Hey,
This is Ish,
And in today's talk,
I'll be going over how to break out of a downward spiral.
And specifically,
I'll be going over how a downward spiral can affect your physiology,
Tips on breaking out of a downward spiral.
Another term for this is a winner effect.
And if you're in a downward spiral,
How this can actually help you become more resilient and also provide you with spiritual strength.
So this topic is very similar to the winner effect and also the loser effect,
Which I'll call here the downward spiral.
And in this state of being,
Your physiology changes.
And you can go through a period where certain losses stack up in your life,
For whatever reason,
And also stresses pile up onto you.
And what this does is that it can change the type of thoughts that you have in your head,
And it can also change your action orientation.
So instead of being more proactive and approach focused,
And going after what you want and going for the win,
You will tend to become more reactive,
More avoidant,
And risk adverse.
And when this loser effect or downward spiral stacks up,
You will start to see threats everywhere.
You can also become very defeated,
Be paralyzed with anxiety and depression.
And there's also learned helplessness,
Where you become very helpless.
And lastly,
There's also periods of stagnation,
Because you aren't taking proactive action,
And you're reactive,
You may not take any action at all,
And you remain the same.
And this eventually devolves over to stagnation.
And to use a more extreme analogy,
You can think of it like digging into a pit.
And the further down you go,
The less you're able to see the light within the tunnel.
So when you start to descend very low into this pit,
Since you can't see any light at all,
You just give up because you think things are hopeless.
And you can also tend to isolate yourself,
Develop brain fog,
Become very slow and functioning,
The zest of life starts to sap.
And this sounds very depressing,
And this may seem permanent,
But actually,
You can reverse the cycle and it is changeable.
So let's now look at tips on how to break out of the spiral.
The first thing is to realize your locus of control.
So this is talked about a lot in self-help industries.
And this is where you focus on what you can control and what you can do,
As opposed to reacting to things outside of yourself,
And thinking that you can do anything.
So this gives you a sense of control and power,
Where you feel empowered to do things.
And the way to develop this control is to start by taking very small actions,
And to start to stack wins.
And in the beginning,
It could be very small,
Like cleaning your room or making your bed.
And as you start to build upon this,
This creates a positive feedback loop,
Which reinforces itself.
So when you start to shift a few wins due to your internal locus of control,
And you get this feedback loop going,
You start to get more energy,
More motivation,
More passion,
And more optimism.
And you slowly start to reverse the cycle.
And it's through the momentum and sustained action that creates this feedback loop.
Because when you look at someone who is not really doing so well,
And someone who's really enjoying life,
The gap seems to be very large.
But it is actually through the very small steps and small actions over time and feedback loop that can actually bridge the gap between the two.
And I also do want to emphasize that taking very small steps and small actions is more recommended than trying to think very big in the beginning,
And not accomplishing that.
And you do also want to congratulate yourself on every step of the way too.
So an example of how this may look like is,
Instead of thinking that I'm going to go exercise to take care of my health an hour every day,
Just think,
Okay,
I'm just going to go to the gym.
And as long as I went and just did a little bit of something,
Maybe five minutes a day,
That's good enough.
Or if you want to start to meditate,
Instead of thinking,
Okay,
I'm going to do three hours a day,
Just start small,
Just say,
Okay,
I'm only going to do 10 minutes a day,
And congratulate yourself.
And really trust that this momentum of sustained habits every day will start to create this winter effect in you and upward spiral where you get more energy,
Because you feel proud of yourself and this internal locus to control starts to increase more and more.
So now that we've talked about different tips on breaking out of a downward spiral,
I do also want to go over some of the lessons you can actually learn from being in a downward spiral.
So the first very important thing is it has you view your relationship to attachments.
So if you were on a winning streak in life or an upward spiral,
Things are generally on the up and up in various different domains in life.
But it was built on a very shaky foundation,
Meaning you were gaining your happiness and positive emotions through how things were externally and how things were looking.
This is not a very stable structure,
You will be anxious and restless to keep what you have or to gain more.
And then when these things also change,
So you lose a job or relationship that you have,
Or attachment to certain items around you,
And these things go away,
Then you will be devastated.
And your happiness will go up and down,
Dependent on external things.
So this is where different contemplative traditions will invite you to find happiness outside these different things.
So you're learning to let go of attachment.
The next lessons you learn from a downward spiral is gaining knowledge,
Resilience,
And an inner strength.
So it is through losing that you gain instability,
And resilience,
You become stronger,
And you also learn what not to do.
So this way you fail upwards.
And when you experience loss in the external world,
This also builds an inner root system,
Where you start to become less and less shaken by things because you realize it's part of a bigger process.
So you personally don't get invested in that as much.
And there's a context behind the journey that you learn through losses,
Where you gradually over time,
Let go of attachment like we talked about,
And also build an inner ecosystem and happiness from within more and more.
So you learn to wean off this dependency of how things are going externally,
Whether you're winning or losing.
And there's a stable mood that starts to set in.
And eventually,
To be truly equanimous,
You are unaffected by both winning and losing.
And you'll have this useful,
Stable mood,
No matter what really happens externally.
But of course,
It takes time to deepen and mature.
But again,
With losing,
You grow that spiritual roots.
And if you can be totally free of attachment,
This is where the contemplative tradition advice comes in.
And you have external success through learning about personal growth and teaching on the winner effect,
For example,
The upward spiral,
Without any craving,
This is actually good balance.
And the struggles that you experience on a journey create a deeper context,
And it creates something beautiful on the other side,
Once you go through it.
So it is like the saying of the late Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh,
No mud,
No lotus.
So you gain a deeper appreciation and you uncover this jewel within you through the struggles and suffering you may go through.
And you have a deeper appreciation of life.
And also you gain empathy as well,
Through the journey,
Because you've noticed what you've gone through,
And you would like to help others alleviate their suffering as well.
Do you like this talk?
And thank you again for listening.
