Sometimes in life we face very difficult challenges. When they arrive, we have 3 choices of how to deal with them. One solution is healthy, the other two solutions cause ongoing suffering. (Please note this is a lecture, not a guided meditation.)
Meet your Teacher
San Clemente, Ca
Transcript
Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Life can be very interesting, And not always in a good way. Sometimes we have periods of time where things are just going smoothly. Everything seems to be working out right, And we're in that state of, Life is good. And then something happens, And that changes. Sometimes we can see the warning signs, Something's coming, And we need to be careful, Because things may change. We've been working at a company that seemingly had been doing well for years, But then they're starting to complain about profits, And slowly letting people off. And we're wondering if perhaps we may be next. Or we're having a lot of arguments with our partner, And things aren't just going as well as they used to. And we begin to wonder, Is this going to work? Or as we've gotten older, We've noticed that we've stopped working out. We've put on some pounds. We're not eating as well. And we notice that our bodies are slowing down, And the aches and pains of getting older are beginning to kick in more and more. We notice shortness of breath, And that sometimes around our chest, It hurts. But at other times, The changes can be sudden. We get the phone call at very early in the morning, And we learn that a loved one is in the hospital, Or perhaps has died. We come home one day, After a long day of work, And find that there's been a fire, And our home, And all the belongings are no longer there. We wake up in the hospital to learn that we've had a stroke, And now our lives are going to be very different. We're driving home, And all of a sudden a car pulls out in front of us, And again, Our lives have changed. Well, After that long introduction of what could go wrong, We may be thinking, Dr. Puff, What is the point of this? Are you trying to make us depressed? No, Not at all. But I do want to talk about things that can happen to us. We may be listening to this podcast because something isn't going right, And we just don't know what to do. And today I want to talk about what can we do when these crises arrive? How is the best way to handle them? Because we have choices. You'll see that there are three choices that we can make, And I want us to make the healthy one, Because if we do, We are going to find that peace and happiness in our lives. If we don't, Then the struggle of these events will just last, And last, And last. So here's the solution to when events happen that come out of nowhere or that are tragic. Here's what we say over and over again until we find the answer. There is a solution to this problem. Let me repeat. There is a solution to this problem, And I'm going to find that solution so that my life goes well. Period. And that's what we do. We work towards finding the solution so that our lives are going well again and that we find that peace and happiness is pervading throughout our hearts and with those around us. But if we don't, We will suffer. So that's why I said there are three options that we have or three choices that we can make when events happen that we don't like, That we want to be different, That we want to have a different response inside our hearts than the one we're having, Because the one we're having right now is causing us to suffer. So again, The main thing we want to do when there's a problem is to deeply believe in our hearts that there is a solution to this problem. It's like having a mathematical equation and knowing that there is an answer. I don't know what that answer is, But I'm going to find it or find others who can help me find the answer to this mathematical equation. It's exactly the same way when we're struggling with something in our lives, Emotionally or mentally, Because what happens is we can choose to give up and say there is no solution, And that's the path of suffering. You may say, Why would anyone choose that? Well, The truth is many of us would choose that because sometimes the solution to our problem is not one that we're willing to accept, That we want to accept. Believe it or not, We would rather stay in the pain and the suffering than let it go and move forward. I know that sounds silly, But the truth is many, Many people do this throughout their lives. Sometimes it's because they hit so many things that they're just done. They'll actually say that I'm done. They're just exhausted by constantly having to solve life's problems, And they give up. Or the answer that they know to the problem is there, But they say, No, I don't want that answer. I don't want that answer. I am not going to accept that answer, Even though that is the solution. And even though the whole world may know the answer to their problem, The acceptance of that solution is sometimes so awful that they'd rather not. They'd rather just continue suffering. But we don't want to judge this choice of theirs. We want to be empathetic and say, Oh, I'm sorry. But we want to be careful and say, But that's not the path I want to be on. I want to be on a path where my life goes well, And I can find that peace and happiness in the present moment. The way we do that is always believing there's a solution, No matter what life throws us, Period. And our goal then is to find that solution until we find it. Now, We may not be able to do it on our own. We may need help from others to help find that solution, Which is great, Actually. But that's a wonderful thing to do. If we're stuck, Reaching out to others is often the solution to finding the solution, Because other people's perspective can be so helpful in finding the solution to our problem. So that's what we do. We just stick to the belief, No matter what, That there is a solution to this problem that I'm having right now, And we put our energy towards solving it. And the beautiful thing is we will find a solution. I've been helping people now for 35 years find solutions to problems. I've never seen a problem, Even remotely, That couldn't be solved. Now, They may not accept the solution, But there is a solution to every problem. And as long as we keep our hearts open and willing, We can find the solution to the problem or problems that we're facing right now. And that's really the key of it all, Believing in to the very