The more we understand these things,
The more we see what they really are,
Beyond all of our stories,
They become much easier to deal with,
Manage,
And heal.
One thing I love about my work,
And all the people that I get to talk to,
It doesn't matter what they tell me their pain is.
We ultimately find out and realize that it's the same pain that everyone has.
Sure,
We have different stories that we tell about it,
But fundamentally,
It is the pain of being human,
And we all have the same pain.
And I guess to look at that more deeply,
Can we just acknowledge that there is what we might call the energy of pain?
Like you can look at your own life,
And whether it's a conflict with another human being,
Whether it's a relationship that didn't work out,
Whether it's a job that you lost,
Whether it's something totally not going how you thought it was going to go,
There might be a pain there.
Can you recognize the commonality of that pain all throughout your life?
Can you see it's been the same pain,
Just maybe different varying degrees of intensity?
And I understand how that might not do a good job of explaining what I'm trying to say.
But look at it this way.
It's like when you hit your hand with a hammer.
Whether you barely hit your hand or totally hit your hand,
It's the same pain but varying degrees.
Whether it's a minor irritation where something didn't work out,
There's a pain that's felt,
And then when something totally doesn't work out,
And crushes your hopes and dreams,
It's the same pain but a bigger intensity.
And isn't it so wild that this pain that we experience is the same pain we've always experienced?
We could even call it some degree of a disappointment.
And then furthermore,
To recognize this commonality in the pain,
There's so many different stories we can tell about it.
Case in point,
Take the pain of rejection.
We might be super familiar with that pain,
But yet we have different experiences in our lives,
Which are different stories of being rejected,
But it's the same pain.
There's the pain of being offended,
And we have different stories of being offended,
But it's the same pain.
And even this pain of being rejected,
Or this pain of being offended,
It's the same pain.
I find that fascinating.
I find it fascinating how it's the same pain,
But a different story.
And so the question here is,
What is that pain?
Because I'll say that the more we understand these things,
The more we see what they really are beyond all of our stories,
They become much easier to deal with,
Manage,
And heal.
I wonder if I can fast forward to the conclusion that I'm in pain,
And you might just be able to go there with me.
And that conclusion is to say that the pain is some flavor of self-inadequacy.
I'm afraid I'm not enough.
Can you look at all of your heartbreak,
All of your suffering,
And even though there might be a story that says it's about something out there,
Really what's going on is that something out there is reminding you that you feel like you're not enough.
Which is also like saying,
Feeling that you're not lovable or deserving of love.
And I wonder if I have to take my time to explain this,
Because to me,
It's just so obvious that it's a sense of inadequacy.
And it makes so much sense why it's that.
But it's important to at least find agreement there.
And we're so good at telling stories that say it's not that,
Which is like saying we're so good at blaming.
Like,
For example,
Somebody could reject you,
And it hurts your feelings.
And you could tell an adamant story that you're hurt because somebody else didn't do what you wanted them to do.
You could say,
No,
It's not because I feel like I'm not enough.
It's because they're an asshole.
Do you see how it projects the pain?
It says,
No,
This isn't happening here.
It's happening out here.
And this is because we don't want to see what's going on here.
But to really turn and look at it,
You know,
And again,
I'm using silly words here,
But in one way,
It's like,
And I say this gently,
But directly,
We don't want to see how much we hate ourselves.
We don't want to see how much we think we are unlovable.
We don't want to see how much we judge ourselves,
Which is all a flavor of inadequacy.
We don't want to see how we see ourselves,
Because we see ourselves with,
Let's just say,
Less than loving eyes.
And do you see that that's the nature of inadequacy?
To see yourself as not enough.
So that's the human pain.
And this is the nature and the root of suffering,
Which is incredibly tied to a sense of identity.
And the pain of that identity is an identity that is not enough,
An identity that is unworthy of love.
Separate from what is craved,
Which is love.
And that's painful.
It's almost like another way of saying that you're not worthy.
To open up,
Fear less,
And love more.
Your life is sacred.
Don't waste it hiding behind an adorable but imaginary fear.
It's time to show up.
