Hello and welcome.
I'm Ashley Radzat.
I'm an educator and a parent and teen coach.
And today,
We're going to talk about how to respond when your teenager is experiencing anxiety.
This video is for parents and caregivers who may find themselves wondering What should I say?
Should I reassure them?
Should I push them?
Should I let them avoid the thing that is making them anxious?
Or am I somehow making this worse?
By the end of our time together.
You will have a simple framework for responding with a greater calm.
Clarity,
And connection.
Before we begin,
Please know that this video is educational.
And is not a substitute for individualized mental health care.
If your teen's anxiety is significantly affecting their safety,
School avoidance,
Relationships.
Eating,
Or ability to participate in daily life.
Please reach out to a qualified health care or mental health professional.
For now.
Take a moment to settle into your seat.
Allow your shoulders to soften.
Take one slow breath in.
And a longer breath out.
You do not need to solve everything in this moment.
We are simply going to begin by understanding what may be happening.
Before we talk about what to say to an anxious teen.
We need to begin with something that is often overlooked.
What happens inside the parent when anxiety enters the room.
Because your teen's anxiety does not happen in isolation.
It often activates something in you too.
When a teenager is anxious.
Their parent will often become anxious too.
This makes sense.
You love your child.
You want them to be okay.
When they are struggling,
Your mind may quickly begin searching for danger.
What if they can't handle this?
What if it gets worse?
What if they stop going to school?
What if this affects their entire future?
Without realizing it,
You may begin responding not only to what is happening right now,
But also to everything frightening possibility your mind has created.
Your teen may say.
I don't think I can take a test tomorrow,
But inside you may hear.
My child is falling apart.
That is when urgency can enter the room.
You may ask too many questions,
Offer too many solutions.
Become frustrated.
Or provide reassurance over and over again.
Your intention is loving.
But your nervous system may be communicating something very different.
This is dangerous.
We need to make it stop.
Your first responsibility is not to make your teen's anxiety disappear.
Your first responsibility is to notice what is happening inside you.
Before responding,
Pause.
And silently ask yourself.
Am I responding to this moment?
Or am I responding to the future that I'm afraid of?
That small pause can change the entire interaction.
Once you begin noticing your own fear and urgency,
You create a little more space between what you feel and how you respond.
And in that space,
You can make an important shift.
Instead of immediately correcting.
Fixing or reassuring.
You can begin with connection.
When your teen tells you they are anxious.
Begin with connection rather than correction.
You do not have to agree with everything they are thinking.
You do not have to confirm that the fear outcome will happen.
And you do not have to immediately convince them that everything will be fine.
Instead,
Begin by acknowledging their experience.
You might say,
That sounds like a lot to carry.
I can see that this feels really overwhelming right now.
I'm glad you told me.
Would it help to talk or would you rather have some quiet company?
These responses communicate,
I see you.
I'm not frightened by your feelings.
You do not have to manage this alone.
Notice that acknowledgement is different from agreement.
If your teen says,
Everyone at school hates me,
You do not need to respond,
Yes,
Everyone hates you.
But jumping immediately to,
That's ridiculous,
Everyone loves you.
May leave them feeling unseen.
Instead,
You could notice.
What they are saying behind the words,
And then say.
It sounds as though you felt very alone today.
That response meets the feeling without reinforcing the fearful conclusion.
Acknowledging your teen's experience helps them feel seen.
But feeling seen does not always mean they're ready for advice.
The next step is to become curious about what kind of support they actually need from you.
Parents often move quickly into problem solving.
We begin giving advice before our teen has even finished explaining what happened.
Try asking.
Would you like me to listen?
Help you think it through.
Or help you make a plan.
This question gives your teen some agency.
They may say,
I just need to vent.
I don't know what to do.
Or in the timeless language of teenagers,
I don't know,
Just stop asking me questions.
Even that is information.
You can respond calmly.
I'm nearby when you're ready.
Your team does not always need the perfect response.
They need to experience you as someone who can remain present.
Without taking control of their emotional world.
Asking what your teen needs allows them to have a voice in the conversation.
But even when they ask for help.
There is still an important balance to consider.
How do you support them without doing for them what they are capable of learning to do themselves?
This is often the hardest part for parents.
When we see our child in distress.
We naturally want to remove the distressing situation.
Sometimes temporary accommodations are appropriate.
A teen who is exhausted or overwhelmed may genuinely need rest.
Reduced demands.
Or additional support.
But when avoidance becomes the primary way anxiety is managed,
The anxiety can begin making more and more decisions.
Your teen may avoid one presentation.
And then another.
Than the entire class.
And eventually anxiety becomes the loudest voice in the room.
