Spiritual Ancestry - Weekly Energy Boost

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to this week's Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Ellie Sheva,

And I'm here this lovely Monday morning with David,

And we are so excited to talk about ancestral spirituality,

Or whatever that means.

We're going to figure that out as we go along.

The focus of today's show,

And the truth is this entire month,

We are focusing on all things family.

The reason for that is that we are in the lovely,

Kabbalistic month of Scorpio,

And everybody's desire to control the people and things around them is super heightened.

I don't know if you've been feeling it.

Everybody is dramatic,

Dramatic,

Dramatic.

What else?

You know,

Hysterical.

It's the end of the world for everybody that we know in their own unique way,

And part of what ends up creating,

I think,

A big part of what makes us who we are is our family,

And a big part of the drama that we experience in our life comes from family.

This month,

We are dedicating to understanding family.

Last week,

We had a great episode focused generally on what family is about.

Today we are going to talk more about handling our family,

How to navigate those relationships because they are difficult,

Looking at what we can learn from them more specifically.

Hopefully we'll have some real-life examples of how,

Not us,

Of course,

But people we know have navigated difficult situations with family members,

But really understanding that I think the biggest takeaway for me last week was if our purpose is to reveal our potential,

Maximize our potential,

We choose our family so that they can help us do that.

They can help us install those buttons that are not there to be pushed but are there for us to uninstall so that if my family installs a button that makes me fearful or insecure every time they trigger that fear or insecurity,

I'm not there to be fearful and insecure for the rest of my life.

I am there to overcome that fearfulness or insecurity.

We're going to take last week and build upon it.

I'm also excited to hear what David has to say about these things because he's always so controversial and likes to push my buttons as well even though we're not related,

But really to bring,

I think more than ever,

To help people be more accepting and at peace and not needing to control everything.

I don't know.

Take it over before I.

.

.

I actually,

It slipped my mind that we're going to talk about this topic today and yesterday I did something totally out of character for me.

I had a family member who apparently her teenage girls listen to A CABALLO 1 and they've been listening to it for months.

On their way to school,

I guess she puts it on.

I think they're 12 and 14 and they're now in CABALLO 3 and it's changed their lives and inspired them.

She said,

Would you be willing to come to my house to do a little session with their friends?

I'm like,

You mean 12 and 13 year olds?

She's like,

Yeah.

I'm like,

They want to learn this stuff?

She's like,

Yeah,

You have 10 to 15 people want to come.

I said,

All right,

Totally out of character for me.

This is your jam.

I know you're always with this demographic.

I've never really taught exclusively this demographic.

I know I have teenagers come to my adult classes,

But never an exclusive class,

But something pulled me to come and I said,

I need to do this.

I just want to say,

Don't hit me up an email and say,

Can you teach my teen or can we do a teen class?

That's not what we're doing.

This is just something that just happened to happen and it was really inspiring for me.

It's a girls and boys and I'm asking them,

What's the thing that you deal with most now in your lives?

What's the most painful thing?

Everyone pretty much agreed that- They're parents.

Well,

You know,

I was about to get to that.

Actually,

Most of them had good family lives,

Or at least from what I felt in just the hour being there.

They all said that they all struggle with the fear.

I feel like what's your biggest fear and what's the biggest pain point you have on a daily basis?

Everybody said that their fear of being left out or their fear of being irrelevant is at the forefront of their lives.

A big thing is when they see friends not spending time with them on social media,

The whole lie of social media and what it causes for them,

What it brings up for them.

And each person kind of shared ways that they've been hurt by other people.

This is leading the family.

This was a really profound moment,

Which is one of the girls would say,

Okay,

I have this friend that all of a sudden she's opportunistic.

All of a sudden if there's someone more popular or more on the status side,

She'll go spend time with them and not me and I'm not invited.

So we're talking about why is this happening?

We're talking about the light of the creator.

We're talking about Kabbalah.

And I said,

Do you do this?

Do you do this to anybody?

That's like always the first go to.

When something painful happens to you,

You kind of need to look at where you might be behaving the same way.

