Exploring & Choosing Beliefs (1/3)

Hello and welcome to this program exploring the subject of beliefs.

My name is John Russell and I'm a Transformational Coaching Master who specializes in NLP,

In other words,

The way in which thought,

Word and deed all connect to each other.

I'm delighted to be introducing this program on Insight Timer today,

A short program in which we consider the nature of beliefs,

How we create them and maintain them,

How they impact us and how we can change them when they're no longer useful to us.

Beliefs,

We all have them don't we?

And they are the foundation stones of our mindsets,

So they're immensely powerful.

Have you ever found yourself held back by beliefs?

Beliefs that everyone else's needs should come first,

That nothing can ever change,

That you're a person who can't.

.

.

Most of us at some time have limited our possibilities because of conflicting beliefs,

Feeling a bit trapped and finding all sorts of reasons not to do the things that we say we want to,

Reasons which are often really about old messages of shoulds,

Oughts,

Can'ts,

Have to or what will happen if.

Fortunately,

We know that we can make changes to these patterns and the first step in those changes is awareness.

So we're going to explore how you can become more aware of the beliefs that hold you back,

As well as know and appreciate the ones that support you strongly,

Because these beliefs you want to hang on to.

You can then begin to sort more effectively,

Identify what works for you and what doesn't,

Before getting to know some ways to change or reorder your beliefs.

After all,

Just because we believed something when we were five,

It doesn't have to mean that we have to believe it for the rest of our lives.

And my hunch is that most of you have already changed some of your earlier beliefs as you have become adult.

So it is then within your gift to choose only the beliefs that serve you well.

It's just that you may not always know how to do that with intention.

In this session,

We explore what a belief is and you will raise to awareness the core beliefs which are driving you right now.

In the following two sessions,

You will learn ways to relate more dynamically with your beliefs,

To make a few changes here and there if you want to,

So that you are in alignment and can develop a wider range of options to your benefit.

So what is a belief?

A belief has multiple origins,

Developed from outside sources,

Influences and your personal experience.

To establish or accept a belief,

We create mental and linguistic structures to place them firmly in our mental map.

And we then maintain the belief,

Sometimes having even forgotten it's there,

In the deep structure of our minds.

Yet when it pops up to influence us,

We actively maintain it,

Often without realising.

How do we do that?

Well,

In simple terms,

You might like to think of it in the following way.

A belief is a series of repetitive thoughts which over time form a pattern.

When the pattern becomes well defined enough,

It takes on the status of the truth,

And our hearts and minds accept it as truth at a deep and unconscious level.

This is why our beliefs have such power in our lives.

They dig in right down there in the foundations and become like items in an internal rule book on how to live our lives.

They can be such an incredible help of course,

Yet they can also be a real hindrance blocking our progress.

For example,

If we believe that we deserve a good life,

We will seek and be open to experiences that will confirm that belief.

Whereas if we believe that we are undeserving,

Which many of us do at some time or another,

It will go very differently.

At another level,

Who hasn't wanted to make a change in habits,

For example to change your body or health in some way?

Body image is a huge area for many people and research shows that over 40% of people in the UK,

For example,

Believe that their bodies are ugly or misshapen in some way.

Remember,

A belief is maintained by a series of repetitive thoughts,

And a thought is at least partly represented by what we say to ourselves.

So if I tell myself I'll always be fat,

That it's harder for me to lose weight than other people,

That I'm doomed to be misshapen,

That it's never worth giving up excesses of the things I enjoy,

Then if I say those things often enough to myself,

They will become a belief that I'll give a truth to.

And if I have any hint of being undeserving,

Which will have a deep root,

Then my chances of success are limited.

And then all those other beliefs might kick in.

My gym session,

My walk,

Isn't as important as me helping someone out.

Or my food choices aren't as important as my partner's children,

And so on and so on.

And we often find ourselves saying,

At times when we really would like to do something different,

Never mind,

It doesn't matter.

On the other hand,

If I believe that influencing my body and my health is a choice,

That I can do really well at becoming healthier,

That my fundamental body shape is perfectly fine just as it is,

And that I deserve to have good health and gain or lose weight if I choose to,

If I tell myself those things often enough,

Then I have a much better chance of success,

Because I will come to believe them.

So in this programme we introduce a few hacks to influence your beliefs,

To make you very firmly the architect of your own mindset.

Because think about it,

If you're not building your own experience of life,

Then who on earth is?

In my particular journey,

Learning to choose my beliefs to align them with my values and behaviour has been incredibly powerful.

For example,

When diagnosed with cancer some 20 plus years ago,

I made sure that I edited my belief system so that I could support myself at the deepest level to survive and flourish.

My chosen work has enabled me to help others to do the same in many contexts,

Ranging from working with people in recovery from deep and acute trauma,

People living through chronic trauma,

To people who are in a good place and want to know how to maintain or even improve that place.

So how do we do this?

Honestly,

My experience is that belief change is a process of connecting and relating to your inner guide on a range of levels and with a range of intentions.