The goal is not to throw your teen into the deep end and tell them to swim.
The goal is to help them take the next step.
Manageable step.
You might say.
I believe you that this feels hard.
And I also believe you can take care of yourself.
One small step.
Then work together to identify that step.
The step might be.
Opening the assignment.
Emailing the teacher.
Attending the first 30 minutes.
Practicing the presentation with you.
Walking into the building with a support person.
Progress does not have to look fearless.
Progress can look like being afraid and still moving forward in a supported,
Manageable way.
Helping your team take one manageable step builds confidence over time.
But anxiety is persuasive.
And it may continue looking for certainty.
That is often when teens begin asking the same reassuring questions again and again.
So let's look at how you can offer comfort.
Without accidentally teaching them that they need certainty before they can move forward.
When teens feel anxious.
They may repeatedly ask,
Are you sure I'll be okay?
Are you sure no one is mad at me?
Are you sure I won't fail?
It's tempting to keep saying,
Yes,
I promise everything will be fine.
Reassurance may calm anxiety briefly,
But anxiety often returns with another question.
Instead of promising an outcome you cannot guarantee.
Offer confidence in your teen's ability to cope.
You might say,
I cannot know exactly what will happen.
But I know.
You will not have to handle it alone.
Or,
I trust that you can respond to whatever happens one step at a time.
4.
You have done difficult things before.
Let's remember what happened.
Then and what helped you then.
This moves the message from Nothing uncomfortable will happen to you.
You can handle uncomfortable moments with support.
That is a much more lasting form of reassurance.
Offering confidence instead of certainty sounds simple,
But it can be difficult to do when your own nervous system is activated.
So before we continue,
I would like to guide you through a brief practice you can use when your teen's anxiety begins stirring up fear or urgency in you.
Place both feet on the floor.
If that is comfortable for you.
Notice the support beneath your body.
Take a slow breath in through your nose.
And gently breathe out.
Again,
Breathe in.
And let the exhale be slightly longer.
Now silently say to yourself,
My teen is having a hard moment.
A hard moment is not the same as a hopeless future.
I can be calm.
Without being passive.
I can be supportive.
Without taking over.
I do not have to solve everything right now.
Take one more easy breath.
And as you exhale.
Imagine releasing the urgency to fix.
Then ask yourself.
What does my teen need from me in this moment?
Connection.
Listening.
A boundary.
A small next step.
Or help from someone with additional training.
There is wisdom in slowing down long enough to notice the difference.
As you become more grounded.
You may be better able to see the situation clearly.
Sometimes your team needs listening.
Encouragement.
And help taking a small next step.
And sometimes anxiety has moved beyond what can be supported within the family alone.
Part of responding calmly is also knowing when it is time to bring in additional help.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion,
And teenagers will naturally experience worry,
Nervousness,
And fear at different times.
But additional support may be needed when anxiety becomes persistent.
Intensifies or begins interfering with everyday life.
Pay attention to meaningful changes such as frequently missing or refusing school.
Withdrawing from relationships or activities.
Ongoing difficulty sleeping.
Repeated physical complaints without a clear medical explanation.
An inability to complete ordinary daily activities,
Increasing reliance on substances or unsafe coping strategies.
Expression of hopelessness.
Self harm.
Or not wanting to live.
Seeking support does not mean you have failed as a parent.
It means you are paying attention.
You can begin with your teen's pediatrician.
Primary care provider,
School counselor.
Or a licensed mental health professional who has experience working with adolescents and anxiety.
You may say to your teen,
You are not in trouble and I do not believe you are broken.
I can see that this has become difficult to carry and I would like us to find someone who can help.
Knowing when to seek additional support is not about labeling your teen or assuming the worst.
It is about responding thoughtfully to what you are observing.
Whether your team needs your calm presence.
A manageable next step,
Or professional care,
The foundation remains the same.
They need to know they are not broken.
They are not alone.
And they do not have to navigate anxiety without support.
As we close.
Remember this.
Your teen does not need you to be completely unafraid.
They need you to notice your fear so that it does not take over the conversation.
They need you to know that their feelings make sense.
That discomfort can be survived.
And that asking for support is a sign of wisdom rather than weakness.
The next time your teen is anxious,
Begin with three steps.
Pause and regulate yourself.
Acknowledge what they are experiencing.
Then help them identify one manageable next step.
Thank you for spending this time with me and for being willing to look at how you can meet your teen with greater steadiness and connection.
Your presence matters more than you may realize.
I hope you will return for another practice as we continue learning how to support teenagers.
And ourselves.
With compassion.
Clarity,
And trust.
Take good care.
