TiltedConsciousness Podcast Episode 1: Following The Heart

Hello,

Hello.

Welcome to the Tilted Consciousness podcast.

Let's go.

And let's dive into some shit.

So what happens when you follow your heart?

Like,

You know,

How do you even respond to a question like,

Hey,

Go follow.

Follow that thing.

See where it goes.

See where it takes you.

Maybe some places you don't want to go.

My first thought is,

Since I was a kid,

I feel like my heart's always been on leash.

In the sense that I'm not talking like,

You know,

Romantic heart either.

I'm sure that's a part of it,

But I'm talking,

I'm talking like,

Go and don't stop.

Follow,

Follow whatever fucking wild vision just sort of takes you off.

Go do probably pretty uninhibited shit,

You know.

Experience your dark night of the soul.

And yeah,

So I mean like,

What if,

What if it took that to follow your heart,

You had to experience the dark night of the soul.

Would you really want to go there?

Would you really want to be in like the depths of some really fucking hairy shit?

Anyway,

So following that heart,

For me,

Wasn't kind of what came up was like,

I'm trying.

Oh,

I'm fucking trying.

I always was maybe trying,

But yeah,

It's,

It's not like I want to follow it.

It's not really a good navigator from my perspective.

It doesn't really know where to go.

It doesn't seem to know where to go,

But it knows where to go.

Like it's very selfish.

It doesn't really care about the rest of you.

It doesn't care about your body.

It doesn't care about your mind.

It doesn't care about what happens.

You get dragged through the shit and your heart's just like,

Yeah,

We could keep going.

You're almost there.

Keep going.

And you're just like,

Huh?

Fuck this.

So you tap out or you put a leash,

You know,

Maybe it'll take you some places,

But you're not going to let it go where it needs to go.

Cause why would you?

That makes sense.

You got to discipline it.

You got to,

You got to keep it like a dog,

Right?

You got to train it and let it kind of walk where you think it needs to walk.

And then,

Um,

Yeah,

Feed it.

Right.

Feed your heart,

Some kibble,

Some heart kibble.

And,

Uh,

Yeah,

Tell it where it,

It can't go ever.

Right.

That's the ego.

Ego's coming in and just telling the heart nap.

No,

That's not,

That's not what we do.

We don't do,

We don't go where it needs to go.

We don't do,

We don't do,

We don't go there.

Right.

So you kind of order it around.

You don't follow it.

Yeah.

You order it around.

I mean,

What happens,

What happens,

Right?

If you just let it go and take you to some pretty fucking wild places.

Some people do that,

Right?

Some people go to some pretty fucking wild places.

You feel like,

I feel like let's say there'd be a lot of suffering and chaos at first.

So like,

You know,

It's going to start like you're going to hate yourself for following that heart.

You're going to feel like you just putting yourself through like torture,

You know,

The ringer,

Right?

Um,

Angry maybe even you might come up and just straight up hate your heart because it's so selfish and it only acts in certain,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's own sort of,

Right.

It's the heart.

It knows what's doing.

The body.

Yeah.

It's all good.

You'll get another one of those.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I don't know.

Let's just say that the heart treats your body like it'll,

Uh,

Just sort of repair itself.

Right?

If your heart thrives,

Truly thrives,

Can your body ever really suffer?

Right?

Can you just sort of kind of stay high on that ecstatic sort of drug following that dream?

Uh,

Some might say,

Yeah,

Some might,

You know,

Like,

Um,

I was listening to Aubrey Marcus earlier and,

Uh,

He was interviewing,

Uh,

Caitlin who was his fiance.

They were married for a bit,

But she has,

She's a writer,

Is a writer and talks about how it's like the artist maybe through the lens of sort of following their heart.

They're subjugating their body to just like that dark night of the soul,

All this shit,

Almost like an experiment to kind of just like get that experience and kind of write it down.

Like,

Especially as a writer,

She talked about being a poet and just kind of like,

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

This is really fucking bad.

Every day is just like another,

Uh,

Hunter S.

Thompson like nightmare,

But like,

She's just like,

Well,

Let's just kind of see what happens.

And,

And,

Um,

It's all for a purpose.

Right?

So maybe,

Yeah,

That's what's about right.

Kind of a little experiment to see sort of like,

If you can learn more about your heart's expression versus,

Um,

Yeah.

Keeping it on its leash,

Which I think most of us do.

Would you find this kind of liberation that you're searching for?

Right?

Would you be okay with all the uncertainty waiting through all that darkness?

I mean,

Like,

What about your,

Your good old nervous system?

