Awareness Satsang: If The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Arise!

Trilla Chan sent me an email and I wrote him back and I said I had something to tell him at Satsang.

And it is for Trilla Chan.

You'll see why.

But I also want you to realize that it's also you too.

So really it's for everybody in the Satsang.

Okay.

So what happened,

Trilla Chan,

Is I was deep in meditation.

And I was deep in meditation with really,

I had called on Amma,

Ramana.

I had called on very,

Very powerful love energies.

And I was really,

Really deep in meditation.

And all of a sudden,

Your astral body came.

And you kind of knocked on the door.

And you said that you had a message for me.

And the message was this.

The message was,

Your astral body was telling me that you actually understood much more of what I was saying than you led on to me verbally.

Yeah.

And it was like,

It was sort of like,

Not busted.

It was sort of like,

Your soul really wants this knowledge.

And so it was really,

Your astral body was just coming to sort of in a way to make sure I wasn't overly indulgent,

Or that I didn't underestimate you.

Okay.

Right.

Right.

And that you really understood way more of what I was saying than you led on in your questions or in your dialogue to me.

Okay.

So,

For all of you guys,

This will be true,

Because you're God in human form.

And I'll tell you,

The more real you can be with me,

Simple,

Honest,

Like a child,

The more that will speed your journey,

Because that is the training to just become like a child.

And I know sometimes you guys get your feelings hurt by me when you do that,

But sometimes it's like I have to push you back so that to throw you back on yourself,

Your own heart,

So you don't get too kind of focused on me as a person.

Do you know what I mean?

It's sort of,

It's almost like sometimes I feel you,

You want to leave your own experience and just try to bond with me while avoiding your own experience of life,

And you can't do that.

It will not work.

When I understand too many things with my head,

But the big challenge is really,

Challenge is really,

Even if we understood some things,

To put them into practice,

That's the huge,

Huge challenge,

I think.

That's all I can say to that.

It's not about what I understood,

But,

Or what.

You see,

You know,

You're busted.

It's like,

As soon as you,

Yeah,

Like,

I was told directly from you that you understood a lot.

It's just live it,

Man.

If you don't want to live it,

Like,

That's your gig.

You know,

That's your waste of time.

That's your going round and round in trauma.

You know,

It's your choice,

But don't come to me and say,

Like,

It's hard to live it.

It's like,

Man,

That's the gig.

You live it.

You figure it out.

I will support you.

None of this crap,

Okay?

Finish.

I will.

I will.

I will.

I will.

Yeah,

Really.

This is the point of why your astral,

And the reason I raised it in front of the satsang,

Is this is the great thing about exposure.

It's like,

You guys,

It's,

I know,

It's hard to agenda.

You know,

It's this kind of exposure that actually just stops the ego in its tracks,

And we're a loving group,

And we're all the same.

Egos,

It's all the same tricks,

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've got a sincere heart.

We all want to,

Like,

Avoid doing it,

But,

You know,

You guys,

We're tanking.

The world is tanking because nobody wants to live it.

Like,

Hello.

You guys,

Like,

You're obligated to.

You know,

If you don't live it,

Then wow.

You know,

Toast.

Yeah.

But bless your hearts.

It's great empathy from this one.

Truly.

Truly,

Yeah.

So,

How are you?

Any questions?

Any concerns coming up this week?

Hi,

Prima Sutta.

This is Atiba speaking.

Atiba,

Yeah,

Sweetie.

If I may,

I would like to share something.

So,

I had been on this retreat,

As I wrote to you,

And there were some deeper insights inside of what is permanent and what comes and goes,

And when I came back,

For some days,

It was easy to still be connected with that,

And then came a day when,

Or a night,

I have to say,

A few nights ago,

When I was really waking up at four o'clock in the morning and panicking,

And I was so afraid of losing,

That being in touch with it.

And after that,

So I just tell that,

Because then,

When I could go back to,

I sent many,

Many prayers then,

And then afterwards,

A dream came.

And if I may,

I would like to tell the dream,

Because it was very intense.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

So,

I saw myself,

Probably,

I had been in a seminar house,

In a retreat house,

And I went out for a walk.

So,

I saw the path,

And the wood,

And some round stones on the path,

And after some time,

I panicked,

Because I felt so lonely,

All of a sudden,

And got very afraid.

And then,

What happened was that I started to fly,

You know.

I mean,

I just fly,

I flew.

Is that the word?

Yeah.

I put off and started swaying,

And then,

Like a whirlwind came.

It was really like a vortex of energy,

Pulling me up,

And up,

And up.

And I felt all of that,

Physically,

While I was dreaming it in my body.

And so,

When this whirlwind came,

Taking me and pulling me up,

And I felt it physically,

A thought crossed my mind within the dream,

That if I allow that to happen,

I might leave my body.

It might take me to,

I don't know where,

But a different plane of existence,

Which is not this earth.

And so,

When this thought came,

Because I felt it was not time to leave the body yet,

I invested all my strength to pull myself down,

To stop that to happen,

Going up,

And up,

And up,

And put myself down.

And I crashed,

Really like,

Vroom,

I crashed on a sort of a table in a kitchen room,

A modern kitchen room,

Which I do not know at all.

It was an image of a,

Like with metal and very modern style.

And after I had landed,

I felt really very lonely,

And I didn't know how to get back to home,

Which concretely was probably this seminar house,

This retreat house.

I didn't know how to get home.

And then the dream ended with,

I went out of the door of this house with the kitchen,

And I saw two people.

And then something is difficult to describe.

It seemed like I touched them,

And the moment I touched them,

Like a child in a way,

Like playfully,

I saw that they were not real.

They were just puppets.

