Don’t Say Mine

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

One of the biggest obstacles we have to face in life is change.

Life can be going along very well and then all of a sudden something changes.

Perhaps we're going through a divorce and we have to move and we don't get to see our kids as often.

Perhaps we get an illness and all the things we used to do we just can't anymore.

Perhaps we live in a beautiful home and because of financial changes we have to move and we lose that home.

There's so many things in life that can change.

It's just one of the big parts of life that if we want to be happy we have to deal with.

So in today's podcast I want to talk about a technique,

A skill that we can use in order to improve our ability not to be so attached to things and truly live free,

Free from all the burdens and suffering that attachments bring.

Here's what we do throughout our day.

We use the words mine.

This is my house.

These are my children.

These are my degrees.

This is my car.

This is my body.

So throughout the day we're just reinforcing our attachments towards things,

Towards people,

Towards things that we think are ours and will never change.

But the longer we live the more we realize that just isn't so.

Things change.

Those things that we thought were ours aren't anymore.

Again it can be almost anything,

Truly anything we can think of outside of death and all of us know even death is coming but everything changes sometimes.

It just can.

So instead of saying this is my house,

My wife,

My kids,

My job,

Whatever it may be,

My car,

What if we were to loosen that and stop saying that?

What would happen?

Then might we realize throughout the day that everything is a gift,

Something that we can truly appreciate and be thankful for but realizing that we don't own it?

So one,

We'll cherish it so much better because we'll see it as a gift,

A gift today that we're thankful for and tomorrow if it isn't there we're just thankful that we had it.

I mean think about vacations.

Aren't they something we definitely don't possess?

And we often have our best times in life when we're on vacation and yet when we're on vacation there's really nothing that we own.

Everything is temporary,

Everything is fleeting and yet we can have such a good time on vacation with this being the truth.

And yet even there when we're on vacation our minds can be quite tricky and try to tell us we'll do this more often,

We'll do this a lot when we retire,

We're going to do this all the time,

We're going to possess vacations,

We're going to become a vacation guru and travel all over the world.

It's amazing what our minds will do to possess.

We love to possess,

We possess and so we suffer.

So another way we could approach life is saying I'm so thankful for this gift but it isn't mine,

It is a gift.

It's a gift in the moment I have now.

And if I see it that way the second benefit we get from not just enjoying it so much more but when it does leave we're okay.

I mean when we go on vacation it may be hard to come back but mostly we're okay,

We're glad we're coming back.

And it's like that with life.

When we don't hang on to things too much and something leaves because we didn't possess it and we saw it as a gift,

When it leaves guess what?

We lose the suffering.

We just don't suffer as much.

And my guess is if we're here,

We're here to alleviate suffering and suffering comes from saying things have to remain the same or sometimes things have to change.

I don't like this,

I don't want to possess this thing,

It needs to go away.

That too can cause suffering because there we're trying to say I don't want this to be mine and instead of saying oh I wonder how long this is going to last,

I don't know,

I don't like it but it probably will change.

So even when we go through a rough time the great benefit of not saying this is mine is then when it does start creeping up on us and say I don't like this,

I don't want this,

It isn't ours.

Sooner or later it's going to pass because things move forward,

Things change and particularly when we're working on changing them we have a lot more ability to hang in there and be patient because we know we're doing things to create change and when we really like something we're not going to possess it,

We're just going to be so thankful that we haven't today.

Now again this may seem rather trite or silly like Dr.

Puff,

Do I really not need to say mine?

I mean will it really make any difference?

Well the bigger question to ask ourselves is why do we suffer so much particularly when there is change?

We suffer because we brainwash ourselves thinking that it's going to be ours forever,

That love just lasts forever,

That the things we want,

The things we desire,

The things we hope for,

The things that we have will be there when we need them and they're going to stay.

Life's going to stay the same and because we are fighting the natural rhythms of life we suffer because life changes sometimes and it comes out of nowhere.

If we've lived long enough we just know that,

We know that things are going to be going along wonderfully and then wham!

Something comes along and says this isn't happening anymore,

Your life has changed.

And again the more we're attached towards having things remain the same the more we're going to suffer.

