Be Careful Of Who & What You Make Your Higher Power

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

So today we're going to be talking about higher power and we'll be questioning this idea of a higher power.

And the reason I wanted to dive into this topic is because I don't think that people are as aware as they could or should be about this idea of a higher power.

When I was recovering from codependency,

And I'm still recovering from codependency,

You know,

Codependency is subconscious,

Basically subconscious programs that have been downloaded into the subconscious mind and are downloaded when children are in theta brainwave states,

Which is before the age of seven.

And they're basically being hypnotized by what's happening outside of them,

Absorbing all the norms and the rules of a family that may or may not be functional or maybe very dysfunctional.

It's not the fault of the child that they're absorbing.

That's what the subconscious mind does.

The subconscious mind says,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

And so I realized that I was codependent and I needed to fix my life.

And in the fixing of my life,

I realized that being codependent meant that I had many higher powers.

I was controlled by many things outside of me and everything outside of me.

I was externally focused.

I was not internally grounded.

I did not know I had a self.

I did not know I had a younger self,

A personality self,

An emotional self,

A vibrational self.

The thoughts that were running through my head,

I thought were me.

And what a surprise it was to recognize I was not my thoughts.

It was even a larger surprise when I realized that I was not my feelings,

That my thoughts and my feelings were,

I was able to observe both of them,

That the self that I was,

Was I was not either my emotions nor my thoughts.

These were experiences.

And as the observer,

I could witness these experiences that I was having.

And that was quite amazing and mind boggling and a little topsy turvy because then I was like,

Well,

Who am I?

If I'm not this thought and I'm not these feelings,

Well,

Who am I?

It was quite mind bending to hold on to myself and recognize that I was not these thoughts.

And then I realized,

Well,

Then what's happening?

And I came to understand that I was codependent,

Which meant that my relationship,

My relationship with my spouse,

My marriage,

My relationships with my parents,

With my siblings,

With my in-laws,

With my children,

With my friends,

They were all higher than I was.

That I placed these relationships above any relationship with myself,

That I did not have,

In fact,

Any relationship with myself.

There was no bridge,

I should say the bridge that should have connected my conscious mind to my inner self was blown up.

It had disintegrated,

It had dissolved,

Or perhaps it had never been created in the first place.

What I was beginning to understand was I was not connected to the self and that thoughts in my head were taking over and unconsciously or through the subconscious programming that I experienced,

I was thinking that my relationships were supposed to be the most important thing in my life.

And that's what you do when you're unconscious,

You kind of like focus on what's happening outside of you.

You're ego based,

Which is normal.

Every person has an ego.

And when you're unawakened,

You live your life through ego.

You are reactive when someone cuts you off on the highway.

You react when the barista is nasty to you.

You react when your best friend doesn't invite you to a cocktail party.

You react when your spouse doesn't feel like talking and you take it personally.

You react when you think your neighbor should be more grateful for the macaroons that you dropped off two years ago.

You react to what's happening outside of you in the political world to the point where you can't sleep.

All of these things are controlling you and you think it's real.

You think that these things really are the reason that you're angry,

The reason that you can't sleep.

And that's not the case at all.

But that's the illusion that you believe in.

What's true is that you're attached.

Your ego is control.

You're not awakened and you have not learned how to turn on the observer within you.

And as you learn to turn on the observer within you,

You begin to see things to what they really are.

You begin to recognize how your ego is functioning through some type of defense mechanism.

It's in resistance to something that's happening outside of you.

You're subconscious.

You've been brainwashed to think that you need approval.

So you seek approval.

And when you don't get it,

You're ticked off.

You're asleep and you're brainwashed to believe that you're not enough.

And so you try to be enough.

You try to be thin enough.

You try to be pretty enough.

You try to be perfect.

And whatever you receive from the outside world,

It's never enough to make you feel good enough because you actually don't feel good enough.

And so you believe that this ego reality is the true reality,

The ultimate reality until you awaken.

And that's when your world begins to shift.

That's when you begin to understand that you have made someone or something outside of you,

Your higher power.

When you have an eating disorder,

What is your higher power?

The higher power,

Some people might say,

Well,

It's the fear.

The fear of what?

The fear of gaining weight.

Well,

Is it the fear of gaining weight that's the problem?

Or is it the fear associated with the fear of gaining weight,

Which is much deeper,

Which is no one will love me if I gain weight or I'm not good enough if I gain weight.

And if we dig deeper,

Why would someone's mind have that running around in it?

Why would someone be bulimic or anorexic or ruminate about their weight and feel not good enough?

Why would that be?

Why would someone make a scale or a number,

Their higher God?

Why would that happen?

And if we keep digging and keep digging,

It's because somewhere back in this person's childhood,

They learned that they were not good enough.

And that was a very deep fear.

And it hurt,

Really hurt bad.

And it's a pain you never want to feel.

And so the brain has to conjure up a reason for why you feel so unloved and not good enough.

And if you've come from a home where mom was obsessed about her weight or dad sexualized women or made comments about women,

Or if your friends were bulimic or a boyfriend made a comment about the size of your thighs,

You will associate negativity with weight and you will presume that what's good is that you stay a certain weight and this will run your life.

So this idea that you're not good enough as you are is really the problem.

And the wanting to control that fear,

The wanting to control people not abandoning you is really what's going on.

And so the fear of being abandoned,

Right,

Is really the higher power in this situation.

The fear.

And what happens when you confront a fear?

In most cases,

It dissolves,

Right?

The exact thing that we're afraid of,

We've got to look at square in the nose and say,

You don't get to control me anymore.

I'm not afraid of that scale.

And I'm not afraid of being myself.

