Forgiveness Part 2 of 2

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hey there this is Glenn Ambrose welcome back to Life,

Lessons and Laughter.

You found a new spot for the Ambrose pause.

Yes.

Welcome back to what is the name of my podcast again?

Life,

Lessons and Laughter with Glenn Ambrose your host and yours truly.

Let's get the laughter out of the way right off the top here because we are going deep.

We are going deep into forgiveness.

Into the misery of,

Well no the misery that you can come out of with forgiveness.

Yes.

What was the thing you said last episode that we're I don't know I said I did a doomed voice afterwards.

Oh like that if we don't learn to forgive we're going to be living a life of misery.

Yeah and I'm laughing but that's that's definitely true and I think we covered the basis of forgiveness and we set a good foundation for it for the conversation last episode and then at the very end we got kind of deep.

Yeah and we we stumbled right into a pattern of you know something that's underneath forgiveness and that is is that nothing is personal.

You know what this one book I read years ago and I've read it again since is The Four Agreements and it's such a great book because it's it's very familiar with the four agreements.

Yeah well yeah well yeah because you mentioned it every personal training session for a year and a half.

It's oh so you finally read it.

No no no no no.

I'm just familiar with the title.

I'm familiar with you reminding me about The Four Agreements.

Oh well maybe someday you'll read it.

It's a good book.

If they have it on Audible I will download it.

They do.

Then I'll download it.

Okay um yeah it's by Don Miguel Ruiz and he his it's a small book it's an easy read and he kind of comes out the same basic thing in several different ways to drive it home and it's four basic agreements and one one of them is that nothing is personal and that's something that we need to understand and forgiveness.

I mean somebody can look right at me and go Glenn you're a jerk.

That is not personal.

It's something that's going on within them.

You know and when when when I say that I use myself as an example a lot of times other people can go well yeah you know I guess I kind of understand this point you know and then all of a sudden somebody looks at them and says something they go yeah but they looked right at me and said it.

It's because our emotions get caught up in it.

Ready?

Do it to me.

No I can't.

Tell me I'm a jerk.

No.

Do it.

Ben you're not a good person.

That's close to psych.

See I I don't take that personally because I know that the real reason you were doing it is for a bit on the podcast.

Yeah exactly.

I even had a hard time saying that.

That's weird.

I know well you know I taught myself not to lie even white lies and situations like just you know so it felt very uncomfortable.

What are I'm trying to remember the other four agreements now let's give them a plug.

Oh if I can let's see I have to talk I know them but don't take anything personal.

Always do always be impeccable with your word.

Be impeccable with your word.

Always do what you say you're going to do.

Oh my god I don't even now I'm having a brain fire I'm so locked on to this forgiveness thing.

We better go back to forgiveness or else I'm gonna embarrass myself by not knowing what these the other two are.

I think that the audience will forgive you for embarrassing yourself.

I hope so.

Please forgive me.

Find it in your heart especially Don Miguel Ruiz.

I think your book is wonderful.

Do you think he's a fan of the show?

I hope so.

If he's not I hope he will be.

If he's not do you forgive him?

I do because I know it's not personal.

It's not personal.

No and even if somebody doesn't like the podcast it wouldn't be personal it's just that their particular taste.

All right let's go back to being impeccable with our word and going back to what we said we were gonna talk about today which is forgiveness.

The thing that I asked at the I threw out some like rapid-fire scenarios at the end and I threw a pretty heavy scenario on at the end which is just to just to sum it up if someone was the reason for the death whether it be negligent probably negligent let's just go negligent.

If someone had a negligent responsibility for the death of a loved one that is like a ridiculously heavy that's a very difficult thing to forgive.

