Choice = Love - L,L,&L

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hey everybody,

Welcome,

Welcome.

So we got a new background,

Well not really a background,

A new blank slate almost.

I'm trying to record in my little casita guest house type thing up in the mountains of the Dominican Republic here.

So we're gonna see how the echo is and everything when I listen to the playback.

But anyway,

So today I'm hopping on talking about choice.

It's huge,

Huge.

I think it's the foundation,

Like it's it's almost as big as love,

Really.

And it's so,

You know,

That's why I titled this choice equals love.

Because I think,

You know,

What choice does is it's kind of like,

It's kind of like a verb of love.

It's it's like action that we can take to experience love.

It's a it's a principle we can use to empower people,

Our children,

Our friends,

Our our lovers,

Our everybody,

Our family,

You know,

Like,

Because it's it's really the foundation of our existence.

It's the foundational principle of our existence.

Like whether you believe in a loving God or not,

Like,

Most people can understand on some level that we have free will,

Like we have choice,

We we get to choose what we believe in,

You know,

Like,

Even if you don't believe in anything,

You chose not to believe in anything,

That's your right,

That's your you have the freedom to choose not to believe,

You know,

Which,

Which is which is what's that?

The,

The quote from the rush song that I've quoted before,

It's like,

Even if you decide not to choose,

You still have made a choice.

Like,

Even choosing not to choose is a choice.

Right?

So,

So choice is foundational in our existence.

And,

And,

You know,

Free will is an aspect of that.

So like,

I'm just gonna start right at the core,

And then work my way back out into our daily lives.

So like,

So at the base,

You know,

We have free will,

We have choice.

So like,

If you believe in a loving God,

I'm going to use that as an example here.

But that doesn't mean that if you don't believe in a loving God,

That you that this isn't true,

Because there's still a basis of of the fact that you have free will,

So you have choice.

So whatever intelligence created this universe,

Even if you just believe that there's some sort of intelligence that created the universe,

Then that intelligence created a system,

That system benefits itself,

Because the universe is constantly expanding,

Right?

So the cons the universe isn't getting worse,

It's getting better.

It's expanding,

It's becoming more of itself.

Okay,

So whatever intelligence created the system,

It's becoming more of itself.

That's intelligence.

So that intelligence decided to give us free will,

Not everything has it,

Animals don't have free will,

You know,

They don't have a brain to calculate things and come up come to their own conclusions.

And then so we have free will.

So it's,

It's divinely or or whatever intelligence created this world decided to give us the ability to think and choose.

Okay,

And and not just blank slate,

We can choose anything,

We can choose to destroy ourselves,

We can choose to destroy the planet,

We can choose to try to make the universe less of itself.

It risk it risk that when it gave us the the the power of free will,

The power of choice,

It risk that,

But it risk that with a certain level of intelligence that we're unaware of.

Okay,

So there must be a reason for it is my point.

So it does work even if it's just the universe.

But you know,

Let's say that there's a loving God for a moment,

Because that's,

You know,

A nice way to understand this as well.

So if there's a loving God,

And it gave us free will,

Then,

Like it,

That means that it's not making us choose it,

It's not making us love it,

It's going,

Okay,

Like,

You can choose to turn your back on me,

You can choose to live completely against all what I say is right,

You can choose whatever you want.

So go ahead.

Go ahead.

And if this isn't divine intelligence,

It knew that a lot of people are at least we're going to go through periods of time where a lot of people just didn't choose the godly way,

The spiritual way,

The right way,

Honesty,

Love,

Peace,

It knew that we weren't going to choose that,

Or a lot of people weren't,

You know,

And it still did it.

And I think that this is the evolution.

It's like we have to everything is set up on choice,

We have to suffer enough to choose something different.

And that's what I think we are in societally.

Now,

We're in the space where we kept choosing to hurt ourselves.

We kept choosing war,

We kept choosing to damage the earth,

We kept choosing things that were short term gains that we thought we wanted,

And not looking at the big picture of harming ourselves and others.

So we're experiencing the repercussions from that the natural consequences of that.

And there's all kinds of problems in the world.

When we get sick of living out of alignment with nature's laws,

And we suffer enough,

We'll start choosing to live in alignment with nature's laws.

But you know,

It's not punishment,

What we're experiencing,

It's just natural consequences.

You know,

If when you have a problem,

As a general rule on planet Earth,

If you have a problem with another human being,

You go kill them.

Collectively,

That's what we do.

Like,

If,

Like,

If you disagree with the way other people are thinking,

Then you declare war on them,

And you kill them.

Or if you want what people have,

Then you and you create an army big enough of enough people to go kill them and take what they have.