That's always the first go to.

That's the low hanging fruit of understanding cause and effect is that the creator needs to show me what I need to cleanse and the best way to do it is to have me be on the other end of it and experience the same type of pain.

So she said,

No,

I'm not that way towards my friends.

And I said,

Well,

Interestingly enough,

Do you ever treat,

Do any of you ever treat your parents this way?

And there's a kind of moment of what are you talking about?

So the way to look at it is how many of,

I was asked how many of the teenagers kind of look at their parents in an opportunistic way,

Which is I'll use you and need you when I need you.

Otherwise,

You know,

Kind of get out of my way.

I got a life to live.

But if there's something there that I can receive from you,

How many teenagers or 12 year olds are walking into the house thinking,

All right,

My parents,

How can I add value?

How can I create circuitry?

How many 40 year olds?

Well,

So this is,

I think what got them inspired is to look,

You guys are in your early teens.

Every parent,

Every adult tells me the same thing after they take Kabbalah 1.

What do they all say after class 3 or 4 when it makes an impact on them?

I wish I learned this when I was young,

When I was a teenager,

Because these are the rules to life.

I said,

Look,

You want to deal with your fears now?

You want to deal with your fear of abandonment,

Your fear of being left alone,

Your fear,

Your understanding self-confidence,

Understanding certainty and a bigger force.

Do you want to understand that now?

Or do you want to wait until you're in your 30s,

40s or 50s and we're going to have that same conversation then?

Because the same issues you have now,

You're going to have as an adult,

Just probably a little more encrusted and it's going to be a little bit harder to change.

So this is the dialogue we started to have and I just felt it was so inspiring because it's not we treat our parents and we treat our siblings and we treat,

We think family is a tikkun upon us,

A correction upon us,

Like they bother us.

Truth is we probably treat our family members in ways that we don't like to be treated by our friends,

Our colleagues and such.

I thought that was just a profound thing that even for me,

It was like,

Wait a minute,

I need to kind of look at the way I treat family and realize that we take it for granted.

We just think like the family is always there,

That's great.

Let me now move on to focus on other parts of my life.

But I think you bring up something really important and I think for those of us,

For those of our listeners also who have been on a spiritual path for a long time,

It almost seems like when I'm around my family,

If they're not spiritual,

I don't need to be spiritual.

Right?

So I can just let it all hang out.

I treat people the way I,

Without consciousness,

I don't want to say unconsciously,

But the tendency is to meet people where they're at,

Not in a good way.

So I have always had this philosophy,

I don't know where it comes from,

I don't know that it's necessarily spiritual even,

That it's more important to me how my kids show up in the world than how they show up at home.

It's more important for you how they show up in the world than the.

.

.

Than how they show up.

Like if they feel they want.

.

.

I'm okay with them not being their best selves at home.

Oh,

Interesting.

If outside of the home,

They be their best selves.

Okay,

That's interesting.

So I'm sort of disagreeing with,

Not disagreeing,

But showing a different angle to David because on one hand,

First of all,

I want them to feel safe,

To be able to let down their guards and take off the costume and be able to be themselves.

Meaning,

Let's say,

Would you rather the opposite?

Would you rather your kids are angels at home and then when they leave the house,

They just.

.

.

So you're saying your algorithm is they need to be.

.

.

I don't want to use negative,

But they need to kind of.

.

.

There's more leeway.

There has to be some leeway.

You're saying they can't show up in a beautiful way in and outside the house.

They can,

But I want them to also feel if they're in their.

.

.

If being authentic,

No,

The opposite,

If they are not feeling it right now,

It's okay to not be a radiant beacon of light.

In the house.

It's not okay outside of the house.

I see.

Do you see what I'm saying?

That you have to be proactive outside of the house.

So you're basing as a parent,

You lower your expectations a little bit in order to create a safe environment.

So it depends on who we're talking to.

If we're talking to the kids,

The lesson is you need to show up according to the spiritual rules we're learning,

Both in the house and outside of the house.

And when we talk about kids,

We're talking about 20-year-old kids,

30-year-old kids,

40-year-old kids,

50-year-old kids,

Because we all have family.