So I was kind of back in this insight that that the form is not real.

And that was a relief in the dream.

And then the dream ended.

And so afterwards,

I was wondering whether it was the right thing to do to pull myself down,

Or if it would have been better to allow myself to go up and up and up within the whirlwind.

Okay,

So that's what you're asking me?

Yeah.

So if I'm happy about any comment at all,

If something resonates and comes up.

Just say again,

Everything that you got from the dream personally,

What do you think the dream was?

Yeah,

So first,

I saw the dream reflecting the panic I had before I went back to sleep about losing the connection inside of myself.

And then,

So probably that was the main issue of it all,

I would say.

And this old loneliness about which you talk so often,

This alienation showed up again within the dream also.

So this feeling cut off from the,

And then the retreat house was probably only a symbol in a way,

From what I had experienced inside of myself during the retreat.

And then the panic of not finding it again.

You're going,

Sweetie,

You're going into analysis.

It's sort of like,

You're right,

It's all good.

Okay,

When you first woke up,

And look,

That's all good.

I want to say,

Like everything you've said is all good.

But when you first woke up,

What did you feel?

You mean after the dream?

Yeah,

Right after the dream.

Right after the dream.

Well,

It seems like that two elements of the dream were in the focus.

First was the whirlwind,

Which was really very powerful,

Also physically.

And I felt like an inner conflict to go with it or not to go with it,

You know,

To allow it to happen,

To pull me up and up and up.

Yeah.

Or to stay,

To go down,

I thought,

Yeah.

And then the second was the very end of the dream with people who were just actors or puppets or something.

That was a relief,

Because it felt like I was back to the insights I had during the retreat.

But with the whirlwind,

Yeah,

I'm still dealing with the whirlwind,

So to say.

But just go back to,

You know,

When you first opened your eyes,

What did you feel about the dream?

When you just,

Your first,

Like a little child waking up,

Like?

I would say confusion.

Okay,

You felt confused.

Sure,

And frightened a little,

Also frightened,

Because it was so intense and so powerful,

Also physically,

The whole thing.

Yeah,

And on the one hand,

I mean,

I know this longing of going up and up and up,

You know,

But I'm not sure whether it's an escape then from this physical level and not wanting to deal with what is in front of my nose,

So to say.

And on the other hand,

I thought of what you kept saying to me also,

That the ego doesn't want to die.

So I'm not clear on that.

So that the ego doesn't want to die,

So I'm not clear on this in this point.

Yeah.

When you woke up,

Did you,

I'm just asking,

Did you have a sense,

Oh God,

I made the wrong decision?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

But I felt like in a conflict,

Something like that,

Like torn apart.

Okay,

You felt torn apart in a conflict,

Yeah,

Okay.

Yeah.

But it was not the case that I really felt it was wrong,

You know,

It was just.

.

.

Good,

Good,

Good,

Good,

Good,

Good.

And all of it's good.

I'm just trying to get to very precise.

Yes.

Thank you for asking,

Because I'm still in this confusion.

I'm really happy when you ask.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Because,

You know,

It is how we feel emotionally right after a dream that shows us what has to heal within our bodies and minds,

Right?

Yeah,

Sweetie.

I mean,

You know,

It's kind of like,

You know,

You're so delicate to work with,

Because,

You know,

Even when I want to shine light,

And I know that you have this tendency to go,

Oh,

I've done it wrong.

And I just want to shine light,

Okay?

There's no.

.

.

It's like,

You know,

In the question,

You didn't ask,

What does God want?

Right?

You're there.

And it's very understandable.

You're trying to control it all,

Right?

But this is what we're like,

Our egos,

It's kind of we want the truth.

And then we're like,

Okay,

That's enough here.

I don't want that much truth.

I don't want that much love.

Yeah.

And our bodies,

They don't want to die.

I mean,

Really,

Our physical bodies don't want to die.

Let alone our egos,

Right?

Yeah.

Yes.

Right.

So,

It's like just a picture of the conflict of being on the earth plane.

And in beautiful resolution,

You saw they were just puppets.

Yeah,

There was some playfulness in that,

You know,

Then the seriousness,

And the heaviness,

And the loneliness were gone,

Actually,

In this moment.

Yeah,

I mean,

It is.

It's just a lila.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

One of the things is the movement into mastery is tumultuous,

You know,

Moving into the higher levels.

It's like a hurricane that comes.

A hurricane.

It was really a strong energy,

Like.

It's just like a hurricane when you're starting to move into mastery,

You know?

Yeah.

And it's tumultuous.

I don't understand this word.

Now I understand it.

It's like we're like,

This is what we're like,

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's kind of a beautiful picture of what it's like.

And,

You know,

You're a seasoned veteran,

So you know that after a retreat,

You would have a crash,

Right?

You know that.

Yeah,

But really,

This time,

It's really much more intense than it used to be.

Last night,

Also,

I woke up at four o'clock.

I mean,

Not an intense dream,

But it's really cooking and boiling inside of me,

You know?

Yeah.

Sweet pie.

You know,

You're talking to a veteran of this,

So it's like,

Get used to it.

You know,

The more challenging your journey,

The higher you go,

The more,

You know,

It's got.

I mean,

For sure,

I feel in my,

Yeah,

Sorry.

No,

You go.

I feel this longing in my soul,

Too,

And there is a regret in it.

I feel this longing in my soul to allow this vortex,

This whirlwind to take me and to allow it to take me,

You know?

And it was painful,

In a way,

Within the dream that I took all my might to push myself down and crashed.

Yeah,

That was kind of what I was wondering when you woke up,

If there wasn't a little bit of that.

You go.

