Loving Kindness: A Meditative Practice & A Way Of Life

58:54

58:54

Loving Kindness: A Meditative Practice & A Way Of Life

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

2

Loving kindness is a quality of heart and mind that we can directly cultivate through meditative practices. These practices awaken us to our true nature and a way of life available to us at any time. This session provides guided meditations, teachings, and stories to reconnect to this source. Please note the session was recorded live and may contain some background noise.

Loving Kindness Meditation Self Compassion Breath Awareness Gratitude Visualization Compassion Brahma Viharas Mindfulness Interconnectedness Gratitude Practice Loving Kindness Meditation Visualization Technique Mindfulness Of Emotions

Meet your Teacher

Washington, DC, USA

Meet your Teacher

Washington, DC, USA

Transcript

And just recognizing too, This meditation, This evening, These practices are something that you're doing for yourself. This gift to yourself for these moments that we're together. Arriving to this place fully just allowing yourself to drop whatever it is that you're bringing in here with you. And in that openness, You can feel the breath as it gently arises and passes away. Just become the witness for the breath. This natural life-giving cycle. That occurs throughout the day. The body breathing itself. And just for a moment, Being aware of the waves of the breath, Coming to shore of these waves and then the receding. All happening in a natural, Organic way. The breath bringing life to the body. Noticing the movement of the breath inside the body, Rising, Falling of the chest. The natural expansion of the body with the in-breath. And then the release, The relaxation with each out breath. For this practice now will bring to mind someone you know who has always affirmed who you are. Who has always supported you or encouraged you, Someone maybe from the deep past or from the present who has helped you in some way, Could be a mentor. Relative, A grandparent, Or a teacher. So just a person who has believed in you and seen something in you that others maybe didn't. So just bring this person to mind for a moment. You can visualize who they are. And for a moment, You can sense the affirmation. That you feel just being in their presence. And silently you can direct these phrases to them. May you be well. May you be at ease. May you be free from inner and outer harm. May you be happy. May you know deep peace. For a moment, You can just feel that person receiving these phrases from you. Can feel their gratitude. And this mutual exchange of affection, Of caring. And you can just rest here for a moment. I'm calling to mind now someone who you don't know that well. You could be someone you just passed in the street today coming here or a neighbor you rarely see. Someone you pass in a store. So just bring one such person to mind. Just imagine them, Even if you don't see them clearly. And bringing them into your presence, Just silently direct these phrases to that person. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be at ease. May you be free from inner and outer harm. May you know deep peace. For a moment, You can just feel that person receive those phrases from you. Just sense what it's like when those phrases land and sense how they change things. And we'll just rest here for a moment. And calling to mind a person who you feel some discomfort around and don't select anyone who has done you true harm, But maybe someone with whom there's some tension or difficulty in connecting. And just bring that person to mind, Seeing who it is. And into that space where you sense that there's some tension. Or lack of connection, You can. Direct these phrases. May you be well. May you be at ease. May you be free from inner and outer harm. May you be happy. May you know deep peace. And for a moment, Just feel that person receiving these phrases from you. And just sense how they might open up some space. Or change what's your feeling as you're present to this person. And we'll just pause here as well for a moment. And now. . . Bringing to mind yourself. And this is often the hardest part of the practice, Is taking a moment to direct these same phrases to yourself. See if you can receive them with the same kindness and the same receptivity and the same affection that you offer them to others. The Buddha said that you can search the entire world for someone who is more deserving of love and care than yourself, And you will not find that person. So now directing these phrases to yourself, May you be well. May you be at ease. May you be free from inner and outer harm. May you be happy. May you know deep peace. And for a moment, See if you can feel those phrases land. See how they change things for you. See how they open the heart. Calling to mind now someone who naturally radiates love. So it could be a person such as the Dalai Lama or Mother Teresa or the Buddha. Mother Mary, Jesus, Or maybe some simple, Humble person you know from your own life who just radiates love. And just imagine yourself in their presence. Just picture yourself. In front of them, Feel the love that surrounds them and just allow that to encircle you. And just allow it to wash over you. You can just feel that energy, That glow. And allow yourself to just be receptive and open to what's here. Is it possible to communicate with that love without any words or