Like that is the that's,

That's the choices we're making.

Societally,

That's that that's how we live.

That's how the world functions.

So you know,

There's going to be natural consequences to that.

You can choose whatever you want.

You can go you can create a whole world that is based on killing one another for thinking differently or wanting what they have.

And we have.

And now there's a bunch of problems in the world.

And everybody's going,

Oh,

My God,

I wonder why?

Well,

That's why it's just you,

You can't look,

You can't have a foundational,

Like societally acceptable idea of killing other people to get what you want.

Or killing people that are different from you.

You can't have that as a foundational societal structure and think that there aren't going to be negative consequences that come from that.

Of course there are.

So we're experiencing negative consequences.

Why?

Because we chose to be out of alignment with nature's laws,

Which is nature's laws is love based.

So so this is,

You know,

So this is where we are societally.

Now,

If I say it's the foundation of our creation,

Because it's love,

Love is the foundation of our creation,

Choice equals love.

So if,

If God or the universe or whatever says,

You know,

What?

Glenn is a Glenn,

Glenn's got the right way of looking at things.

Let's just say hypothetically,

I'm not saying I do.

Hypothetically,

The universe or God could say,

Glenn has a loving way of looking at things a good way of looking at things that would benefit humanity.

But he's up in the mountains of Dominican Republic doing this little podcast.

And what we need to do is we need to take him and we need to put him over here.

We need to put him in Los Angeles,

Doing this and reaching all kinds of people.

And it's against his freewill.

He doesn't want to do it.

He's not open to being guided by me.

You know,

It's different if we're open,

And we take the guidance and go.

But no,

If if the divine intelligence just went,

No,

I,

Glenn doesn't want to,

He won't choose to.

So I'm going to make him,

I'm going to take him,

And I'm going to put him over there.

And he's going to be happier over there.

And the world's going to be a better place if I put him over there.

It's against his freewill,

But I'm going to do it anyway,

Because he and humanity will benefit.

So it's better for everyone.

If divine intelligence were to do that,

To me,

The entire world would probably implode in 0.

2 seconds.

Why?

Because it broke a foundational dynamic of creation,

Which is love.

And that is not love.

Even though the intention is good,

I want to benefit the earth.

So therefore,

I'm going to control Glenn and do something,

Make him do something he does not freely want to do.

That goes against me.

That is not love.

That is control.

Control is manipulation.

It's a different energy.

Everything is energy.

You see?

So that's why it goes against everything.

That's why it's a foundational principle of the universe.

Everything is run based off of that.

Everything,

All spiritual law comes off of freewill.

Anybody has to choose their path,

Or be open to receiving guidance from divine intelligence and then willingly choose to follow that.

We cannot be controlled and manipulated because that's negative energy.

It is not love energy.

This is why choice equals love.

See what I mean?

And everything comes off of that.

And if you start seeing the how it spiderwebs into our daily reality,

It's like uniqueness.

We are all unique.

Why?

Because we have to be able to choose different things,

Different ways,

Right?

Diversity,

The diversity of everybody,

Which is very similar to the uniqueness,

Our individuality,

Different perspectives.

And it starts when you start going up closer to the surface,

You start seeing how it actually benefits us in a lot of other ways,

Which everything spiritual does.

You know,

Like my book has a chapter called spiderweb with goodness,

Everything spiritual spiderwebs with goodness,

As you follow it,

You start seeing how a good principle spiderwebs into other areas of goodness and how it implements and touches other lives in ways you didn't even expect it to.

So the way it spiderwebs with goodness is having multiple perspectives.

We are free will we have free choice,

That means our brain thinks differently,

We are unique.

So we're made to think differently.

This is why it's so absurd that our reaction to people who think differently and live differently is to kill them.

It's absurd,

Like because we are made to be different,

We're supposed to be different.

Why?

Because it enhances us as a society.

You know,

Einstein said,

You can't solve a problem with the consciousness that created it.

Right.

So if I created a problem,

And I can't fix that problem,

You know,

I mean,

Sometimes some simple problems,

Like,

But even then,

I have to step outside the way I was thinking when I created it.

Like,

If I keep,

If I created a problem,

And I keep looking at it from the same perspective,

I can't solve that problem.

Because that perspective is what created it.

So even if I solve my own problem,

I have to shift my consciousness,

Or I have to get another consciousness from another person that comes in,

And I have to look at it differently,

A different consciousness,

A different perspective,

To fix the problem that I created from this perspective,

From the original perspective.

Okay,

This is what diversity does.

This is what difference does.

This is what free choice does,

Is it gives us a myriad of ways of looking at the same thing.

