Interview: Stanley ~ Graveside Magic, Healing The Past!

48:31

48:31

Interview: Stanley ~ Graveside Magic, Healing The Past!

by Byte Sized Blessings

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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1

Listen in on Stanley's story- of how a young boy who lost his mother, became lost, and confused, and utterly alone. It took a whole lot of hard work and determination to heal, as well as a whole lot of magic and a chance opportunity at a funeral, to become someone else's miracle!

Healing Childhood Trauma Emotional Wellbeing Personal Growth Synchronicity Forgiveness Mindfulness Lifestyle Changes Exercise Diet Weight Loss Walking Mindful Eating Veganism

Meet your Teacher

Byte Sized Blessings

Santa Fe, NM, USA

Meet your Teacher

Byte Sized Blessings

Santa Fe, NM, USA

Transcript

Hi everyone and welcome back to this week's show. This time I'm introducing you to Stanley Bronstein, Who among many things is an attorney, A CPA, An author, A mindset coach, A walking expert, And a weight loss expert. Stanley has multiple miracle stories to tell in this episode, Including one from his early childhood. And that incident from his childhood set up the entire rest of his life and actually created a space for Stanley later on in life to be present to another child who was suffering a loss. There's no doubt in my mind that Stanley is unstoppable, And his journey is a fascinating one. From being incredibly, Incredibly overweight, He decided one day to take control of his life. And that's the miracle as well. That each and every one of us can change on a dime and live better, Fuller lives. So here's my interview with the unstoppable Stanley Bronstein. I'm on my bike, I'm leaving the school, Any kids wondering what's going on. I got one block away from the school. I fell off my bike. And I got back up. And I realized what had happened. And I turned stone cold. And I did not cry, And I got back on my bike. And I wrote home. I'm Stanley Bronstein. By trade, I'm an attorney into CPA. That's what I've done for my whole career. And I'm a person who drastically changed their life as they were approaching the age of 50. Ask me about it and I'll be happy to tell you my story. Oh my gosh, Yes, I'd love to hear that story. But I just want to say I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, And I'm really appreciative. I was just I was just in Albuquerque this weekend. What? Seriously? Yeah, I was in Albuquerque this weekend. If I'd have known that I'd have gone up to Santa Fe. Oh my gosh, Because I'm noticing the decor behind you, Which to me looks very desert Southwest. It is. I'm in Scottsdale, Arizona. Oh, Well, There you go. We're practically neighbors. I love it. Yes. Okay. So I would love to hear that story because, You know, I usually follow up with, When you were a kid, Did you imagine that what you're doing now is what you'd be doing? Like, What did you envision as a kid? You mean I didn't want to be a fireman? That's what most boys do. Probably a fireman or an astronaut. Um. . . No. I, A lot of my life was shaped. By my childhood because I had a very much life-shaping event occur to me at the age of eight. September 13, 1967, My mother died. And needless to say, That messed with my head big time. And. . . Bye. There I am. I mean, I emotionally, In a lot of ways, I shut down. I didn't cry at her funeral. I, You know, But I continue to. There I am living with my massively obese father. He had no clue how to eat a healthy diet, No clue how to eat right or anything. No clue that I could have probably used a little bit of counseling. And to be honest with you, Back in 1967, People didn't send kids to counseling. And if you did go to see a counselor, Because you were crazy. So, I mean, That's fine. I mean, I understand that. And I'm just fine as a result. So that very much shaped my life in a lot of ways. From that moment on, You look at the pictures, I started putting on a lot of weight, More and more and more and more. A lot of men like to say that they're as small as they were when they got married. Well, I'm smaller than I was when I was 13. So. You know, What can I say? It's crazy, But it's true. And I've actually found pictures to prove it. So. Went through. High school, Had friends, But, You know, Women didn't want to date me, You know, Pretty much. Because I was big, Same thing in college, Had friends, But didn't have much of a dating life. My senior year in college, I lost a bunch of weight. About 75 pounds or so. And then I went on a road trip. And there were cookies in the backseat of the car. And the cookies and I had an intimate love affair during the trip. And. . . The weight just started coming right back on. And you got it. You know, Mercy, Mercy, Mercy, Mercy. So. That was one of the first times in my life where I've lost a lot of weight. I did it. I didn't learn how to eat properly. And. . . The changes I did make that worked for a while were temporary changes. And the minute I stopped doing the temporary changes, Boom, You know, There it went. All the way came back on plus a lot more. Then I graduated from college, Became an accountant. I was working with one of my older brothers. We had a real estate company that we started when I was about 28 years old. We got in an argument one day, As brothers will often do. And in the