phrases, Just feeling your heart open? Just communicating back and forth. Every time you draw in a breath feeling that love. The way it has a capacity to fill you. And we'll just pause here for a moment. And sense whether you can experience that love or that connection simply in stillness. And in any moment we pause. That there opens a stillness where all things naturally rest. Nothing is happening. There's no conflict. That's simply quiet. There's nothing to say or do. Or try to be. Space, It's deep and it's quiet. And it just has this grounding in love. Sense that everything else is made of that, The molecules, The galaxies. It's inside of everything. It's the experience of life. Not as some opinion your mind has, But as just this clear and open, Non-judgmental awareness of life itself. Unconditionality of awareness is just here, Present. Without any demand. Or the inherent okayness of all experiences. We'll just rest for a few minutes in this okayness. If some other space has opened up for you in this meditation. You feel free to rest there. And after which I'll call you back. In a few minutes, I'll call us back. But before I do, I just invite you to see if you can relax just a little bit more into this quiet awake presence. And now in your own time, You can come gently back. As you're ready, You can open your eyes. You can welcome the whole visual field back in. You might wiggle your toes. They say that there are 84, 000 Dharma doors or ways into the Dharma. Ways to access this path to awakening. We won't cover them all tonight. We'll just, We'll focus on one. Which is part of the affective side of meditation. You know, I think of meditation as just kind of a jewel, And there are different facets, And there are different ways in which basically you're becoming intimate with life, With experience, In a different way, In a deeper way. And it's so rich, You know, There are just many ways to do that, Right? There are many ways to access that. And one of them is more through this affective side of the person and through what are normally called the brahma viharas, Which just simply means the divine abodes. The hara is a place. Brahma is the infinite. So it's the places, These dwelling places of the infinite, The divine, The boundless qualities of mind, Sometimes they're called. And traditionally, They are compassion, Equanimity, Appreciative joy, And finally, The Pali word metta, I mean, TTA, Which is often translated as loving kindness. But it's also a very good translation as just friendliness, Friendliness, Instead of loving kindness. And like in the meditation, We work with these very simple phrases, The may you be well, May you be happy, And so forth, That are the traditional cues or ways that you can try to touch into these qualities of metta, Or loving kindness, Or friendliness. Recently, I tried this experiment. I ride my bike to work once a week into the city. And as you get into the city, In particular, There's a lot of foot traffic, There's a lot of other bicycles and scooters and so forth. And so I'm always very alert, Trying to check out other people, Try to figure out what's going on. And so I noticed that then usually my attitude towards each of these persons is like with a lot of caution. You don't want them to run in front of me. I don't want to run over them. So I was actually preparing this talk last week and I thought, Well, What if I actually tried instead of just offering them all metta, Or loving kindness, Each one, As I'm coming up to them. So the good news is I didn't hit anybody, So everything went well. There was no lack of attention to what was going on. But it really changed for me your attitude towards people who are all complete strangers, Force. And as you see somebody, Instead of thinking of them as, Like, Well, I have to be cautious of this person, And you think like, Oh, There's another person I can actually extend you know, This friendliness to like, May you be happy, You, You over there, You know, May you be happy. Sometimes for me, I just also shorten the phrases. I can just use one word like happy or ease to another person. So it really does change the whole perception of how another person is. These are all strangers, Of course. And two, You may have this experience of where you see strangers anywhere, Whether it's on the metro or in a store or any place else, You know, The natural inclination of the mind and the hypervigilant brain is to always first look to kind of check them out to make sure they're okay, Like you're okay. Kind of just like a little, Just a gentle little scan for danger. It's like, Are we okay here? Like we, You know, Okay. And then maybe even once they pass that screen, Then the mind is quite not quite sure what to do with a stranger. So you just kind of check out other things like, Oh, Like, What are they wearing? You know, Like, Oh, They look like a happy person, Or maybe not so happy person, Like, I like to be their friend, Or maybe not, You know, In the mind. So, So more often, Too, I just tried this with any place I am that with a stranger, Just like, Instead of like, Checking them out, In this kind of, Just nonsensical way, Just like extend a little kindness, Like, I don't know you, But, You know, A little kindness to you, To you too, And you too, Back over there too, You know, I'm gonna get you some kindness too. And it really just changes the quality of the experience, Right? Um. . . And I think often the mind