Yeah,

Also,

I know I have been knowing this tendency,

And I talked in one on one sessions to you also about this from very small child on that I did not want to live on this plain earth,

You know,

That I felt homesick for another plane,

Which I still remembered.

And so,

Within the dream,

Also,

I did not want to escape,

In a way,

You know?

Yeah.

So,

It was both.

Yeah.

You know,

Sweetie,

The separation you feel is unnecessary because probably many people,

Even in the satsang,

Felt like that as a kid.

You know,

That is kind of what older souls feel like.

It's not just you.

And I don't mean that in a critical way.

I want you to get it,

Though,

That your experience isn't separate,

That it's like,

This is what it's like.

And,

You know,

The stuff this one's faced along the way,

Like,

I get the territory of what you're talking about.

It's like,

Atiba,

You can face anything,

Okay?

Yeah.

I want you to think like that.

You know,

Our souls can face anything.

Yeah.

And they can go through anything.

Truly.

And the journey's uncomfortable.

Like,

Oh man,

Physically,

You know,

Night time,

You know,

The night times are the university of the Sufi.

Like,

It's sort of like,

Don't complain about this stuff,

You know?

Don't make it a big deal.

That's what the journey's like.

Like,

Yeah.

Let's say,

Maybe you pick another energy from me,

But inside I don't feel like complaining.

I think it's a,

I'm frightened.

That's part of it.

And it's like,

Yeah,

This inner conflict,

Because actually,

I'd love to help you.

Okay,

Stop,

Stop,

Stop,

Stop.

Atiba,

I want you to listen to your teacher.

Right.

If you consider me a teacher,

Listen and take the words in and stop arguing.

Yeah.

Complaining,

Okay.

Complaining,

Yeah,

Maybe I was complaining.

Just,

Yeah,

Think about why did your teacher say complaining?

You think about it.

Why would she say that?

You don't feel that,

But you contemplate what the teacher says.

Yes,

Yes.

Okay,

That's good.

I take it in.

Okay,

So that you can find your door to freedom.

Yeah.

Yes.

It's good.

Thank you.

Yes.

It is good.

Yeah,

And now I feel,

I actually,

I feel the sadness that I didn't allow the whirlwind to take me.

I feel the pain,

Because it's a strong longing to give up control.

Yeah,

Good.

But.

I'd love to have the courage,

You know,

To say,

Okay,

Whatever comes out,

I will do it.

Okay,

I want you to listen to your teacher again,

Okay?

Yes.

Now,

Atiba,

You did not make a mistake in the dream.

The whole dream is moving you into this higher vibration.

And again,

Listen to your teacher.

Stop judging things so intensely,

Judging your experience.

It's all good.

We're,

We're,

We bumble into it.

It's a bumbling,

It's a loose,

It's a muddling through.

It's not so precise with this is bad,

And this is good.

Right.

The dream was an excellent of dream.

The dream brought you to the point of realizing this is all a leela.

This is very good.

Very,

Very good.

And the emotions you're feeling are just the emotions that you need to feel in order to become clear.

It's all good.

Yes.

Right.

And even the,

You know,

Listen to what your mother's saying,

You know,

That kind of,

It's like,

This is part of the process.

This has to do with everybody.

I can still feel you feel,

It's like,

Atiba,

Just let yourself die.

Let your ego die.

You know,

Imagine yourself dead.

Really,

I think that would be very excellent.

Just look at this dead body and,

And,

And have compassion for her,

Her thought processes,

Her limiting thought processes.

Can you do that?

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

That will free your heart.

That's kind of,

You know,

This kind of thing saves us from hours of meditation.

If we go right to the heart of it like that,

That will save you months of meditation.

Just doing that a little bit,

You know,

Like to help you get this shift that you're in to help the door to truth open.

And we go through periods where we feel like we're dead bodies and where we know we're having an ego death and you don't get to awaken without these periods.

And if you get really stuck or lost or need some particular care,

You can always book a phone call,

Right?

It's like,

You have the support for it.

This,

This feeling alone is kind of like,

It's a little bit of an indulgence because you have a lot of support.

And it's not wrong.

Who knows how many lives have been behind it,

But you know,

This is progress oriented work.

So,

I'm like this.

So,

You look a little stunned to me,

Like a little bit like dazed.

What?

Sorry.

Dazed.

I'm dazed.

Yeah.

How are you feeling?

Yeah,

There's probably still the belief of not doing it right.

Because in the dream also,

I felt I should not have left the retreat,

A seminar house in the first place,

You know,

Which is not the retreat was over,

Which meant probably not to leave the support or something,

You know,

Not to go on my own path for a walk.

Sweetie,

You're,

You,

Your biggest obstacle is just feeling that you're doing it wrong.

You're not doing it wrong.

Yeah,

I know this is really hard for you.

Or it has been in the past,

But I also know you're getting very fed up with it.

And you're seeing the cost of it.

You know,

Is it possible for you to just accept the reassurance and the love of the actually a pat on the back,

And that you're,

That was a really accelerative dream,

And everything you did in it was exactly the best thing to produce a dream that accelerates you?

Yeah,

What is happening right now with your assurance and your love,

That all of a sudden,

I see that all of it is an illusion,

The whole dream,

All of it is an illusion.

It's not real,

Nothing of it,

None of it is real.

Right,

Right,

Right,

Right.

The whole thing is not real.

It's not,

Yeah,

Good,

Good.

Okay,

Good.

It's very liberating.

Yes,

Good,

Good.

I don't have to analyze it and to pick pieces out of it because the whole bunch of it is an illusion.

Yeah.

Ah.

And not only that,

It changed your psyche and your body,

Which is indeed illusion too,

But it made changes in your psyche and your body that are exactly what you need to accelerate.