middle of the argument, He says, You ought to go to law school. And I said, Okay. So I showed him. So I signed up, Began going to law school, Went at night, Part-time, So it took me four years instead of three. Became a lawyer. My last year of law school, I don't know what it is, But it's like my last year in school, I started thinking about what's coming next. I lost a bunch of weight again. I lost like 102 pounds, Something like that. But again, I don't think I learned how to do it properly. I followed the Weight Watchers program at the time, And that was better than what I did before. But to be honest with you, I'm not a big fan of Weight Watchers. I don't think their program I disagree with many things in their program. Let me phrase it, I think it's better than most weight loss programs. And I think it's infinitely better than taking the weight loss drugs. I do not, I personally don't recommend them. I have so many different things you can try first. And I tell people, Please try these things first. And then if you want to do the drugs, Go ahead. But at least try these things first. So I'm not a huge fan of it, But. You know, It worked for me. And. One of the things I did in that journey was. . . I did make one permanent change in my eating habits. The permanent change was I stopped eating meals in the middle of the night. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and I would eat a full meal, Two, Three in the morning, Full meal. And the way I stopped, That was very interesting. I didn't particularly realize what I was doing at the time, But I kind of stumbled upon something. I would wake up in the middle of the night ready to go eat, Go in the kitchen. I'd open it up in the freezer, I'd pull out one of those White Watchers entrees, You know, With the pretty pictures on the front? I'd look at the picture. I would imagine what it tasted like. I said, That was good. And then I put it back in the freezer and I went back to sleep. So I learned then you can taste food without putting it in your mouth. Same thing if you want to quit cigarettes. Pull the cigarette out, Take a look at it. Don't light it. Imagine you're inhaling it and you know what it tastes like, You know what it feels like, You know how it makes you feel and put it back in the pack and don't smoke it. Same thing if you were drinking. Pour yourself a glass. Look at it, Smell it, Do whatever you want with it, But don't drink it. Imagine you had it. So you can taste, You can experience in your mind. I mean, I mean, To this day, I haven't had red meat in over 17 years. I haven't had chicken or turkey in over 12 and a half, I'm vegan now, Haven't had chicken or turkey in over 12 and a half years. I can taste those things right now just by talking about them. I know what they taste like. I still remember what they taste like. I can smell them, I know what they taste like. But I don't have to put them in my mouth. So there I am, I lost a bunch of weight, I got small enough. To where women were interested in me. And. There's a part of my story that happened right around then that I usually tell. But I know you mentioned that at the end of the interview, You want to talk about synchronicity. So I will save that story for the end of the interview. And we can talk about how around the age of 32, 33, Life presented me with an, The universe presented me with an amazing opportunity to heal. Oh my gosh, Okay, I can't wait to hear that. You know, Let me ask you something. I was seeing someone to find out, Get an allergy panel to find out. You know, What I was allergic to and. Cause I'm. . . In menopause, I'm gaining weight and He said, You know, Yes, We're gonna. Figure out what you're allergic to, And then we can figure out a strategy to help you become healthier and all of this stuff. He said, But you do realize that sometimes we gain weight. Um, For like emotional reasons, For mental reasons, And some of the weight you're carrying could be because of trauma you've had in the past. Um, Do you think that applies to you at all with the death of your mother possibly, And, And just kind of being. . . First of all, It definitely applies to me. Second of all, It probably does apply to you. Third of all, You're talking about allergies. I mentioned to you I was in Albuquerque this weekend. I usually don't have allergies, But mine went nuts. When I was in Albuquerque, So something this time of year was out there. Big time. So I can I can imagine only imagine what you're going through. Yeah, But yeah, It trauma. Oh, It absolutely affects you. It shapes who you are. For me, Food was my comfort. It was my lover. It was my friend. But it was also killing me. As I like to say, I was committing slowicide. I was slowly eating myself to death. I mean, Every time I went to a Chinese buffet. Every time I drank a two liter bottle of soda pop, Even though it was diet caffeine free. Still is garbage, In my opinion. Every time I. . . Had too much alcohol to drink. Every time I sat on my butt and didn't exercise. I was knocking days, Months, Weeks, Years off my life, And I was lessening the quality of my life during those years. So. That's why I'm glad I woke up. And I stopped doing those things, But absolutely, Your childhood is a part of who you are. It is who you are. I mean, Kate, Let me ask you this. Here's a before and after picture of me for anybody