We don't have to suffer but we're going to suffer if we're attached.

If we're not attached when things come along and change we may miss them,

We may even prefer that they were there but we say well that's life,

I had a lot of good years with that,

Fill in the blank,

Now I'll have something else,

A new adventure.

And with that openness,

With that willingness to adjust to change because we realize ultimately we don't possess anything,

Anything can and sometimes does change but with that openness,

With that ability to not be attached,

To not say mine,

My wife,

My husband,

My home,

My job,

My health,

When we lose that attachment and we lose those words when change comes it's expected,

It's like oh of course I know that happens,

I've seen that happen to so many people in their lives,

Why would I expect it never to happen in my life?

That's just setting me up for pain.

I think when a lot of people get trained for their careers and they're ready to settle down and do their job for the rest of their lives,

They're probably expecting things to stay the same and that they'll be at that job until they retire and yet I read a study once that said that the average person will change their career six times where they have to get retrained to do something else in the course of their lifetime.

So given that stat,

It's probable that if we get our first job and we really like it,

We're probably not going to be doing it for the rest of our lives or another one that we're so aware of.

When we get married or if we get married,

What's going to happen is that half the people going down the aisle are going to end up in divorce court and not stay married.

Of course when we get married we want to be happy and enjoy that person but we also need to realize that things can happen besides divorce,

Death,

Sooner or later is going to happen to one of the couples.

So saying that this is going to last forever and this is mine is just the path to suffering.

And it isn't that we're apathetic that we stop caring because we think that there's nothing we can do.

Life is just going to unfold the way it's going to unfold.

Of course we're going to do things to particularly hang on to the things that are going well.

If we're physically fit,

We're going to keep doing things to stay physically fit.

If we're happily married,

We're going to keep doing things to keep ourselves happily married.

But things change and we can't always control what changes.

Here's one we're all probably going to face if we live long enough.

As we get older,

Our bodies are going to get slower.

They're not going to work quite as well.

Our minds aren't going to be quite as sharp and we're probably going to reach a point for most of us where we have to stop doing the work that we do.

We're going to have to retire.

Now for some people,

A minority,

They're going to end up being financially okay and can travel and have fun.

But they're still going to have health problems.

A lot of us,

Truthfully,

Are going to retire with very little.

And so we're going to have to adjust to these changes and live on less.

And perhaps because now we don't have that expendable income,

Our lives are going to look different.

But different isn't bad.

It's just different.

We can adjust to anything.

One of the things that I've loved to do over the years is go to the different national parks all over the United States.

They're beautiful and they're just so peaceful and I just enjoy them very much.

But if you go to them like I have,

You're going to find that sometimes they hire a lot of retired people.

People that are on limited income but need to keep working.

And they hire them because they know they're good employees.

And so these people have retired and guess what?

They don't have much money,

But guess what?

They've adapted to this limited income and have to keep working and they're enjoying their lives.

I've talked to countless people who are retired who need to keep working for financial reasons.

Sometimes they just do it because they want to.

But sometimes they really need that income.

And they work at national parks all over the United States.

They sometimes don't own their own home.

They're on a very limited budget.

But now they're enjoying their lives even though it wasn't probably what they expected or hoped for.

We are awesome at adapting to things if we're willing not to be attached and flow with life.

When we flow with life,

Life is just so much better.

And that's what this podcast is about.

And the way we do this is by stop saying mine.

There is no mine.

It's just life.

We flow with it.

We enjoy what we have.

Tomorrow we may not have it because it isn't ours.

And then we adapt to what life gives us tomorrow.

And then the next day we become super adapters because we aren't attached to anything.

So though it may seem silly,

How about if we really watch what comes out of our mouth and what we think about throughout the day.

And really be careful with that word,

Mine.

Mine is a path to suffering.

And if we choose not to suffer,

Then we have to relinquish our attachment to things.

And that simple phrase,

Which may seem silly,

But that simple phrase by loosening it,

By not saying it as much,

What we'll find is that the grip it has on us will loosen.

And we will find that we will flow with life and find happiness and peace wherever or whatever is happening.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what it is,

Love what is.