Yeah absolutely you know you said that there were steps you would have to do it and in steps and honestly the steps are pretty they would be personal to each person and they would be very specific to that person you know it depends on what emotions were coming up what the situation was what that person needed to make get like there's different things that people believe and there's different perspectives that they need to shift to and everybody has different perspectives you know this is this is another thing that Don Miguel Ruiz spoke about in his book and that is that everyone is some of their experiences you know we are some of our experiences so some of the decisions that we make are based on experiences coupled with our personalities that's how I understand it I believe he talks about experiences and I'm not sure if he brings in the personality aspect of it but I made sense of it in my life because my sister and myself were raised in a very fair household but we received things very differently so I take my personality and mix them with an experience and her personality and mix them with an experience and we can come out seeing it two totally different ways you know so everything that happens to people builds on it and then then they play small parts in our decision-making capabilities so I can't even completely comprehend why I make certain decisions that I make you know if I can't remember that there was a sixteenth of a percent of my decision-making capability on something based on something that happened to me when I was eight I don't remember that I don't know how it affected me and how it built off of that so since I don't since I can't do so since I can't completely comprehend my decision-making capabilities how can I comprehend somebody else's decision making capabilities I can't you know so if I can't understand what they went through and why they made their decisions then I don't have the full picture I don't have all the information available for me to be able to judge them you know and that's that's one way that we can not take things personally to understand that though the the reasons that people are making the decisions that they make have nothing to do with us and we they don't even understand half the reason why they're making the decisions so how could we you know and that a lot of the not taking things personal is understanding that ignorance is to blame and like especially the situation that you just brought up I mean if there is a if there's a situation where you take a person who neg because of their negligence goes and kills another person that that negligence was based in ignorance you know yeah it was based in ignorance and that even applies if the the the murder of let's say let's take it all the way to murder let's if if it was murder it was and it was premeditated murder that was still based in ignorance because for some reason that person that committed that murder actually thought that murdering the other person was a good idea when obviously it wasn't so that's ignorant that's ignorance you know if you think killing somebody else is the right thing to do that thought is based in ignorance when you can't forgive but that that's really it that's taking it all the way to the extreme you know it's that and if you look at it from that place and that that doesn't mean that they're not responsible for their actions or they don't deserve punishment or I'm not saying that you know that's we blend it together we do this with tons of things we blend two things together to blur the line to make us feel self-righteous you know so the fact that ignorance is to blame does not mean that that murderer should be running the streets and not punished that has nothing to do with what I'm saying and but that's what people will do to to preserve the right well no because you know then they'll go kill other people no I didn't say that they shouldn't be punished what I said was that their decision-making was based in ignorance so therefore the ignorance is to blame if they didn't have the ignorance then they wouldn't have done that you know that's that's the that's and that's a huge pill to swallow especially in extreme situations and in extreme situations I like to take examples of people who have actually handled it I have heard stories of people whose children got killed in car accidents going to the jail and forgiving the person that did it all kinds you know it's been on the news it's it's happened over the years people have been able to reach that level of forgiveness to do it yeah you know so and I mean if you look at those people the level of peace that they have within them is amazing that's so we have to be able to especially when we're in the middle of a hurt like that and then you've got somebody like me that hasn't experienced it say you know what this is how you need to look at it they're like yeah right you know so the first thing that I try to do is hold an example of success out there and say well what about this person you know in this situation I would research it find a story and maybe even get them in contact with that person because they've been through it and they've been able to reach that level we have to know that it's possible in order to be able to walk towards it also holding holding resentment holding anger and hatred for that other person does nothing for you does absolutely it doesn't bring the the loved one back no it doesn't and it and forgiving them doesn't mean that you are okay with it or that you're or that you approve of it yeah you approved of the situation no not at all or that you know just it's just a situation where you go you know what that that was a situation where ignorance was in charge ignorance was in charge of that situation that person didn't know better than to override that ignorant move why I don't know you know why did the stars look the way they do I you know like I don't know why what happened it can gas that's burning very far away from us and by the time it reaches