who's looking at it. In one picture, I was about 367 pounds. I had a 58-inch waist. Today, I'm about 145 pounds. I have a 31-inch waist. No drugs, No surgeries. Same person, Same DNA. But they are not the same people. The childhood experiences that shaped me. The large person. Over time. Or healed. To help produce. The smaller person who was inside the larger person all the time, Screaming to get out. There's a nice skinny Kirsten inside of you screaming to get out. I know. I'm very excited to meet her. I can't even tell you. Can I ask, Did your father ever reorient his direction or the way he was at life? And did he ever, You know, Start exercising or taking care of you? No, No, He didn't. He didn't know that. And he didn't. And here's the sad part. He died when he was 85, Which is over 30 years ago, 30 years ago. But he was big his whole life. If I knew then. What I know now. I would have cooked all of his food. I would have put him on a vegan diet, And he would have eaten it. He liked vegetables. He liked all that stuff. He wouldn't have argued with me a bit. If I had beans, Grains, I'd say, Here's what you eat. This is what you eat. Eat all of it you want, But this is it. Don't eat anything else. No ice cream, No cheese, Blah, Blah. He would have done it. And if I would have done that, I could have easily improved his last 10 years of life and probably added 10 more years to it, Because he had good genes. I mean, I remember seeing him in the hospital one time and I saw his ultrasound and his heart was thump-a-thump-a-thump. I mean, His heart was strong. But, You know, Over years and years and years of abuse, It gives out on you. You know, Is what it does. And that's why I'm so glad I started making the changes I did before all those things happened to me. So after I graduated law school, I started dating women. They were interested enough in me to date. I wound up getting married to a woman I've been waiting, September will be 26 years. We're still married. And. . . I, You know, A while back I opened up my own law and accounting practice. And. . . It was, By the way, I approve of what you're drinking water. Smart choice. So anyway. Started my own practice, The typical stresses, Life, Stresses of the business, Everything else. Over time, I began putting weight back on. I never got back to my full 367, But as I was approaching 50. Four months before my 50th birthday, I was 320. And the reason why I never got back to that full 367 was, Remember I told you how at the middle of the night? I stopped eating. I broke that habit. Permanently. That was a permanent change. And the permanent change was good for 40-something pound permanent weight loss. So it never came back. So lesson to be learned from there. Temporary changes are going to give you temporary results. Permanent changes are going to give you permanent results. We're going to talk more about this. In a minute. Permanent changes is what you need. So. . . There I am. February 1st, 2009. Four months before my 50th birthday. 320 pounds. Felt like crap. To be honest with you, I was disgusted with myself. I mean, I was disgusted. I said, Stanley. You have the successful career, The successful business. And. . . You're blowing it. You're messing up. I mean, You are wasting your potential. You can be so much more than what you are. This is disgusting. This is ridiculous. So. . . I asked myself a question, Where am I going to be in five years if I keep doing what I'm doing? I didn't like the answer. Because the answer was. Dead. And I decided I did not want to be dead. So? I don't know why. I'm cooked. I'm done. The funny thing is I had not hit rock bottom yet. I hadn't had a heart attack yet. I hadn't had a stroke yet. My knees hadn't given out yet. Those things might have been coming. But I hadn't hit rock bottom. But I was disgusted. Disgusted enough to do something. So I said, I'm going to make some changes. And now there's an interesting part about this I'm going to share with you. I told my wife, I'm going to make these changes. You might like them and you might not like them. And if you don't like them, I don't care. Because I have to make these changes or I'm going to be dead. And I said, I'm going on a journey. I'm inviting you to come along with me, And I hope you do. But if you don't. . . There's the door. You can walk out right now. I told her that. And That was what I call a moment of healthy selfishness. You know how they tell you on an airplane, Put your oxygen mask on first? That's what I did. I put my oxygen mask on first. And to her credit, She stuck with me. As I said, We're still married. And to be honest with you, We get along better now than we did then. And I have no doubt I'm a better husband now than I was then. So. But that we had that conversation. I actually have a book on that, My website, On that topic, The Way of Healthy Selfishness. That's what the whole book's about. And it's free, So people want to download it and read it. So I said, I'm going to make some changes. I came up with four. First one. I quit drinking alcohol. Was I an alcoholic? I don't know. That I was drinking scotch every day. I was undoubtedly drinking more than I should. And I was serving it, It was not serving me. So I believe in symbolism. I took my last bottle of scotch, Poured it down the toilet, Hit flush, Gone. Haven't had a drink in 17 