
You have a choice.
It doesn't mean that when you're being mindful,
Everybody around you is going to be happy.
It's not like that.
Life is not like that.
You know,
Sometimes when we're mindful,
We're mindful that I'm feeling sad.
But then we become aware of it,
Acknowledge it and accept it and then respond to it.
We don't judge it.
So you know,
They are going to do what they're going to do and we can't change people.
But you can change yourself and you can decide what is the best way for me to respond to this.
And at first it's very,
Very difficult.
I understand that.
But the more that you make it a habit,
The easier it becomes.
The more that you start responding and the less you start reacting,
Then the easier it becomes.
Then the reactions you used to have,
They will drop off and your responses will become your new habits.
So it's not about changing them.
It's about you.
It's about your thoughts,
Your feelings,
Your emotions and your responses.
So life is not always happy and if we're present in the moment,
It doesn't mean life is going to be happy.
We can be present in a really dark and sad moment.
But we acknowledge it.
Okay,
I know that I'm in this moment.
I'm aware of it.
I acknowledge and I accept it.
And I'm not going to judge myself for being in this moment.
I'm just going to find a way of responding to this moment.
So it's about you.
It's not about them.
It's about the way you respond to them.
