#91. What To Do With Your Addictions | Vigyan Bhairav Tantra

Namaste everyone,

A very warm welcome to all of you in this daily live meditation session with me,

Dhyansa.

We're meditating on 112 meditation techniques of Vigyan Bhairav Tantra.

Let us begin with a question from the community.

From one of our meditators,

This question is somewhat sensitive on a topic which may seem to be unrelated to spirituality,

Unrelated to meditation,

But if you contemplate over it deeply,

This is very much relevant to not just this meditator,

But all of you in some or the other way,

Therefore I decided to bring this question,

This troublesome experience in our discourse,

In our discussion.

Let us hear this,

Contemplate over it and move into meditation from this context,

From this question.

The meditator says,

I'm currently going through a very hard period in life in several aspects.

Personally,

I had a couple of relapses during this period.

My addiction to sex,

Which behaviours are use of porn and compulsive masturbation has led me to isolation and disconnection.

From the real to the non-real,

From the truth to the false,

Disconnection from my feelings,

This has been my drug of choice,

To numb hard feelings,

From the abuse,

To the building to the everyday stress,

Disconnection from my partner,

Disconnection from my kids,

From my friends,

From my inner self,

Disconnection from God.

The reason I don't share this with the group is because unlike any other addictions,

Which are much more socially accepted,

Being a sex addict has a connotation of perverted,

Of a bad person,

Of a monster,

Even of a rapist.

In my case,

It is totally the opposite.

One so isolated that searched comfort in loneliness,

But that loneliness went out of control.

The more things this meditator talks about.

But this addiction to sex,

The first thing,

Only he went to a doctor.

He said,

I have a sexual problem.

I cannot get up for my wife.

The doctor said,

Bring your wife tomorrow with you and I will inspect.

So,

Next day he brought his wife along to the doctor.

He sat outside the doctor's office,

Let her wife into the doctor's office.

The doctor said to the wife,

Please take your clothes off.

She took all her clothes off.

The doctor said,

Turn around.

She turned around.

He said,

Now please lie down.

She lied down.

The doctor said,

Now I understand.

He said to the wife,

Now please get up,

Put your clothes on and go out and send your husband back in.

The husband very curious to know what problem he has.

He went back in to listen to the doctor.

The doctor said,

You have no problem.

You are absolutely healthy.

Also the case with you.

You are absolutely healthy.

There is no problem with you.

The only thing is you do not understand your energies.

It is a bit silly what you do to yourself.

It is a bit stupid what you do to yourself.

But you are absolutely healthy.

You just do not understand your own system,

Your energies,

How they function,

How they throw you here and there in life and what to do with those energies.

This disconnection,

This dissociation that you talk about,

This isolation that you talk about as a consequence is not the consequence,

It is the cause of what you are experiencing.

This dissociation,

This disconnection from God,

This disconnection from yourself,

This disconnection from your true nature,

From the pure consciousness,

From the pure awareness that you are.

This disconnect is the cause,

Not a consequence.

See that there are two connection points in you.

In your life,

There will always be these two connection points with everything outside in the world.

The first connection point is Shiva,

Is consciousness.

This consciousness is our primary connection point where we arise out of this pure consciousness.

This infinite consciousness,

We are a part of this infinite consciousness,

This whole.

And while we are on the spiritual journey,

We may at times experience this oneness with the whole,

With this pure consciousness.

But throughout our life,

In most cases,

We live such a disconnect to this whole,

To this vast consciousness that we are,

To the Shiva that we are,

To the pure consciousness that we are,

That we have to resort to the Shakti,

The second form of connection that we have in life.

But see that as you establish Shiva in life,

As you establish consciousness in life,

As you establish your connection to the whole in life,

Everything gets resolved in that process.

Because you are rooted,

Because you are centered,

You are never lost,

You are never disconnected,

You are never dissociated.

This sense that you get from your sexual addiction,

This few moments of feeling real,

This few moments of heightened awareness,

These few moments where you feel once again alive,

You once again feel yourself,

This is because you are looking for that same expansion which is missing in you.

This missing in you is because of the disconnect with consciousness,

Because of the disconnect with the whole.

See that this disconnect is the cause,

Not a consequence.

And yes,

Thereafter it starts,

It becomes a spiral,

It becomes a loop where it starts with a disconnect,

It gives you some few moments of glimpses of some sort of connection,

Some sort of feeling real,

Some sort of truth and then you fall back into a disconnect and this whole journey goes on and on.

See that this disconnect is in Shiva,

Is in consciousness.

But because of this permanent disconnect in you,

The way we live life and not just you,

All of us live this permanent disconnect to ourselves,

Permanent disconnect to who we really are,

To pure consciousness.

In this disconnect,

We resort to the second connection which is of Shakti,

This energy that rises in us and falls in us.

Understand here we are talking about energies,

These life energies that rises in you in the moment of sex,

In the moment of anything that brings you to a certain high.

So when you move from Shiva to Shakti,

In this Shakti you always experience things as waves,

As things rising in you and falling in you.

And sexuality is the same while you are in this act,

While you are caught up in this addiction,

You are caught up in this very rapid highs and lows of the Shakti.

In the moments where you feel the compulsion,

You are in this high and once you are done with your compulsion,

You are thrown very deep into an abyss,

Into a low.

Your highs and lows are completely unregulated,

Are unmonitored,

Are not coming out of your awareness,

You are completely unaware.

See that all compulsions,

Be it sex,

Be it food,

Be it anything,

Any compulsion that you have is in unawareness.

Unawareness is the cause of all compulsions and also awareness is the solution to resolve all compulsions.

But let us understand this rise and fall,

This high and low a little more in detail what is happening in you in this rise and fall.

In this rise of Shakti,

In this rise of energy which you trigger through your sexual act,

You are at a high.