years. And to be honest with you, I found it easy to quit drinking alcohol. That's not to make light of other people, Because I know a lot of people have struggled with it. But I found it easy, And I think the reason I found it easy is because I wasn't physically addicted to it. I didn't go through detox symptoms. If anything, I was emotionally addicted to it. You know, So I might have missed it. You know, Might have craved it, Might have wanted it, But I didn't find it that hard to quit drinking alcohol. Now, The next thing I quit drinking was much harder. Two liter bottles of soda pop. I was drinking three of those a day. But they were diet caffeine free. Those are healthier, Right? That's what they tell us. Wrong. Okay, These are all my opinions here. I think that's garbage and that's BS. They're not healthier for us. They're horrible. So once again, Symbolism. I took my last two liter bottle, Poured it down the toilet, Flush, Gone. Haven't had one in 17 years. And that was actually harder to quit than the alcohol. But it wasn't that hard. And I think it's because I would drink it all day, Every day. And then here I am, I'm stuck with drinking boring water. You know, Like you're doing. So, But that's okay. It's much better for you, Much healthier for you. So. Then I said, I'm going to make a dietary change. I like chicken and turkey, So I quit eating red meat. Beef and pork. I figured that's supposedly a little healthier. That'd be a little better for me. So I quit doing that. And that was interesting because my father was a butcher and I grew up in a house with unlimited free meat. Uh, So. . . You know, So, But quitting that, It was interesting to do that. But. . . Then I said, I'm going to make an exercise change. I've got to start exercising. So I picked, I said, What am I going to do for exercise? I decided upon walking. I said, Walking is going to be my exercise of choice. And little did I realize how prophetic my words were because I have become a walking athlete. Since that day. And. . . So. I figured walking would be good because you don't need a lot of special equipment. You can do it almost anywhere, Anytime, And I figured it would beat me up less than anything else. So I said, OK, I'm going to do that. Then. But when I started, My knees hurt. I can only walk two or three blocks. And I was out of breath. I found a gym that was open 24 hours a day. I'd go there in the middle of the night. It had a pool. I'd walk in the pool in the middle of the night when it was empty. And that started me on a routine of exercising in the middle of the night, Which I still do to this day. Um. . . My sleep patterns, My regimen is different. Then a lot of people are actually sleeping two shifts. I, You know, I will go to bed seven, Eight o'clock. I'll wake up at 12, One o'clock. I'll exercise for four hours. Then I'll feed the dogs and I'll go back to bed for a couple hours. Then I'll get up, Walk the dogs, Go about my day. So I sleep in two shifts. And I actually find that's very good because that second shift, Oh, That is such a deep sleep. I mean, I woke up this morning and I was like. . . You know, When you wake up and you're like that, That's so good. So. I started walking. And I set a goal that by my 50th birthday, I wanted to do a five-hour pool walk. Well, By my 50th birthday, I'd lost about 50 pounds by then. I did that five hour pool walk. Two days later, I did one for five and a half hours. And then I started working outside. And over time I started picking up and picking up and picking up. Now this whole process I've been on. I want to emphasize it has been an evolutionary process. I got started. I didn't start out the way I am today. I mean, The way I eat today is nothing like the way I eat. 17 years ago. It's better, But that's what I have evolved into. The main thing is to get started and let things grow, Let things compound and see how it turns out and what it turns into. Now, I also want to emphasize one other thing. Notice I told you I started on February 1st, 2009. Care to guess why it was not January the 1st? Well, Personally, I think the gym is bonkers on January 1st and I'd rather avoid the gym. People descending on the gym if I'm going to start anything. So a month later seems brilliant because I feel like most of the people will quit by then. Well, That's not why I did it. I did it, Yeah, I did it because like every, Like all those people. I had a New Year's resolution that this was the year I was going to get in shape, And I blew it. I didn't stick to it, I didn't keep it. But as February 1st rolled around, I said, OK, Let's get started now. So I want to emphasize. Doesn't matter when you start as long as it's now. Now. I call that day my rebirth day. Whenever I start, I celebrate it every year. And I celebrate it by walking a marathon every birthday. That's what I did. And. . . Whenever I counsel people, Whenever I work with people, With clients, I always tell them this day that we're starting, Write that on the calendar. This is your rebirthday. This is the day you're starting right now. What I've learned. Is that I am more powerful than I ever imagined. I'm a pretty confident guy. Always been a confident guy. But the experience of losing 220 pounds and keeping it off the experience of going from a person. Who could not walk two or three blocks to a person who walks a half