is just confused about what to do with other people. You see another person you don't know, And you're just confused, Like what to do with this person, Right? You know, You're not going to talk to them, You're not going to be their friend. So it's like, Well, What do you do with another person that you encounter? And so this provides an answer just for complete strangers. And I think for me, One thing is that then it also can change the quality of your encounter with the world in general, Or answer this fundamental question of, Is the world a friendly place? Is the world a friendly place when you're walking through the world? I mean, For me, Often it's not. It's just a neutral place where sometimes I'm walking around worrying about things. But can you actually get out on the street and feel like, Oh, This world I'm in is actually a friendly place? So the half of the battle, I think, Is first recognizing these patterns of mind, These defaults, Which are just really hardwired inside of us, About how we kind of walk through our lives and encounter other people. Joseph Goldstein famously said, If you want to understand the mind, Well, Sit down and first observe the mind. Observe what it's doing all day long. You know, Observe it. That's the first step. And then the other half is, Well, When you open up a little bit of space, Discover, Really, What happens naturally when you release from all those preconceptions. Is there just a sense of wellness that naturally arises when you just drop that? Is there a characteristic of the space itself which just has a certain ease and friendliness? The Insight Meditation Society in Massachusetts, Which is sometimes considered the mothership of this type of meditation, Of Vipassana Insight Meditation, That was formed 50 years ago, Almost by chance, By these three people coming back from Asia, Where they had studied meditation, Joseph Goldstein, And Jack Kornfield, And Sharon Salzberg. So they were doing, They called it, They would get invited someplace, Often they got like a Boy Scout camp, And they would get everybody together there for a few days, Very rugged conditions for a meditation retreat. And then it started occurring, Like, Maybe we could get a place, We could get a place, You know. And so they found this old Catholic seminary in Barrie, Which is just way out in the middle of Massachusetts in the woods. And they decided to buy it. And they decided once they bought it, They were going to put a sign over the door. And the sign over the door says Metta, M-E-T-T-I, Loving Kindness, Which I love because it's sort of like their brand. Like, What's on offer at this place? You know, You're driving down the street, Like, What's on offer? It's like, Oh, Oh, They got some, They got loving kindness. Oh, Cool. And so 50 years, The sign is still there. If you go visit Insight Meditation Society, The sign is still there. So what is this thing exactly? This thing, This loving kindness thing? I mean, It really is an intention that we express, This intention for others, These well wishes that we extend to others. That It's also a release from all of the other ways, The distracted ways that the mind can encounter the world. And this counterweight to this negativity bias, Which just so often is the default for the mind, Which is, As we've talked about, I think, Many times, It's nobody's fault. It's our evolutionary inheritance. Since we were out on the savanna trying not to be eaten, Like that was our big thing every day. Wake up. What's the job for today? Not to be eaten by any predators and try to find something to eat. That was job one and job two every day. So you can imagine that that brain developed this hypervigilance, This sense of constant being, Looking out for danger, Which is completely overdeveloped for today's world, Right? But it's still here. So understanding, Well, You can recognize it, But it doesn't do you much good to recognizing it. Unless you know that there's something else, Right? That there's something else for the mind. There's an ancient Cherokee parable of the two wolves it's called. So an elder is talking to a young child and explains that inside every person, There are two wolves that are battling constantly. That there is one wolf, Which represents anger and greed and hatred. And then there's another wolf that represents love and empathy and joy. And the child asks, Well, Which wolf is going to win the battle? And the answer from the elder is, It's the one that you feed. It's the one that you feed. So tonight we're going to spend a little time feeding the good wolf. We're going to be feeding the good wolf tonight. We're going to do that with some concepts and some teachings and also with some stories. With some metastories. The first one I'd like to offer her is actually one from my own family that happened recently. Last month, My niece got married in North Carolina. And the whole extended family, It was a big way, The whole extended family came and the patriarch of the family is her 99-year-old grandfather. So no question he had to be there, Of course, To give his blessing over this latest wedding in the family. And another detail, He is my wife's father and he also happens to live with us in our house. So we drove him to the wedding to North Carolina and we got a hotel room, A suite. He had one room and a bathroom. One room in a bathroom, With a common room in between the two bathrooms. And got him settled, Everything