We all visit.

We all go.

We have holidays coming up.

We all have corrections with our family.

So a 30-year-old,

How do they show up at their parents' house or at their family's house or at their siblings?

My point is,

Let's say you're a spiritual person and 5% of the time you can't be spiritual.

Okay.

You're grumpy,

You're hungry,

You're hangry.

You just got a parking ticket.

I don't know.

All the good reasons to be reactive,

You can be reactive on my couch if you need that.

My couch is a safe place,

Whether you're three or 30,

To be reactive.

You will not be judged.

You will be hugged.

You will have a cup of coffee or juice or whatever it is that you need while you're reactive and then you will become proactive again.

You have your moment of- As long as that's understood.

Right.

It's temporary.

It's short.

Just know that you have a time limit.

You have a timer.

There's actually something to that,

By the way.

There's a theory that you should time your negative reactions and then move on.

But anyway,

That's for another episode.

My point is that it is natural to show you're ugly to your family.

You're meaning belonging to you,

Not that you are ugly,

But to not be your perfect self,

To not be your most elevated self around your family.

And there is a time and a place for that.

To David's point,

You still have to treat your family the way you want to be treated.

That's correct.

You're saying we're not disagreeing,

We're just showing different sides of the same coin.

On one hand,

There's more leeway with family,

Especially if you're in Ellie Sheva's house.

On the other hand,

You shouldn't use that as a reason to consistently not be spiritual around your family.

Because you could say,

Well,

They're going to love me no matter what.

Right.

Just for those of you parents who are listening to what David's saying,

What I'm saying is this.

You don't want your kids to be fake and in genius with you when they're upset.

You want them to feel it's safe to be upset or angry or whatever.

But at the same time,

You're also instilling them the mindset and the tools that let it out and get back to shining your beautiful diamond of a soul.

And you were about to say something before I cut you off.

Well,

You were saying a second ago,

Right?

You're now coming to the holidays,

At least in North America.

And inevitably,

If people are able to go home,

They're going to go home or they're going to upset their family by saying,

I'm not coming home or I'm going to be with my friends instead,

Or I'm going to be alone instead.

So one of the things that I think is important to talk about is how do we stay our authentic spiritual selves when we're surrounded by not spiritual people?

Do we meet them where they're at?

Do we go into getting political and gossipy?

I think the gossip is a big thing because when family gets together,

It's all about,

Did you hear what happened to who?

And do you know who's getting a divorce?

And do you know who just went bankrupt?

And do you know this?

So this is a tough one because we tell our students,

Pick a good environment,

Pick the right environment.

If you put yourself in a toxic environment,

Ultimately that's going to erode you.

That's going to make you more of a reactive person.

For those who listen to that advice,

They see results,

Right?

You start to choose better friends,

You have better relationships.

You think twice before you enter long-term relationships with people.

You pick careers with better cultures.

That all makes sense.

It's just a matter of being strong enough to choose it.

However,

What we're saying now is with family,

You're in a toxic situation.

So it could be parents,

Siblings,

Cousins,

Step,

Whatever,

By the divorce,

Divorce couples,

You have a relationship.

You can't,

Especially if you have children involved,

There's still a relationship.

And what you're saying is we can't just cut those the way we could maybe choose our career,

Right?

Oh,

This is an abusive culture.

I resign and I move to a new one.

It's that simple.

However,

With family,

We can't just resign.

We can't resign.

We can't give notice at home.

Yes.

And probably everyone's thinking,

What do I do?

It's a question we get all the time.

And I'm going to answer this in a way that doesn't go into this.

Here's my answer.

Here's one answer.

And then I want to hear what you have to say.

I've learned that when it comes to family,

It's less about what do I do?

What do I not do?

Because you're kind of in a pickle a lot of times.

You're in a situation where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

So what I've learned,

This is a big secret that I want everybody to kind of see if it resonates with them.

What I've learned when it comes to family,

When it comes to spouses and kids and whoever,

It's less about what you do.

There is a what you do component.

