Psychic Sphere - A Story Of Awakening To Intuition

MUSIC So I wanted to share a personal story with you about my transition into awakening.

I was raised Catholic and had never really been exposed to any type of religion or spiritual practice other than that.

My parents weren't really strict Christians,

But we did go to church and studied the Bible when we were there,

But they didn't really enforce it much at home.

So I really had no background or history or understanding even of other religions,

Not even Judaism or Islamic or anything like that.

I had wonderful loving parents.

I had a good life when things were normal.

Everything was great until my mother died when I was 16.

I had never thought about the other side before.

I wanted to know where she went.

I wanted to speak to her.

I couldn't understand why I couldn't see her or speak to her anymore.

I shouted at God to let me see her one last time.

He did not.

I did not.

I was angry.

I denounced God.

I became agnostic.

I began wearing black,

Dressing punk and listening to punk music.

I found myself diving into partying and having carefree fun because I just didn't give a shit anymore.

Years later,

I continued on at the club,

Partying until 6 a.

M.

Ecstasy was the popular drug back then.

It caused me to sense and feel everything.

However,

I was not grounded,

Clear or being healthy and taking care of my body.

So I felt everything.

Good,

Bad,

Not mine.

The world.

Sadness of others.

The pain behind the smile.

True feelings behind the lies.

Unspoken words and emotions.

I recall driving to work one day where I had to pass through this part of town where hookers worked.

It was about 7 a.

M.

On a Sunday.

And there he was,

Dressed as a she.

Smiling,

Twirling around the light post,

Waving,

Prancing.

Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably as I felt the pain behind the facade.

I shook my head and cried deeply for his soul.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

Why are you pretending to be happy when you're not?

The light turned green and I let out a deep cry.

Panic and fear overtook my body.

I tried to pull it together before walking into work and just breathe.

Walking into work,

The ground seemed crooked,

Slanted,

Like I was walking through a funhouse.

The walls shifted around me.

I felt as if I were going to pass out.

I made it to work safely and sat on my stool and immediately called for someone to cover my shift that day.

On my way home,

I got visions of a man with blue eyes.

Piercing blue eyes that were radiating out of the sky above me,

Looking back at me.

I almost couldn't drive the car safely.

I was losing my mind.

I drank to subdue my anxiety and calm myself.

Yet I still had anxiety during the day,

Obsessing over the racing thoughts in my mind.

What is this?

Why am I here?

What is the purpose to all this?

Am I going crazy?

I didn't have anyone to help me answer these questions.

I didn't have anyone in my life that understood anything about visions.

I thought I was becoming schizophrenic.

So I decided that I needed to seek help.

I went to a menstrual institution and was ready to do whatever it took to stop these racing thoughts and uncontrolled visions.

But everything felt so real.

Intellectually,

I felt something was wrong.

But deep down,

I knew it wasn't all just an illusion.

As I sat in the waiting room,

A man started to speak to me.

You know,

They're going to shoot you up with drugs.

You're going to lose all your rights.

He points to the swinging double doors.

You're going to end up just like them.

I glanced over to see the doors opening.

Lifeless eyes,

Shuffling feet.

People passed by in their robes and slippers.

I looked back at the man.

He advised,

Be careful what you tell them.

And I thought to myself,

I'm not that crazy.

I told the counselor the edited version of my story,

Sans the hallucinations and thinking death is the only way to make it all stop.

She referred me to my college counselor,

Who then told me I'm just having an existential crisis and a bit of anxiety.

After all,

I was reading Nietzsche and Kierkegaard at that time because I was becoming agnostic and God was dead to me at that time.

I immediately went to buy a book on anxiety attacks,

And sure enough,

There were all my symptoms.

Racing thoughts,

Fear of dying,

Feeling like you might pass out,

Feeling like something bad is about to happen.

Rapid heartbeat,

Heart flutters,

Dizziness,

Panic for no apparent reason and sleeplessness.

It's all in my head.

It's just a trick of the mind.

I thought.

I relaxed and took a deep breath.

I believe the paranoid man in the waiting room was an angel sent to protect me from making a big mistake.

I'm grateful for his timing to this day.

Eventually,

My anxiety lessened,

But my sensitivities were still there.

I was awakening to something that I was not familiar with,

And it was scary.

Having done the drugs that I was doing at the time,

My nervous system was on high alert.

I began to regain control of my thoughts.

My nervousness.

My energy.

My sensitivity.

And stopped going to the club late night and partying until dawn.