So we can be more together as a society than we can be individually.

If we come together and use all types of different viewpoints,

To come at a problem,

We will solve it.

Absolutely.

We can solve any problem in the world.

All the problems we have in the world are the only reason we haven't solved big problems like poverty,

You know,

Hunger,

Stuff like that,

Is because we're not trying to.

I mean,

There's a bunch of people out there creating gigantic organizations,

Throwing money at things,

Which I mean,

I think we have enough evidence in the last like,

You know,

Take about a 50 year thing and go,

Okay,

Well,

There was poverty over here,

We threw money at it for 50 years,

Did it fix it?

No,

We're still throwing money at it.

Okay,

Well,

Then throwing money at it must not work.

It doesn't fix it.

It just puts a bandaid on it.

And you have to constantly put another bandaid.

That's what throwing money at a problem does.

It doesn't actually change it.

It just alleviates the suffering momentarily until you have to throw more money at it.

Right?

So,

So like,

And I mean,

We're smart enough to know this,

Like,

So.

So we haven't solved the problems,

Because we're not trying to solve the problems.

We're interested in control and power and everything that is anti choice,

Instead of being coming together and using our free will and using our different perspectives to actually solve things and then actually take action on them.

So as a society,

If we use our free will,

If we use our problem solving our multiple perspectives,

Things like that,

Then we can solve all those problems.

Therefore,

We can be better together than we are separate.

This is how our freedom enhances our life.

This is how our choice enhances our life.

So you know,

Now I'll just that's,

I don't know,

I really,

I really like that overview,

To be honest with you.

If you what I mean by that is it just feels complete when I when I kind of reflect on it and see if there's anything more to say it feels complete.

Um,

So I guess where I'm going to go now is how we give this take this choice and give it to others,

Like I said in the beginning,

Like,

How we can enhance our relationships and stuff.

So,

You know,

This is something that I tried to give to my son,

Basically his whole life.

As a parent,

I don't know that you can do it in every situation.

But you can probably do it in 90% of the situations,

Which I tried to always give my son choice.

And I still try to do it.

Because like,

Now he's 22.

And it's kind of full circle.

So it's like now he knows he doesn't have to listen to me.

Like he had to break away from me.

To find his own independence.

Now he's got his own independence.

He knows he can live his life however he wants to live his life.

And he doesn't have to I'm not going to come down crashing on him and give him a bunch of crap.

I'll support him.

And if he falls,

I'll support him if he falls as long as he's trying.

You know,

But he has free will,

He has the freedom to choose to live however he wants to live.

And as a parent,

And as somebody who gives advice for a living,

When he comes to me,

Sometimes I give them,

I catch myself and I'm like,

Oh my god,

It sounds like I'm telling him what to do.

So I try to always say either before or at the end,

But you make your own choice.

It's up to you.

Do what you think is right.

You know,

Because I want him to not just think I want him to know within him that his life is his responsibility.

You know,

That's the other thing it does is it enhances people's sense of responsibility,

Because you're constantly giving them choice.

You know,

This is why I started doing it as a child,

I want to teach him responsibility.

How can you tell your kid what to do in every situation,

And then get pissed off when he doesn't do what you tell them to do,

And then think that they're going to be a responsible adult.

They're not responsible for their lives.

They never have been you always tell them what to do.

They have no individuality.

All they do is they learn to listen.

That's it.

I don't mind if my son goes against something that I'm saying.

Do I get a little nervous that I think he's going to experience some suffering?

Yeah,

But he'll get through it.

He's strong.

It's okay.

I would rather have him go against me.

And I do this with my clients too.

I don't want my clients to blindly follow what I say.

If you deeply feel that you should do something other than what I think is appropriate,

Then go do it.

And who knows,

Maybe you're right.

Every once in a while,

It works out good.

Cool.

They followed their truth.

Maybe that was a lesson.

Maybe they needed to learn to follow their truth and not to blindly depend on me.

I'm open to that.

I'm not trying to tell people how to live their lives.

I'm trying to teach them to connect to that inner voice and to follow it regardless of anybody,

Including me.

So if they go against something that I say every once in a while,

Fine,

Good,

Do it.

A lot of times they suffer because of that.

That's okay,

Too.

You learned.

At least you tried to follow your heart.

You're trying to follow your heart.

You're trying to find your inner voice.

I'll be there to help you if things fall apart and don't go well.

Even if you did something that I told you was probably going to end badly,

And you said,

I'm going to do it anyway.

Okay,

Go ahead.

And then they do it and it ends badly.

I go,

Okay,

So what did you learn from that?

It's just a learning opportunity.

We can't fail.

We either move forward or we grow forward.

