Episode 2.
What does the mother wound look like?
Hello and welcome back.
In our last episode we explored what the mother wound is,
How it often stems from emotional neglect,
Enmeshment or unmet needs in our early relationship with our mother.
Today we're going to go a little deeper.
We're going to look at how the mother wound actually shows up in childhood and long after in subtle but powerful ways.
We'll unpack the patterns and the behaviors that many high achieving women experience and we'll start connecting the dots between those early emotional wounds and how they live in your nervous system,
Your habits and even your confidence today.
So get comfortable and maybe grab a journal if you're the kind of person who likes to reflect as you listen.
Let's begin with what the mother wound looks like.
The mother wound doesn't always come from a dramatic or obvious trauma.
It can be quiet,
It can look like a loving,
Well-meaning mother who just didn't quite know how to see you.
It can look like always being the strong one in the family,
Heeding more criticism than praise,
Being your mother's emotional confident when you were far too young,
Having your emotions dismissed or minimized by others who may have often said it's not that bad,
Don't be so sensitive,
You're overreacting or feeling like you had to earn your mother's affection by achieving something and that something could be grades,
Beauty,
Obedience,
Being perfect,
Being the good girl.
Does any of this sound familiar?
These are all invisible forms of emotional injury that are easy to dismiss even by you but the truth is they matter.
They matter because over time they become the emotional soil that your sense of self is planted in.
When your mother couldn't meet your emotional needs consistently,
Whether due to her own trauma,
Mental health struggles or immaturity,
A few powerful beliefs can get embedded within you and some of those powerful beliefs are I'm too much,
I have to be perfect to be loved,
I have to be useful to be loved or valuable,
If I make a mistake I'll lose love,
My needs inconvenience people,
I have to take care of myself.
Once these beliefs are embedded what happens is that you begin to shrink,
You perform,
You self-silence,
You over-function especially in relationships and work.
You might look at your life today and see all the success,
You're the one who holds it all together,
You're admired,
You're dependable but inside there's often this low hum of anxiety like you're constantly bracing for disapproval,
You're waiting to be found out,
You feel like an imposter despite your success,
You feel like you're going to lose everything you've worked for.
That's high functioning anxiety,
It's the child of the mother wound.
Let's ground this in a few real-life examples just so it's a little bit more clearer.
Maybe your mother was emotionally unavailable,
She wasn't cruel but she was distant,
Caught up in her own world,
You didn't feel like you could go to her with your big emotions so you learned at a really young age to keep them inside you,
You became independent.
Now as an adult you find it hard to ask for help or show vulnerability,
You take care of everyone else but rarely let anyone take care of you,
That's the mother wound.
Another example is maybe your mum relied on you emotionally,
Vented to you about adult problems,
Leaned on you for comfort so you became the fixer,
The therapist,
The parentified child and now you're the one who jumps in to solve everything at work,
You manage crisis after crisis,
People please your way through discomfort and feel responsible for everyone's feelings,
That's the mother wound.
The wound also shows up when your mother made you responsible for her feelings,
Maybe she was emotionally immature and lashed out when she felt overwhelmed,
Maybe she compared you to others,
Criticised your appearance or tried to mold you into a version of herself,
You may have heard things like,
Why can't you be more like your sister,
You're too emotional,
You're so dramatic,
I sacrificed everything for you,
I've given up so much for you,
Even if these words weren't meant to be cruel,
They do cut deep,
Over time they teach you that love is conditional,
That you must be careful,
You must perform,
Achieve,
Be silent or shrink to stay connected and that love comes with strings attached.
This is why so many high achieving women carry invisible exhaustion,
You learnt early that it was safer to do than to feel,
So now you work hard,
You show up for everyone,
You make it look easy,
But you're quietly anxious,
Exhausted and disconnected from your own needs,
You may even struggle with confidence,
The real grounded confidence because your sense of worth has always been externally sourced.
Does any of this sound familiar?
It's a lot of information to take in,
So let's pause here for a moment,
Let's just take a deep breath in and then breathe out.
Now,
Ask yourself,
But with no judgment,
Ask yourself,
Where do I see this wound in my story?
What did I long to hear from my mother that I never did?
What kind of love did I learn to earn instead of receive freely?
Hold on to these three questions with tenderness,
You don't have to have all the answers yet,
Awareness is the beginning,
So take your time and go through these questions when you're ready.
If any of this is landing for you,
Maybe even stirring up some sadness or truth,
I want you to know that you are not alone and you are not being too sensitive,
Your pain is valid,
Your story is valid,
This is not about blaming your mother,
This is about honouring yourself,
Your needs,
Your experience and your healing.
You get to rewrite the story now,
You get to start becoming the mother,
The safe place that you have always needed.
In our next episode,
We'll dive into the concept that many high achieving women have experienced without having their language born and that is parentification,
When you had to be the adult long before you were ready.
We'll explore how that early role reversal shaped your emotional world and how it might be showing up in your adult life,
But for now,
Be kind and be gentle with yourself.
Maybe take a few minutes after this episode to write down what stood out to you or simply sit with what came up,
That's more than enough for now.
Thank you for being here,
You are already doing the work just by listening,
Reflecting and allowing your truth to rise to the surface.
You are not broken,
You're becoming whole.
I'll speak to you soon in episode 3.