marathon or more every day. Blew my mind. And now, Let me ask you. Why do I walk that much? Why do I walk a half marathoner every day? Do you have to walk a half marathon every day? No, You don't. I kill people. Start with 20 minutes a day. And you can do it at a slow pace. It does not need to be fast. I walk slow, Slow, Slow. And everybody always used to tell me, You're walking too slowly. And guess what? I did something right. You know, I didn't listen to them. Um. . . I did what I knew was right for me, Just as you should do what you know is right for you. So why do I walk so much every day? You know why? Because I can. I am in year 18. Of searching for my limits. And I have not found them yet. That's how powerful I am. Okay, So now. . . If I'm more powerful than I ever imagined. What does that say about the people who are listening? What does that say about Kirsten? It says you too are more powerful than you ever imagined. We are all more powerful than we ever imagined. I am no more special than you. You are no more special than me. We are all special, Each and every one of us. You are more powerful than you ever imagined. So. Once you realize that, You start to ask yourself questions. And the question I asked myself was, If I could lose 220 pounds, Keep it off permanently. If I could go from a person who can only walk two or three blocks and turn into a walking athlete, A literal walking machine, I mean, I am on pace that come June, I will have circled the earth at the equator three times over the last 17 years. You know, That's a lot of walking. So. So. If I could do that. What else is out there waiting for me to do that I haven't done yet? Um, You know, You mentioned that your father was a butcher. Was that kind of a family trade? Like had your grandfather? No, No. How did, I mean, I've never met anybody who had a butcher in the family. So how did that happen? He had a grocery store and it had a meat market in it. And he, You know. You know, Did the butchering. I mean, He didn't kill the animals, But he brought them in, You know, And he catches some steaks and catches whatever he wanted and everything else. You know, That's what he did. That's so was it a where was the grocery store? I'm so curious. Galveston, Texas, Small. Okay. Did you ever consider I mean, I'm sure your dreams were way bigger. But did anybody in the family ever work at the grocery store? Just, You know, Stocking shelves and stuff like that, You know, Just helping out. Okay, Like any typical family owned business, But no, It was not my, My life's aspiration was not to take over, Take over the grocery store. Right, Right. Yeah. And when my mother died, He actually sold the store to his brother and his brother took it over. Got it. Okay. You know, No, It was not my life's aspiration to take over those. I had other dreams. Okay. Yeah, Absolutely. You know, The second question I usually ask everybody is, Did you grow up in a religious household? And if so, What did that look like? And, You know, If you have a connection to something outside yourself, Great. If not, Absolutely great. But how is that, If you do, How has that evolved over time? Okay. Was it a religious household? Yes and no. I mean, I was always around religion. I mean, I'm Jewish. I was always around religion, But. . . I mean, I never said I want to be a holy man or anything like that. And to be quite frank with you, My experience with all religions Nah, Just Judaism. Is it? There are a lot of holy people who do a lot of unholy things. You know, And I've seen that in all religions. Is, You know, And in business especially. I've seen a lot of things that get done and I don't like that. I'm If anything, I think back to what did the Dalai Lama say in one of his opening books? He said, The older he gets, The more he thinks. That it doesn't matter what religion you are, It matters what kind of a person you are. How good of a person you are. And. I agree with that. And. . . If anything. . . I would think a lot of my ideas are more spiritual. And a lot of them are more Buddhist. In. Nature. You know, Just. You know, I believe in simplicity. One of my books is called The Way of Simplicity. Identify the simplest thing that gets the job done and that's what you should do. Whereas my wife always looks, I mean, I get paid to make simple, I get paid to make complicated things simple. That's who I am. That's what I want to be about. I want to be a good. . . Percy. Because I have faith in this world. I have faith in this crazy, Mixed up, Screwed up world that we live in right now. I believe it has incredible potential. I believe. The way to get there is not going to be because our leaders all of a sudden woke up and decided they were going to be sane and they were going to do smarter, Better things. It's going to be because we as individuals, We as people, All collectively got our stuff together. Individually and collectively, And then we started acting in accordance to that. You know, We learned to help each other. You know what would happen in this world if we all started helping somebody else? Eventually somebody would help you do just the way it works. But see, What I believe is this. I have learned that sometimes in life, In order to figure out what you want. You have to first experience what you don't want. And I believe that at present. We are experiencing what we don't