I couldn't do drugs anymore.

I felt everyone's thoughts,

Feelings,

Moods,

Good and bad.

It was just too overwhelming for me.

It wasn't fun anymore,

And I had to get away from it.

I even had a hard time being in large crowds in public,

As I would pick up on everyone's energy.

Soon after,

I was at a wedding and looking up the most beautiful Kentucky blue sky,

And turned to look at that person beside me,

And it was him.

Those blue eyes that had been looking at me.

Within months,

We were married.

We bought a house and started our lives together.

I began to have more premonitions and see spirits.

I would often get woken up at night by entities and spirits talking to me,

Messing with me,

What felt like reprogramming my body cells,

Talking in different languages,

Light languages I've never heard of.

Sometimes it was beautiful.

Other times it felt like I was being electrocuted,

Dragged out of my body,

Thrown around the room,

And then smacked on the forehead with a rubber mallet.

My astral body came back into my physical body.

My eyes and sensitivities were open,

And I had no way to shut it down or control it.

I sought a spiritual teacher who helped me to set healthy energetic boundaries and be in control of what I was sensing and how it was affecting me.

I had to claim my space in the light,

She said,

And deny that which is not of the light.

I began to sharpen and attune my abilities.

And I was still having visions and my intuition was getting stronger.

I could sense when someone was lying.

I began to talk to spirits and see auras around people.

Some people embraced my gifts.

Others were intimidated or felt uncomfortable about it,

Namely my closest loved ones.

Eventually,

This new me was unable to relate to my old life anymore.

I longed for deeper spiritual connection.

I couldn't live in the city anymore.

I wanted to live in nature and be in harmony and community with beings that were like me.

I moved away from Orlando and dragged my husband along with me.

But that did not last very long before he returned to Florida.

I continued to live on an ashram by myself in my tiny apartment on the land.

I found myself alone and having more time to connect with nature.

I left everything behind,

My home,

My family,

My friends,

My husband.

I felt very empty and alone.

But this breakaway from everything that had before defined me allowed a clear vessel within me to open up.

I began to connect more with my true self,

With nature,

With taking care of my body,

With listening to my inner intuition and having a spiritual practice and connection.

As I lived in this new town in the mountains of Asheville,

I felt as if I was working out every karmic lesson from every lifetime with every relationship I had ever had.

Awakening was not a big fluffy connection as I thought it would be.

It was painful,

Tragic and soul-ripping to disconnect myself from the old stories of the old me from lifetimes ago about my lack of self-love.

I began to unravel in a new way,

Peeling back the layers of my ego and my false sense of self.

It took many years.

It was not easy.

But I felt supported by nature that surrounded me.

I felt supported by the community that I lived in.

I had access to all the tools that I needed and all the healthy food and nourishment and love around me.

This I would not have easily found in the city.

I began to slowly eat more healthy foods and do more healthy habits in my life.

I began practicing yoga,

Then teaching yoga.

It helped to ground me in ways I never knew I could feel grounded before.

The lessons continued with each relationship that came along my path again and again.

The choice for self-love and self-value was right in front of me each time.

I discovered that being a healer and an empath,

That I greatly wanted to help others because helping others made me feel good.

It made me feel important.

It made me feel wanted and needed.

That is a narcissist's dream come true.

And that was a lesson that I finally learned from those relationships.

That I had to value and love myself unconditionally first.

This has allowed me to enjoy life more with more meaning,

Depth and joy.

My intuition slowly became stronger and more aligned with the frequency of love and spirit.

All of the transformations and lessons I had had,

Had come full circle.

From being raised Catholic,

Christian and having an experience with a faith healer,

With my dying mother,

Denouncing God and becoming agnostic,

Walking the path of drugs and partying,

To leaving it all behind to live with the monks in the mountains.

I became the healer and intuitive that I am now.

Along our spiritual journeys,

It can be a very crooked path,

With winding twists and turns,

Ups and downs.

I'm here to let you know that you're supported on this journey through this community,

Through me.

We're all ascending together towards oneness.

We're all going through these layers of awakening.

You now have the support that you need.

Continue doing your work and know that no matter where you are in your journey,

Whether you're still stuck in old patterns or with people or with substances,

Finding yourself,

It's all part of your path.

So don't judge yourself.

All roads lead to that same one pointed focus.

Which is oneness,

Which is love.

And we are all simply walking each other home on this path.

Many blessings to you.

May you live a life of oneness today.