Your Path Is Not In Front Of You

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello welcome to the podcast.

This is Glenn Ambrose with Ben.

Hey Glenn.

And today what are we going to talk about?

We should not do that every time.

No not every time but it was perfect.

What are we talking about today host?

We are talking about something that I heard this weekend from a new friend of mine,

Sandy Alemian and the way she phrased it is when you,

I'm paraphrasing,

But when you look,

If you're looking for your path don't look in front of you because in front of you is like newly fallen snow.

There is no path.

You have to make your own.

The only path that you can see is behind you,

Where you've been.

And you know one that struck me when she said it because I never heard it phrased quite that way and I thought it was a wonderful way of looking at it and phrasing it.

And another thing is since then that was Sunday,

Today's Tuesday,

I've heard it like three more times.

I looked at the calendar at the gym today and it had something to that effect.

So I was like you know what I think this might need to be talked about.

So first you know there's obviously two parts to that,

The path in front and the path behind.

So first I'm going to talk about the path in front.

The path in front or lack thereof I should say is it's true.

You know our future is up to us.

We can make whatever we want of it and often times we're looking.

We're trying so hard to make the right decision and in actuality there's really not any right decisions so much as there's right intentions.

You know if the way the universe works is basically if you make a decision it's like you take a step forward in that decision.

And right from that point then all the new possibilities that can be possible off of that are in front of you.

And then you can take that step.

And then you know you might step to the left.

Well then you start going to the left.

Now all the possibilities are in front of you off of that one.

You're constantly creating a new path and every decision we make creates new opportunities off of that.

So there is no exact right way.

You know one thing that I've found is that often times people work so hard and we stress out over making the right decision.

And there's if every time that I've made what turned out to be on the surface level the wrong decision I've always been able to get right back on track very easily.

As long as my intentions were right.

As long as my intentions were for good and to do good and move forward with my life I've never really shot myself in the foot by making a wrong decision.

It may not have worked out the exact way I wanted it to but then I look at the new possibilities and there's always another option to head in the direction that I want to.

And I don't suffer emotional or very hard negative consequences as long as my intentions are pure and I'm heading in the right decision.

Now on the other hand in my past when I've had negative intentions then it seems like it doesn't matter how good of a decision I make I always end up further back than when I started.

I always end up shooting myself in the foot then.

Just because based on my intentions.

One of the things that I personally believe in is a loving God,

A loving presence in this universe that wants nothing but the best for us.

I believe that when people say we're made or when it's said that we're made in the image and likeness of God that what that means is a portion of that means that we're made not that he looks like me but that the things that are true to me are true to him.

God is a creator.

I'm a creator so I think that that's how I'm in the image and likeness of God.

Now if there's this force that I believe that's a loving force and wants that force would want nothing but the best for me.

So if I made some silly decision that wasn't the right one why would he punish me for making that decision?

You know I mean if my son made a poor decision I would want to open up other possibilities for him to get be able to get back on track because I love him and that's what I would want to do.

So a loving God would want to do that for me.

That's how it makes sense to me and I'm sure not everybody will agree.

Well it's a subject that not everybody will agree on no matter what.

Exactly right and I think everybody has the right to their own opinions and that's part of the path.

That's part of the fact that everybody isn't going to agree with that is proof to me that the road ahead is unpaved that we do have our own paths.

As we move forward in our own ways that's what proves that there's endless paths and there isn't one perfect one.

I think that kind of touches on the path in front of us and how we can pave it any way we like.

The other aspect of that is looking behind us and looking behind us it's very clear to see the path that we're on.

You know a lot of times if I'm in the middle of going through a difficult time I'll remind myself that if I look back on this three or six months or a year from now if I look back on this time if I handle myself well I'm going to be very proud of what I see when I look back on it.

A lot of times when we're making positive changes in our life it's new.

It's new to us so it feels uncomfortable and we're unsure so it feels weird and we don't know if we're doing the right thing.

But that's how it's supposed to feel when you're doing something new.

It's not supposed to feel comfortable.

It's supposed to feel a little awkward,

A little different.

So if I'm sitting here and let's say that usually in a situation my button gets pushed.

Something would really irritate me and I'm trying to work through that and not let it irritate me anymore.

