Welcome to this practice,
Befriending Your Striving Parts.
This meditation is based on the Internal Family Systems model,
Which teaches us that we all have different parts inside,
Making up the inner world of our mind.
Dr Richard Schwartz,
Founder of IFS,
Explains that this is not just something that happens when we experience trauma,
It's the inherent make-up of the mind.
These parts are divided into two main groups,
Young parts who are vulnerable and hurt,
Holding painful thoughts,
Emotions,
Beliefs and memories from difficult times in your childhood.
And protectors,
Whose job it is to make sure you never get hurt again,
Like you were hurt when you were small.
These protectors are further divided into firefighters,
Like the part that makes you drink to quench the flames of painful emotions,
And managers,
Whose job it is to run your life.
Unlike firefighters,
Managers are proactive,
Seeking to avoid pain by,
For example,
Criticising you into dieting,
So you don't put on weight and feel ashamed about that.
This practice is focusing on a particular group of managers called striving parts in IFS.
They are the workaholics of your inner world,
Pushing you hard to do more,
Be better,
Have ever higher standards.
If you're a perfectionist,
A multitasker,
A hustle and grind type person,
Are highly driven in your work,
Family or academic study,
Or someone who works too hard and struggles to switch off,
This practice is for you.
So let's begin.
Start by sitting in an upright but relaxed posture,
Feeling your feet flat and grounded on the floor.
If you're a striving sort of person,
You may hold a great deal of tension in your back,
Neck and shoulders.
So roll your shoulders,
Stretch out your neck,
Do whatever you need to ease that tension a little.
Then roll your shoulders back one last time and let them drop.
Now close your eyes,
If that feels comfortable for you,
Or soften and lower your gaze.
Then breathe deeply,
In through your nose and out through your mouth.
Try counting to four on the in-breath and four on the out-breath.
Keep breathing deeply for 30 seconds.
Now think of a time when you felt especially driven,
Tense and stressed.
This may have been revising for important exams,
Going through a particularly intense period at work,
Pulling an all-nighter to meet the deadline,
Being glued to your work emails as your family relaxed and had fun around you.
Just bring to mind a time like this,
When you felt a powerful sense of urgency or drivenness in your mind and body.
As you replay that situation in your mind's eye,
Check in with your body to see how you're feeling.
You may notice muscular tension,
Especially in your forehead,
Jaw,
Shoulders and neck.
There may be a knot in your stomach,
An elevated heart rate or a sense of rising energy in your chest and belly.
Mindfully scan your body to see what you notice,
Even if it's quite subtle.
If you do notice any of these sensations,
Focus your attention on them for a few moments.
Then in your mind,
Let the part who is feeling this way know that you sense them and know they're feeling a bit tense or stressed.
Just speak to this part using your thoughts,
As they can hear you inside,
And don't think of the answer,
Just ask the question and wait for it to come.
Try asking them why they feel such a sense of urgency,
Especially around work or other aspects of your life where you feel the need to achieve in some way.
You could ask how they help you achieve highly,
Whether that's pushing you to keep trying harder and doing better,
Having you imagine the financial or other rewards your hard work will earn,
Or some other way.
Then ask them what's the worst that could happen if they stopped pushing you so hard.
That might be failing at your job,
Getting fired,
Being criticised by your boss,
Or something even worse and more catastrophic.
Let them know you get all of that and it totally makes sense,
Especially if they're worried something awful would happen.
Then check in your heart to see how you're feeling towards this part right now.
If you're feeling anything other than grateful for all their hard work,
Or curious to know more about them,
Ask the new part,
Who doesn't like this striving part,
If they would make a little space inside,
So you can get to know and help the striver.
If they won't step back,
That's fine.
Spend the rest of this time getting to know them and their fears about all this striving.
But if they do create a little space,
And you're feeling something positive towards the striver,
Let them feel that from you.
It might help to remember that even though this hard working part may be tricky and make you stressed or exhausted,
They're only trying to help.
They're trying to protect you from feared outcomes,
Like being seen as not good enough,
Going broke,
Being criticised or shamed for failures.
Again,
If that helps you feel something warm or positive towards them,
Sit with that for a few moments and really let them feel it.
Notice what happens.
Sometimes this helps parts soften and relax,
Which means you'll feel an immediate relaxation in your body,
And sometimes they won't relax,
Because they need repeated experiences of being seen,
Validated and appreciated like this,
Just as a person would who is a bit mistrustful or unsure.
Either way,
Let them know you'll be checking in with them every day,
Especially when you notice that tense,
Stressful,
Urgent feeling starting up inside.
Then thank them for sharing this important information with you,
Do what you need to make that feel complete,
And take one last deep breath and open your eyes.
How are you doing?
I hope you're feeling a little calmer and more relaxed.
I also hope you got some valuable information about this striving part,
And why it pushes you to work so hard.
Remember the key principle in IFS is that there are no bad parts.
Even if their method or strategy is unhelpful,
They always mean well.
And the more you can show appreciation and understanding to this hard-working part of you,
The more they'll be able to calm down and stop pushing you quite so hard.
Try repeating this practice every day for a week,
As repetition is key in parts work like this.
Thank you so much for meditating with me today.
I hope you enjoyed it,
And wishing you a wonderful rest of your day.
