The ego,
When I refer to this,
I'm referring to this wonderful mechanism that we have that allows us to experience reality as,
Well it allows us to experience this reality period.
And it allows us to experience reality as a separate being from everything around us.
So,
I am Victoria,
You are you,
Yesterday was yesterday,
Today is today,
Tomorrow will be tomorrow.
So our ego is what allows us to have this perception and this experience of reality.
If we didn't have this ego,
Then we would just be a soup of consciousness.
So we can give thanks to each of our sweet egos for allowing us to have this experience of reality as you,
As me,
Together we're experiencing this.
So thank you to our egos,
Our ego is not the enemy.
And currently our ego is,
One,
It's the seed of awareness,
And we don't want it to be the seed of awareness,
And two,
It's running on some very specific programs,
It's running on some very specific programs.
And the programs that it's running on,
It all boils down to not good enough as is.
I'm not good enough as I am,
This present moment isn't good enough as it is.
That's the program that the ego is running on.
And it expresses that through duality.
I'm not good enough as I am because I'm either too much or I'm not enough.
This present moment is too much of something or it's not enough of something.
The pendulum is always swinging.
Too much,
Not enough.
I'm better than you,
I'm not as good as you.
It's always running in this duality,
These programs of better than,
Less than,
Too much,
Not enough.
The ego currently,
In its operating system,
It doesn't know how to just be.
That's not the operating system that it's running on.
It's running on that constant agitation of not good enough as is.
So just taking a moment to acknowledge this and feeling how true this is for your own experience of reality when you really look at it.
And this is where all of our wounds have generated from.
Something happened in the past and our ego attached some sort of storyline around it.
And that storyline became part of our reality.
And the ego has plugs into our nervous system.
And so these storylines,
These wounds can feel real because we have sensations associated with it.
So the ego is running on these storylines of better than,
Less than,
Not good enough,
Too much.
It's running on this operating system and this is the source of all of our wounding.
Every suffering that we have inside of us is simply coming from this operating system that the ego is running on.
And the only power that the ego has,
The only power that it has is that it's hiding.
We can't look right at it.
Because if we were able to look right at the ego that's running on this operating system of not good enough and has all of these wounds collected into it,
If we were able to look right at it and just see it for what it is while staying fully anchored in love,
Then all of the ego's power would dissolve.
And what would we be left with?
The perfection of the present moment.
The brilliance of being alive right here,
Right now.
The innate worthiness that is you.
The innate innocence that is you.
The innate creativity that you have to create in every single day that you're alive.
We would be left with this if all of the operating system of the ego was able to be seen right through.
And so this is what we're wanting to do.
Our seed of awareness is awareness itself.
And then we get to experience this life as the brilliance that it is.
And then the ego,
It's no longer the seed of awareness,
It's just integrated into our system.
So you still get to experience life as you.
You still get to taste things,
You still get to have sensations and emotions and varied experiences.
But they can no longer cause you a deep sense of suffering that shapes your reality.
Whether that be around any sort of scarcity,
Any sort of not good enoughness,
Any sort of unworthiness.
That would no longer be able to shape your reality.
It's very,
Very big.
It's perhaps the biggest work we can do.
And it doesn't have to happen all at once.
It's a practice.
And there is a lot in our current society that is,
We could say,
Feeding that ego operating system of not enoughness.
We're getting a lot of messages from the outside that we're not good enough as we are,
That our life isn't good enough as it is.
That we need to strive harder to have different things and become more.
So if we don't gather in truth in this way and if we don't take time to remember,
Then it can feel very real.
And we can internalize these storylines of reality.
But when we remember and when we take time to remember,
That builds its own momentum.
And suddenly those storylines being received from the outside just slide off.
And we remember and we remember and remember until we stop forgetting.
So,
I want to invite us into this practice today.
Closing down your eyes and taking some breaths in and out.
Feeling your body grounded and safe.
And now,
With your eyes closed here,
Witnessing your own mind.
Looking at your own mind.
Just seeing what's happening there at the moment.
Maybe your mind is quite active.
Maybe it's thinking about what you might do later.
Maybe it's thinking about what happened previously in the day.
You might find your mind is very active or you might find that your mind is calm right now.
Just being curious and witnessing your mind,
Seeing what's happening there right now.
And with every thought passing through your mind,
You can just say,
I see you,
But not going into the thought,
Not engaging with the thought.
Just saying,
I see you,
But you're not engaging with it.
Witnessing your own thoughts.
Breathing in and breathing out.
And acknowledging that there are some thoughts on a daily basis that cause you discomfort.
Maybe thoughts of,
I'm not good enough,
Or maybe thoughts of guilt from the past.
Maybe thoughts of pressure and anxiety and overwhelm.
Notice that your mind thinks certain thoughts throughout your day that cause discomfort.
Maybe there are physical sensations associated with the thoughts.
Maybe there are some emotions associated with the thoughts.
Just acknowledging that this is happening throughout your day.
Now,
See yourself zooming out.
See yourself taking a step back.
So you've been witnessing your thoughts,
You've been acknowledging your thoughts.
Now you're taking a step back and you're witnessing your ego as a whole.
The mind is just a function of the ego,
It's just an activity of the ego.