So if I sit there and I'm feeling a little irritated but I don't act on it and I just hold back and I go okay this is awkward I kind of need to find a healthier way to view this and I stumble through and eventually I get through the situation.

As I'm going through that it feels painful and it feels awkward and I don't know what I'm doing but a year down the road when I look back on my path I look back on that and I go wow what a learning time that was.

Look at the growth I acquired while I was going through that time.

I think looking back is one of the best tools that we have.

Looking back not only can you look back and see the growth that you go through and that you acquired but you can also look to see how to handle things in the future.

A lot of times when we're in the middle of things it's so traumatic and so troubling and we have to remember to look at the big picture and know that we're going to get through it.

There is another side and there's no better tool to do that than to look back on the past and realize that there were times in your life where you were sitting in spots that you thought you were never going to get out of but yet you did.

Life did go on,

You did get through it and somehow things got better even when you didn't expect them to.

So what do you think about that Ben?

I was just thinking about how fantastically all of the subjects build on each other that we talk about like finding happiness to start and then how to solve any problem because you're going to have problems and then dealing with guilt and then how to pause before you make a reaction and then how to look back before you can go forward and know that you can go forward in a different way.

I just think that looking back on all of those things and all of the things that we've talked about in the previous five episodes of looking back at how was I not happy,

Looking back at how did I deal with guilt,

Looking back at how did I not solve those problems,

Looking back at how did I react too soon and stuff like that and knowing that you have the power to change those things and that you have the ability to make that new path in front of you to forge your own path in that way and to know that like you told me earlier that it's like that in front of you is like fresh fall and snow.

So I think that looking back on everything is a fantastic way to prepare yourself for what you're about to do.

Dave Asprey Yeah.

That is interesting because I don't know that I've had the time to look back on all the previous episodes yet.

But it is.

That's a short span to look back on but I mean when you start looking at things a year,

Two years,

It's amazing and they do build off of each other.

Jay Haynes No.

What I'm saying is that the subjects,

When you look back at your life for the last,

I'm 26 so probably 15 years looking back at life of making older,

More mature decisions,

You can look at all of those things and you can judge things like how are you happy?

How are you?

What did you do?

What were the mistakes?

And it's 2020 and you see it clearly now and you know how to act in the future.

And of course you're always going to stumble and you're always going to fall.

And those will be great things to look back on.

Dave Asprey Yeah.

Yeah.

It's that sometimes we think stumbling and falling when we're focused on the problem and being in the problem,

It hurts.

But then when we look back on it,

It's like,

Oh,

Well,

So I fell.

Of course I fell.

But when we're in it,

It seems all consuming that like,

Oh,

This isn't supposed to be happening.

It's like,

Well,

No,

It kind of is supposed to be happening.

It's part of the growth process.

And if I look back in my life,

I can see that and learn from it,

Hopefully.

Well today we have a special guest,

Dave DeAngelis,

One of our producers is going to join us.

And welcome to the show,

Dave.

Dave Hi,

Everybody.

How are you guys?

Dave Hi,

Buddy.

Dave We're awesome.

Dave That's good because I'm not.

Dave No.

Dave Just kidding.

Dave We're listening,

Dave.

Dave I have recently stumbled and fallen.

Dave How so,

Dave?

Dave Oh.

Dave Sounds like such a therapy show,

Doesn't it,

When we do this?

Dave It does.

Dave How so,

Dave?

Dave Tell me,

How does that make you feel?

Dave Come on,

Guys.

Dave If this is a therapy show,

I should not be on this side of the room.

I should be on the couch.

Dave I don't think I should be either.

What would you like to talk about?

Dave Me?

Dave Yeah.

You're our special guest,

So we have to be courteous and leave it open to you.

Dave Well,

For what you were talking about,

That's something that I definitely have a huge issue with.

I get overwhelmed with the future,

Like many people,

I'm sure.

You know what I mean?

I'm one of those people that I want something to get done,

So I think of all the million different reasons of why that won't happen.

I am someone who definitely I can admit that when I do stumble and fall,

It's very hard for me to get back up.

I am always looking back at all the hard times and fretting over them.

I can't get past that.

As you were saying,

It's a struggle for me to move past that stuff and to try to move forward.

I'm one of those people who's definitely weighed down by those bad times.

Dave Do you think.

.

.

Let's just take a bad time.

We don't need to know the specifics of it,

But can you think of a bad time that you made a.