Yeah.

So,

Yeah,

It's all illusion,

And it's all functioning in service of the Amma within you.

Yeah,

And I see it also now that I see that this is a serving illusion,

That there's no question of doing it wrong.

I mean,

How can I do an illusion wrong?

I mean,

I don't know how to say it,

But it's— No,

But it's exactly true.

It's the same reason.

It's,

Yeah,

I'm so happy.

I'm so relieved now,

Really.

It's like dropping,

Stones dropping from my heart.

Yeah,

You guys,

What a great gift to all of us,

Atiba.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Because,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Thank you.

Yeah,

Really.

Thank you,

Pramasutta.

Thank you.

Oh,

Sweetie pie,

Thank you.

I just know this one.

Yeah.

But it,

Yeah,

You see,

We just,

You guys,

We just bumble into it.

Good work,

Good work,

Atiba.

It's fantastic.

Oh,

Thank you so much.

Yeah,

Right,

The great relief of waking up,

And it's like,

Oh,

God exists.

It's okay.

The nightmare is just dissipated.

Yay.

It's,

Yeah,

This happens over and over on the journey,

You guys,

Over and over.

Fantastic.

Thank you so much.

Ah,

Thank you.

It's really a big support.

Yeah.

The truth is support,

Sweetie,

You know.

The truth is God,

Do you know?

It's the best support.

Yeah.

Good.

Thank you.

This isn't,

You know,

We're not having Ian crumpets together.

This is the highest level spiritual work you can do.

Yeah.

Okay.

Right.

Right.

And it's love.

It's love being expressed through our human forms in our lives.

That's it.

And this is a good support.

This process,

Satsangs,

Coming together,

Strengthens our hearts,

Strengthens the truth in us.

Sort of like little kids coming together to sing,

And as they sing songs together,

They learn,

You know,

They learn.

Might have songs about animals or numbers or whatever.

They're all learning,

Singing.

Ah,

The comprehension dawns.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

You guys are getting that.

The comprehension just dawns in this muddling,

Bumbling way.

Mm-hmm.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Oh my goodness.

I'm feeling this big heart release in you.

Yeah.

It will just add up week after week after week,

And your own efforts,

Of course,

They're crucial.

Okay.

Has anybody else got any questions or comments?

And again,

Just in the silence,

Your hearts are being strengthened.

It's just the love.

But I also encourage you guys to be brave.

You know,

It's good to just be with the love,

But sometimes,

You know,

We can be hiding.

One of the most excellent of things is to come forward and just expose where you are and how things are.

It's priceless for the power of it,

And it's good training for learning how to live.

In truth.

Because,

You know,

We're just hiding from ourselves.

You know,

Alma says,

Wise people need to be fearless.

You know,

I don't know who heard her birthday satsang.

It's very poignant,

Because she wasn't—she didn't hold the usual birthday celebrations.

And interesting,

Her point was,

You know,

If we're not true to our dharma,

Our dharma leaves us.

That's what happens,

You know.

There's a—really,

You guys?

There's a time,

Often in our 30s,

There's an afternoon,

Basically,

Where we have a choice to move into truth or not.

And what we choose,

Just that moment,

That afternoon,

Often steers our lives for the rest of our lives,

Although we might have other opportunities to awaken.

Especially as we're getting older,

They're very few,

And usually if people—what people chose right in their mid-30s is how their lives go.

That's why it's so important to listen to your heart.

And come forward if you're feeling like that you need to,

And you're sitting on it a bit.

Maxi,

Did you want to—please.

Can't hear you yet.

Can't hear you yet.

Oh,

I can hear you now.

Hello,

I'm here.

I was thinking if I could share something that happened to me.

And I had a very intense week,

Like you predicted,

With all—a lot of emotions coming up,

And it was really dark and very miserable.

And in this time,

I supported a friend who has trouble with the ex,

And the ex wants a lot of contact with the daughter,

But the daughter is,

Like,

Almost 12 years old and says,

I don't want to be with my dad,

But I can't say her.

So there was a big conflict,

And she asked me to come and support her.

So it was so interesting.

I told you about my dream,

Being a guy coming in in the dream,

And I'm afraid of the guy who wants to,

Like,

Harm me.

Right,

Right,

Right,

Right,

Right,

Right.

Yeah.

My having sex.

So I'm a—like,

Yesterday,

There was a real-life situation.

I felt threatened by a man because I went with my friend to support her because the dad was going to talk to the daughter,

And she didn't want.

And I was really—like,

I never had this in my life before.

I was on the street going between the daughter and the father and helping,

And I was screaming for help to passengers on the street.

And it was really intense,

Very emotional,

And it went all well.

The dad left,

And everybody was protected.

And it's—what is really nice is,

Today,

I feel so much stronger,

Like,

Grounded on the earth.

I feel much more energy.

Yeah,

And it was— Right.

—very intense,

But for me,

It was so,

Okay,

In the dream,

I could not do anything against man I'm afraid of.

But in real life,

I had my first situation in this,

And it feels good,

And it was very scary.

Yeah,

Yeah.

That's what I wanted to share.

Right,

Right,

Yeah,

Yeah.

And you lived it.

You lived it.

You lived it.

You put it in practice in your life,

And you feel strong,

And you feel good.

This is it.

So many people on the journey go,

I feel crappy,

And I'm going,

Like,

Live it.

You'll feel better.

Yeah.

That's the secret.

Good.

I know.

Good.

Yeah,

But yeah,

Yeah.

It was—now it's wonderful,

But in it,

It was just like I was feeling I'm in a movie,

Like in a Hollywood movie.

It was really this scene,

And they're happening.