But what the universe and what the creator is teaching us is it's really just to break the ego.

Because when you're in a situation where you don't know what to do,

It's actually the most powerful moment of your life.

Because when you don't know what to do,

Your ego,

This sense of self is completely nullified at that moment.

That moment of confusion equals the nullification of what we call the ego or the desire to receive for the self alone.

All right,

So what's so good about that?

What's left is only the soul,

Which is the part of you that's connected to the creator,

Which is the part of miracles.

So technically,

Whenever I'm confused,

Frustrated,

Or all out of hope,

And I don't even have a clue what to do,

That's the time that I'm most connected to the miraculous reality.

I don't feel it at that moment.

I don't see the results of that right away.

But that's when you start to draw from that realm.

In fact,

We should have more education about the fact that when you're confused,

Broken,

And hurt,

You're actually drawing down the future miracles.

But because people aren't conscious of that,

And the opponent doesn't want us to be conscious of that,

He's always kind of pushing us to create more chaos during those times.

But actually,

That's when you're drawing miracles.

So for me,

If a child is just totally not listening,

Or if you're in a situation with some parents,

Or if you're in a situation with a divorce where the other side is just unreasonable in every way,

First,

It's the creator just trying to break you.

Break the way you go to the gym,

And you proactively break muscles so that you can have new muscles.

We pay somebody to break us when we go to the gym.

The creator is like,

Look,

Don't try to solve this.

Don't try to solve your family.

Don't try to fix now thousands of years of past life issues that you have with whoever.

Just break for a moment,

And allow the light in.

In a job,

You can resign.

And when you resign,

You don't really break.

You move on,

You transition,

But you don't break.

Breaking and allowing yourself to break is important.

It's why the personal trainer doesn't care about the first 10 reps you do.

It's the last five that he loves most,

Because the last five breaks you.

What about the first 10?

The first 10 sustains you,

Sustains the old muscle,

Because if you didn't do anything,

You would atrophy and die.

So the first 10 sustains the muscle,

The next five breaks the muscle.

Family breaks.

Everything else,

You can run away from,

You know,

When you're dating somebody.

You don't really want to be around.

Yeah,

You go home back to your safe space.

You don't have to be with them.

You don't have to talk to them.

When you're married,

What's the safe space?

What's the safe space?

No,

You've got to break.

You've got to allow the light in.

So that's my consciousness about this.

About this.

Now,

Back to you,

Elisheva.

So get out your popcorn.

You couldn't see the many faces Elisheva was giving me as I was talking.

I think I was playing guess who.

You would have thought I was playing guess who.

Well,

One of the things I love about spending Monday mornings with you is how diametrically opposed we are and also saying the same thing.

That's right.

So I love this.

So I would actually say the exact opposite.

But with the same intention.

The shared intention being I'm going home for the holidays or I'm going to my aunt and uncle's house or wherever I'm going where I know that I'm going to be met with behavior I'm not proud of,

People who rub me the wrong way,

Just uncomfortable situations of every size and shape.

I also know that I know these people.

Well,

Let's put that aside.

Before we get to I know these people.

My intention is to leave the gathering better than it would be without me.

I'm going there to elevate.

Elevate myself.

Elevate others.

It can change others,

But it means take whatever the vibe is usually and raise it.

You can do this by the way.

You don't have to be going to your family to do this.

You're going to a company event.

You're going to a neighborhood gathering.

You're going to a friend's house.

Before you open the door,

Before you knock or ring the doorbell,

You say to yourself,

Light,

Creator,

Universe,

I want to elevate.

Send me opportunities to elevate what's going on there,

To inspire,

To help create shifts,

And then watch what unfolds.

The challenge with going home to sort of a fixed scenario,

Let's say Thanksgiving always looks a certain way or holidays always look a certain way,

Feel a certain way,

Same cast of characters forever.

You sort of know,

Well,

This uncle's going to talk about this and my grandma's going to ask me why I'm not married yet and my this.

It'll be the same as it's always been.

How do you go into that without first of all being on the defense,

Already preparing your canned answers,

Responses to the questions you know are going to ask?