want. So we can figure out what it is we do want. I actually do love exercising, You know, Um, Living here at altitude in Santa Fe is, Was interesting at first, You know, Letting my buddy adjust for the three or four months to, You know, But yeah, One of my favorite activities is swimming. And, Uh, You know, Someone said, Isn't it boring going back and forth doing laps? And I said, Are you kidding? It feels, It's like the best to escape gravity. I love escaping gravity. Oh, It absolutely is the best to escape gravity. And swimming's fine if you love to do it. Yeah. Absolutely. I would so love if you and appreciate if you'd share a story. Or an experience where you've either witnessed or directly experienced something you consider to be magical, Miraculous, Or mysterious. Is this where you want me to talk about the synchronicity? Yes. Okay. About, I mentioned that when my mother died, When I was eight years old at the funeral, I did not cry. I was stone cold. Didn't I cry? Nobody realized it. Nobody did anything to pull me out of, You know, Pull me out of it or anything. Didn't send me to counseling. I just, I was stone cold. That's what it was. I mean, What actually happened was I was at school. And the lady from the office, Mrs. Cleary, I still remember her name. She came to the door and she said, Stanley, You rode your bike to school, Didn't you? And I said, Yes. And she said, Your father called and he said he needs you to come home. And help them out. So you can leave now. I'm on my bike, I'm leaving the school, Any kids wondering what's going on. I got one block away from the school. I fell off my bike. And I got back up. And I realized what had happened. And I turned stone cold. And I did not cry, And I got back on my bike. And I wrote home. And you know what's interesting? I retraced my steps. With my wife. It's probably about. Six, Seven years ago and went down there. We walked around while I retraced my steps. I didn't realize the spot where I fell off my bike. Was Catty Corner from The Orphan's Home. And I'll show you something else interesting. I have a totem animal. That I like. The snail. Okay, They are steady, They are diligent, They are persistent. They get where they're going no matter how long it takes. This is Stanley the snail. Say hi. Hello. Hello. How you doing? Okay. So. When I retraced it with my wife, We were over there. I looked in the bushes right at the spot over there and what did I see in the spot? There was a family of snails. So I sat there and I said, Okay, That's good. That's what happened the day she died. So 20, About 25 years later. After I had become a lawyer. One of my aunts, My mother's sister, Died. And. . . It was interesting, The night she died. I was with. Another one of my aunts. We were working together on a project. It was just the two of us. So it was, There were three sisters. So the one, My mother, The one who died, And the one I was with. Sister I was with had her own trauma from my mother's funeral simply because she did not go to the funeral. And the reason why she did not go to the funeral was she was a couple of days away from giving birth. And she could not travel. And the doctor said, She told me that, You know, The doctor said when she was giving birth, It was the saddest thing he'd ever seen because when she should have been happy, She was crying because she was thinking about my mother. So. And so she had her own trauma from that. And the interesting thing was, She was the only one of my relatives who was probably empathic enough who would have realized the trauma I was going through at the time, Who might have pulled this out of me. And put me on my shelf, But she wasn't there. So it was the two of us. So here we are. It's the two of us together. And by ourselves, Because we were working on a project when we found out about this. And we were making arrangements to go. She was in Las Cruces. You know, South of you. Is where she lived. And we were making arrangements to go there the next day to be a funeral, Go see or whatever. That in the middle of the night. About 12, One in the morning, I heard my aunt crying in the other room. And I got up and I went in there and I said, Aunt Rosie just died. And she said, How do you know that? And I said, Because I heard my mother calling her. It turned out that was almost to the minute that she died. We're going to the funerals the next day. We wish people would bury people quickly. So. I went to the funeral, I went to the cemetery. What did I see when I walked into the cemetery? I saw two young boys. Standing there by themselves. They were cousins of mine. I'd never met them before. This was their grandmother who died. And they were both standing there. Then one was about nine years old and he was crying his eyes out. The other one was six years old. He was standing there by himself. Stone-cold with a dumbfounded look on his face. Sound familiar? I sat there. And I lifted him. And I said, That's me. So. I said, I will be damned if I let happen to this kid what happened to me. So I walked over to him. I introduced myself to him, I said, I'm your cousin. I said, I know exactly how you feel right now. You don't know what's going on. You don't know what to think. You don't know how your life is going to go on. You don't know what to do. You don't know what to feel. And I told him, I said, It's okay for you to cry. And I put my arms around him and I did not let go until he started crying. And guess what happened? Guess who else started crying? All the tears that did not come out at my mother's funeral. Came out of that field. But the story gets better. And here's where I'm going to tell you what I actually said. