Repressed Truth Always Becomes Emotional Pain

But that's the nature of giving yourself back to yourself,

Is you take the risk of somebody else not understanding you.

You take the risk of somebody else not liking what you have to say,

But you allow your heart to breathe.

Let me reframe what you're saying in a way that I'll speak to and we'll see if any of it lands.

And the reframe is,

I can see clearly that things are not personal,

But I also have this,

What seems like a very human experience that is determined to take things personally.

And it's causing a lot of inner turmoil as I do.

How can I bring more ease to that?

How can I merge what I seem to know spiritually with the reality of my human experience?

I completely understand a pattern of conditioning,

Which is like a spinning fan that won't stop spinning,

Even though you turned it off.

And the only doorway that I see to navigate through that is a embrace of humility about what it is you're experiencing.

And what I mean by this is,

Yes,

You will have moments where it seems way beyond your control to not take things personally.

But what will happen is you will eventually recognize you took something personally.

And in taking it personally,

You probably responded in a way that you might not have wanted to,

If you knew it wasn't personal.

The humility aspect is recognizing the truth of what you see now,

And communicating that to others.

Practically what this looks like is you respond harshly because you took something personally.

Then you had a moment of stillness,

You realized,

Oh shit,

That's not personal at all.

Then you go back to that person,

You say,

I'm sorry.

Here's what really happened.

Do you see the humility in that?

It's like,

Am I willing to not only see the truth of it,

But let the truth be expressed,

And in this human form,

In the way of an apology?

You don't like that,

Do you?

Look at that for a second.

It's very isolating.

I think that's the assumption.

But also what I think you'll find is that it's very liberating.

The liberation is that you don't have to hide.

You don't have to hide your humanness.

You don't have to see an aspect of your humanness as wrong,

As shouldn't have been.

And this is the humility in it that says,

This is what is.

And again,

Whether it's expressed to another or expressed to yourself,

It's the same,

But the doorway is humility.

And this is also the trap.

It's the trap with knowledge.

The more you know,

The more you think you know.

And there's so much more.

And the thinking we know puts up a lot of barriers,

Because we don't want to lose what we think we know.

So we kind of hold on to it when really there's so much more depth there.

And so the humility is like recognizing what has been seen,

But also recognizing profoundly there's so much you don't know.

And that's what sort of opens up the space to really be with yourself.

Rather than intellectualizing it.

And it's hard to put into words as far as what to do with that,

But it's an energy that you bring to yourself.

And it's a very humble energy.

Just like you would with a humble energy to somebody else and say,

Look,

I'm really sorry.

And you see,

Yes,

It's difficult.

Yes,

There's a fear of isolation.

Which is the assumption that is the excuse for not doing it.

Right?

We create an image of how scary it is.

This is no different than being honest.

Right?

We can say being honest is so isolating.

It's so scary.

I don't know what's going to happen.

People might judge me.

People might walk away.

It's the same thing.

But that's the nature of giving yourself back to yourself.

Is you take the risk of somebody else not understanding you.

You take the risk of somebody else not liking what you have to say.

But you allow your heart to breathe.

Because that's the biggest pain that we're carrying.

The pain we're carrying isn't about what's going on in the world or what other people are saying or doing.

It's that we're rejecting ourselves.

We're saying something's wrong with you.

You're not allowed to be you.

And that humility that's willing to apologize is a very sacred voice that says,

It's okay to be me.

There's such a simplicity of sharing what goes on in your human.

Right?

And what goes on in your human is in your human.

It doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.

Your expression of what's true gives everyone else the opportunity to see they're human.

Do you see this?

That this is exactly how life is,

Right?

Like,

Okay,

As human beings in our adorable confusion,

We walk around and we try and make sure everyone's comfortable by withholding the truth.

You see that?

Now,

Do you think life does that?

Does life check with you before a thunderstorm comes to make sure you don't have any plans?

No.

Life says,

Look,

If this is going to work,

If life is going to be life,

Then the truth needs to be the truth.

And underneath all of it,

You're whole and complete.

And it's only your misunderstanding that's going to create any suffering about the truth.

So life says,

I'm going to do the truth thing.

I'm going to do the life thing.

And you're going to have to find your way because the truth has to be the truth.

And this is no different as us human beings interacting with other human beings.

You learn and grow because people don't do what you want.

You learn and grow because life does not do what you want.

In our confusion,

We think,

Oh man,

If only everyone would do what I wanted,

Which is no different from saying,

Oh man,

If only I was God.

If only I could make it how I think it should be.

And then you would destroy the whole damn thing.

This is why the honesty of what you are is the greatest gift.

It's exactly what's needed in the world.

If life had to check with you first,

Before it let itself be the truth,

Life couldn't happen anymore.

Right?

The rain would be delayed way too long.

The seasons delayed way too long.

The truth has to be on a very specific schedule,

Which is called now.

And if it isn't allowed to be,

Then there's pain.

And what is that pain?

The pain is a pressure that builds up that says,

Let me go.

The pain we're holding on the inside.

It's a truth that wants to come out and we're not letting it out.

Do you see that?

That's what pain is.

It's repressed.

It's repressed truth.

And it's either going to come out because you let it out,

Or it's going to come out because it explodes out.

And we all know what that's like.

And so we can take some time,

See how important this is,

And practice and be tactful in letting the truth out to the best of our ability.

And even if it's shit,

It just means we're learning.

It's like,

Okay,

That didn't work.

How else can I say this?

It's fine.

You're just learning.

It's time to show up.