You're witnessing the entire ego,
Your entire ego.
This entire mechanism running on these operating systems.
That the present moment isn't good enough as it is.
And that you aren't good enough as you are.
That the past wasn't as it was meant to be.
Hoping that the future will be everything that you desire.
Just witnessing your ego as a whole.
Seeing it running on this operating system.
You're not necessarily judging it,
Not chastising it.
You're just seeing it.
This is just the current operating system.
That the egos of humans and current humanity are operating on.
The ego doesn't even necessarily want to be operating with this system.
It's just what is right now.
That way you're just witnessing it neutrally.
Just seeing this operating system.
Breathing in and breathing out.
As you're witnessing your ego as a whole.
You're here grounded and safe,
Anchored.
Witnessing your ego as a whole.
Just taking a moment to see how that operating system of the ego plays out.
In different scenarios in your day,
In your life.
Is there a main storyline of its operating system that's currently playing out in your life?
A not good enough,
A scarcity,
A fear,
Anxiety.
Is there any main storyline that's keeping you from just feeling the perfection of this present moment?
That's always here.
Taking a moment to just see this.
It's as if you're saying,
Aha,
I see you.
Again,
Just neutrally witnessing it.
It's just an operating system.
We don't have to go into it.
We're not engaging with the stories right now.
We're just witnessing.
Just saying,
Oh,
I see this.
I see.
As you're witnessing the ego in this way,
You might feel some energy dissipating from it.
As we talked about,
It has been holding the reins of your reality.
So these storylines haven't necessarily been something you're witnessing.
These storylines have been your reality.
They've been limiting the bounds of your awareness,
Holding you in a very specific experience of reality that either has to do with unworthiness or scarcity or fear in some way.
As we witness,
As we are taking this step back,
Breathing in and out,
Calm and centered and anchored,
As we witness the ego in this operating system,
Some of that energy,
The charge,
The holding of the reins that it's had can gently begin to dissipate.
As you breathe in and out and just witness your ego,
You may feel some of its energy dissipating.
As we talked about,
The more we're sitting and witnessing the ego in its entirety in this way,
The more the energy around it is dissipating.
What's left here if not those storylines?
What's left when awareness is the seed of our awareness?
Peace?
Presence?
Perfection of this present moment?
Trust in the unfolding?
Innate worthiness?
The innate brilliance of life?
This is simply the truth of what's here.
You don't have to try for it.
It's simply what's naturally here as we witness our egos and see these storylines the ego has been holding.
Breathing in and out.
And your ego,
As you're witnessing it,
It might toss up some things and say,
Yeah,
What about this?
If you can,
Just witness that as well.
It might say,
Yeah,
What about this resistance here?
Or,
Yeah,
What about this huge distraction that always pulls you in?
What about this?
Whatever it might be,
Whatever it tosses up,
Just breathe in and out and say,
Oh,
Okay,
I see that as well.
You don't have to engage with it,
You're just witnessing it.
And as you do this,
You can see the ego,
As we talked about,
It has no power,
Doesn't have its own power source.
Its only perceived power is that it hides from our awareness.
The light of our awareness.
So no matter what it might toss up right now,
It might say,
Hey,
I have this memory that proves that you're so not enough.
And I've got plugs into your nervous system around this energy and I've got emotions woven into it.
I'm going to toss this up right now and you are not going to be able to just witness this.
You are going to have to admit that this is true and this is reality.
See how it might really bring something up like that.
That's okay,
Just breathe in and out.
Witness that as well.
Or it might toss up some sort of habit that's a distraction.
You might feel an itchiness right now to reach for your phone,
For example.
This habituation of looking away.
This habituation of distraction.
So the ego plugged into your system might send up that itching for that distraction.
That's okay,
You can just witness that as well.
Staying anchored here,
Breathing in and out,
Witnessing that as well.
Notice it's not wrong or bad to give in to any of these things.
We don't make ourselves wrong for it.
That's a program that only runs within the ego.
Making oneself bad or wrong for doing something.
We have only ever done the best we can.
We only ever will do the best we can.
So we never need to make ourselves wrong.
For giving in to these storylines.
Giving in to these habits.
If we want to choose to not give in to them,
If we want to choose to witness them,
Then we can do that.
Breathing in and out and just continuing to witness whatever your ego might throw up right here.
Whatever it might toss up.
Saying,
I see that as well.
You can know that at the very core of your ego,
It wants you to see it.
It wants you to see it to its core.
It wants you to set it free.
See it around all of its edges.
See whatever it might toss up at you.
See it all until you can hold it all in the embrace of your awareness.
Then your ego itself gets to be set free.
It too then gets to live in the peace of the present moment.
It gets to simply be integrated into your system.
As a mechanism that processes separation.
But not as the seat of your awareness.
So know that whatever your ego might throw at you,
It's not trying to be bad,
It's not dark,
Trying to lure you in.
At its very core it wants you to see it.
It wants you to see it all.
Like a child throwing a tantrum.
The child is an evil.
At its very core that child just wants to be seen and held in the embrace of your love.
It just doesn't quite know how to do that.
So what it throws is the tantrum.
Feeling this loving neutrality as you witness your ego.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Breathing in and breathing out.
When you feel ready,
You can open your eyes.