was fine, We went to bed. And about two in the morning, My wife gets up just to check on him and goes in and he's gone. Is gone. So she yells to me. I jump out of bed. We both go racing down the hall together, And we see at the very far end of this hallway, There's one of those luggage trolleys. He's sitting on the luggage trolley, And sitting in front of him is a young man, And they're talking. So my wife leads him back to our room and I sit with this guy and say, Oh, I left out one detail, Which is as we're racing down the hallway and my father-in-law catches sight of us, He shouts, Hey, What are you doing up? To which we respond, We're looking for you. All right, So I sit down with this guy and I say, Could you explain what's going on here? And so this is what we pieced together about midnight. My father-in-law gets up, Leaves the room, Goes down in the elevator, Walks all the way to the reception desk of the hotel. No one is there. He's in his pajamas and his stocking feet. He has no key card. He goes outside. It's about 40 degrees. He goes outside and he wanders around and he sees there's a pool and there's a fire pit and there are a bunch of people seated around the fire pit. And one of those people asked him, Can we help you? And he says, I'm looking for the bathroom. So one of them leads back inside, Shows him the bathroom, Comes back out, Joins their friends. A while later, Another one of them goes in to use the bathroom, That's by the reception, And he's still there and says, Where's your room? Let me take you back to your room. And he says, I don't know where my room is. So this young man goes up and for about an hour walks all of the halls of the hotel with him, Asking him if he recognizes the room. Of course, He doesn't recognize his room. So then this young man explains to me that he just sat down with my father-in-law and said that he figured he would talk to him. And he would talk to him until morning, If needed, And somebody would presumably come to look for him. So as you can imagine, I express astonishment and also enormous gratitude. And I keep saying to him, We are so happy that you were there because who knows what could have happened to this guy. And he keeps responding, It's nothing, It's nothing. He's really interesting. He's a really interesting guy. He studied economics in college, Which he did, And I'm studying economics now. My father-in-law studied economics. After World War II on the GI Bill, Okay, So some things might have changed since then. And he said he went to law school, Which he did, And I'm thinking about going to law school. He's a great guy, He said. He said, Still, Still, I mean, This is really quite extraordinary what you did. He said, It's nothing. I'm sure any one of you would have done it for anybody else. So I think that there's this enormous attraction to goodness when we see it, That it just has a resonance within us, A sense that this is true. This is true. And that there's something inside of us that just wants to say yes to goodness with all of our heart. And we want to affirm that it's true. And when we see it like that, Our heart of leaps, You know. Um. . . Early on, I became an avid follower of the Monks Walk for Peace. I'm sure a lot of you, Or most of you, I know a lot of you went down to see them when they came into D. C. And I was just so interested about them and this whole phenomena, You know, Them walking from Texas to D. C. Without any sense of, You know, Exactly what would happen along the way, But this incredible outpouring of support And you know the I can imagine the vast majority of people lying these streets had never seen a monk Didn't know anything about Buddhism But they were just simply inspired like they were drawn by this just simple message of peace and this notion that people could sacrifice so much of themselves in order just to simply extend this message to others and that it was just compelling. All the people, Hundreds of people lining up in these small towns to offer them flowers as they passed. I saw this for one woman who had driven a hundred miles to see them and explained, Well recently I lost my father and there's been a lot of turmoil in my life right now. So all I wanted to do is see them in person. And as they passed, One of them handed her a peace bracelet. And after that, She had trouble talking, Saying only, It's very emotional. That's really all I can say. So this attraction of goodness. So for ourselves, It's really just a matter of attitude. It's not about trying to make things better or forcing some emotion to arise within us. That really just gets it out of balance. But it's just a sort of a curiosity and a gratitude and an interest in this practice. And just to see what happens when you just drop one of these phrases, May you be well. And may you be happy. And just kind of check out what happens or a meta story or an image or just a word and just see the way that it can kind of light things up within our hearts and within our minds. Or you might just think of, Can we just dedicate ourselves to intentionally noticing goodness and hanging out there? Maybe that's a better way of expressing metta practice. Intentionally noticing goodness and just hanging out. And whenever I do it myself, The first thing I think is, Why don't I do this more often? This is really good. Why didn't I think of this before? This is actually really good. I do confess that the first time I was exposed to