us through our atmosphere it looks like tiny little dots of light I can't believe I let you go on with the whole I just I had to I had to see how far you would go with it either because I was looking at you I was looking at you in the eyes going I got nothing I don't know if I can really explain that's probably why I let you go because I just want to see if you would crash and burn on you held it together pretty good so was that complete fair but was that true what what you just said about the stars I'm I mean it's kind of that they are burning balls of gas okay so that's true and yeah okay all right sounded good I don't know I mean they are massive and gigantic and all right let's get off the stars well I mean you asked I give you a little I did pass astronomy well that makes one of us so yeah I mean we're not going to understand all the reasoning behind you know that's that's the other aspect on us if you get that ignorance is to blame then you might be able to start understanding that you don't have to understand everything you know we're not going to make sense of of uncensible situations you know it's like when somebody commits suicide there everybody goes oh my god what were they thinking and then they have long discussions to figure out what they were thinking as if they're going to come to some conclusion of an of a clear thought pattern that would make suicide okay it's like no the whole point was that the person wasn't thinking clearly so to try to make sense of what they were thinking is an oxymoron it can't be done you know so and it's the same thing with with a lot of this that's got to be the harder one making peace with that yeah I I feel like I feel like if someone else does it to a loved one you know whether it be a negligent manslaughter or like murder right then they're the victim then they're the victim and you know it's easier to cast blame and everything but it's also more I think possible to forgive but if the loved one were to it's it's their own like then you're it's tough because then you gotta forgive them you know I'm glad we did the bit about the stars and the other stuff to joke around because this is deep this is heavy stuff this is uh this is too much it's it's tough and it's you know that's but this is this is the big stuff and like the the bigger the the issue the bigger the lesson the larger the rewards it's like that like I said if you see somebody who is able to forgive something really big like this the level of peace that they walk around in and the rest of their lives is amazing because they're able to do the work so they're the the rewards that they get and the level of peace that that they're able to walk in is is just amazing and it's it's it's worth it you know the other thing too with the the work I feel like I've been saying this often lately I feel it's important to get out there is that the work that I always talk about doing it's not really work it's it's once you start in the beginning it's work you have to kind of get sick and tired of being one way and then and then put some effort in and and really try to open up and see things in a different way but then once you start breaking through that and you start seeing things in a different way and then all of a sudden you get the rewards that it gives so then all of a sudden you get the relief and it feels good then you want to go apply it to other things and it's exciting and it's fun and it feels good and that's that's why I keep doing it if I if I had to wake up and go work on my life all day every day oh my god I'd be freaking exhausted by now but you know it's not it's exciting it's fun it's it's joyful when I'm in a difficult situation and I'm at peace through it I'm like I'm psyched I'm like this is awesome you know so that that's why I continue doing it but we do need to be free of that that anger and that that blame of of another person yeah you know it's the when you get free of that it's the the piece that you're able to walk around in it's you know it's blissful I mean it's wonderful so now we're gonna go to a new thing that we're gonna do every episode which is a quote ooh a quote of the day nice and they're gonna be topical most of the time and today's I think goes really well with the last two episodes about forgiveness so it is you will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well Lewis B smeds means smedys sure I think smedys I think I've seen that name before but I don't know how to pronounce it anyway you will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well yes and that's that's actually a very good way to work towards forgiveness too you know if if there's somebody that you're walking around with anger towards or resentment towards you can you can pray for their happiness you know for they say two weeks and you'll notice a difference you know and I mean I've I've done that in my recent past where there was a situation where I felt that I was being attacked and I was you know I started feeling started feeling like the victim and therefore for a little while I was able to just I was good and I was doing I wrote some forgiveness statements about five or six different forgiveness statements just kind of recentering my mind around forgiveness that that that no one is to blame ignorance is to blame and that this person is doing the best that they can you know and that what was the other thing there was one other thing that I wrote that they're doing the best that they can and I had to forgive any actions that they took out of frustration or anger you know the that their ignorance is to blame and not them you know so I would read these things every morning I got myself in a good space and I was in such a good space with this situation that I stopped reading it for a while and then all sudden this situation reemerged in my life and I was like all sudden it started getting to me I started getting irritable and I was like wait a minute here I don't like this feeling you know what what what do I need to do