I was like,

What's going on?

But I'm here,

And I'm fighting for what I feel,

What I want to do.

And it was—yeah,

Yeah.

Okay.

So in your dream,

You know,

You went forward.

This is a really subtle point,

Maxi,

Okay,

But it's important for you to get.

In the dream,

You went forward.

You stepped forward to kind of neutralize this guy by sleeping with him,

Right?

Right.

Okay.

So in your—the way this played out,

Where you go,

Like,

Yeah,

This is like a movie,

But you're really standing in truth,

Right?

But it is all a little removed from the deep Maxi in your heart.

Do you know what I mean?

The thinking of it as a movie and everything.

Do you know what I mean?

It's a little bit removed.

It's just like stepping forward to sleep with this guy.

It's this removal from the deep heart,

You guys,

That I'm wanting to shine a light on.

This sort of a little bit removed from really living the absolute truth from the great,

From being totally aligned with the deep inner truth.

Now,

Maxi,

This is all fantastic.

It's just over time.

You'll notice when you step forward out of your deep knowing in order to take an action or protect yourself or whatever,

And the best is to just stay with the knowing.

That is your biggest protection.

And that's why,

Really,

In the most true thing,

When Amma's young and her brother has set somebody to stab her,

And he tries to stab her,

And he can't,

And he has a seizure and has to go to hospital,

That's the power of staying right with the heart.

It's almost like no action is needed there.

Okay,

Right.

I'm just shining a light because this is the hardest part for people to come back to.

Everything you've talked about,

That's fantastic.

Okay,

So what did you feel when I spoke just now?

It feels like it's the truth.

I know what you mean.

Yeah,

And this is where we females have lost ourselves in the patriarchy,

Basically.

But it's not just the females.

Everybody has.

And Atiba,

It's exactly this that I'm saying to you.

It's like,

Come back to that deep heart in you,

Which you're doing.

It's all good.

And you're doing too,

Maxi.

It's all good.

You're open to Maxi,

And what you did is fantastic.

The concentration and the keeping contact with the deep heart will also stop women from getting rapidly angry at men as a sex.

That's the danger with this.

And coming back to the heart,

We've all been male and female.

Women have a male in them.

And men are heartbroken,

Too.

That's it.

I'm feeling a huge amount of grace coming to you guys.

Grace.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

You know,

It's really simple.

We just decide to be truer,

And then grace comes in behind us.

That's how it works.

See,

Even when we're thinking of feeling bad about ourselves and everything,

We're still wasting our time because it takes our focus away from God.

You know,

Mistakes and corrections,

They continue.

I remember Abraham.

He did something,

And then he stepped back and he said he was speaking to,

I guess,

His soul or an angel.

And he said,

Okay,

I can eat crow.

And then he changed what he did.

Do you know?

It was just his witnessing self corrected him.

So,

Okay.

And he had been a master for a long time.

It never stops,

You guys.

I got a comment on one of my YouTubes,

And it's like this,

I don't know.

I get these comments sometimes.

It's just like this.

Somebody's believing in darkness.

And so,

I wrote a response,

And,

You know,

Stupidly,

Really,

Because inevitably,

They come back and they go,

They're right.

You know,

Darkness is supreme.

And I started to write another one.

And I started to write another one,

Which is just stupid to argue with somebody like this.

And,

You know,

The reply wouldn't get sent.

It just nullified.

It's like,

You can't send a reply.

Just stop.

I'm assuming just stop.

And I even tried it again,

And it got stopped.

Like,

It wouldn't send.

So,

I'm going like,

Okay,

I'll eat crow.

I know better than to argue with this.

You know,

It's,

You know.

But just let yourself be a goof,

You know.

Put a sign up,

Like,

You have permission to be a goof and to bumble.

Please.

We have all our past lives with whatever we learned,

You know.

All the vasanas we came in with.

Really,

From a teacher's point of view,

You know,

Really the terrible truth is the students who try to be the most perfect are the slowest.

It's true.

It's true.

They're the most fascist with themselves.

And they believe the inner fascism.

And this is where,

With the non-dual approach,

When it gets distorted,

People get lodged in their heads,

And they just get fascist with their humanity.

That is not the way.

There's a big,

Big,

Big mistake.

You achieve enlightenment through a love embrace of your soul and your humanity.

Atiba,

May this resound in the head,

A love embrace of the soul and humanity.

And Sweetie Pie,

I was at least as bad as you this way.

Do you understand?

I just see myself.

Like,

I get it.

Amma sometimes would roll her eyes,

You know,

Like at me,

Because I was so focused on,

You know,

Whether what I was doing was the right thing or not.

Yeah.

So may it end today,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

It does end,

Atiba.

We do stop.

It does complete.

Yep.

You guys are my beloveds.

You truly are,

You know.

Yeah.

If I may,

I just remember one darshan with Amma when I did everything wrong,

It seemed like.

I mean,

Innocently.

I hadn't been with her for a long time.

And I went,

I put my hands at the wrong place,

You know,

I got corrected by Amma's help.

But that was one of the strongest darshans.

Within the darshan,

I thought nothing had happened.

I did everything wrong,

You know.

But after the darshan,

The effect was so strong inside of me,

You know.

So much revelation.

It just came up while I was listening to you.

Yeah,

Good.

You were addressing.

Yeah,

That's how it works.

That's how it works,

You guys.

That's it,

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

The guy,

Remember the guy,

Whatever his name is,

One of the biggest lights in the ancient India,

The Vedas,

Like the guy who wrote so many of the most powerful Vedas,

Was like a robber and a murderer.

And he altered.

And he altered when Krishna,

I think,

Who asked him,

You know,

You're doing this for your family,

But are they going to take your karma?