this practice, I actually had no attraction to it, Whatever, Because I initially came to meditation because I really wanted to clean up my mind and clear some space. And I learned these techniques that we've all learned, To try to quiet the mind and focus on the breath or body sensations. And I found actually a lot of relief from the churning mind. So I remember actually asking a teacher once, Pointedly, Well, You know, You're always you're always saying that everything is just okay just as it is But then you're telling me I have to kind of generate all these feelings and like I'm just not get if everything is actually okay Just as it is like do it. Why do I have to try to change anything about it? But it's, I think the difference is, The thing that I realized was that it's, This is the way things are. You know, That this goodness, Or this sense of friendliness to all beings is just the fabric of life. And then if we can just, These practices are just, We touch it, We touch it briefly, And then you feel it, You remind yourself, Like, That's it. Right, That's what is part of all experience. And like with a lot of meditation practice, One very helpful instruction is not to press too hard. It's just let it drop. Just that touch, And just see what happens. And it may be very quiet, It may be big, Right? In the same way that mindfulness, As you're learning mindfulness, I think, You know, We can really focus hard on trying to be mindful, Where I think as your practice develops, You realize it just takes, It takes actually very little effort. It just takes a little bit of effort. There's one teacher who describes it as when you're just like right up against the wall, And you're just leaning slightly against the wall, Just a little bit of pressure against the wall. It's that much effort. To develop mindfulness, But also in touching into these qualities of heart and mind. Story number two. The tragic attack on the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh left 11 people dead and nine seriously injured. The day after the attack, The Muslim community in Pittsburgh banded together to offer aid. And they quickly shattered their original fundraising goals. They offer to stand guard outside of any synagogue in Pittsburgh to protect the congregation during services, Or do anything else that they might need. And the director of the Muslim Center in Pittsburgh commented, The core of all of us is that we have a shared humanity. And he explained, We really just wanted to reach out as human beings to help. And their fund went on to cover funeral expenses for everyone who died and many medical expenses for others. And the year after, When a white supremacist attacked worshippers in a mosque in New Zealand, The Tree of Life congregants banded together to raise money that they sent to New Zealand. The teacher Sylvia Forstein often says this, Life can be so hard. How can we be anything but kind to one another? Life can be so hard. How can we be anything but kind to one another? So it's a practice, Right? It's an invitation. Do we want to hang out with the good? And these little practices are just reminders or prompts to lead us back, To lead us home. Like I say often for me, I just use a word, Ease or peace. And we know from neuroscience that the brain is plastic and that it basically feeds off whatever you're giving it today. So the more you feed it, Just like the wolf, You feed it this goodness, Then the more it naturally returns there. The Buddha had an expression which was, Good in the beginning, Good in the middle, Good in the end. He was referring to all of the Dharma. Applies equally here. And so what did he mean by that? He meant that, Well, When you first, You first come into your mind, Whatever this practice is, We're going to use this one, Loving kindness. Whenever it first like pops into your mind, Oh, Like loving kindness. That's good. It feels good. When you actually practice it, It feels good. And then when it's over, And you think about having done that, It feels good. So good at the beginning, Good in the middle, Good at the end. So why is that? And I think it essentially is because this is not something foreign. This is the nature of who we are, The experience of goodness as a part of the fabric of life, Which our churning minds can easily cover over, But it just takes a very simple prompt or a gentle nudge to bring us back. One more story. This last story is a true story from the writer Bernard Hare, English writer. It recounts a time when he was broke and living as a student in London. And this is his story. The police called at my student hovel in the early evening, But I didn't answer as I thought they would come to evict me. I hadn't paid my rent for a couple months. But then I got to thinking that my mom hadn't been feeling so good. And what if something was wrong with her? And that's why the police were coming for me. We had no phone and mobile phones hadn't been invented yet. So I went down to the phone box and ran home to Leeds and learned that my mother was in the hospital and not expected to survive the night. Get home, Son, My father said. I got to the railway station to learn that I'd missed the last train to Leeds. A train was going as far as Peterborough, But I would miss the connecting train to Leeds by 20 minutes. I bought a ticket anyway to Peterborough and got on. I was a struggling student, Didn't have enough money for a taxi the whole way, But I had