Either way,

It's moving forward.

I like that.

Thank you.

We either move forward.

When we take action,

It's either a success or a failure.

So we either move forward or we grow forward.

Either way,

It's forward.

This is why we want to give people free will.

This is what we want to do.

We want to give people free choice.

And if you're in a relationship and you're latching on to people,

Do you see how that could be negative?

Holding on to people,

Right?

Don't leave me.

I'll do anything to please you so you won't leave me.

That ain't good.

That's not a healthy relationship.

So you see how it's detrimental in relationships?

It's the old saying,

Set them free and if they come back to you,

They're yours.

If they don't,

They never were or whatever.

It's that type of mentality.

I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody that thinks that they're going to be miserable without me.

Oh,

If he ever leaves,

I'm going to be miserable.

Wow,

That feels needy.

You should be okay on your own.

I'm not saying that.

If you're in a relationship and you go,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

If this person fell off the planet tomorrow,

I'd be fine.

No,

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying like,

You have to have a deep knowingness that you're okay.

That you're going to be okay.

You're self-contained.

Yes,

You could go through mourning.

Yes,

You could go through difficulty.

Yes,

You can go through heartache,

But you're going to be okay.

You need to have that solid baseline.

Because otherwise,

It's not free choice.

You think you need them.

You're not there because you just want to be there.

I want to be in a relationship where I'm with somebody because they just want to be with me,

Not because they need to be with me or they think they need to be with me.

That's not free will.

That's attachment.

It's not healthy.

So we want this.

So,

You know,

We have to give people free choice.

And I think,

You know,

I think parentally,

We really need to look in this,

Especially,

Well,

I mean,

I like to teach it as a child growing up,

But especially as adults,

If you're trying to control your adult children,

Please stop.

You have to give them free will.

You're not going to save them from suffering.

You know,

I was talking with somebody recently about this.

And it's like,

What happens is as a child,

Like if you have a child,

That's that's an adult,

And you keep telling them what to do,

Trying to control them.

They don't have a sense of individuality.

Like,

So what they're doing is they're,

They're,

They start rebelling against you,

They start doing the wrong thing out of spite.

This is why you don't know why they're doing the wrong thing.

Because it doesn't make sense.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

Like if somebody is banging their head against the wall,

Right?

And you're going,

Hey,

You know,

You have the choice to stop banging your head into the wall,

You know,

If you want,

You don't have to.

But if you want,

You could stop choosing to bang your head into the wall.

And if you made that choice,

It might hurt less.

Now,

How does somebody rebel against that you gave them free choice,

You didn't tell them what to do.

So they might say,

I want to bang my head into a wall.

So they bang their head into the wall a few more times.

But then after a little while,

Since they're not rebelling against you,

All they have is their fight against the wall.

So after a while,

They might go,

You know what,

This does hurt.

Maybe I will choose to stop.

Why not?

It's my choice.

Why am I choosing to hurt myself?

That doesn't make much sense.

Like,

Eventually,

They're probably going to get the lesson.

But if you come over and go,

Don't bang your head into that wall,

I'm telling you to stop banging your head into that wall.

And that person is trying to break away from you.

They're trying to find their individuality,

They're trying to not be controlled by you.

Then what happens is their fight stops being with the wall,

And it starts becoming with you.

Now all of a sudden the fight's with you,

It's not with the wall.

So they're banging their head into the wall,

And you're going,

Stop banging your head into the wall.

And they're going,

Don't tell me what to do.

I can do whatever I want.

And it makes them bang their head into the wall longer.

Because they're fighting against you.

They're doing it out of spite.

They're trying to show you that you can't control them.

Because they're an individual.

It's not natural for an individual to be controlled by another individual.

We're not supposed to be telling other people what to do.

Why?

Because we have free will.

We have choice.

We're supposed to choose what we want.

So it's unnatural.

So as a parent,

And oh,

I'm just trying to protect them.

Yeah,

Your intention is good,

But the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

It doesn't matter.

If you're giving,

If you're,

If you're throwing manipulation energy at somebody by trying to control them,

And you're calling it love,

You're misguided.

It's a different energy.

I'm going to try to make them do what they want.

See,

It's the it's the example that I gave you with with God or divine intelligence moving me.

Well,

If they move me,

Right,

Even if it's for the betterment of society,

If it goes against my free will,

That's not love.

That's control.

It's the same thing with your kid.

If you tell your kid,

Try to control what they do,

So they don't suffer.

All that is,

Is that's control.

That's manipulation energy.

It's not love.

Yeah,

But I'm doing it because I care.

Yeah,

But nothing.