At the same time,

Remember that our beliefs are maintained by thoughts,

Just thoughts and a thought can be changed.

Some beliefs we know are more entwined with our identity than others,

So then we might have to work with conflicted intentions and introduce more ways than what we say to ourselves.

With the right work,

All beliefs are changeable,

And at any rate,

The hacks in this short program will give you tools to begin to loosen any beliefs,

To edit here and there,

And you may even be surprised at how quickly you can change.

First then,

First step,

Identify your core beliefs which drive you.

I've put these into four categories.

First,

We have what I would call our grand beliefs about the world and beyond.

Humans throughout time and space like to develop philosophical belief systems.

They're almost abstract,

Yet we give to them a sense of order or meaning,

And they give that possibility to us.

For example,

Some people believe in God,

Some people don't.

Some people believe in many gods,

Some people in just one.

Of themselves,

These are fairly abstract concepts to which we add and give form,

Structure,

And rituals.

Other abstract or grand beliefs that we hold are about the purpose and quality of life itself.

Listen to the following statements.

Life's a bitch and then you die.

Life's a witch and then you fly.

It's too difficult.

Everything is possible.

How do you think carrying beliefs which give these different perspectives might influence you differently?

Personally,

I have no religious beliefs,

Yet I consider myself to have spiritual beliefs.

I find myself using the concept of the universe and giving it all sorts of characteristics,

Although it exists way beyond me in physically identified space and time,

Which I do not technically understand.

Even so,

I find myself using phrases like,

It's out there in the universe,

And believing that somehow,

As people,

We're all universally connected.

And I have some belief in karma,

That what you give off might influence what comes your way and impact others.

I can't know that these are absolute truths,

Yet they suit me,

And our beliefs need to suit us.

Because of these beliefs,

I adjust my behaviours,

Believing that what I do will have impact on others and the world around me.

So within this framework that the belief gives me,

I develop and live to the best of my ability,

My values of fairness,

Equality,

Sharing,

Compassion and appreciation of life.

So over to you.

Now's the time to ponder,

What are your grand beliefs?

Take some time to consider these.

You might want to pause this recording right now to write down the powerful grand beliefs that have shaped your life to date,

Perhaps even shaping it now.

Maybe mark up the ones that you find really useful,

And any that seem to be not so useful.

I suggest that you identify at least two or three of each,

And then continue.

So pause now if you want to write these down.

The second set of beliefs that we have are about the nature and habits of other people.

We might have beliefs about their intentions,

Their worth or their abilities.

Sometimes when we find things difficult,

We believe that everyone else finds it easier than we do.

Usually not the case.

Then we have more general beliefs about others.

I believe that essentially as human beings,

We have more in common with each other than not.

I believe that most of humanity want the same things,

That we want safety,

Compassion,

Good health,

Fun,

Security,

Relaxation,

Contact,

Space.

While each of our experiences of life is of course unique and different,

I choose to believe that we're joined by our capacity,

Similar emotions and states,

And therefore can share some understanding.

Because I believe these things,

I've walked into new and sometimes challenging situations with an open mind,

And this approach has undoubtedly affected my experience.

And I found it useful in conflict resolution to try to communicate around shared goals,

Not through fighting the differences.

We also can believe that we know what someone else is thinking,

Either how they're processing their own situations,

Or how they're thinking about situations that we're in,

About us.

I'm a trainer and an educator,

So I walk into a lot of different rooms in a lot of different places,

Filled with lots of different new groups of people with various cultural backgrounds and expectations.

I choose to believe that my new groups will be friendly and will want the training to succeed for us all.

If I approach them with this attitude,

We're likely to have a successful outcome.

I can only imagine that it would be very different if I believe that the groups were all thinking bad things about me.

I also believe that all people can learn.

If we don't believe this,

Then we can't teach,

Educate,

Share.

A colleague of mine once said to a group that they didn't find particularly easy,

I can see that this is going to be an uphill struggle with you lot.

At lunchtime,

Two people let the trainer know that the words had turned out to be absolutely true.

They were indeed finding it very difficult.

A great reminder to choose your words carefully,

Because we translate and show our beliefs through language.

Yet some people do believe that everybody in the world is out to get them,

And this can make life difficult.

We may be more likely to carry these beliefs when we feel mentally fragile.

And sometimes our beliefs can create mental fragility.

There also can come a point where beliefs become delusional and cannot be touched or influenced by any form of rationality.

And then we need support,

Care,

Understanding and gentle exploration.

The difference that beliefs about others will have on you in your everyday life is enormous.

When I studied with the very interesting Paul McKenna,

One of the things that he said,

Which I loved,

Was that he has a belief that everybody who is there is there to help him to learn in some way.

His task is to discover what and how.

This is great,

Isn't it?

Someone's unpleasant to you.

What's it helping you to learn?

Patience,

Acceptance,

The skill of effective challenge.

So once again,

It's time to pause the recording if you want to make notes now and give some thought to the second question.