Right?

What's going to happen there?

Well,

Yeah,

I don't know.

However,

When you're back,

Wherever you're finally,

Your final destination is,

What would you do differently than your previous or you could say the current now the,

You,

What,

What would this sort of follows the heart type sort of guy or gal?

What would they do differently?

What would be the same once that heart is descended and then ascended,

You know,

Let's say that that did,

They did do their own little,

Um,

Hero's journey.

Will you ever really feel the need to follow anything else?

Any anyone else?

Or is that heart now finally enough?

Will it be the,

Uh,

The guide you've been seeking?

Yeah.

Why,

Why go back to the mind and the ego and the needs of the body and the safety perceived safety that comes from this now disciplined heart?

Hmm,

Can't ignore the reality of these other things,

Like serving you in some way,

But like,

You know,

It's kind of culture we live in.

Doesn't really support following the heart.

Your answer?

Yeah.

Yeah,

It doesn't.

It's kind of the big question there.

Does it support following the heart where like,

Not just this culture,

But maybe just the environment you're in,

Right?

Where you're at right now.

Does that really support or can it support following the heart?

I think,

Um,

Kind of working against the tide at this point or working against the current,

You're really battling that,

That force that's trying to push you down and tell you that,

No,

You know,

Don't follow the heart.

It will never work out.

You're good where you are.

Just stay there.

And I mean,

Like,

What the fuck does that even mean?

Culture says no.

Quoterents mechanic culture doesn't even exist.

It's not even real.

So what's,

What's that that's telling you?

No.

Is it a part of you?

You're just a little self-flotulation?

Maybe it's just,

Um,

Or,

Um.

Yeah.

Culture doesn't even exist,

But your heart does.

Your heart's there.

It's real.

That inner calling,

That higher self,

It's real.

It's always going to be there.

This body or the next,

It's always there.

And that is so often dictated by the ego,

Which is so often ruled by culture.

What happens when you follow the heart?

Does it go badly?

Do you wake up one day regretting it?

You just sort of fucked off to some other part of the world,

Started a new,

Followed that dream.

Don't even recognize who you are anymore.

Who you were.

Sounds like a lot of fear.

Your previous idea of safety,

Right?

All your security is just kind of to the wind.

How much is that?

How much of that is real?

Right,

How much of that is actually,

Um,

Can you wholeheartedly say exists in itself and isn't just kind of like this bubble wrap that you've wrapped around yourself or I like this other perspective that was introduced by the untethered soul where it's like you get a thorn like a samskara.

It's like basically kind of like you got a little wound,

But I think they were speaking of something else.

They were speaking like you got this thorn instead of pulling out,

Pulling out the thorn,

You just wrap bubble wrap around everything and then you kind of just make little adjustments in your life so that you're like,

Ah,

No,

We're good.

This isn't too bad.

I got this figured out.

I can work.

I can function.

It's like,

What if that is really kind of like,

Yeah,

Following your heart's pulling out the thorn,

But you really got to like,

You got to dig that shit in and you've got to,

You know,

You got to be okay with having that wound like hella exposed.

And um,

What about your whole little bubble wrap set up?

You got a pretty solid bubble wrap set up that now you're just abandoning.

Can't abandon the safety.

Sometimes this is how I feel when I come back from a psychedelic trip is like you return here and you're just kind of like,

Oh,

Look at me.

I'm surrounded with things.

Ego with pursuits and little,

Little distractions,

Basically my bubble wrap fortress is kind of how I feel.

And uh,

Yeah,

I guess that's kind of like my little mini awakening of sorts where like I'll do a psychedelic and come back and be like,

Oh God,

I really just got to go to Peru.

Just never come back,

Don't return to any of these things,

You know,

Just one fell swoop.

I'm a,

I'll be a minimalist.

Yeah,

I'll admit I don't know how I would,

Um,

Fare in this like prolonged degree of discomfort.

Uh,

I remember I met this one woman who talked about living among Shaolin monks or some type of monks and how they would not ever allow you heat or even like warm water.

And it was just like super hardcore discipline.

And you know,

You look to like retreats and you know,

I was going to retreats in Purdue and there's like no,

No plumbing and some of them have plumbing I'm sure.

But like,

You know,

There's like cold,

Cold showers are kind of like the norm and like,

Yeah.

And all those creature comforts for the most part,

Um,

Right.

Like how much of those things are we really,

I guess I'm gonna say identifying with,

But are kind of like part of why we're so,

Um,

I guess content being in this security because it just feels like we've kind of created all these little faucets of safety.