There is no yeah,

But there isn't control energy,

But it's love energy.

It's one type of energy to see the positive or negative.

It can't be both at the same time.

Manipulation energy fueled by what you're calling love is still manipulation energy.

You think that you're supposed to control them,

So you cannot control your adult children.

And you've got to start letting it go through the teenage years.

This is why so many kids struggle through their teenage years.

Well,

One of the reasons,

I mean,

Of course,

There's hormones and stuff like that.

But mainly what it is,

It's an identity crisis because they've been told what to do by teachers and principals and parents and everybody else in their life tells them what to do.

And once they start getting a certain age and their brain develops and they start thinking for themselves,

Becoming an individual,

Becoming a unique individual,

They start thinking for themselves and they start wanting to make choices for themselves and do what they think is right,

As opposed to what everybody else is telling them to do.

So,

And everybody else is still,

But they're still in school.

They still have teachers telling them what to do eight hours a day.

They still have their parents trying to control them eight hours a day.

And we wonder why they rebel against us.

Of course,

They're going to rebel against us.

They're at a stage in their life when they're trying to figure out how to become a man or a woman.

And they don't know how to do that.

They're trying to break away from the structure of control that they've been under their entire life and become an individual and we're stopping it.

And then we wonder why there's so much resistance,

Right?

So you can do this with young children.

Like I said,

I raised Mateo like this his whole life.

So it's like I gave him free choice.

You can do whatever you want.

I'll give an example,

You know,

A regular example of like cleaning your room.

So,

You know,

Clean your room.

I mean,

I don't want to.

Okay,

Well,

You don't have to clean your room.

I mean,

I'm not going to make you clean your room.

You have free choice,

You have free will,

You can do whatever you want.

Now,

If you clean your room,

Then there's,

You know,

I mean,

Not the room needs to get cleaned,

And I'm not going to do it.

So if you clean your room,

And you want to do something fun after,

Then we'll go do something fun after.

If you choose not to clean your room,

And you want to do something fun after,

Well,

I'm not going to reward you for not cleaning your room because it needs to get clean.

So it's your choice.

You know,

You can choose not to clean your room.

Until you do,

We're not going to go do anything fun,

Because I'm not going to reward you for not cleaning your room.

It's just,

But I'm not punishing you by not having,

That's the other thing I didn't do.

I didn't punish him.

I gave him natural consequences.

There are natural consequences for our choices.

That's just nature.

If a lion doesn't hunt,

It goes hungry and it dies.

That's not a punishment.

That's just natural consequences.

So if you don't clean your room,

There's a natural consequence to that.

It needs to get clean.

If you don't,

The natural consequence is whatever I say the natural consequence is,

Because I'm the father.

I'm the adult in this situation.

I'm not going to let a child make decisions on how to run my house.

I'm in control of my house.

I'm in control of what happens.

So I'm just going to give him natural consequences and let him choose.

Eventually,

He's probably going to be like,

You know what?

I think I'm just going to choose to clean the rooms.

I can just do it in a half an hour.

Then I can just go have as much fun as I want.

Or I can just sit here bored all the time and just endlessly sit here bored.

Like what?

That doesn't sound like much fun.

I want to go have fun.

So I'll just do what I need to do.

Get it out of the way and we can go have fun.

Sounds like a good choice,

But it's a choice.

Whatever you choose,

Do whatever you think is right.

Do whatever benefits your life.

Do whatever brings you joy.

This is what I tried to teach him.

Do what brings you joy.

Do what feels good.

Do what you think is right.

And you know what he learned?

To do things that he thought was right.

Know what he learned?

To think for himself.

Know what he learned?

Independence,

Responsibility.

You know,

We have to get more conscious about what we're doing with our children and our lives.

We just live unconsciously,

Man.

We don't know why we're doing what we're doing.

It just sounds good on a meme.

And then we do it.

Well,

I'm going to tell my son what to do because if I don't,

He does stupid stuff and I'm not going to have some stupid kid sitting around doing stupid stuff.

Okay,

That sounds good.

Good,

Good parental.

You know,

It doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense when you really slow down and look at it energetically.

What are you teaching your child that other people need to tell them what to do because they're stupid?

That's what you're teaching your children.

And then when they go out in life and they don't trust themselves and they don't know what to do and but yet they want to separate from you to create their own identity.

They have this inner urge to create their own identity and break away from you.

But they don't know how to make choices because they've never made one.

All they know is to listen to the yelling guy in the corner.

And you think that that's going to turn them into a like responsible,

Helpful adult,

Independent,

Capable of living their own happy life magically because you just shook your finger and yelled at him all the time telling him what to do.

No,

You have to teach them independence.