Or is it all going to land on you?

And when he realized that just he was going to get the karma from these bad deeds and nobody else was,

He turned his whole life around.

And the thing about people who've played in the dark is nothing will stop them.

It's like the more they've been in the dark,

The more light they get.

And that's why all our mistakes aren't really mistakes.

It's like it all gets used for the good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This thing about stepping back,

You guys,

Into your deep heart,

Like not dealing with life as if it's like two feet removed from you or two or a meter removed from you,

A meter in front of you,

And then you deal with life.

Don't do that.

Uh-uh.

Come back.

Step back into your experience.

Step back into your hearts and witness your experience.

Yeah.

It is the heart thing that is invincible.

And this is what we're so scared of,

Our heart energy.

But it's invincible.

Yeah.

Michael.

Do you have a question or comment?

You know,

Watching the birthday celebration,

Amma mentioned,

And you mentioned it before,

About living your dharma.

Can you explain that a little more?

I think I know what it means,

But I'm not 100% sure.

What do you think it means,

Michael?

Well,

Living your truth,

But sometimes living your truth interferes with ego.

So,

Of course,

It's a little,

You know,

Sometimes a bit difficult.

And I know,

You know,

I know I have to listen to my heart.

Sometimes I can,

But sometimes ego interferes.

And then it's hard to separate.

So I don't exactly then know what my dharma is.

Yeah,

Because you're listening to your ego.

So what can I do about that?

Like,

You know,

Man,

Really?

I mean,

You're just gonna have to love yourself for being,

You know,

Less than,

I think you feel less than a spiritual superstar.

You just are gonna have to love Michael as less than a spiritual superstar,

As someone who's a little bit interested in the ego,

To the cost of his dharma.

I mean,

This is what you're saying to me,

That you're more interested,

You know,

That you're listening to your ego.

So you can't follow your dharma.

So,

Okay.

Are you shocked at this response?

Um,

No,

Not really.

I guess I'm,

I don't know what to say.

Right.

Yeah,

Because I'm facing you with yourself,

You know.

I'm asking you to face yourself.

I mean,

Just face the truth of how you're living your life and how,

You know,

How you,

You know,

You say,

It's like,

It's just something that your question was just sort of like,

Your ego was made a trap,

Inviting your teacher to fall into the trap.

And I'm not going to do that.

I mean,

In your question,

You said,

Basically,

Your question was actually a statement of,

I have trouble following dharma,

Even knowing what dharma is,

Because I listened to my ego.

That's basically what you said.

Right.

So,

And this is part of why I've pushed you back a bit.

It's like,

Who can solve that,

Michael?

Who's the person who can solve that?

Yeah,

There's part of you that just wants me to talk about this state of affairs,

And it's like,

You know,

What's there to say?

How do you feel right now?

I feel,

I understand,

You know,

But I just want to be able to ask the question if I'm not,

If I'm not sure,

What's right.

So,

I guess I also feel a little bit irritated.

Yeah,

Right.

I'll tell you,

Your ego is going to be irritated.

You know,

Join the club.

Join the club.

I'll tell you,

Pramasiddha irritates people,

But I irritate their egos.

We're good for being so honest.

Your ego's irritated because I didn't fall into the trap that your ego set for me.

It's like,

Pramasiddha,

It's like,

You're doing it wrong.

Oh,

Nope,

I'm not.

Right,

So how do you feel right now?

Well,

I trust you.

I'll take it.

Yeah,

It's kind of though,

I don't feel,

You're saying that,

But like in a submission way,

But I don't feel there's the,

That the spark has lit for the understanding in you.

Like,

It's like for you to get that,

Nobody can save you.

It's what you do with your own soul energy,

How true you are to yourself,

How interested you are in getting down to how you really feel and really think.

Because that's where your dharma is,

That's where you'd,

You'd find the trail to follow.

Yeah,

Right.

Yeah,

And I mean,

That was a very superficial answer.

What was a very superficial answer?

Well,

I'll take it.

Well,

The question actually,

Original question was pretty superficial,

Man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like,

You know,

We're trained to be talking heads.

And it works in meetings,

You know,

And it works with managing people.

But you know,

This is more,

Is the real Michael willing to come out and play?

And Michael,

Part of your gig is you've got several years of work,

Right?

So everything has to be done in that context.

But,

You know,

When I asked you to review your,

How you behave during the day,

And what you corrected,

You know,

Correct what where you saw,

I'm wanting you to turn and look at yourself more.

Look at you.

And there's nothing wrong,

Michael,

It's your beautiful soul.

But it's for you to pay attention to how you really live,

Not how you think you do.

And to be really interested in,

You know,

How you are with others.

And whether you're treating them like divine beings.

Or whether you're,

You know,

Got another,

You know,

Most of us walk around trying to control.

That's what we're doing.

We're trying to control other people,

We're trying to control ourselves.

Okay.

So when you,

At nighttime,

When you're,

Yeah,

When you review your day,

And you look at actually how you acted with people,

This will help you see how you're interacting with people.

This will help you see how your ego functions.

And you can make a correction.

Did you,

Have you been doing that exercise?

Often?

Every day.

Okay,

Good.

Yeah,

You know,

Some days there's,

You know,

Just a couple of things that I noticed.

Because my interactions are not that much,

Always,

You know,

But I have been doing it.

I mean,

I think it's been a good exercise.

I'm finding that there's things I don't like about how I react.

And then I try and give it over to Amma.

Could you imagine,

I can feel that you,

That it doesn't feel like it's really going over to Amma,

Right?

Does it feel like she's,

Or does it feel sort of a half-hearted,

I'm trying to give this over,

Or like I'm trying to give this over to Amma rather than I gave this to Amma?