When you remove them all,

You're not safe.

There's no real safety.

There's nothing,

You know,

Sometimes there's nothing that prevents you from just dying.

Like you could have all these,

You know,

Uh,

Safety nets and still this die.

And um,

Can't imagine what that would,

Um,

How that would change your perception of what's really causing you comfort,

Whether or not you want to actually follow your heart versus,

Um,

Just sort of dismiss the idea of following your heart being too unsafe.

And um,

Then that kind of being the end of that conversation.

So I could follow my heart,

But,

But I got like tons of psychological safety and you know,

Like it's,

It's just,

It doesn't make any sense to just abandon all that.

It feels like a really,

Really bad move.

That sounds like the ego,

You know,

Heart,

Heart's not,

Heart's not concerned with the body.

Don't give a shit.

Heart considers the bad moves every time we wake up and minimize our passion for something like creative or musical or,

You know,

Wanting to go and explore and be the journeyer,

Right?

The archetype of the,

Uh,

The journey or I think it is the Explorer or whatever,

The one that kind of just wants to be free,

Be liberated from everything.

Like a lot of us have that,

Um,

Unconscious tendency to just want to escape or just travel and experience the totality of this fucking planet we live on this big old massive playground.

And like,

We're just,

We're fighting,

We're fighting and suppressing that so,

So desperately,

At least I am,

I don't want to tell everybody they're doing that.

Maybe they're,

Maybe their heart lies elsewhere,

Right?

Like following your heart,

That doesn't necessarily mean what I think it means,

But there's certainly a degree to which,

Um,

It doesn't sound like it's something that's desirable from this Western lens,

Um,

Because it's maybe because it's not profitable,

Right?

I think to my,

Um,

My younger,

Much younger years as a little,

Little one thinking about becoming a writer,

It's like,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

You can't make money that way,

You crazy.

Um,

Then I get a little older,

I'm like,

Ah,

I should be an artist.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's like,

Oh,

But I don't want to be broke and hungry.

And like,

You know,

There's the,

There's the,

The ego saying,

Hey,

Um,

The heart wants to fuck us over and it's going to make it so that your body just doesn't have food,

Doesn't have nutrients.

So,

Uh,

Yeah,

Fuck that.

It's just,

Um,

It's weird.

It's weird how I think about the way that all played out.

What if I like,

I don't know,

You know,

I don't want to say I have to have been taught,

But what if it was just like inherently,

There's this inborn quality where I'm like,

You know what?

I'm a be a writer and wait,

And I'm gonna just fucking do the art thing and to hell with how I'm going to support myself like that.

It feels like that's just a me thing.

And maybe this is the me thing,

Right?

But I wouldn't say at this point in my life,

I'm like completely fucked.

I'm following a lot of different paths that I would wholeheartedly say are my heart's journey and are my sort of higher calling or my Dharma.

And is the heart,

So maybe this is not the same thing.

Maybe the,

The,

The following your heart isn't necessarily like the Dharma,

Um,

Pursuit.

Maybe it's like the other way around.

Following your Dharma means this sort of higher spiritual calling of sorts,

But not following your heart is like,

They're never really needed to be that level of structure in place,

I guess.

They don't need to be that sense of purpose or meaning.

You know,

You could realistically just do fucking whatever and,

Um,

Your heart said it was okay.

Your heart approved it,

But like there was no sense of,

You know,

No higher,

Higher reasoning,

No cognitive,

Um,

I guess understanding of what a Dharma is or a spiritual path or any of that business.

They're just kind of like,

Yep,

I'm going there.

It's like,

Why?

It's like,

Ah,

Just,

Just do it.

Just do it.

You'll see why.

And I mean like,

Yeah,

If,

If,

If,

If you could have that kind of dialogue with your heart,

Um,

Now that,

That feels like some poetic shit right there.

Like,

You know,

Um,

I mean,

I,

I would definitely argue someone who writes quite a bit of poetry.

It's like,

Yeah.

Um,

The poet is talking through that.

They're channeling that heart,

Uh,

Language,

I suppose.

Like they're channeling through the lens of the,

Maybe the suppressed heart that just kind of wants to speak up.

But yeah,

Like,

I like this idea that you're just kind of like,

Why heart?

Why do I do this?

This sounds like a terrible idea.

And it's just kind of like,

You can almost hear this,

Like,

You know,

Other voice being like,

Hey,

Trust me,

It's worth it.

Is that the higher self or is that the heart or is it the same thing?

I don't fucking know.

It just sounds really,

Feels like there's something there.