And I don't mind my thighs the way they are.

You know,

Genetically,

There's just so much we can do also when it comes to weight,

For instance.

I'm going to accept myself the way I am.

And if I want to eat better,

Because then I'll have a healthier heart and live longer,

Then I'll eat better for that reason.

But I'm not going to eat better because I'm afraid you will abandon me or society will say you aren't good enough.

No,

I'm not doing that anymore.

And so when we make something outside of us our higher power,

We're always going to lose,

Whether it's a relationship,

Whether it is a career,

Whether it is a,

Let's say,

An award of subtype,

You could be an actress and want to win the Academy Award.

And so the Academy Award becomes the higher power,

Or you're a member of a congregation and being chosen by the pastor to do something is your higher power.

Or like I said earlier,

You know,

A specific weight that you want to weigh is your higher power or gaining validation from your mother or father is the higher power.

This idea that you're making something outside of you,

Your higher power is what I'm wishing to convey.

When we think about alcoholism,

What is the higher power?

The higher power is the alcohol.

We've made alcohol a higher power.

If we're addicted to drugs,

We've made the addiction.

We've made the drug our higher power.

And when we are in relationships,

We can and we suffer from codependency,

For instance,

We make the other person our higher power.

Our goal becomes to ensure that this relationship never ends.

And so we act in codependent ways.

We rescue,

We enable,

We get gaslighted.

We don't say anything.

We don't set boundaries.

We sweep everything under the rug.

We use backwards rationalization to justify why this person is ghosting us or why this person is projecting or being mean or cheating on us.

And so this person,

This experience has become a higher power.

So what I would like everyone to do is to understand that you are your own higher power,

That within you,

You are an extension of infinite intelligence.

And if that is a term that kind of bugs you out a little bit,

Just think about this idea of source,

Whatever the source was that created all that is created you.

And so when you look around at beautiful hummingbirds and you look at peacocks and you look at trees and you look at the sun and you think about the earth and you think about waterfalls,

I mean,

The same creator,

The same source that created all of those beautiful,

Delicious things created you.

You are a creation of source,

Right?

We needed a mothership to get here.

We needed a physical way to get here.

Thank you,

Mom,

And thank you,

Dad.

So we're here.

But the ability for a male and a sperm and an egg to come together and when two cells become one cell,

You know,

That's not our mother and father,

Where they are part of the creation process.

But the process itself was created by a creator of some type.

At least that's my belief.

You know,

Life is just too fantasmical,

In my opinion,

Anyway,

To believe that there isn't some grand designer that,

You know,

Because there was a moment before the Big Bang,

Right?

It was the moment before the Big Bang.

So there was time before there was the Big Bang.

And so if there was time,

You know,

It just may have been some type of creative force that made this Big Bang happen.

But this idea that I want to try to convey is that you are your own higher power and that when you have corrupt programming,

When your subconscious mind is corrupt,

You have everything that is magnificent that you could be tapping into is not being used for the right purpose.

So rather than focus on what you do want,

You focus on what you don't want,

Rather than believe that you are enough.

You believe that you need other people's validation in order to feel enough.

And that just isn't true.

Well,

It is until you awaken.

Right.

So as long as I believe that I need your validation to feel good enough,

I'm going to seek your validation.

Do I need your validation?

No.

But if I think I do,

Then you are my higher power.

And this is the way the codependent narcissistic relationship dynamic unfolds as well.

So a narcissist wants you to make them your higher power.

And the way they do it is by convincing you that they think you're awesome.

So they kind of it's a switcheroo.

They try to they sort of make it seem like you are their everything and you are their higher power.

But they do it because what they're trying to do is get you to attach to them while they never attach to you.

It's about creating a dependency.

It's about exploiting your need to experience validation from the external world.

And a narcissist wants you to make them your higher power.

It gives them complete,

Complete control over you.

So moving forward,

What you really want to do is you want to investigate and you want to ask yourself,

What do I make my higher power and how can I better take back my personal power?

How can I empower myself?

How can I be more self-reliant,

More self-sufficient?

You know,

And it also works when people have a scarcity mindset,

For instance,

And they have been downloaded and brainwashed to think they can't.

And when you believe that you can't,

You don't.

I mean,

It's just it's like subconscious,

You know,

Mind control 101.

So teach someone they can't,

Then they don't.

And then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because they never will.

And when they look at their reality and they think,

Well,

I don't have,

They don't realize it's because they've been programmed to think that they can't.

They don't realize that when you think you can't,

You never do.

You don't take actions in the 3D world to manifest the life experience you actually want.

And so making sure that you are recognizing even the ways in which you make ideas like that,

Your higher power,

Like,

Can't do that.

Oh,

I'm not good enough.

This is all a bunch of nonsense.

It's all part of the dualistic nature of reality.

You know that there is both good and bad on planet Earth.

And we are both healthy thinkers and unhealthy thinkers.

We are both logical and illogical at the same time.

And so you can do anything that you want and you can if you set your mind to it and you have to act on it.

But if you stay on the path and make yourself your own higher power,

You will develop self-confidence because you will discover that you are competent.

And if you fail once,

You get up and you try again and you try again and you try again and you keep going.

This builds character.

And then one day you prove to yourself that you can and then your competence and your confidence grows.

And that's when you begin to realize,

Oh,

This is the reason I had these challenges.

It was to experience myself this way.

It was to realize that within me is the power.

I can be my own higher power.

I don't need external experiences to justify and validate myself.

I am enough.

So I hope this has helped you.

I hope this has intrigued you.

I hope it's caused you to dig a little bit deeper and to ask yourself,

Who and what do you make your higher power?

Thank you so much.