And in that high,

Once again there is lust of life,

There is an ambition of life,

You want to do things,

You are wanting to create things.

See that everyone goes through that high,

In that high the whole world looks different,

The whole world looks positive,

You want to live,

You want to express,

You want to create,

You want to possess,

You are a high on this life energy,

This Shakti in you.

But as soon as you fall from that,

In that sexual compulsion,

Once you are done with the compulsion,

When you fall,

You fall deeper into an abyss.

In that abyss,

Everything looks detached,

You are dissociated with life,

You are depressed,

You don't feel the joy of life,

You feel as if life has no purpose,

You feel life has no meaning,

You are in this dark phase of disconnection with everything around you.

See that you are going through this highs and lows completely uncontrolled,

As if you are drinking 10 coffees in one go for several hours,

And then for 2 days you are not drinking any coffee,

And then once again 10 coffees after 2 days and so on.

You are subjecting yourself to a completely unregulated high and low,

Which is throwing you totally upside down and is the cause of your entire misery in life.

See that what you are right now calling as an escape to beat the stress,

Or to give any other reason,

Any other rational,

Why you are in this compulsion,

See that you are at a great loss.

This life energy,

This Shakti,

If you learn to ride this,

If you learn to ride the waves of energy in you,

You become a master of yourself,

And that mastery leads to every other aspect of your life,

Not just sexuality,

Not just relationship with your spouse,

Not just relationship with your children and others,

And in your profession,

In every aspect of your life,

If you learn to ride your own energies,

If you know how the energies are taking you high and giving you a sense of all the brightness in the world,

And the same energies when you lose them,

When you are in a deep fall,

In this you see that you feel detached,

You feel that you don't even want to live for a few moments,

And the energy rises again in you.

Observe this rise and fall.

What is the solution?

The solution is for the next 28 days,

Make a journal.

Write down every hour,

Every two hours,

What you are feeling in yourself,

Your feelings,

Your thoughts,

Your emotions,

Write them down.

Do not judge yourself,

Write your truth down.

Your 28 days,

And do whatever you are doing otherwise,

If you are having this sexual compulsion,

This sex addiction,

Let that be.

Observe this entire rise and fall in you,

Make a note of what you are going through,

And you will be surprised to see what all disaster is happening in you,

What all rise and fall that is happening in you,

And in that awareness,

In that awareness of what is going on,

Your intelligence will take over.

Your intelligence will help you,

Your consciousness,

Your awareness will help you to find that regulation of your highs and lows.

You learn how to ride the waves,

You learn to regulate the waves of energy in you.

As you learn to regulate the waves of energy in you,

The highs are all controlled.

You know what to do when you are high,

And the lows are not as low as you are experiencing right now.

And if you are experiencing still those lows,

Those depressive moments,

You will know to take yourself seriously in those moments,

Because you know that this is not real.

This low is not real,

This high is not real,

What is real is awareness.

What is real is consciousness,

That intelligence of the consciousness which allows you to ride the highs and lows in life.

If there would be a complete flat in life,

It would also not be any interesting.

Life would also be dull if life would be completely flat.

If the life has too highs and too many lows,

You cannot manage yourself in those highs and lows because you are thrown here and there.

And this mundane,

Ordinary life of having a family,

Having a wife,

Children,

A job,

If you want to live that ordinary life,

That normal,

Practical life which most of us are living,

You need to learn to regulate your highs and lows.

Please remember,

There is no problem with you.

This life energy that rises in you is looking for expansion,

Is looking for liberation.

And that expansion and liberation,

You can live in the practicalities of your life as well.

Or you may choose an eccentric way of life,

But then you will have to make a choice between the life,

The lifestyle that you lead or a life which is throwing you here and there.

If it's on a high,

You enjoy the high.

If it is on a low,

You are accepting the consequences of the low.

So make a choice,

What do you want to live?

If you want to live a practical lifestyle,

Bounded in society,

Bounded in family,

Bounded in the constraints of the normal,

Ordinary life,

In that,

Learn to ride your highs and lows by becoming self-aware,

By becoming once again rooted in Shiva,

In consciousness,

Recognizing your true nature.

Once you recognize your true nature,

The intelligence takes over,

It helps you to regulate this rise and fall of Shakti in you.

Many more things can be said,

But let us take the next few moments to sit in silence,

To meditate,

To contemplate on the Shiva and the Shakti in us,

To the consciousness and the energy by becoming aware of the rise and fall of energy in us,

By simply becoming a witness to whatever is the state of energy in us.

Please close your eyes and take a posture that is comfortable for you.

Give body relaxed and alert.

Your breath flowing naturally.

See your awareness inwards.

Your inner space.

Not the physical,

But the subtle sensations,

Energies,

The state,

The inner state of yourself.

Namaste.

Thank you.

With every breath,

The rise and fall of energy in you.

The pulsation of energy in you.

The sensation of energy in you.

Become aware of the Shakti in you.

The sensation of energy in you.

Become aware of the Shakti in you.

Become aware of the Shakti in you.

Become aware of the Shakti in you.

Coreyaugh is here.

Coreyaugh is here.

Coreyaugh is here.

Coreyaugh is here.

And as you become aware of this rise and fall in you,

Be one with it.

As the energy rises,

You rise,

As the energy falls,

You fall.

Your awareness imperfect.

Synchronicity with your energies.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Your awareness and energies in harmony.

In synchronicity as you sit in silence.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Shiver in Shakti,

In sync.

Wherever your energy flows,

Your awareness flows along in perfect synchronicity,

In harmony.

Who to your body,

Feel your breath,

And a deep reach in your mind is now the line of note.

And that is that feeling of silence in your mind.

And silence arises allowing this silence.

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