.

.

The reason it was difficult was because you made a bad decision?

Dave Bad decision.

Dave Just like something you would have handled differently.

Dave I'm going to say the most common one recently because I am training with you.

Let's talk about the food.

It's one of those things that's been on my mind.

It's one of those things where I can't get past the fact that I have to actually control what I'm eating.

It's one of those things.

.

.

We actually talked about this recently,

The whole starting your day over.

I feel like that ties in when you feel like you can't do it.

You're like,

I can't start the day over.

I'll beep that.

Dave Family friendly show.

Dave I forgot what show we're on.

I will beep that.

I will.

Leave it to me to do the first one.

I can't do it because it's so hard.

I can't start over.

I can't make sure that I eat a breakfast every day.

So I just don't do it.

I let it go.

I feel like I leave myself fallen on that path.

I stumble and I don't get up.

It goes back to when I was a kid.

I literally fell down the first time when I rode a bike and I've never gotten on since.

Then you wonder why it carries on.

It's true.

We do have choices.

Sometimes they're difficult.

Especially when the childhood bike thing is very strong because it's a childhood belief system.

That's where a lot of our belief systems are made.

That's such a beautiful go-to for you.

It's just wonderful because you can be like,

Oh no,

This is how I am.

Then you don't have to take responsibility for it.

That's me.

No,

Seriously,

It's like,

Well that's how I am.

So I just have to deal with it.

That's how he tries to end 100% of the arguments that we have.

It's that all throw your hands up and say it's all screwed anyway.

What I like to think of as my previous life before I started living the way that I live now is I was very much like that.

When you said overwhelm,

Even to this day that word just brightens me up.

It grabs my attention.

That's what I mean by that.

Because it was such a strong part of my existence is feeling overwhelmed and shutting down and not moving through.

I remember when I was going through my changing that it was a big pill to swallow to realize that the misery you make in your own life is your own responsibility.

I don't want to admit that.

No way.

That's not my fault.

No.

I'm telling you Glenn,

It's not my fault.

No,

Definitely.

It's the opposite of Good Will Hunting.

No,

But definitely.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

No,

But that's definitely something that is so easy to cop.

It's like a cop out in my opinion.

It is.

It is.

But if you can,

To me,

It makes it easier.

A lot of times we are very intellectual and it's difficult to jump off a cliff when you don't know what's on the other side.

And that's what it feels like.

It's like you need to jump into unknown territory because you've always been a certain way for so long.

But as I started comprehending that I was responsible for my own unhappiness,

It was also clicking at the same time that I didn't screw up my life because I wanted to screw it up.

I screwed it up because I didn't know any better.

And now with the clarity that I'm getting,

Along with the heaviness that it feels like when you're taking responsibility and going,

Oh my god,

Everything is my fault.

Along with that comes the realization that goes,

Oh my god,

Everything is my responsibility.

This is awesome.

I get to do whatever I want.

I can be whoever I want.

I can make whatever decisions I choose.

I don't have to be stuck in what I was before when I was playing the victim.

When you're a victim of life,

When life is happening to you and you don't have any control over it and you can't change it and you can't stop it,

It's very heavy and it's very hard to get out of.

But when you start thinking of it like,

Well,

OK,

I'm not a victim of life.

I actually have the right and the ability to choose differently.

That's very empowering.

And if we allow ourselves to go there,

It feels great.

Another thing that I just thought of is that a lot of things that me and Ben try to do is we're working for ourselves.

So I feel like that's a very easy way to prevent stuff from happening is when you have a list of tasks to perform and I don't do it because and when I ask myself why,

I come down with,

Well,

Because it's just going to go wrong anyway.

So it's not going to work out.

So it's the same kind of thing.

And it prevents it literally prevents me from doing the work that I should be doing that could possibly bring me success.

And that's and that's what it is.

It's that possibly brings me success.

You like already where you're standing,

You know that it can possibly bring you success.

Oh,

Yeah.

So what at some point you need to take the chance.

Yeah,

That's the scary part.

Right.

That's the scary part.

Because what if I fail?

Well,

Exactly.

Well,

You know,

What's nice is you'll just end up right back where you are.

Will you or will you feel worse?

How do you feel now?

That's a good point.

You know,

You should host your own show.

I'm going to look into that.

But that's that's what it is.