Then you have the political conversations.

I find I talk to students all the time and they're embarrassed about their family being racist or prejudiced in certain ways that are not progressive or up to date with a younger generation,

Things like that.

How do you handle that?

My answer is you know.

The fact that you know that that's what you're going into,

You can preempt it not with I'm holier than the rest of you,

I don't degrade myself by talking like that,

But preempting it.

You can say the ability to pick the topic of conversation before it gets picked.

You can say,

Has everybody seen Squid Game?

Is that what it's called?

I just heard about that today.

All I know is that my kids say I shouldn't watch it,

My older kids.

Whatever happened to such and such actor or singer?

You can preempt the massacre that you usually expect.

You know that there are certain family members that maybe are quiet or run to the couch when everybody's at the table just to avoid,

Maybe go and sit with them.

By the way,

I can tell you,

We've been talking this month about Kabbalistic astrology also.

Knowing your family's astrological signs is also going to help you meet them where they're at.

That's huge.

You know that a certain relative,

Let's say your cousin is a Leo and all they want to do is talk about themselves.

Ask them how they're doing.

Ask them what they've been up to.

Let that be the annoying point of conversation rather than the negativity,

The gossip,

And all the other things that can happen.

To me,

It's not different from preparing for a football game or something like that or a business meeting where you need to strategize.

You know what the response is going to be,

So you strategize and without attachment,

By the way.

If your Leo cousin doesn't respond to the prompt to talk about himself,

That doesn't mean you failed.

Your intention is to elevate in general,

So you're not failing.

You're simply being redirected to elevate elsewhere.

It doesn't matter.

This is really the important thing.

When I say don't be attached,

Don't wait for your parents to be like,

Excellent performance tonight,

David.

That's not why you're not going there to be applauded or praised for your saintliness.

You're going there because you're being given an opportunity to elevate the room,

To elevate the home,

To elevate the gathering.

Proof that you did it might never come first of all,

But it might also come three months later when your Leo cousin said,

You seemed really on fire at Thanksgiving.

What have you been up to lately?

How come you're so inspired these days?

It comes in weird ways,

In ways that you don't expect it if it ever comes at all.

My point is if you're going because you feel obligated,

You're already lowering the bar.

Don't go because you're obligated.

Don't go because if you don't,

You're going to feel guilty or your parents are going to hold it against you or all the other things that might happen.

Go because you have an opportunity to radiate in the room.

The same way that the sun doesn't turn off because you didn't put on a bikini and lay out to get a tan today,

Do not be attached to the audience.

If the audience receives you well,

Great.

If it doesn't,

Also great because as David said,

You have that moment where your ego is obliterated.

That's what your family is for and you succeeded either way.

The measure of success is never in the audience.

It's interesting because we just did say the exact opposite thing,

But the reason why they're very complimentary is because we also learned this in Kamala 1 that there's two.

.

.

The person has two focuses in life.

They're still has two purposes.

Because number one is your focus on your personal transformation,

Which is leading to what I said,

Which is the fact that being in a situation where you really don't know what to do many times breaks the ego and then opens you up to understanding more about yourself.

Whenever you're broken,

You start to learn about yourself.

You build self-confidence.

I talked about this many times.

Self-confidence is when you're broken and you learn about yourself.

Certainty is then when you have a relationship with the creator.

Confidence is when you have a relationship with yourself.

Certainty is when you have a relationship with the creator because ultimately without a relationship with the creator,

You'll never really be able to grow.

You always kind of go back to home base.

You'll go back to your old level.

What I'm saying is the one thing that is our purpose in life,

Which is our personal transformation.

The second aspect of our purpose in life is I can't just focus on my own cleansing all the time.

We are all committed to living into a communal society where we need to give and take to each other in order to practice becoming like the creator.

How we do that is number two.

Your second purpose in life is how you become like the light of the creator onto others.

What Alicia is saying is that how are you showing up in what we call the right column,

In your desire to share.

From your desire to receive point of view,

We need to cleanse that.

My desire to receive is attached to all my fears and my anxieties.

