Close your eyes,
If possible,
And turn inward,
Withdrawing your senses,
Becoming aware of your breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Open your forehead,
Your eyes,
Your jaw.
Drop your shoulders.
Lift gently in your spine.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Welcome to a hit of hope,
And this one's a wee bit salty.
Many years ago,
I performed a funeral for a person nobody liked.
I was at a loss for what to say.
Finally,
I stumbled upon a phrase in a book of liturgy.
Redeem our memories.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I bet there've been times,
Nights probably,
When you are flooded by memories from your past.
It's no surprise,
Really,
The longer we live,
The more memories we have.
But sometimes it can be hard to remember our now when we are so caught up in the then.
Inhale.
Exhale.
When that happens,
When the memories threaten to overwhelm,
This phrase,
Redeem our memories,
Can quietly emerge in our minds,
Like a doe gently revealing herself in the forest.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary,
The first definition of redeem is to make good a loss.
This can lead to that troubling idea of this happened to you for a reason,
Or you have a lesson to learn.
That's bullshit.
Life can suck,
Period,
And it can be so damn exhausting to try and make bad memories good.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Rather than trying to make the bad memories good,
What if we ground ourselves and return to our particularly painful memories as gently as that doe?
What if we choose to look at ourselves with a quiet attentiveness,
An inquisitive rather than an inquisitorial gaze?
In other words,
What if when we go back,
We are not there ready to damn ourselves and lock our tender spirits behind bars forever and ever?
Amen.
This is a chance to look back kindly at ourselves and say,
Oh,
Look at you,
Dear one.
Look at what you were asked to endure.
You survived.
You are okay.
You are enough.
Couldn't turning a simple and loving gaze on our own self,
Any of the selves that are scattered along our past road?
Couldn't that be one possible way to make good,
To honor the self that lived through that moment,
That loss,
That pain,
That grief,
That memory?
Inhale.
Exhale.
Pain can also be reclaiming.
Our pasts can take a toll on us.
What might be done to reclaim and repair your body,
Your mind,
Your spirit?
Inhale.
Exhale.
How can you make your past more hospitable?
How can you make your past a home and not a torture chamber?
Because living means not only making memories,
But living with our memories.
We can treat them as invaders,
As hordes intent on harm.
We can fight and thrash.
We can redeem.
We can rescue.
We can reclaim and live free and full of light.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Be well.