and I was like you know what I stopped reading that forgiveness so I started reading it again and within a couple days I was completely at peace with the situation and I still take the action to deal with what's going on and the the situation is still going on I've spoken with this situation to my life coach actually today earlier and with somebody else this weekend because some of it was going on when I was with them and they're like wow you're you seem very at ease with this situation I was like yeah I'm fine I'm good with it you know but that's because I'm practicing what I'm preaching I'm practicing the forgiveness I'm practicing understanding that if even though it looks like this attacks made at me it's not about me they're doing the best that they can and you know what sometimes my best isn't that good sometimes I have bad days and my best isn't that good some days I have great days and my best is wonderful and everybody else is like that too you know so once when I remember that my happiness is my responsibility and that nobody is to blame but ignorance is to blame and that we're all doing the best that we can and everybody that ever everybody is a sum of their experiences meshed with their personality and that I can't fully understand it you know and then and then top it off reminding myself that forgiveness is about me and bringing peace into me and not about letting the other person off the hook then I can you know do what it takes to forgive pray for that person send them unconditional love and and wish the best for them and then I receive it I receive that feeling of peace and I can walk around in that peace because I forgave them and I'm no longer harboring that stuff so I can still look back on those situations as matter-of-fact situations so I can still learn from them I can look back and go okay well I remember when this person did that to me and I have to make sure I don't leave the door open for somebody to do that again maybe in a situation or you know but it doesn't have that emotional charge it's just matter of fact it's it has the same emotional charges if I went to the storm picked up a pack of gum it's just very matter of fact it happened it's over I can learn from it and move on with my life you know that's when you can move on when that emotional charge is released you've forgiven and you can go on who well and breathe I feel a lot better I'm better you know you you know you brought us into a deep deep space the last two episodes of Glenn heavy talk with this forgiveness it's like a crevasse I think I caught him off guard with a crevasse oh man all I can think of is there's something that I watch that you have to crawl into the crevasse I don't remember what it is it must be why I said it was I don't know then the last time I used the word crevasse oh man um do you have anybody you'd like to forgive on the podcast today no no I think I'm good I've done my forgiveness work so I don't seriously I want to think for a second yeah I don't I mean don't leave too much dead air but now I have to forgive you for saying that I'll just give a lesson about stars well yeah no really I don't I don't think that there is anybody I need to forgive there you know what there is one little one that just popped up I'm not gonna say it on the air though well it's personal and my forgiveness will be personal too yeah unless there's some sort of action I need to take but that you know that that's actually I'm glad you did that because it's you know I go I'm opening my new space and getting everything in there and you know obviously a lot going on and so I'm walking around with this little thing that I need to do some forgiveness on completely unconscious of it but just taking that moment said geez is there anybody that I could anybody that oh yeah this there is one and it's a very minor thing it's really no big deal happened a little while ago but yeah there is a little bit of resentment that I have towards somebody and now I'll do it but that's all it takes is a moment to to live conscious consciously that almost sounds like something we've heard before yeah I say it every episode yeah because I am guiding everyone in this podcast such a guru I am a guru I am yeah that's uh that's great and I'm thinking about it now and nope I'm good I'm perfectly Zen I think that that may be should we call it a fib no no no no no I don't lie speak I said the word I am completely sugarcoat the lie word fine where can people find you people can find me in their ear and their headphones listening to my podcast oh my god you take nothing seriously I do it's the plugs man it's the plugs yeah I know I'm supposed to leave these plugs I'd rather talk about forgiveness okay we've talked about forgiveness for an hour now okay good point all right so everybody out there is good they know that it's not about the other person and all that stuff yes yes but if they would like more help and more information on this or about any other topic in their life then I'm your man and you can find me it's life dash enhancement dash services calm my facebook page life enhancement services or my personal facebook page Glen Ambrose or my new place to what life and hit Glen Ambrose's life enhancement center get that Glen Ambrose's life enhancement center it is an existence and it's a 2076 new snack Hill Road in Coventry Rhode Island oh two eight one six if you want to mail me a letter and say hey way to go Glen or something it's nice in there I was there yesterday yeah it's starting to come along absolutely but it's not there yet Oh No completely and if you would like to help that cause to help Glen help others and possibly help yourself as well you can find he has a go fund me page at go fund 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search for Glen Ambrose that's it that's it we are through thanks for staying with us and we'll see you next time this podcast is presented by new short productions executive producers Glen Ambrose Benjamin barber and David d'angelis