Now,
A really important thing to know about mental health is that it's not about feeling good.
It's wonderful to feel good,
But that is never how we have thought about what makes for mental health.
Mental health is actually about two things.
First,
It's about having feelings that fit what's actually happening,
Fit what's going on in your life.
So if we think about this in kid terms,
Right,
Say a kid's best friend moves away.
That kid's gonna be really sad.
They also may be anxious about who they're gonna hang out with,
Who they're gonna spend time with.
Now,
These are uncomfortable emotions.
These are unwanted emotions,
But they're actually proof that that kid works perfectly.
They're actually proof of mental health even though they are uncomfortable.
One way to think about it is,
You know,
It would be kind of weird if a kid's best friend moved away and they didn't feel anything.
That would actually be more concerning.
So the presence of distress is not on its own grounds for concern,
And in fact,
It's often proof that everything's going exactly as it should.
What really matters then is the second part of the definition of mental health,
Which is managing things well,
Managing those emotions well.
Now,
The longer I practice,
The more clear it has become to me,
Like really,
It does all come down to coping.
No matter what,
When we're uncomfortable,
We're just gonna start coping.
But there's unhealthy coping and there's healthy coping.
Unhealthy coping brings relief,
But it comes at a cost,
Usually not immediately,
But almost certainly down the line.
Healthy coping brings relief and comes at no cost,
Either doesn't have any downsides or even makes things quite a bit better.
So the goal,
And this is articulated on the worksheet,
Is just to stick to healthy coping.
Now,
One more thing to say about this.
Healthy coping looks different often in teenagers than it does in adults.
When adults are thinking about healthy coping,
They're often thinking about things like a mindfulness practice or yoga or exercise or talking to a friend.
When teenagers are thinking about healthy coping,
They really prefer to do different kinds of things,
Like listening to music.
That's actually one of their favorite things to do.
They'll put on their sad playlist and they'll cry and sing along to it as a way to get the feelings out.
They also will seek out comforts.
They'll go cuddle a pet.
They'll put themselves back to bed.
They'll take a long shower.
They'll do a face mask.
Now,
This is not always recognized by adults as examples of healthy coping,
But it is.
So the goal of this worksheet and the goal of getting through all of the stuff that just life throws at us is not to try to find ways to not feel upset.
We can't really get around it.
It's part of being human.
The goal everywhere and always is to manage those upset feelings in a way that makes them feel better but doesn't have any downsides.