Yeah,

That's how it feels.

Yeah,

Okay.

So,

But that's just giving you data.

That's just like,

So the ego is,

You're just seeing how much your ego's in there.

But if you keep doing it,

You will actually have the breakthrough sometime,

A feeling that Amma's really got it.

The other thing,

Michael,

Is it's probably more powerful just to correct it rather than even give it over,

Like to do what you wished you could have done in that moment.

Do you know,

Like,

I remember once I was driving and I stuck my middle finger out the,

You know,

My arm out the door and gave my middle finger out and somebody was honking at me because I was trying to turn left when there was like a sign saying,

Don't turn left.

And I mean,

I'll stick my little finger out and it's like,

Oh my goodness.

So,

You know,

If I was reviewing the day,

I would,

You know,

Not do that.

Yeah.

I find I can do that with actions,

But when it comes to thoughts,

That's hard.

And probably one of the,

You know,

One of the biggest things that I've discovered is how judgmental I can be about the smallest thing that I see,

You know,

About people and about how they look.

And so that bothers me,

But that's the way it is.

And that's a little harder to deal with because that's,

You know,

That's a thought.

Oh,

And you believe your thoughts,

Maybe.

Maybe that's what it is that you believe your thoughts.

Maybe that's the rub.

Maybe this is the problem.

Because you see,

If we believe our thoughts,

We have no doorway out of our egos.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

Thanks.

Yeah.

You see,

We got there.

Yeah.

And even your question,

You know,

Like,

I get it.

Your original question was,

You were heading for the right direction.

It's good.

It's good.

We just had to do a bit of surgery over this.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

To get you to the door,

Your original question was fine.

I would rather you guys bumble with your original question and then let the,

You know,

Let the deeper surgery take place than try to have a perfect question.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

Yeah.

Don't believe your thoughts.

Because,

Yeah,

I mean,

If you believe,

Really,

That somebody should go in front of the firing squad,

If your thoughts are telling you somebody should go in front of the firing squad because they're wearing pants that are too tight or something,

Yeah.

You have to see that that's a fallacy,

That human life is more important than what we choose to wear.

No,

Really,

This is,

Sweetie,

This is the key.

Like,

You got to see that human life is more valuable than what people wear.

Right.

Right.

And this means coming out of your thoughts.

Yeah.

Okay,

I'm happy.

This is very good work,

Michael.

How are you now?

Is there anything more you want to say,

Or how are you feeling,

Or just?

I don't know.

I don't want to say anything.

It's,

I got to,

I got to swallow that.

And,

I mean,

I understand it.

But I guess,

When you put it that way,

It's a big deal.

Right.

Right.

This is the process of awakening,

Is this?

Yeah.

Right.

We start seeing,

You know,

The darkness that we've been in.

We start seeing how,

We think we're spiritual superstars,

And we start seeing,

Man,

Oh man,

I'm like a,

Secretly a fascist.

Yeah.

We have all these dark sides,

You know.

Yeah,

We don't even realize what we're doing until we wake up.

But this is exactly why we shoot people,

Why we do genocides,

Is because we haven't opened its doors to the value of human life,

And the value of Michael,

The value of our own individual selves.

Like,

Michael,

You just didn't,

You haven't understood the value of Michael.

And that's why you could see people this way.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Once you understand the value of Michael,

You won't be able to do that anymore.

Or,

We can,

You know,

You work with it,

With your projections,

And as a byproduct,

You'll end up seeing your value.

You know,

Some people love themselves first,

And then love others.

Some people love others,

And then it comes to them.

Whichever way works.

Mm.

Yeah.

I see this door open to your deep heart and to your wisdom.

Yay.

Michael,

You will see how deeply I love you at some point,

And how everything I say and do is just coming from this comprehension of your value.

Right.

And nobody's bad.

It really,

It's just,

I feel like we're just toddlers.

It's like just kind of moving toddlers,

Sort of,

To get in line.

You know,

They're all running around.

You just get,

Come on,

Come on,

Get in line,

Come on,

Come on,

Get in line,

So we can go through the door.

That's all I'm doing,

Getting you in line,

Getting you sort of,

Like,

Placed well with the understanding so that you can go through the door to your truth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is very powerful day-to-day,

Very productive,

Very powerful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're all,

We're all going up,

You guys.

We're all going up.

Love yourselves,

You know.

Love yourselves,

Please.

You know.

Our biggest flaw is the other side of our biggest gift,

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

You don't get the gift.

You don't get the gift without the flaw.

Right.

And gifts can feel like curses if we're on the wrong side of them.

Surely.

When I was on the wrong side of the way I am now,

Like,

This kind of,

I don't know how to explain it to you.

I just used to feel like,

Before I understood that my dharma was to bring love in,

Like,

Embrace the love within me and share it,

I just used to feel cursed a lot,

You know.

Yeah.

Like I was under some kind of cursed energy.

And it was just my ego,

You know.

It was just my ego being tricky,

Trying to keep,

Keep this divine love under wraps.

This is why we have to,

You know,

Really know that our thoughts are not the truth,

Because lots of times it's like just our thoughts are just coming from this ego that's trying to keep us deluded.

Because it's,

It really doesn't know about love and it thinks it's trying to save us,

You know.

That's so deluded.

And if you just get very comfortable with any suffering you have to do,

So you're up all night,

Oh well,

You know,

It won't kill you,

You know,

None of these things kill you,

So you have an anxiety attack,

But well,

Really,

It's not going to kill you.

Well,

Really,

Have that attitude.

Like,

You can face anything,

Okay.

Truly.

