In these few minutes,
We're going to slow down and play with the movement of reach.
So this comes from something called Body-Mind Centering,
And more specifically the Satisfaction Cycle.
And these were developed by a woman named Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen.
And if you haven't yet listened to the other audios in this series,
I encourage you to pause and go back to the introductory audio,
And then the audios on Yield and Push that come before this one.
Now before we dive in,
I encourage you to take a couple seconds here to maybe shift around,
Maybe wiggle a little bit,
Mindfully get in tune with your body and a little bit of movement,
Maybe reaching out your arms and your hands to either side,
Reaching them out above your head,
Maybe reaching your legs and your toes out,
Playing with pointing and flexing your feet,
Pointing and flexing your wrists,
Wiggling your toes and your fingers,
And taking a couple intentional breaths.
If you'd like more time to settle in,
You can pause.
Otherwise,
We're going to play with this idea of reach,
Painting pictures with our body like we've done in other audios in this series.
As a reminder,
Reach builds on yield and push.
And so when there's enough safety for us to yield,
When there's enough safety for us to also push,
We're going to most successfully have what we need to be able to reach.
And reaching has to do with just this really natural expression of curiosity,
Right?
Being curious about the world around us and reaching for something that is outside of us.
Now reaching is risky.
In the story in the introductory audio,
We looked at how reaching is risky for a little baby and a cat,
Because this cat might scratch,
This cat might bite.
There might even just be the disappointment of the cat jumping away,
A sense of rejection,
A sense of abandonment.
And of course,
These can be much more painful when that reach involves a significant attachment figure,
A significant relationship.
There's so much risk in reaching for another person and not knowing,
Will they be there?
Let's start to play with this.
I invite you to paint a picture with your body of the ways in your life that you don't reach for other people,
Or that you reach for other people,
And there's some sort of disappointment,
There's some sort of rejection,
There's some sort of disconnect.
And so maybe this looks like putting your hand out and then pulling it back.
Kind of this fear,
This hesitation,
This tentative,
Okay,
I want to reach out,
But no,
It's too risky.
And that hand pulling back over and over again.
Maybe you feel like there's a conflict internally,
And part of you wants to reach for certain relationships,
And a hand goes out,
And another part of you,
Which might be represented by your other hand,
Grabs the hand that's going out and pulls it back and says,
Oh no,
This is too risky,
We will not reach out for that person.
You might think of this as a vulnerable part of you that's really wanting to reach out for a connection or protection,
And then a protective part of you intercepting that,
And in a way shutting it down and saying,
No,
It's too risky.
It's too much of a threat.
We can't reach for that person.
We can't reach for that kind of connection.
If you'd like more time to play with this,
You can pause the audio.
Otherwise we're now going to play with painting a picture with your body of what it looks like when you do reach for a person,
When you do reach for a certain kind of connection.
Maybe this is with a friend who's just always there for you,
That you know you can reach for,
And you know they're going to be there.
Maybe this is with a beloved pet who is just your loyal and faithful companion.
That you can reach for in happiness,
In sadness,
In stress,
In joy,
Whatever the season or tone of life might be,
And they'll be there right by your side.
They'll respond and reciprocate any time that you reach for them.
And as you play with painting a picture of this with your body,
Just noticing what's happening inside right now.
Is this bringing up any kind of painful memory?
Is this bringing up any kind of gratitude,
Any kind of grief?
Just noticing and being with any of the body sensations,
Emotions,
Thoughts,
Or memories.
Really anything that's popping up internally.
You can pause if you'd like to spend more time here.
Otherwise we're now going to explore painting a picture with your body of the ways that you long to reach for certain people,
Or the ways that you long to reach for certain kinds of connection,
Or maybe it's simply reaching for a dream.
Exploring with your body what this might look like.
And really tuning in with the ways that this feels scary,
Or this feels risky,
Or this feels overwhelming.
Being cautious not to push your body or push any parts of you beyond what feels safe right now or what feels accessible right now.
And as you continue to play with this,
I'll share a way that this intersects with something called Emotionally Focused Therapy,
Or EFT.
Maybe you've heard of this,
Or a woman named Sue Johnson.