It's you know,

We it's a mental block that that we think,

Oh,

No,

You know,

It's going to be horrible.

Well,

What are you risking?

You know,

We'll gladly refund the same misery that you have now.

If if you if it doesn't fail.

Yeah.

And it's there there is a huge fear of success in the A Course in Miracles that says that that we are more more afraid of success than we are of failure.

And it's that this becoming something wonderful and and all that we can be is like daunting.

It's like,

Holy crap,

I don't know if I can handle all that pressure,

You know,

But we have to like I was saying a few minutes ago,

It comes down to taking the risk.

I mean,

Not not everybody actually lives their life.

There's some saying like that.

I can't think of it.

Damn.

It's a really good one,

Too.

It goes right in with this.

But it's something about not everybody,

Not everybody lives their life.

Everybody does something else with it,

Though.

That's that's the quote I'm trying to think of.

Well,

No,

No,

That's not exactly it's it's it's something around now.

But that wasn't a fantastic.

No,

Why you love so much.

It's kind of a crappy quote.

Something else,

Though.

Let him,

Ladies and gentlemen.

Yes.

Not everybody lives their life,

But it's called life lessons and laughter.

Life lessons and laughter.

Exactly.

Laughter.

We have plenty of it.

We get to laugh at ourselves.

You know,

At some point you have to risk living your life.

Otherwise,

Who was it?

I believe it was the founder of Amazon,

Maybe,

That said when he made a decision to leave his I believe it was a law career,

Successful law career,

Making some good money and go out and start Amazon,

That he needed to make a decision whether he was going to take the leap or not.

And the way he made that decision is he's he thought when he's when he's 80 years old and he's looking back on his life,

Would he regret not taking the leap and trying to start an Internet business at that time?

And when he looked back on it,

He said,

Yes,

I would regret not at least trying to start that.

Or if I looked back and I said,

If I stayed at my law career,

Would I regret or if I made the jump to start Amazon,

I'm sorry,

If I made the jump to start Amazon and it failed,

Would I regret?

And he was like,

No,

When I'm 80,

I'm not going to look back and regret taking a stab at something that I thought would be great and failing,

But I would regret not taking the chance at all.

You know,

And I think that that that's a wonderful way to make decisions.

You know,

It's that's and we're talking about it,

About the looking back and using it,

Using our past to to make decisions.

It's all about not having regrets.

You know,

If we're if look at the big picture,

If you're thinking making your decisions when you're 80 years old and I look back on my life,

Would I regret not doing this or would I regret doing this?

That's the perspective we need.

Where we get off is when we stay in the microcosm of the current moment and go,

Oh,

It's too daunting.

It's too hard to.

And we stay all caught up in that.

We never do anything,

You know,

So take a step.

One of the best tools I've ever learned and I'm going to do a whole show on this,

I think,

Is just taking a step back away from whatever's going on at the moment and looking at it in the big picture.

You know,

And that's what we're talking about here.

Look at the big picture.

And when you weigh out the options,

You're going to see very clearly that it's way worth the risk.

Yeah.

Something that that just made me think of was.

But before you right now,

Glenn,

You have two people that look at that fresh fallen snow in front of them in two very different ways.

Dave,

Correct me if I'm wrong,

But Dave looks out at the path yet to be taken and envisions a very messy path full of places where you fall again.

That looks a lot like the one behind him,

Maybe even worse.

And that prevents him from taking that first step forward.

I look at that path,

Look at that area of that blanket of fresh fallen snow and with seemingly rose colored glasses,

See two footprints walking seamlessly,

Perfectly into the future.

Everything's going to be great.

Everything's going to be fine.

And I feel like the fear is and the thing that stops you from moving forward for me and maybe people like me is that if I move forward,

I'm going to mess up that perfectly fallen snow.

So where as his is like,

Oh,

It's it's just going to be more of the same crap,

More of the same bad path.

I don't want to move forward.

Mine is right now it's perfect.

And in my mind,

It's perfect and it's going to go perfect.

And if I step on it,

I ruined it.

Yeah.

And a lot of people have that.

It's we spend a lot of energy.

It's the same mentality of getting our ducks in a row.

It's like,

You know,

Like balancing everything and getting things all set.

And we think that that's a realistic way to live.

You know,

Like,

OK,

Well,

You know,

I've I'm in a good relationship and and my career is going well.