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. There was an older Orthodox gentleman who was there at the service. And he said out loud in front of 20 or 30 people, He said, What are these kids doing here at this cemetery? Kids don't belong at funerals. A lot of Orthodox Jews don't believe kids belong in cemeteries. Well, I snapped. One of the few times in my life where I lost it. I turned around to him and I said, That was their grandmother. If there's anybody who belongs here at this funeral, It's those two kids. And if there's anybody that doesn't belong here at this funeral, It's you, You son of a bitch. You can get out of here right now. And he shut up and he did not say another word. So. Not only did I get to. . . Meet young Stanley. Not only did I get to talk to young Stanley, Not only did I get to hug young Stanley, Not only did I get to cry with young Stanley, I had an opportunity to defend him too. It was wonderful. And then I will give you the last bit of the healing story, And then you can elaborate. A couple of months before COVID hit, It was like the week before Christmas, I went back down to Galveston. I had some time to kill before I was catching a plane flight to come back home. And I retrace my steps yet again. I went to my old childhood home. The people who had bought it from my father still live there. And her husband had just died, And I rang the doorbell. She remembered me. She let me in. She, You know, Showed me the house, Showed me everything. They were making cookies for Christmas. With her family, And I told her, I love what you've done with this house. It is obvious to me that you have turned this house into a home. And I said, I like that very much. And then I hugged her. I said, Thank you, And then I left, And then I went to the cemetery. It was a beautiful sunny day. Right before Christmas. And the sun was overhead. It was like 11, 1130. I lay down on the grass between my. . . Parent's grace, Mother and father. I talked to them for about an hour. I told them everything I've done. I said, I think you would be proud of me. And then I thanked them for everything they did for me. But more importantly, I forgave them for everything they did to me. They were human beings just like me. They made mistakes just like me. And did the best they could. In the way they thought was best. And I thanked him for that, And then I got up and I left. And like, For example, For years. I was angry at my mother. For not telling me she was dying. I seriously, I still, To this day, I think that was a mistake. For her to not prepare me. For the fact that she was dying and to make it even more interesting. She had a friend who was our caregiver, Our maid at the house. Who basically raised me from the time I was born. Who had no children of her own. Who would have had a child about my age, But he died before birth. So she had no children. If I had to do it over again, She should have bonded me to her. And she just said, Stanley Marie is your mother now. Ray Stanley is your son now. That's what you should have done. But it didn't happen. That's okay. I was angry that she didn't prepare me because I was a smart kid and I would have understood, But. Think about it. How hard is it to ask a 48-year-old woman to admit that she's dying? And tell that to her eight-year-old son. That's a pretty tough ask. So cut her some slack. You know, Same thing with my father. He didn't know any better. He had a fifth grade education. All my father knew was to work hard. Stay out of trouble, And provide for his family. And to make sure I got an education. It's all he knew. And he did those things well. You know, So thank you, You know. We are all human beings. We are going to mess up. The question is, What do we do when we mess up? Do we beat ourselves upside the head, Say that we're worthless, Say that we're no good? And then go back to our old negative habits. Or do we say screwed up? What can I learn from that screw-up? How can I do better? Mistakes are proof that I'm trying. You know, There's an old saying, Fall down seven times, Get up eight. Well, I've probably fallen down a thousand times. And gotten up 1, 001. And that last time I got up, Baby. I got up for real. And that's it. That's my interview with Stanley. I want to thank him for coming on the show and being such a gracious guest, For being so vulnerable and sharing his weight loss journey, But also the story of his mother's early passing. Those kinds of events in our lives shape us forever and change us and mold us into the humans we eventually become. Thank you for listening, And here's my one request. Be like Stanley. Know that you can change at any point in your life. That the world is your oyster, That you can shape and create and mold anything you want, Whether it's a better body, A more beautiful space to live, Deeper friendships, Larger community, You have the power. The world is yours to imagine. The world is yours to make more beautiful. So be like Stanley and imagine what you will, And then go out and make the world yours.