And um,

Does following the heart necessarily mean that you're like following the path of,

You know,

Romantic love?

I wouldn't,

I don't think so.

Whereas like,

We've definitely,

Um,

Not only have we as a society equated those two things to basically be the same thing,

But there's certainly something there.

You follow your heart,

You know,

In this human existence,

Happiness is related to connection and there is some sort of higher calling within the path of the heart.

You're probably going to find your way towards a meaningful existence with another person or maybe love in the sort of more esoteric,

Mystical sense,

Oneness or God or something.

Following the heart is just going to,

It's going to take you to one of the options that we as humans are like,

Yep,

Love is there.

Found it.

Love found.

Done.

Die as happy.

I mean,

Do you have to,

You know,

Is that the only way?

That sounds a little unfair to those who like,

Die early deaths.

They had heart paths too,

They have the same,

If we're looking at this from a spiritual lens,

They have the same spirit that ultimately was ringing the phone or trying to put out the signal that there's a heart path to follow in general,

So like,

I don't think it's like you get cheated of the pathway of the heart just because you died early.

It feels,

Um,

It feels wrong.

There I am projecting like,

What feels right and what feels wrong.

It's not fair,

No,

It's not fair that someone would die before they get to experience the truest sort of experience of their heart.

Maybe next life,

So that's fair.

So maybe life,

Just like I was saying,

It's not fair.

Not all of us get to follow the heart's path.

But I think there is this curiosity around like,

What if you really just consider it,

And how much of that are you actually following,

And how,

It sounds absurd,

But it's,

It's how realistic is it really that you can just do it?

And it's not just going to blow up your world.

Like it might for some,

Right?

But maybe that's part of their path.

Maybe that's part of their journey,

As fucked up as that sounds like.

Someone's following their heart.

And they know that they can just always just fall back to that same path,

Or that new path that they're carving,

Because it's the path of the heart.

Is anything that's happening to them really kind of like,

Not that path?

Is it always the right path?

And then following,

You know,

First of that logic,

Is it always the wrong path?

If you're deciding like,

Nah,

The heart's a bit of a wild child,

And I just,

I just,

I can't keep up with them.

They're fucking nuts.

That does that automatically mean that you're on the quote unquote wrong path?

That's that's feels like bullshit.

Just to kind of like wrap it up.

I think there was a part where I point where I thought my life was like,

Not following the heart,

Because I wasn't being a painter,

Or being a full,

Full time writer or something.

Maybe I'll return to that one day.

Right?

I'll be part of my heart's path.

But like right now,

The pathway I'm choosing that I feel is full of love and connection and allows me to really feel fulfilled and expressive and discover more of my own journey is through like,

You know,

Counseling,

Discovering more about psychedelic medicine,

Learning about my own expression,

And the various ways that takes form.

And that feels pretty fucking heart centered to me.

And if I'm doing something wrong,

Then so be it.

That doesn't feel like do I feel like I'm on the path?

I guess it's it there's always going to be that sort of little gap between like where you are.

No,

That's me again.

That's me projecting.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Get out of here.

Go away.

You're not you're not helpful.

Yeah,

I mean,

Like,

If I if I'm sitting here justifying that there's always going to be that little bit what about people that are like,

Yeah,

I'm fucking in it.

Fucking live in it.

I mean,

Maybe I'm like,

Biased here.

But I feel like Aubrey Marcus feels like the way he talks about life.

He had a point where he was kind of like,

I don't know what the fuck's going on.

Maybe I'll get together one day.

I feel like I'm going there.

Like there's like a feeling you can kind of sense these things.

It's not like it's like you're completely oblivious to your spiritual path or something.

So he was like in his 20s.

And he was like,

I'm not quite there.

And that's like he later was like,

Yeah,

I'm fucking there.

There is no second guessing.

So like,

That sounds like a level of confidence,

This level of self knowing.

So maybe once you know yourself,

Right,

You've really figured out how to read the signs of your own sort of internal workings and how it relates to the world it's you know,

You're in.

There won't be a questioning anymore.

Maybe I'm just questioning myself too much.

I'll reach this point,

Maybe in like five or 10 years,

I'll be like,

Am I following my heart path?

Fuck yeah,

I am.

There's not even a stuttering,

Right?

And I'm cool with that.

I'm open to that.

I feel like I'm going to get there one day.

Right now I'm just kind of like navigating,

Walking upstairs.

And sounds good.

Anyway,

This is a pretty random,

But just my thoughts on the following the heart.

Thanks for tuning in.

This is my new name,

Tilted consciousness.

Have fun.

Be well.