Do I get this?

Do I get that?

What if I don't get it?

That is what I said.

What Alicia was saying is,

Okay,

Now that you've focused on yourself and you becoming a better person,

How is that going to translate to your family?

What I loved about what you said is I've learned that ultimately if you are doing the work,

And we call it the work,

What is the work?

The work of constantly checking in with yourself,

Constantly auditing,

Constantly taking responsibility,

Constantly overcoming sadness,

Constantly overcoming laziness,

And finding always the perfect balance,

Not over giving,

Not under giving.

It's all the stuff we learn in Kabbalah.

You do that work,

Everywhere you go,

You will be a shining light and people will feel that energy and they will be inspired.

It's not going to happen in the way you want it and the time you want it,

But showing up to wherever you're about to go.

A lot of times we go to things already with a bad mood and all this judgment and all that's going to be like this and it's going to be like this,

It's going to be like that,

I'm going to deal with this personality and whatever.

The truth is all of that is just negative.

It's garbage.

It's like how much do we allow people to hijack our consciousness and suck our energy?

We've got to always refresh that.

We don't even realize it until somebody tells us that we've been hijacked.

You've been told.

We've all been told right now,

We are being hijacked by these thoughts and these negativity and it just doesn't serve us.

Hit the refresh button when you see family,

When you talk to family every day,

Pretend like it's brand new and then you walk in as a giver.

Sometimes being a giver means setting boundaries,

Sometimes being a giver means leave early.

People hang out.

People hang around too much.

That's what I noticed.

All the problems,

No problems happen in the beginning by the way.

All the problems in every family event you have usually happens from the moment you were meant to leave on.

There's always something like this.

Because then people get into the energy sucking mode and then the nitpicky mode,

The petty mode.

There's always a petty mode,

Nitpicky mode that always happens towards the end of anything.

You've got to also know how to gauge your time and have some self-respect for the way you give out your energy.

I am reminded of,

I think a few months ago David went to someone's house,

Some gathering,

I don't even remember all the details and you said that there was somebody that was asking you about Kabbalah and you were like,

No,

Let's not talk about that.

Let's talk about you and you kept sort of deflecting.

Let's not talk about it.

And I think that one of the things that happens when we go home or where,

You know,

You may even be teaching.

.

.

That's how I was teaching them about Kabbalah.

The fact that I've restricted talking about Kabbalah,

You don't know how much Kabbalah they learned by the time I left.

After they left,

Like you didn't tell me anything about Kabbalah,

But I feel like I want to study Kabbalah.

Anyways,

Going back to what you said.

This is my point.

I think that especially when we're excited about what we've been learning,

What we've been doing,

It doesn't have to be Kabbalah,

It could be anything.

Our tendency is to want other people to do it,

Right?

To look at my skin cream,

Look at my Pilates instructor,

Look at my cable provider.

You have to switch from Android to Apple.

We're all about convincing people,

Canvassing.

So the tendency also when you are in a group of people,

I think,

Is to your Leo cousin,

You want your Leo cousin to say,

What made you so awesome at dinner last week,

You want to say it at the dinner table so that you have your opportunity to preach.

Resist,

As David said,

Resist.

I think that the greatest incentive or greatest advertisement any of us could do for spirituality is to simply be spiritual.

To really- To restrict.

To restrict,

To be light in that moment.

That is the most,

First of all,

Educational because you can talk to a person about something,

But doing it or being it is a much more powerful way of learning.

By the way,

In education today,

The whole paradigm has shifted because kids are now,

The focus is more on experiential teaching rather than lecturing.

Don't talk about how a tomato plant grows,

Go out and plant a tomato.

That's the shift.

Here we're saying the same thing.

In order for the people who you surround yourself with,

And it may just be once a year that you surround yourself with them,

That they,

Or a few times a year,

Let's say,

You really want them to know what you're doing,

Do it.

Do it because the high that you feel when you take a class,

You listen to a podcast,

Your mind is blown.

That's not where,

As David was saying,

The miracles come from.

The miracles come from that moment where you think you're going to take out an AK-47 and out everybody,

And you don't.

