Hello and welcome back to Unleash Your Peace.
My name is Ali Shoja.
I am your host.
I'm a positive mindset coach,
A personal transformation expert.
I am a deliberate creator and your peace trainer.
And this podcast Unleash Your Peace is your peace training.
This is where we pick a topic about the internal world every single week and we dig into it.
We dive into it through five episodes released consecutively Monday through Friday.
The episodes are short,
They're bite-sized.
I want them to be short because I want you to be able to listen to them in the morning,
On your commute to work,
On your walk so that they uplift you,
They give you something productive to think about.
When we live from that place of joy and peace and connectedness to that infinite non-physical part of ourselves,
The inner being,
We don't just incrementally improve the quality of our lives.
We actually exponentially innovate every aspect of our experiences on this physical plane.
We become whole,
We become authentic,
We become uplifters in our communities,
In our families because we become our beautiful,
Powerful selves and that's also how we live our dreams and that's my wish for you.
Now,
This week we are talking about forgiveness.
On our first day together,
We talked about what people think forgiveness is.
Most people don't have a clear understanding of how to actually forgive because when you fully forgive something,
That event,
That person,
That thing that really hurt you quite horribly and you've been carrying all this time,
We want to shed it,
We want to stop carrying all that pain with us but when you forgive it,
That event dissolves.
It stops being a sin,
It turns into a mistake and everybody makes mistakes and then from a mistake,
It turns into a wrongdoing.
That never happened and when you get to that point,
When you literally can look at that event and you realize that there is nothing to be forgiven,
You have actually forgiven.
That is true forgiveness.
So we've been talking about how you do that and yesterday we talked about how love and compassion is really the only way you can attain this type of forgiveness by applying love and compassion to any situation.
That's how you dissolve that situation.
So far,
We've been talking about you as the receiver of that act.
You have a choice.
If somebody does something,
Says something hurtful,
You have a choice.
Do you take on that act or do you release it?
You release it through forgiveness,
Of course.
That's what we're discussing here.
But what about me?
The person who did that to you,
Who said that thing to you,
That hurt you,
Who punched you in the stomach.
That's the example we've been using because it's so visceral.
What about me?
How does forgiveness apply to me?
That's what we're going to talk about because let's face it,
No matter how saintly you are or wonderful and amazing you are,
You have done things that other people have been hurt by.
You have done hurtful things.
So what about you then?
There is a thing that happens that I have come to call the guilt attack cycle.
And this is something that happens when we inflict pain on somebody else.
Now to understand the guilt attack cycle,
We have to really understand one fundamental law.
In truth,
Giving and receiving are the same.
Whatever we do onto others,
We are doing simultaneously that same thing to ourselves.
So every sword is a two-edged sword.
If I stab you,
I am simultaneously stabbing myself.
So if I'm doing something good to you,
I am simultaneously receiving that energy as well.
Whatever I do to you,
I receive the equivalent of that simultaneously.
What does that mean?
That means it makes perfect sense that when you do something kind for somebody else,
You feel great after because you are also on the receiving end of that kindness.
The inverse is true too.
If you do something harmful to someone,
If you hurt somebody,
If you say something harmful,
If you punch somebody,
If you talk behind someone's back,
Have you noticed how you feel really shitty afterwards?
Even though you might feel completely justified to do that thing which you did,
You still feel shitty after because we cannot,
We literally cannot do something to somebody else without collecting that same act ourselves.
Now how do we collect energy of a harmful act?
We collect it as guilt.
We collect it as shame.
So that shitty feeling that we collect,
It is guilt.
Most of us don't know what it is.
We just know that we feel bad after saying something that maybe we shouldn't have said or doing something that we know we shouldn't have done.
We know we feel bad,
But we don't know that what we're actually feeling is guilt,
It's shame.
We feel guilt and shame so deeply that we don't even admit it to ourselves.
We're willing to lie about it to ourselves.
That is how uncomfortable it is to feel guilt and to experience shame.
Now we feel shitty,
We feel guilty,
We feel shame.
What do we do with that?
The only way to dissolve that guilt and shame is to atone for it.
An atonement happens through forgiveness.
It is when we lay out in front of ourselves what we have done and we look at it through the lens of love and compassion and we forgive that act.
We own it in order to forgive it.
That's what atonement is.
That's how we heal that situation.
However,
Most of us don't do that because it is so uncomfortable to admit that we have done something that we are not proud of.
It is a lot easier to turn that guilt,
To turn that shame into frustration,
Into anger,
And then to focus,
Laser focus that frustration,
That anger onto somebody else,
Most likely the person that you hurt in the first place and collected the guilt from,
And then we use that focused anger and frustration to justify further attack so then we attack again.
We do something else that's hurtful and that turns into guilt and shame that we are not willing to deal with and heal and we turn that guilt and shame into further frustration and anger and then we focus that frustration anger onto that same person again and then we attack and justify that attack,
We feel shitty,
We collect the guilt and you guess it,
It just keeps going and going and going and going and if you have not been on the dishing outside of this cycle,
I guarantee you,
You have at some point been on the receiving end of it.
My guess is that you've been on both sides of it at some point because we are so prone to this cycle as human beings.
The only way to break the cycle is through atonement and through forgiveness.
Forgiveness heals all wounds.
Now if somebody hurt you and you do something in retaliation,
Which you might think in that moment is perfectly justified,
And they are in that guilt attack cycle and then you put yourself in a similar guilt attack cycle and when two people are in this downward spiral,
It can be quite ugly.
This is how a lot of marriages just unravel into really messy divorces.
We even see this on a macro level with governments.
It is really sad but it is something that can be addressed by the individuals who are aware.
Now what if you are in a guilt attack cycle?
First of all,
Congratulations if you can recognize it.
And secondly,
The only person you have control over is yourself.
Whether you are on the receiving end of it or on the dishing out end of it,
You only have control over yourself.
So you start applying love and compassion in this moment.
I guarantee you it will change the dynamic.
If you are on the receiving end of it,
It might actually make things worse because the other person,
The person who is stuck in the cycle is probably using your reactions as fuel to justify further hurtful acts.
And if you take that away,
Their ego is not going to be okay with that.
And I have seen things get really out of hand on their hand,
But the only way they can stop their cycle is to realize what they are doing and the only way they're going to do that is if you stop feeding the fire,
If you stop putting fuel in the fire,
No matter how much you're provoked.
If you're on the dishing end of it,
Congratulations,
You're listening to this.
Hopefully this will inspire you to look within.
For you,
The most important thing is going to be honesty,
Being able to sit there and be completely honest with yourself.
You don't have to be honest with anybody else,
Just with yourself.
Own your stuff.
Own your stuff so that you can heal it.
No matter how much you have justified these hurtful acts,
Own it right now so that you can heal it.
Ultimately,
You are going to benefit from healing this situation.
Really heavy and big stuff.
If you have any questions about it,
Feel free to reach out to me.
The website is peaceunleashed.
Com.
You can always contact me through there.
You can also find me on Instagram under peaceunleashed.
You can send messages through there as well.
Also on Instagram,
You'll find my love notes for you.
Those are meant to inspire and uplift you every single day.
I'm quite active on there because I want you to live your best life.
I genuinely,
Truly do because this is how we level up as a society is by each of us doing this internal work and I'm here to be an uplifter and to be a peace trainer and to hold your hand if you need it,
Create a community if you need it and be a sounding board if you need that.
Use the resources that I am providing if you need them and share them with your friends.
Write a review on this so other people can find these resources.
There's so many people who feel alone and lost and together we can really make a difference.
Until tomorrow when we come back and take this dialogue even a step further,
I wish you a peaceful day.