What beliefs do you have about other people's intentions and what they might be thinking of you?

Pause now if you want to write these down.

Our third set of beliefs are about ourselves and these are crucial in our daily life and indeed on the quality of our journey through the whole of life.

So what do you believe about you?

Often we limit our capabilities through holding on resourceful beliefs.

This can impact at profound level.

As a child,

I used to have a really terrible stutter and if anyone had said to me that I'd be putting myself out there,

Training thousands of people in universities,

Organisations at a global level,

Neuro linguistics,

Coaching,

Transformational psychologists,

That I would get up on stages and talk to people,

I'd never have believed that.

My journey to fluency was a long one over many years.

I went to speech therapists,

I was medicated,

Yet profound change didn't really come until I made three shifts in my beliefs.

The first was that I was perfectly fine as a person with or without a stutter.

The second was that I could be fluent and the third that people might want to listen to what I have to say in the right times,

In the right contexts.

For me,

The shift process was when the stars realigned and although I'd sort of stumbled upon them,

They're also what enabled me to learn how to consciously and much more swiftly change beliefs that don't serve well.

Beliefs about ourselves at different stages of life are important.

I have a mentor and friend who over dinner one night in her mid to late 70s said to me quite casually,

So Jan,

Let me tell you my long-term plans for the future.

Wow,

What beliefs are there in that short sentence?

For me,

I believe that health is a cocktail of genetics,

Environment,

Nutrition,

Exercise,

Some luck,

Much judgment and that I'm the co-author of my own health.

Some people believe that they're total victims of whatever health issue comes their way.

Others still believe that they can overcome anything and we all know stories of amazing survival and extraordinary recoveries.

What's important is what do you believe?

Some people want to learn new things,

Yet don't believe that they can do it,

So they tell themselves that they can't.

And they tell themselves it often enough that they form an unresourcable belief.

Often they've been told what they can and can't do from an early age.

Parental figures and teachers have huge impact on us and we embed that impact in our deep structure.

My partner had a belief that he couldn't learn languages because he'd had horrible experiences in language lessons at school.

He hadn't found languages easy and every day he'd received a caning from his teacher.

He also believed that it was a lot easier for others to learn than it is for him.

Now he's revised these beliefs and he continues to learn more of a new language to the best of his ability every single day.

Nice shift.

So,

Pause time again.

What do you believe about you,

About what you can and can't do?

Take your time on this to make your list of beliefs about yourself.

Note which beliefs are fine for you and whether there are any that get in your way.

So pause now to restart the recording when you're ready.

Finally,

The fourth set of beliefs are cultural beliefs.

Cultural beliefs can be incredibly powerful as we know.

They underpin and develop from ritual and social practices and customs.

Through cultural beliefs we create or oppose prejudices.

We create extremes of joy and conflict.

To be part of a cultural celebration such as a festival can be the best experience.

Feeling connected and liberated,

Celebrating life,

Art,

Music,

Joy,

History.

On the other hand,

In cultural groups we can create extreme conflict,

Exclusion and violence exercised in the name of beliefs.

Some people because of their belief systems are prepared to die for the freedom of others.

Others are prepared to kill in order to enforce others to live by the same beliefs as them.

Cultural beliefs create generalisations.

What do we believe for example about women,

Men,

White people,

Black people,

People of different ethnic origin,

Adults,

Children,

People with disabilities or illness,

Old people,

Young people,

People with different gender identities,

People of any ethnic origin,

All ethnic origin,

All belief origins.

What should any of the world's people be able to do with a sense of freedom?

And what norms because of culture do you believe that you need to stick to?

Somebody said to me recently all women over a certain age should only have short hair.

They should have the hair cut at 60.

Wow,

I don't have that belief.

I believe that I can have my hair however I want to in whichever age I'm flourishing.

I believe I can wear purple.

On the other hand,

I was brought up with a belief that we should respect our elders.

And with that I'm quite comfortable.

Culture takes many forms and subsets.

Professions have cultures,

Blame cultures,

Empowering cultures,

Institutions develop cultures.

And it is amazing how easily individuals conform to cultures within institutions.

They can become very subservient or very domineering at the extremes as research has shown over and over again.

So once again,

Time to note the fourth set of beliefs that you might be carrying.

To record them if you want to.

And to note which cultural beliefs have influenced or influence your life so far.

So pause the recording here for the final time if you want to before we complete this introduction.

So by now you will have a mental or physical list identifying some of your beliefs at least.

And this completes part one of the beliefs program.

I don't know whether you'll have had any surprises in here in what you've raised to awareness.

You may or you may not.

You may want to celebrate the beliefs that hold you in good stead.

While you might have already chosen some beliefs that you'd like to change.

So in the next recording in this short series,

We will introduce some easy hacks to begin to chip away at those unwanted beliefs.

And in part three,

We will have a guided meditation to help you to create new beliefs.

Sure up really good beliefs to make beliefs that will serve you better.

Thank you for engaging in this program.