It is evening and I hear a knock at my door.
I look over my shoulder to the glass entrance and see the silhouette of a familiar figure.
Behind her the sun is packing all of its rays and is so flushed from the exercise that the whole sky is glowing with him.
The silhouette shifts and I recognize it as my loneliness.
My first thought is to pretend that I never heard the knock and keep going with my business.
Maybe even turn the TV on or put music on a high volume.
But just as quickly I remember that this doesn't work well in the end.
If she wants to see me,
She will find me,
Whether here or in a crowd outside.
So I get up and let her in.
I put some tea on for us.
She sits down quietly.
I have a message for you,
She said,
And puts down an envelope on the table.
I take my time to pick it up and go through it.
The writing is familiar,
It's something I've always known,
And the words,
They are more comforting than the hot tea I have in my hands.
It reads,
My dearest,
Dearest one,
I wanted to remind you that I am here for you,
That I know that you long to be seen,
To be heard,
To be understood,
To be loved.
And I'm writing to you to tell you again that I love you,
I always have loved you.
If I beat 24-7,
It is only for you.
I have been whispering all these words,
But I felt like you could not hear me.
Perhaps the voices in your head have become loud again.
Perhaps you have followed the monkey mind to some very high branches,
Where you've lost sight of the ground and everything that holds you in love.
Clouds of illusion probably float by there and make everything seem so distant,
So far away,
So out of reach,
That you are finding it hard to connect to anything or anyone.
But you have to remember,
Dear one,
That you have a rope that can always bring you back to the ground of being.
You can always find it when you need it the most,
And it will bring you back to me,
My love.
It is your breath.
Please breathe your way back to me,
To your roots,
To your heart.
For it is here in the roots that you will know once again how all of life is a big web of interbeing.
If a tree burns in the Amazon rainforest,
The air in London is altered in some way.
The trembling of a butterfly's wing in Yucatan affects the life of a fern in the Hebrides.
The dance of genes that creates personality and identity is a dance that stretches far back into the past,
And each identity is a swirl of different influences,
So even if you really wanted to be separate from everything else,
You could not be separate from all that is.
It might take a little bit of time to find your way back,
But trust that you will.
Breathe into any unease,
Any discomfort,
And in the meantime,
I want to read you some poetry.
I'll start with Nayira Wahid.
She writes,
In our own ways we all break.
It is okay to hold your heart outside of your body for days,
Months,
Years at a time.
You will find your way,
It is in the same place as your love.
Put some honey and sea water by your bed.
Acknowledge that your being needs sweetness and cleansing,
That it is sore,
And that you are soft.
Even if you are a small forest surviving off the moon alone,
Your light is extraordinary.
You are a sea of light.
Open your eyes and see yourself.