Truly,

And most of this,

Like,

You know,

Once you get really comfortable with the journey,

You,

This stuff doesn't take a toll.

So,

You know,

If I'm ever up all night,

I have a fine next day.

I don't have any fatigue.

It's like,

It's okay,

Because I'm not resisting it.

Do you understand?

I'm not going,

Poor me,

I haven't slept,

Or I have this ache,

But I'm not doing any of that.

So,

I'm,

I just,

Really,

I can be up all night.

If I'm up all night,

It's like the next day,

I'm fine.

I'm 72.

Okay,

So,

Remember this.

Please remember,

It is our arguing with the pains,

Or the anxiety,

Or discomfitures,

That we're arguing with it,

That takes up all our energy.

Let's just be with it.

It's the way it is.

And you'll get your ticket out of it.

You know,

I think in Canada,

Sometimes,

Like,

How wimpy we're got,

Like,

Canadians,

We're like,

And Americans,

You know,

It's like,

We came over on wagon trains.

There was no protection.

People built their house from scratch.

There was no birth control.

The winters are like 40 below,

In a lot of Canada and the US.

How did we do it?

What happened to that spirit,

You know,

The pioneer spirit?

What happened to it?

We've gone the other extreme now.

We're going,

Oh,

I've got a sore foot.

Like,

We're all become hothouse flowers.

What happened?

Yeah.

And the women would be having,

You know,

And the women would be having babies and having to make soap and do the wash and everything from hand and I just,

How did they do it?

But they did it.

And lots of times there was just one lone house on a prairie,

One little cabin,

And they did it.

So the spiritual journey,

If you just turn to God,

Keep turning to Ama,

Keep turning to God,

And what happens is you,

The door opens and you catch the wave and everything changes.

You can't,

You have to kind of wait till this happens.

You have to patiently put up with the ego and everything.

Like with the ego,

Like with tricks of the ego and everything,

Just keep going.

All of you guys have an IV from me coming to you all the time.

You have Ama,

Who's got like probably like a billion IVs to you,

You know,

Yeah.

It's true.

Think that way.

And yeah,

And I so know how desperate and lonely and even how suicidal we can get.

And,

You know,

It's just the way it is.

It's just,

You know,

The ego doesn't give up.

But it does give up because it's just illusion.

And,

You know,

The great thing about waking up is,

And you turn and you see how we're all stuck in our egos,

But the more awake you are,

The more easy,

You guys,

Really,

One of the pluses,

It's really easy to manage people.

Because,

You know,

It's just,

You know,

It's just,

You know,

It's just,

You know,

It's really easy to manage people because you see their soul and you see how their ego blinds them and you know exactly how to deal with them.

That is a big,

That is something that makes life a lot,

Lot,

Lot,

Lot easier.

You know,

So things like even office politics,

All this stuff,

You know,

Just the whole thing,

It becomes no problem at all.

Because you're lodged more in truth.

Yeah.

You know,

I put the,

You know,

The property manager has been a trial to me,

But I put this big four kilogram bag of chocolates outside his door,

Four kilograms of these chocolate bars,

Just outside his door,

Just because I had the feeling to it.

Well,

Actually,

Somebody,

My daughter-in-law gave it to me for birthday and it's like,

I'm like,

So I put it outside his door.

Now he doesn't know it was me,

But I put it outside his door in the hope that he'd feel appreciated by the whole building.

Yeah.

And you know,

The funny by-product is he has been very sweet with me.

As if part of him knows I did it,

You know,

It's just,

It's hilarious.

Yeah,

I mean,

That's how,

You know,

Just sweet.

It's a sweet,

Just the sweetness of moving more into truth.

And sure,

There's some difficult times,

You know,

But it's what we've got,

You know,

It's the gig.

We're climbing a mountain.

You're on it.

You know,

Let's just get going.

And you're doing really well,

You guys,

Like really,

If you're turning up,

You know,

Just the turning up,

Even if it feels like you feel like nothing much is happening,

The roots of your being are being strengthened.

And this will percolate up into your consciousness over time.

Gently changes you.

It's,

It's,

Yeah,

It will.

Yeah.

Okay.

And please,

The going away thing for this week is I'm getting from the universe,

I'm saying,

Don't believe your thoughts are true.

Like,

Your thoughts are just your thoughts in your reality.

All thoughts come from ego.

Okay.

So don't believe them.

Yeah.

Okay.

Learning of the week.

Don't believe them.

Yeah.

You're a divine being,

You know,

You'll notice as you,

As you go that,

You know,

On the journey,

Our comp,

We make a step and then our complexes,

They're trying to,

Our egos trying to stay the same.

So the complex will start coming up.

And you just observe your thoughts,

You know,

And then that complex falls away.

And you,

You have fewer thoughts after that.

Really.

You just get a more and more peaceful head.

And you start getting more playful and happy.

And you get sad because so many in the world are deluded.

You guys can do it too.

And just,

If you,

If you get wobbly about that,

Just remember that this era we're in,

The universe is giving full scholarships,

Full support to anybody who just takes a step or two.

Truly.

And we're all humbling,

You know.

And even if you feel that you're not far along on the journey,

You know,

How do I say this?

You can't even judge yourself,

Actually.

You cannot judge yourself where you are.

Yeah.

A teacher can see it.

But it's like climbing a mountain.

You don't know where you are.

You might think you're lower than you are.

You might think you're higher than you are.

Don't worry about it.

Just get really interested in being true to yourself and bringing light into this world.

Yeah.

Okay,

My beloved.

So beautiful.

Beautiful,

Beautiful question and answer.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

Your beautiful faces.

Yeah,

You look very beautiful to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And good,

Good work you did.

Good,

Good work.

Yeah.