a screwdriver in my pocket and a bunch of skeleton keys. I was so desperate to get back to my mom, I planned to nick a car in Peterborough or hitchhike or steal some money or something. I knew from my dad's voice that she might die. Tickets, Please. I heard I fumbled in my pocket for the ticket, Gave it to the conductor. He stamped it and then took a look at me. I'd been crying. My eyes were red. You OK? He asked. Of course, I'm OK. Why wouldn't I be? And what's it got to do with you in any case? You look awful, He said. Anything I can do? Get lost and mind your own business, I said. That'd be a big help. I wasn't in the mood for talking. And he was only a little bloke. He must have read some danger and signals in my body and my tone of voice, But he sat down anyway next to me. If there's a problem, Then maybe I can help. I was a big bloke in my prime, So I thought for a second about physically setting him on his way, But somehow it didn't seem right. I was a cauldron of emotion, And he was in my line of fire. The only thing I could think of to get rid of him was to tell my story. So I said, Look, My mom's in the hospital dying. She won't survive the night. I'm going to miss the connection to Leeds, From Leeds to Peterborough. I'm not sure how I'm going to get home tonight. I won't get another chance, So I'm a bit upset. I don't feel like talking, Okay? I'd be grateful if you'd just leave me alone. Okay, Sorry to hear it, Son. I'll leave you alone. Hope you make it home in time. He wandered down the carriage taking tickets. I looked out the window. 10 minutes later, He was back. At my side, Oh no, Here we go again, I thought. He touched my arm. Listen, When we get to Pirroboro, Shoot straight across to Platform 1 as quick as you like. The leads train will be there. They looked at him confused. Come again? I said, What do you mean? Is it late or something? No, It's not late. I just radioed Peterborough. And they're going to hold the train for you. As soon as you get on, It goes. Everyone will be complaining about how late it is, But let them worry about that. You get home, And that's the main thing. Good luck. God bless. And then he was off, Taking tickets. Tickets, Please. Tickets, Please. And I suddenly realized that I was a top class, Full-fledged ass. I chased him down the train and I wanted to give him all the money in my wallet, My driver's license, My keys. I wanted to promise to name my first son after him. But I knew he'd be offended. I caught up to him and grabbed his arm. I just wanted, It's okay, He said. He had a warm smile and real compassion in his eyes. He was a good man for its own sake. I wish I had some way to thank you. I said, No problem, He answered. If you need to thank me the next time you see someone in trouble, Help them out. That will pay me back amply. Then tell them, Do the same thing, And the world might be a better place. I was at my mother's side when she died in the early morning. And even now, I can't think of her without remembering the conductor on that late night train. And to this day I won't hear a bad word about British Rail. Bye. I've paid him back a thousand times since then. I tell the younger people that I work with now in the juvenile hall the same thing, And I'll keep on doing it until the day I die. You owe me nothing, I say to these young people. And if you think you do, I'll give you the same advice the conductor gave me that night. Just pass it down the line. So let's close with a brief meditation together. And for this one you can just find a comfortable way to sit. And you can close your eyes if you'd like. And just feeling into the body again in the chair. Just the sense of the points of contact of the body. The feeling of the air against your skin. And recognize the thinking that goes on in the head, And just begin by unhooking your attention. From that thinking mind. Letting it drop down from your head. And let it move slowly down to your throat, Feeling your throat from the inside. And as you feel your throat from the inside. Let the local awareness move down through your neck. And feel the space inside the body, The aliveness of the body. This direct knowing. That awareness gives you of your aliveness right now. Not going back to your thoughts. But just letting awareness experience this simple aliveness. Of your being right now. This energy inside the body. The natural way in which you're present right now, Here in this moment. And sensing the open heartedness. Of this awareness from the space inside the body. The way the open heartedness extends out beyond you. This embodied presence of who you are in the world. This open-hearted mind and heart that welcomes any emotions or thoughts. And has this natural ease or natural well-being. The sense of okayness of what's right here. And this subtle sense of tenderness or loving kindness and friendliness. This natural goodness that is right here, Woven into who we are, Into all experience. Nourishing every cell of our body. How it naturally opens outward to everyone and everything around us. Looking out from our heart to see everything, The natural connectedness of ourselves and others, All beings, Everywhere. Allowing it just to radiate outward this sense of goodness, This desire for goodness to flow through our whole heart and mind. Of this deep intention for ourselves and for all beings to be well and happy. May all beings be well. And coming gently back again to the room.