Hi,
This is Clay Stevenson,
And welcome to of Mice and Moments,
A podcast that finds significance in the small moments.
Bad habits.
Regardless of what kind of person you are,
We all seem to have them.
Some are more benign than others,
But none of them are good,
Otherwise we wouldn't call them bad.
When you live with someone,
You're in a unique situation to view their life in a way that they're unable to view it.
When you live with someone,
You closely monitor them whether you try to or not.
You notice the things they do,
The good things,
The nice things,
The care,
Compassion,
Patience they have,
But you also notice the negative,
The bad,
The annoying,
The habits that may sometimes get on your nerves.
Over the years living with Angie and my two kids,
I've learned that I have some bad habits.
Most of the time when my bad habits cause my family's frustration to rise to the boiling point,
I then become aware of those habits.
For example,
When my kids have an appointment 20 minutes away,
I might leave 25 minutes in advance.
In my mind,
That's plenty of time to make the trip,
And it even leaves a five minute buffer for unexpected circumstances.
In reality,
I get there just in the nick of time to rush in frazzled and short of breath,
Unfortunately if there's traffic,
Or if the kids forget something,
That five minute buffer is not very forgiving and to my family's dismay often results in us being late.
This is utterly frustrating to Angie,
Who makes a point to be early on time at the latest.
When getting ready to go somewhere as a family,
I may be sitting on my computer,
Glancing at the clock,
Considering the amount of time I have to get ready,
Only to realize that Angie is 100% ready to leave.
I always considered myself a punctual person,
But since being married to Angie,
I realized that I have a bad habit of cutting it close when it comes to getting somewhere on time.
What makes it even worse is if we're driving somewhere,
Cutting it close or running late,
And the car chimes to indicate that we are low on gas.
This loud ding is a reminder of another one of my bad habits.
Consistently letting the gas tanks run almost to empty or all the way to empty before filling up.
I blame this on learning early that even though gas tanks indicate zero,
You can still eke out an additional 20 or 30 miles,
So I'm rarely pressured by the chime.
However,
Cutting it close isn't relaxing or comfortable for Angie,
And through her eyes I've seen another bad habit of mine.
The bad habit to trump all others,
And I'm sure many of you can relate,
Please stand in solidarity with me on this,
But the bad habit that has probably gotten me into the most trouble is this.
Occasionally,
When I'm out with my friends,
At the gym,
Or participating in some recreational activity without my family,
Every now and again,
I tell Angie I'll be home by a certain time,
And then I feel my phone buzz.
Simultaneously,
A little voice in the back of my mind reminds me that I haven't checked the time in a while.
And before even looking,
I know the text message waiting for me.
Where are you?
Looking at the time,
I see that it's 30 minutes past the time I said I'd be home.
There is almost nothing more frustrating for a parent or a spouse than having a child,
Husband or wife not pay attention to the time and cause worry and concern when simply checking in could assuage all fears.
What's going through the mind of the person at home?
You could be in a ditch on the side of the road or held at gunpoint for all they know.
I've realized I have a bad habit of staying gone a little too long and not checking in consistently enough.
But living with each other also means that I've noticed bad habits in my family.
Macy,
My beautiful,
Talented,
Smart and funny daughter,
For one,
Loves to give a hug and a kiss to Angie and I when she wakes up,
When she goes to bed,
When we leave,
When we come home,
Which doesn't sound like a bad habit,
Except she'll give a hug and a kiss when I get up.
When I go downstairs,
One when she hears I'm leaving.
And then as I rush out the door,
She'll call me in a hug and a kiss.
And I'll run back in saying,
Macy,
I'm cutting it close.
I'm running a little late.
I just gave you four hugs and kisses.
I love you.
This habit got to the point that Angie and I both noticed,
Talked about it and felt it was excessive and sometimes frustrating.
Especially when we were rushing out of the door.
We felt like we had been appropriately and adequately loving during the first four or five hugs and kisses of the morning.
In her frustration,
Angie asked,
Macy,
Why do you always ask for a hug and a kiss as we're running out of the door after we've already given hugs and kisses?
And Macy answered,
In case something happens,
And I'm not able to give you a hug and a kiss again.
That deep,
Dark and beautiful statement coming from a 10 year old revealed to Angie and I that this bad habit wasn't so bad after all.
If anything,
Our views of her habit were shallow,
Selfish and narrow minded.
Her habit was born of deep love,
Concern,
Fear,
Insecurity,
And needed our attention and nurturing rather than our frustration.
So as you consider the bad habits of the people you live with,
Is being annoyed and acting out in anger the appropriate reaction?
Can you say you really understand why the people you live with exhibit the habits and behaviors they do?
Consider that there may be a host of reasons for those actions that you may or may not be able to understand and the proper response,
Whether or not you're running late or cutting it close,
Maybe it's a pause and give them another hug and kiss.
Thank you.