And I have two point three kids,

Which is really hard,

But I guess it's the average and a house and a white picket fence and two cars.

Hey,

Man,

I was a point three.

So you're the one.

I'm the point three.

But but people,

People,

You know,

Have that idea that life is supposed to be like that.

It's supposed to just stay.

And one thing that I've learned is if you ever do get all your ducks in a row,

One thing you can be completely positive on is somebody is going to kick one over.

It's just not going to stay that way.

It's a law of impermanence.

Everything changes in this life.

Everything stays the same.

You know,

The car outside is slowly decaying and falling apart.

Someday it's going to be a pile of dust.

You know,

Even that looks permanent,

But it's not.

Everything is constantly changing.

So trying to keep things just perfect,

Just so we spend so much energy trying to do that.

It's just impossible.

It's never going to happen.

So the the answer to both of you is actually that you both have to risk it and take the step to get you.

There is two different things.

You know,

Now,

Ben,

You might have to realize that you can't get everything all nice and neat and just keep it there.

That's just not that's not living life.

You would have to completely cut yourself off from society,

Lock yourself into a room,

You know,

Never thought about it.

I bet you have.

But it's you know,

That's not taking part in life.

And even if you were lucky enough,

Which is impossible,

By the way,

But if you were lucky to create this existence that you think is perfect,

And then you live like that until you were 80,

You would look back on it and go,

Oh,

My God,

I didn't live at all.

How mundane and boring that was.

I didn't do anything.

I just kind of sat there and hovered for 60 years,

You know.

So it goes back to looking back when at the big picture,

And that can motivate you to take the risk.

And then,

You know,

With Dave,

It's the more negative approach.

It's just a matter of what are you risking?

You know,

Really,

What are you risking?

So it's the I believe in because I've come from a very dark place.

I've come from that.

So I understand that it takes courage to come out of it.

I understand that some pinhead coming up whistling Dixie telling you to get off your ass and do something is just you just want to slap them.

So I get that aspect.

So to do that,

There has to be some sort of logical reason why you should.

And part of the reason is one,

You're really not risking anything because life's really no fun living this way anyway.

You know,

And the other part is make a game out of it.

Just pick a period of time.

You know,

Depending on what you're trying to shift in your life,

It could be three months,

It could be six months,

Whatever.

Pick a period of time and say,

You know what,

I'm just going to try it the other way for this period of time.

Then if nothing changes,

I'll go back to living my old way.

And then you just got to go give it 110% living the other way and just give it an honest try.

And if you do,

What you're going to find is that you are actually your own creator.

You are actually in control of your own ship.

You actually can dictate your own life.

You can actually live whatever life you want.

And then as you start realizing that and seeing it come into fruition in your life,

It's going to be exciting and you're going to want to do more and you're going to want to do more.

But just make a game of it.

Set a time frame up that you can live with.

Try it.

Be accountable to somebody.

Make sure you're really giving it the old college try,

So to speak.

Really trying.

And then see what happens.

And I guarantee you,

I guarantee that you're going to see things start shifting for the better.

Thank you,

Gun.

So there,

I said it.

Must be true.

Maybe I'll put it on the internet.

Because everything on the internet is true,

Too.

Oh,

Yeah.

Everything I find on the internet is true.

And everything I say.

So I'm really surrounded by a lot of truth.

Wow.

Well,

We didn't have,

Because of our guest,

Thank you,

Dave.

We didn't have time for.

.

.

Thank you,

Dave.

We didn't have time for any other questions today.

But can you,

Before we go,

Can you tell people where they can send questions for future episodes?

Sure,

Sure.

Send questions and also comments.

Any.

.

.

I'd like this stuff to spark a little bit of conversation,

Too.

Go on the Facebook page and put your opinions out there.

You're not going to offend me.

Or if you do,

I'll just delete it.

No,

But,

I mean,

Really,

The whole point of this type of talk is keeping it in the forefront of your mind.

And little Facebook conversations or conversations with your friends can help make that happen.

But yeah,

Just send any questions,

Comments.

You can do it on the Facebook page,

Life Enhancement Services,

Or on my website,

Life-enhancement-services.

Com.

Or my personal website page.

And I think that's about it.

We're going to wrap it up.

And thanks for joining us.

And look forward to next time.