That's where the magic happens.

Well,

You said it's very powerful.

Going back to restriction,

I think we should give examples of restriction around family because if you want to know the only times in life where you were happy,

Involved something that you just let go,

Happiness and letting go are Siamese twins.

They're attached at the hip.

We think happiness comes from when I get something.

Happiness,

Every time you felt like an internal joy and internal confidence,

It was because of something you actually let go.

It's actually very powerful.

Imagine you're going out with family,

So examples,

Or you're with family.

Usually,

Whatever comes to our brain,

We want to say.

It can be both the bad thing,

Like,

Oh,

Say something critical.

We come through the brain and we just say it because we feel comfortable.

If we were in a setting with brand new people and strangers,

There's a built-in restriction.

We don't say things right away.

But with family,

We tend to say things right away,

Or we tend to consciously suppress,

Which is another form of reactive behavior.

It's a conscious decision to not say anything because I'm angry and I'm going to be in a state of judgment.

Resistance means letting go of whatever my natural inclination is at that moment.

Usually we want to say something.

For the people who are natural inclination is to say something.

There's the critical say something and there's the positive say something.

I'm guilty of this.

I learn things that I feel improve my life.

It can be whatever.

It can be a juice I drink or a place I go or a show I watch.

It always bothers me and I think I'm guilty of this.

When it comes to TV shows,

Everyone wants to tell the other person,

They've got to watch this show.

If I tell you,

Oh,

You've got to watch this show,

And you don't even listen to what I'm saying but then you start telling me about the show you saw that I should watch,

There's no space to just digest.

Receive what I just gave you for a moment before you're just running into telling me about your show.

By the way,

I appreciate it.

I want to know the show.

But there's usually everyone's so excited to share with the other person that there's no.

.

.

Sometimes sharing is allowing that person to talk,

Receive their suggestion,

Acknowledge their suggestion,

Give a lot of space before you make your suggestion.

There should be this awkward silence before then you say,

You know,

That also reminds me of a show I saw that I think you would love.

This is all about restriction,

Restriction,

Letting go,

Listen,

Don't talk,

And keep drawing it out.

That's what I love.

I love drawing things out.

I learned people love to talk.

I love.

.

.

I want to hear.

Actually,

I want to learn.

Draw it out.

Don't just go in for the kill right away and give your opinion,

Your suggestion,

The solution.

People give solutions way too quickly.

I want to ride on that point,

And I also want to make sure that we address dealing with our partner and our partner's family,

Because I think we've made it seem like we're talking about our people.

The in-laws,

The in-laws,

Yes.

I want to talk to the parents and the grandparents and the aunts and uncles out there about restriction.

Because I think we've also played.

.

.

We've certainly spoken for the children so far.

By the way,

Next week we're going to talk about raising children,

So if you have any questions about that,

We'll get to that next week.

Parents,

Grandparents,

Matriarchs and patriarchs,

Whatever role you want to.

.

.

Whatever title you want to give yourself.

One of the best,

And I'll tell you not only from experience and watching my own family's experience in doing this,

Our misery.

.

.

Let's not say you.

Our misery comes from expectation.

Let's be real.

Our kids come home and we expect them to do X,

Y,

And Z,

To treat us X,

Y,

And Z,

To show up in a way.

.

.

I'm super guilty of this.

I don't want to turn this episode into a confessional,

But this is definitely an area where I need to work as well.

When I manage to do it,

I experience the most joyous and happy family gatherings of my life.

The devil is the expectation,

Or the demand,

Or the requirement,

Or the.

.

.

If they'll be nice to me,

I'll be nice to them.

If they don't bring anything with them,

I'm going to be passive aggressive.

If they don't sit next to me,

If they don't ask me to go with them.

.

.

We're so.

.

.

We're so conditional.

The conditionality punishes one person,

Me.

The kids don't care about the passive aggressiveness.

The kids don't care that you're.

.

.

They may come to you later and say,

Hey mom,

What's up?

Or,

Hey grandma,

What's up?