depths of our heart that there is a solution. I just haven't found it yet, And I will keep looking until I do, Period. What we can do and often do do instead is one of two other things. Sometimes what we do is we say there isn't a solution to this problem, And we suffer. Period. We just say, Nope, That was horrible, This is terrible, Period. Life is just awful, Period. And we suffer. We can do that. We all know people that do that. I remember once many years ago meeting a woman. She was about 90 years old. I didn't know her, But I knew people that knew her pretty well. And she had a very interesting life, And part of it started when she was very young as a child. An event had occurred to her that was very tragic, And I wanted to learn about that. I mean, It had happened over 80 years ago, And I just wanted to ask her about that event that had happened. And we were at lunch. This was the first time I'd ever met her, And I began to ask her about it, And she got very upset at me. She said, I don't want to talk about that, Period. That was it. I, Of course, Didn't continue asking her questions, But I could tell that the suffering that she experienced was just as raw, Just as painful as when she was a little girl. She just chose not to find a solution to it, And it was still there, Right on the surface, Ready to be exposed. So we can do that. This was an extreme case, Of course, But we are very capable of hanging on to suffering our entire lives. I mean, Think of someone who's lost a child. We all know people this has happened to, Or someone who has gone through a breakup. Again, We know people like this, And months, Sometimes years, Sometimes decades later, They're still steeped in that pain of that loss, And they haven't healed. So that is one of the two things we can do instead of believing there's a solution. The second thing we can do is turn towards addictions, Addictions to numb the pain of the problem instead of solving it. I mean, For example, We all know about illicit drugs or alcohol or things like that. They are excellent at numbing pain. They're terrible at finding solutions, But they're very good at numbing pain. But there's many other things we can turn to addictions, Like food, Like sex, Like work, Like even helping others. All these things can become addictions in and of themselves. They're not, But they can become addictions. So we need to be careful, Particularly when we're going through difficult times. We need to be very careful of becoming addicted to something because of the suffering we're going through right now. I often tell people, If you never want to become an alcoholic, Then the only time to drink is when it's a good day, Things are going well, Then feel free to have a glass of wine or a beer. But if it's a horrible day, An awful time, That is not the time to have a drink, Or anything else for that matter. If we turn to things to numb, They work, But they have very serious consequences in the end. We all know that. So we're here today because we're going to go down the path of saying, There is a solution to this problem I'm having right now, Period. My job is to find the answer to this problem, Because there is one. And I will not give up until I find it, Period. That's what we do. And the way that we can believe this, Deeply believe this, Is that if there's someone on planet Earth that has gone through what we've gone through, Or maybe even more, And they have turned out well, And their lives are going beautifully, Then that's a solution. And we will find that solution like they did. Because not only do we believe that there is a solution, There is. There just always is a solution. What catches us is, One, We give up, We think this is just too hard, So we stop trying to find the solution. Or two, The solution is just staring us in the face, But we don't like it. We don't like that answer. And if we choose either of these two paths, One of giving up, Or two, Saying, I don't like the real solution, I reject that one, Then we have to go down one of the two other paths of suffering for the rest of our lives, Or numbing ourselves. And like I said, That's a dark path, We don't want to do that. We're listening to this podcast, Because we really want to find peace and happiness in our lives. And believe we can, So we cannot give up. We have to be willing to keep trying to find the solution. And when we do find the solution, Even if we don't like it, We say, Okay, Now I have a choice. I can either accept the solution, Or I can be unhappy. Which do I choose? I choose the path of happiness. I have always found that happiness is far better than me resisting other things that I want instead. What happens is, When we resist life, And the solution that life offers, We suffer. But we don't have to. That's what today's podcast is about. There is a solution to what I'm going through right now. And if we really believe that, Then we'll find that solution. And of course, We may not always like the solution, But then we have to ask ourselves, Would I rather be happy and peaceful, Or would I rather suffer? And if we say, You know, I'd rather be happy and peaceful than suffer, Then what we'll do is, We'll accept the answer that life gives us. And if it hasn't given us the answer yet, We'll keep looking until we find it. Because there always is a solution to our problem. And we choose to keep looking, Not giving up, And when we find the solution, We accept it with peace and equanimity. And we say, I would rather be happy than suffer. Because we choose, Through acceptance, To have a beautiful life. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. If you are finding these episodes helpful, I would love for you to share your experience with others. The easiest way for new people to listen to this podcast is just refer them to www. Happinesspodcast. Org. That's happinesspodcast. Org. Or if you want to do more and leave a review, On that site you'll find a Yelp link, A Google Plus link, A testimonial link, Or perhaps even the site you're listening to this podcast on. Often you can leave reviews there, Too. The reviews are an awesome way to encourage people to start listening to the Happiness Podcast. And until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.
4.7 (56)
Lori
October 11, 2025
This was very helpful & empowering. Thank you very much! 🙏🏻
Barbara
December 27, 2019
Dr. Puff has so many helpful and encouraging talks! “ Accept what is, Love what is” Thank you Dr. Puff!