But this idea of reaching,
It just really makes me think about something that I've heard her say more times than I can count in trainings and training videos.
Of,
If I reach for you,
Will you be there?
If I reach for you,
Will you be there?
And this is a really vulnerable and risky question relationally.
When we don't know what the answer will be,
Or if we have learned that the answer is no.
And this is something that we've maybe experienced when we were a young child,
Maybe something that we experienced as an adult.
It might even be something that we experienced before we were able to have an explicit memory of it,
But our body holds the implicit memory of it.
Any sense of,
If I reach for you,
Will you be there?
And the answer being,
No.
If I reach for you,
Will you see me,
Will you respond?
Will you be with me?
When the answer to these questions has been no,
It can be an incredibly wounding experience,
Especially depending on the context,
Depending on the relationship.
And I say this to honor the ways that it can be so scary and so risky and so complicated to reach.
Now,
This might not only involve our relationships.
This might also involve something like reaching for a dream.
Maybe we've had life plans fall apart or blow up in our face.
Maybe we have burned out or failed,
And there's a part of us that makes some sort of internal vow of,
I will never let myself feel the pain of that kind of failure again or that kind of loss again,
Which means reaching is not an option.
And maybe that's something you've learned in relationships of,
I never want to feel that kind of hurt,
That kind of pain,
That kind of rejection,
That kind of loss,
That kind of abandonment ever again.
And the protective parts of us do not allow us to reach in certain ways.
Seeing it as being for our good so that we are protected from feeling that again.
Because if we don't reach,
We can't be rejected.
If we don't reach,
We can't fail.
If we don't reach,
We can't be disappointed.
So all these ways that,
Maybe in one sense,
There's so much logic there.
It really makes sense.
Of course we wouldn't reach.
Of course protective parts of us would want to put that on lockdown.
And also,
Maybe that leaves us really heavy.
Maybe that leaves us with longings that just feel like they're gonna burst.
Or that feel like they're too much for us to hold or carry or feel.
And I invite you to check in again,
Just noticing what's stirring inside.
If there was anything that I said that maybe struck a chord.
Maybe there's something I said that a part of you didn't like.
Maybe there's a protective part that's thinking,
Crazy lady,
You have to back off.
This is not territory that's up for negotiation.
Reaching is not safe.
People are not safe.
The world is not safe.
And whenever any protective parts of us are on lockdown like that,
Rather than fighting with them,
I want to invite you ever so gently to see what it might be like to slow down and get curious and be with those protective parts.
To maybe even ask them,
Could you help me understand these protective strategies?
Could you help me understand how you see the world and what you're wanting to protect me from?
Can you help me understand how hard you have worked to protect me?
If you'd like to continue chewing on this the way you might explore this,
Could be seeing what it would be like to invite a part of you or parts of you that function protectively to almost write like a thesis statement or almost an argument for why the world isn't safe or why it's not safe to reach for things.
And rather than trying to argue that point of view,
Hearing them out,
Giving them space to express what they have held,
What they have carried,
The framework of life that they have functioned in.
And before trying to change anything or override anything,
First being with those parts and taking time to understand life and the world and risk and pain and safety through their eyes.
Because if we don't do that with our protective parts,
We don't make time and space for that to be a priority in our therapeutic work,
It's going to be really,
Really difficult to move through life as a unified,
Integrated,
Holistic,
Embodied being.
And we're likely to experience a lot of internal conflict.
Now that was a lot of words.
So I invite you to anchor into where you are,
Maybe wiggling your body a little bit again,
Kind of like how we started.
Maybe stretching out your arms or your legs.
Opening your jaw,
Noticing if there's any tension in your neck or upper back.
And pausing if you'd like to spend any more time here.
Otherwise,
We're going to close with three heavy sighs,
Three deep breaths.
Inhaling,
And exhaling.
Last one.
I thank you for joining me.
I invite you to be really mindful about how you re-enter the rest of your day,
Especially anything that you might have accessed with protective parts of yourself.
Taking time to acknowledge that,
To maybe even set an intention if it feels authentic to connect with those parts later today or later this week.
And I hope that you'll join me for the other audios in this series.