You have to give them a freedom of choice.

Let them choose.

I'm not saying give them control over your house.

See,

That's what everybody confuses it.

Why do people confuse that?

It's because they don't slow down and think deep enough.

We have to slow down.

We're moving too fast and think things through.

What does this mean?

What does this mean?

How does this play out in their life?

If we slow down and look at that stuff,

We'll make the right choices.

Of course,

You know,

My brain works like this.

So it might be a little easier for me.

So find somebody that thinks like this.

Come talk to me.

I'll help figure this stuff out.

But we have to at least slow down and go,

You know,

Like or if if your kid is starting to get older and they're not going in the direction that you want them to,

Like you're doing what you think is right and it's not working.

If what you're doing is not working as a parent,

Find another way.

Do not keep doing this is what we do as parents.

We do the same thing over and over and over again because it fits inside of our box of what we think a father is supposed to be or do or what we think a mother is supposed to be or do.

And it fits inside of that box.

So we just go,

Well,

This is what you do as a parent.

This is what you do as a parent.

Square peg round hole,

Square peg round hole,

Square peg round hole.

This worked for me.

It must work for them.

This worked for me.

This must work for them.

And half the time it didn't work for you.

You overcame it later in life.

It didn't work for you when you were younger either.

And then you do the same thing.

But the reality is,

Is kids are changing.

You know,

We're evolving as a species.

So kids are different and it's going to work even less than it worked for you.

But the fact is,

Is they're individuals.

So like even if we weren't evolving as a species,

Even if you don't believe that they're individuals,

You know,

My house was immensely fair,

Immensely fair,

More fair than probably any other house that I've seen.

But my sister and I were completely different.

So fairness,

I mean,

You know,

Fairness in general was is still a good idea,

I think.

Right.

You know,

You want to be fair.

So the general principle was fine.

But like you can't raise me the same way as you raised my sister.

We're completely different people.

You know,

So what worked for her,

You know,

When she was older and my parents think the way she thinks,

Like my parents and my sister are very similar.

So what worked for them,

Worked for them.

It didn't work for me.

Why?

Because I'm different.

I'm an individual.

It's okay.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But they used to get very perplexed why what seemed to work for them three and made sense for them three didn't work for me.

And of course they're going to get perplexed.

They don't think like I thought,

Heck,

I didn't even know how I thought.

Right.

So so I,

You know,

No blame,

No foul,

No harm.

It's all good.

It's just we have to understand this.

And I've done it as a parent to,

You know,

Like one time,

My,

My ex wife was taking my son to a therapist.

It was around the ADHD stuff when he was really young.

And I would go to the to the sessions because I want to be involved.

Um,

So I would go to sessions and we actually tried co parenting once or once or twice,

Which never worked for us.

But we were trying to co parent and we're we're presenting a united front about something.

I don't remember what,

But it wasn't working.

And,

And a therapist was like,

Okay,

So you guys both are doing this.

You've done it multiple times and it's not working.

Is that right?

Like,

Yes.

Great.

We have somebody that understands us and our frustrations.

And she said,

Maybe you should try something different.

The light bulb went off.

I'm like,

Duh,

Like,

Yes,

You know,

Of course,

We're doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Why don't we just stop for a moment and say,

This obviously isn't working,

We should try something else.

Instead,

Most parents,

What they do is they just,

They put more negative consequences and try harder and make their life more difficult and worse.

It's like if you're doing if what you're doing isn't working,

Then maybe you should try something different.

You know,

Think outside the box,

Find another way.

Your kid is an individual,

You got to find what works for them.

You know,

I heard,

I heard it with some,

Some plant or seed recently,

A an example of this,

I think it was tick not Han was doing something like,

Like,

Like,

If you plant lettuce,

And it doesn't grow,

Nobody blames the lettuce.

They look at the conditions around it,

You know,

Maybe it's not getting enough sun,

Maybe it's not getting enough water,

Maybe there's not enough nutrients in the soil,

They see why it isn't growing.

They look at the conditions around it,

They don't blame the lettuce,

Right,

We have to start taking on this mentality,

We have to stop,

Like,

You know,

Blaming the child,

When what we're doing isn't working.

What we're doing isn't connecting with them.

It's not their language.

It's not how they understand things.

It's they're not getting what they need to thrive.

That's why they're not thriving.

It's not that there's something that like,

We don't have broken kids born to the world,

The kids are fine.

They just need the right circumstances.

They need the right way of teaching.

And I think as a general rule,

Freedom of choice,

We can help find out because it opens up our mind.

And it gives it teaches children to speak their mind more freely and to make choices.

