Hi,
My name is Clara Sante and welcome to Insight Timer.
Today's talk is on navigating life when you have a teen with ADHD.
Often parents know their child has ADHD when they're very young,
But there are many cases when people don't realise until their child hits the teen years or it becomes more obvious when they start going through puberty.
The teen years are hard enough,
But when you've got a teenager with ADHD,
It's another level.
I have a son who has ADHD.
I'm not a doctor or claim to know everything about ADHD,
But I can certainly talk from my own experiences.
I also have ADHD,
But I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult.
When I was a teenager,
It manifested as anxiety,
So it was hard to recognise it for what it was.
I've found if I get really in my own head and caught up in my own thinking,
The clarity around ADHD is very distorted.
So what I mean by this is,
How do we know if our child is being disrespectful or is it part of the ADHD?
If they have a messy room,
Should we force them to clean it or do we let it go because they find it so hard?
We all get caught up in different narratives,
So it's really worth knowing what your own stories are when you're parenting.
The symptoms of ADHD will only be a problem if they're hitting on something that is part of your programming.
So if their room is always a mess and you're someone who struggles with mess,
Then it's going to feel 10 times worse.
If you're someone who doesn't have a lot of thinking around mess,
Then you might be more practical and just help them with a routine or tidy and clean it with them or do whatever occurs to you to do.
That's the difference when we're parenting any child.
If we do it from a clear place,
We use common sense and wisdom.
Things flow and feel easier and the obvious thing to do.
If we really struggle with something when we parent,
There will be some kind of past programming that makes it feel like a problem.
This is the difference between a clear place and a mess.
This is the same when we parent a child who has ADHD.
People with ADHD can be very spontaneous,
Maybe not great at planning,
So it really is reacting on the hop.
You don't know what you're going to get next,
So it's a great example of living in the moment and learning to sort each problem as it comes.
It can be absolute chaos at times,
But there's something really helpful about knowing that.
Without layers of judgmental thinking,
We know what to do.
If your teen does something that makes you question whether you're parenting from a clear place or a caught-up place,
Trust how you feel.
Is your body tight and tense?
Is your body tight and tense?
Does it feel bad when you're thinking about it?
This feeling is our sat-nav.
It actually guides us.
If your body is completely tight,
Then that's how you know not to believe your distorted thinking.
It's amazing that this is inbuilt and takes a lot of the effort away.
Trust this guide all the time.
Be aware of the story that's running when you feel this way.
You can start to feel your way around.
It will be helpful so you know whether what you're doing is okay,
And it helps to navigate when parenting teens with ADHD because it's so easy to get caught up in the narrative about whether you're being too hard or soft.
Just trust the feeling.
It's your guide.
Thank you for listening.
