There is a moment of reckoning that comes not from conflict,
But from clarity.
Nothing explodes,
Nothing dramatic happens,
No one crosses a new line.
Instead,
You suddenly see the shape of the relationship exactly as it is.
And the question that emerges isn't,
How do I fix this,
It's,
What am I actually consenting to here?
If you've ever stayed in a dynamic long after it stopped feeling nourishing,
Not because it was overly harmful,
But because it felt familiar,
Then this is for you.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
I work with creatives,
And I support individuals who are or have been in abusive or high-control relationships.
A lot of the work I do is not about leaving relationships,
It's about helping people recognize where their agency slowly leaked away,
And how to reclaim it without hardening or self-betrayal.
And in this talk,
We are going to explore the concept of consent beyond its usual meaning.
We will look at how consent operates emotionally in relationships,
How people often agree to dynamics they would never consciously choose,
And how awareness rather than confrontation is often the first step back into self-respect.
So this means this talk is not about blame,
It is about choice.
And I hope that by the end of this talk,
You will feel more grounded in your sense of agency.
You may notice a bit of confidence emerging.
By the end of this talk,
I hope you will feel more grounded in your sense of agency.
I hope that you may notice a sense of confidence emerging,
Just a clearer sense of what you are and aren't available for.
So consent is not only about saying yes.
When we think of consent,
We usually think of explicit moments.
But in relationships,
Consent is often cumulative.
It's what you allow to continue,
What you adapt to,
What you stop naming.
Every time you stay silent about disappointment.
Every time you override your own needs.
Every time you tell yourself,
This is fine when it isn't.
Those moments form an agreement,
Even if you never meant to sign it.
Most people don't consciously agree to imbalance.
They arrive there through accommodation.
They wait,
They adjust,
They lower expectations,
They hope things will change organically.
Over time,
The dynamic solidifies,
Not because anyone decided it should,
But because nothing interrupted it.
One reason it's so hard to question what you are consenting to is familiarity.
If you grew up having to adjust to others' needs,
Inconsistency may feel normal.
If you learned to preserve connection by minimizing yourself,
Imbalance may feel tolerable.
And if love was unpredictable,
Disappointment may feel survivable.
That doesn't mean it's good for you.
It means it makes sense.
And there is often a subtle shift when agency starts to come back.
You notice your body's response more clearly.
You feel reluctance instead of anticipation.
You realize how much effort you are contributing just to maintain equilibrium.
This awareness is not about action yet,
But it's about honesty with yourself.
You might want to pause the recording here and give yourself some time to reflect on the next few questions.
What are you currently tolerating that you once wouldn't have?
Where are you adjusting more than you feel good about?
What part of this dynamic feels chosen and what feels endured?
If nothing changed,
How would you feel in a year?
These questions aren't meant to push you.
They are meant to orient you.
Reclaiming agency doesn't require ultimatums.
And often,
It starts internally.
You stop justifying what doesn't sit right.
You stop narrating someone else's intentions instead of your experience.
You let your own response carry you weight again.
Agency begins when you allow yourself to register truth without rushing to resolve it.
When you stop consenting unconsciously,
Relationships respond.
Some adjust,
Some resist,
And some fade.
When you change how you participate,
The dynamic shows you what it can and cannot become.
Remember,
You don't need permission to reconsider what you are part of.
You don't need a dramatic reason to want more reciprocity,
More care,
More presence.
And you don't need to leave immediately to reclaim agency.
Sometimes the most powerful shift is simply this.
To stop agreeing to dynamics that cost you your sense of self.
And if this resonated with you,
Consider sharing it with someone who feels stuck in relationships that aren't overly harmful but quietly diminishing.