And that they even have the right to choice and empowers them because they choose what's right for them.

And if they choose what's wrong for them,

That's okay.

Everybody is so scared that a child is going to choose something that isn't good for them.

It's fine.

You know,

Not with everything.

I mean,

You know,

You can't let them have candy for breakfast every morning.

But what I'm saying is general rule,

Let them choose things.

You know,

And the only reason,

Like the only reason they can't have candy for breakfast every morning is is because it would take them too long to learn the lesson.

Like they,

You know,

It might take them 20 years to develop diabetes.

Like you can't wait that long.

So so you can't,

You know,

Like I said at the beginning,

You know,

90% of the time,

You can do this,

There's certain things that you just can't wait and just let them,

You know,

Oh,

Well,

Geez,

My two year old wants to play with a gas tank and a lighter,

Whatever.

Hey,

If you want to go for it,

You know,

No,

Of course not.

But most things in life,

You can let them choose.

And if they suffer a negative consequence,

That's okay.

Let them suffer a negative consequence.

It's more important for them to understand their own identity,

And to understand that they have freedom of choice,

And understand that you love them through giving this them this freedom of choice,

Because now they're experiencing love energy,

Freedom,

Energy,

Choice,

Energy,

Responsibility,

Energy,

Individuality,

Energy,

There,

This is the spider web of goodness,

They are experiencing all that through giving them the freedom of choice.

You see,

Instead of stripping that all the way and going straight control.

And then wondering why they don't know what the hell they're doing when they're in their late teens,

Early 20s.

You've never taught them along the way.

Now all of a sudden,

They're supposed to know everything.

Oh,

You're an adult,

Why are you making stupid decisions?

Because I haven't made one in 18 years.

So yeah,

So that's,

You know,

This is,

You know,

I knew was going to go into the child's mentality.

And I think really,

As adults,

I think it's more clear.

But we,

You know,

And I touched on it a little bit already.

It's like in a relationship,

I don't want to control somebody.

I want them to have freedom of choice.

I want them to choose to love me.

I want them to choose to stay with me.

Because they enjoy being with me.

I don't want them to stay because I'm controlling them.

You know,

Or they think they need me.

Oh,

I'm paying their bills.

Oh,

If that's why they're staying,

That's not,

That's not a healthy relationship.

They're not with you because they want to be with you.

I need to feel that somebody wants to be with me.

I don't care if I'm paying their bills.

That's not what it's about whether you're paying their bills or whether you're not paying their bills.

I don't care if I'm paying their bills.

I don't care if I'm paying their bills or whether you're not paying their bills.

What it's about is are they do they love you out of freedom of choice?

That's what it's about.

It's not about the material,

Whether you're you're helping them at one point,

Or they're helping you at some point.

Like that's what relationships do.

It's a give and take,

You know,

And it's not just money.

It's emotional.

Sometimes people are giving you need help emotionally.

You know,

There's all kinds of it's not about those,

Those can ebb and flow naturally inside of a relationship.

So just because like you're paying the bills or something,

And you're in a relationship with somebody,

And you're paying the bill,

That doesn't mean that that they're not choosing to be with you out of love.

They still can be choosing to be with you out of love.

That's fine.

You know,

And you know,

Just because somebody is going through an emotionally difficult time and is leaning on you,

That doesn't mean that that they're there because they need you for your emotional support,

And they don't actually love you.

You know,

Those are all things that come and go through relationships.

So that's what I'm talking about that is the energy underneath.

It's that connection.

You know,

It's got to be a free will.

It's got to be their choice.

You know,

And if you put your attention on that,

And you understand what I'm talking about,

It's not to tell the difference.

You know,

It's not tell the difference at all.

Yeah,

Over here in the Dominican Republic,

You learn to do this very well,

Because you know,

A lot,

You know,

The people over here,

A lot of it,

It's like stepping back in time 100 years.

So a lot of the women don't have opportunities.

So they have to find a man to take care of them.

So they act like they like you to some degree,

And they probably do like you.

I mean,

I've dated some women that I was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

You know,

I mean,

I think it's clear that they like me,

You know,

That maybe even enjoy being around me to some degree.

But they don't like love me or want to be with me or build a relationship with me.

It's just that like,

You know,

They see me as money,

And an opportunity to have a better life.

So they're latching on.

And you can feel that when you're aware,

You know,

So,

You know,

I had to fine tune that when I moved over to the Dominican Republic,

Because it's a big part of the culture over here.

So,

You know,

So when you tune in,

You can tell the difference,

You know,

And you,

You know,

Back to the parent thing,

You don't want your kids doing what you what you say,

So they can get money from you.