Or,

Hey cousin Leo,

What's up?

It can be a name and a community serology sign.

Poor Leo's cousin Leo.

No,

His name is Leo.

You're missing the point.

His name is Leo.

Now his name is Leo.

It's really.

.

.

Let me be direct.

Stop punishing yourself.

You are the only one who's suffering.

When you release.

.

.

When David was talking about the happiest moments in our life for letting go,

When you let it go,

You will receive so much more.

You will experience so much more love and joy and connection with everyone around you,

Even more than you would have if your expectations were met.

Going into whatever you're going into,

You may also be going to your in-laws or your future in-laws or your potential in-laws or places where you don't know a single soul at the table or in the room.

Drop your expectations and do what David was saying before.

Just listen.

If you don't know what to do,

Ask people about themselves.

You will be the bell of the ball if you just walk around.

People will say,

Did you see that guy David?

What a great guy.

I want him to come over again.

He didn't say a word.

All he did was ask questions.

I should trademark it.

Maybe that's the book I need to write,

How to Be the Bell of the Ball.

You will be unforgettable if you just walk around the room asking questions.

Why?

Because you are not there for anything of the self.

You're completely empowering the other people in the room to shine and detaching from the receiving mode,

Which again,

It's normal.

It's natural.

You walk into a room,

You think,

What can I get?

How can I be comfortable?

Who's going to make me feel good?

Who's going to validate me?

When can I talk about my promotion at work?

When can I introduce my shiny new boyfriend?

We're always looking for how I can vacuum the energy in the room.

Instead focus on how you can reverse vacuum,

How you can be a beacon of light.

But I think that,

Like you said before,

It is in the letting go.

It is in the restriction.

That's where the happiness is.

Beautiful.

Do you want to talk at all about partners?

I think that your partner,

Meaning romantic partner and not business partner,

Also business partner actually,

Falls into the environment you do choose.

So it has different rules that govern it.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh,

Actually,

Yes.

It says that until the moment you commit to that person,

So you kind of enter a bond,

Especially marriage,

If we're going to use that word,

It says that after you marry someone,

Then you're in it.

It achieves family status.

And the creator has wanted you to be with this person no matter what,

To go through a process.

It doesn't mean you don't leave them.

No,

But my point is in the conversation about parents,

Siblings,

Let's say parents,

Siblings,

Aunts,

Uncles,

Cousins,

Gramps,

That's a different conversation than you and your spouse.

Partly yes.

But I do want to emphasize that before you commit to someone,

It is very much your free will to choose the right partner.

After you've committed to somebody- You relinquish your free will.

You sort of relinquish that free will to just opt in and out.

It's not just going to opt in.

You don't just opt out.

There's a lot of spiritual work you have to do before you opt out without taking the baggage to a new relationship.

What I've learned is once you're married,

It means that the creator has wanted you to be with this person and now you have something to work out,

Even if it's not working out well.

Before there's a marriage,

You totally have free will and you have to make sure you choose the right partner.

And if there are warning signs,

You need to pause and kind of look into that deeper before you commit.

That's just the difference.

It does kind of get an upgraded family status and by family status,

We mean you can't just resign.

I always encourage people who are just gung ho about leaving committed relationships not to do so so quickly.

Not because maybe they are the right person and they're making a mistake,

Which could be true,

But we don't want to let the baggage follow.

Follow you into the new relationship,

Which none of us want that.

Just make sure you clean,

You fix whatever needs fixing.

You deal with whatever needs to be dealt with.

Whatever fears,

Whatever anxiety,

Whatever needs to be said is said obviously in a proactive way before you move on.

Next week,

We are going to be focusing more on kids,

Specifically how to have a spiritual household and raise spiritual children.

And then our last episode in the series is going to be about using Kabbalistic astrology.

We're going to have a Kabbalistic astrologer on the show to talk about breaking patterns in families through lifetimes,

How we see those patterns and how we can use Kabbalistic astrology to support ourselves in our own spiritual growth as well as our family.

So stay tuned for that.

Have a fabulous week and we'll see you next time on the Weekly Energy Boost.