Like,

Friendships,

All this stuff,

It's free will,

It's free choice,

Like friendships,

I think it's probably like disagreements,

You want to be free to be able to disagree with your friends.

If you agree all the time with your friends,

I mean,

Every once in a blue moon that happens,

But as it like all the time,

Probably not all the time.

90% of the time,

Sure,

But there's going to be some times with your friends where you disagree,

That's good.

That's good.

That means that they actually respect different opinions other than their own.

You know,

That's what's happening a lot in this world right now is people like,

They disagree on a political issue,

Or they disagree on a social issue.

And then they're no longer friends with that person.

They're no longer friends with that,

Or they don't communicate with their family.

Wow,

I didn't know it was gonna go here.

But this is important.

It's happening a lot in society.

Like,

That's ridiculous,

Man.

Like,

You're not you're not supposed to agree on everything.

You know,

I've said this a million times,

You're not supposed to agree on everything.

I don't understand why we think we're supposed to we are individuals.

So if somebody has a different perspective on something,

It's okay.

Accept them anyway,

Love them anyway.

It's you're not supposed to agree,

You're individuals,

You're supposed to have different perspectives.

It's okay.

So that is a good,

Like,

That's a good friendship when you have a friendship where you're sitting there and you like enjoy being around together around each other.

And then all of a sudden you have a disagreement.

And you're still friends after that's a good friendship.

Because it's not based on I'm not friends with you because you think like I think I'm giving you free will you have choice,

You have free will to think however you want to think and I'll still respect you as a friend.

I'll still value as you as a friend.

That's unconditional love.

Do you see?

Alright,

So this is where I'm going to wrap it up.

It's unconditional love,

As opposed to conditional love.

We all run around thinking we give unconditional love to our children.

No,

We don't.

I'm not saying we don't love our children unconditionally.

We probably do love our children unconditionally most people,

But we don't act like we love them unconditionally.

We act like we love them conditionally.

And we do it with our family and we do it with our friends.

As long as you agree with me that I love you.

That's conditional love.

That's not unconditional love.

That's conditional love.

If you do what I tell you to do,

Then I will give you love.

That's conditional love.

That's not unconditional love.

Right?

This is why choice is so important.

We have to give people choice.

If they don't have the freedom to choose,

Then it's conditional love.

If we don't love them regardless of what their choices are,

Then it's conditional love.

I'm not saying you have to like their choices.

I'm not saying you have to agree with their choices.

I'm not saying you have to approve of their choices.

And if they're making bad choices that actually start impacting your life negatively,

You can even set up a boundary and say,

You're not allowed in my life anymore,

But still love them.

Why?

Because your negative choices are now impacting me.

I'm not saying become a doormat and let people walk all over you and abuse you.

That's not what I'm saying.

You can still set up healthy boundaries and keep your life happy and healthy,

But your energy needs to be acceptance.

That's the other word that represents free choice.

Acceptance.

Accept people for who and what they are and stop trying to change them.

Understand that they have free will,

They have free choice,

And they can choose whatever the hell they want,

And you're going to still love them.

If they choose things that hurt you,

Well,

Then you put up a boundary and you go,

No,

I'm not going to allow you to hurt me.

And whatever that consists of,

I won't talk to you.

You're out of my life.

Worst case scenario,

I'm going to make sure you don't have access to money.

You know,

Whatever you need to do as a boundary to make sure that they can't impact your life negatively,

But it shouldn't affect the way you feel about them.

Like,

Love-wise,

It can be,

I don't like their choices.

I don't like their decisions.

I don't like the way they're behaving.

Fine.

Do you love them?

Yes.

Cool.

I love you,

But I don't agree with your choices,

And I'm not going to let you negatively impact my life.

That's fine.

That's healthy.

But you can't take away their choice and then get them to do what you want them to do and then be like,

Okay,

Now I love you because you're doing what I want you to do and I'm controlling you.

I'll give you money if you do what,

You know,

Your kids,

Like,

I'll give you money if you do what I want you to do.

See,

Me and my kids have a great relationship.

They're around all the time.

You give them a hundred dollars every time they come in.

You pay all their bills.

They're 40 years old.

You're paying their bills.

And you think you have a good relationship with your kid because they're around all the time.

No,

They're using you.

That's why they're around all the time.

They're not living their lives.

They're not choosing.

They're just doing what they have to do to get you to pay their stuff.

Free will equals freedom equals choice equals love.

You know,

So that's what I'm talking about.

Choice equals love.

Give people choice and experience the love.

All right.

That's going to do it.

All right.

Thanks,

Peeps.

Thank you for listening.

I'll talk with you again soon.

Peace.

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Peace.