The Negotiator Archetype

Welcome to this discussion on the Negotiator Archetype with me Helen Hansen.

I have a background in developmental psychology,

Holistic psychology,

As well as archetypal psychology.

Archetypal psychology is about looking at the patterns of behavior that one has as an individual,

As well as individuals around us,

Patterns that are with us throughout our life.

The content might change from one cycle of life to another,

But the theme is still there.

That is part of our personal identity,

Our personal archetypes.

And there are some which are collective,

And there are others which are more personal.

So the collective ones,

For example,

The victim,

The saboteur,

The negotiator,

The inner child,

Which could be the wounded child,

The orphaned child,

The nature child,

And many different child archetypes or child identity patterns.

In this discussion we are looking at the Negotiator Archetype.

The term negotiate means to talk over or to discuss,

And so we can see that we actually do this every day,

Whether it be with another person,

A group,

Or even ourselves.

Even if we don't realize it,

We are negotiating our thoughts and even our memories.

So we're going to be chatting through a few examples of what each of these angles looks like in both heart and shadow responses.

Now,

I'm sure you've had the opportunity to negotiate with another person,

Whether it be a business agreement,

In a relationship,

Or elsewhere.

Negotiations pop up unexpectedly sometimes,

Or maybe they can be planned,

They can be direct,

They can be indirect.

How you respond to opportunities of negotiation is a big indicator of how you engage with this part of yourself,

For we all have the Negotiator Archetype.

Now,

Let's say you are negotiating for a raise in your salary,

And you're feeling anxious about this.

There's nothing wrong with feeling anxious.

However,

If the anxiety leads to a decision not to follow through with your request,

This then results in you giving away an opportunity to improve your quality of life.

Often people will not follow through because of fear.

Fear that they will be rejected,

Or perhaps thinking that they are not worthy of a raise,

And presuming they wouldn't get it anyway.

So why bother?

Why waste everybody's time?

This type of self-talk compromises one's self,

And when we retract from asking for something for ourselves,

This shows that the negotiator is now making way for the victim,

Perhaps even the saboteur.

Deciding to pull out of a negotiation,

Which could be for the betterment for yourself,

Is more than likely part of a self-sabotaging process,

Even if one tells oneself this is for the best,

For that person,

My friend,

My partner,

My child,

Or whoever.

If this is something you've seen happen more than once in your life,

Then the sabotaging programs are at play,

Possibly with the victim child too.

So as you can see now,

Our archetypes or our identities,

They work in teams,

And when we understand the behavior and the characteristics of our main identities,

Then we can raise our awareness to what is actually going on.

Now there are various levels and degrees in each archetype,

And so within the negotiator as well.

When one is empowered and negotiating from a heart space,

In other words,

One is able to put forward what is for the betterment of not only oneself,

But being objective about the others involved or the situation involved in its entirety,

This demonstrates an empowered negotiator.

Whereas on the other end of the scale,

One has a negotiator that is operating from a place of fear,

Overwhelm,

Perhaps even greed.

Think of a politician who is willing to sell their soul to win an election,

That right there is a very low form of the negotiation,

Which we call the prostitute archetype.

Another form of negotiation that can take place in the depths of the shadows can often be the cruelest forms,

And these happen with no dialogue.

Some relationships are like that.

One partner stays in a relationship perhaps for the money or to have a roof over their head,

Or the other one stays for other reasons,

Maybe complacency,

Maybe it's intimacy.

There's so many different reasons people stay in a relationship,

And no conversation may ever have taken place about the situation,

But both parties just know this is silent negotiation.

And this can be the most dangerous,

Because usually it's one person who is losing out on a lot.

In other words,

They have negotiated away their options,

Their power,

Their freedom,

And this too is the negotiation process taking place,

Where there is one individual or one group,

One entity that is in a position of prostitution.

And this is risky,

Because to be in such a place can be very difficult to get out of,

To negotiate one's way out of.

And oftentimes,

The only way out is not negotiating with the other party.

However,

One still needs to go through a form of negotiation,

And this will be with oneself.

Having the conversation with oneself to realize that I might have to give up something for my freedom,

Or to be heard,

Or whatever it is that is being suppressed.

Then we have the silent negotiator,

Who is negotiating with oneself,

With one's memories.

For example,

It's when we change a memory to suit ourselves,

Or perhaps a situation.

And just on a side note,

Memories are always changing.

They're not constant,

No matter how much we might try and convince ourselves that a certain memory is fixed,

It cannot be.

So let's say an event happened between me and another person,

Where I feel I was wronged.

Replaying that scenario in my mind today,

I might feel frustrated.

Tomorrow,

I replay the same event,

And I feel anger.

A few weeks or months later,

Replaying the same event,

I have found so many more details in the woodwork,

And now I'm getting bitter.

So you see,

Every time we talk a situation over with ourselves,

We actually are negotiating a new response,

Without even realizing it.

In the example I was giving,

It was for the purpose of making the other person appear worse than how I actually saw them on the day of the event.

The problem with this is by doing so,

I then sacrifice my contentment,

And perhaps even my health,

In exchange for bitterness.

Emotions such as bitterness,

Which can linger for months,

Even years,

Cause disease in the body.

And with every disease,

There are linked emotions.

So let's reflect.

When the negotiator is operating from a heart space,

The negotiator will think and act from a place of good intention for all involved.

Even when person A tries to entice or swear or compromise the self-worth of person B,

The negotiation in person B stands strong,

Self-assured,

Centered in their true worth.

It's healthy to have experiences like this every now and again,

To affirm for us that we can remain true to ourselves while being calm and respectful to the other.

If,

However,

Person B gives in to person A,

Then we see the negotiator entering into the shadow space,

Perhaps even the space of prostitution.

And the problem with the prostitute identity is that once you have given part of yourself away,

There will be a lowering of self-worth,

Which opens up a further can of worms,

Because now person B needs to make himself feel better about himself.

And instead of rectifying the issue,

A further layer is added to the pile,

Be that in the form of distraction,

Denial,

Suppression.

The list is long.

Let's look at the nature of the negotiator in a shadow state,

So you can easily identify when you are perhaps in this mode.

There is an attitude of I will do anything to get this,

Do that,

Have that,

Be there.

You can also notice it if you're feeling that you're settling for less.

When you are reasoning with yourself for not following through with something.

Or when you give up a part of yourself in exchange for something else.

So how can we work with our negotiator who is in a shadow space,

Especially when this is a repetitive theme?

Firstly,

Have compassion for yourself,

For the situation that is at hand,

And for the reasons that you are negotiating in a shadow space.

So compassion is very different to having excuses and giving reasons why we need to do something.

It's more in tune with being completely honest and open with yourself,

That I am doing this,

I have done that in the past,

I am in this situation because of these choices that I made or chose not to make and give away my power.

And then have compassion once that honesty has been addressed.

Be gentle with yourself,

Be kind,

Be caring.

And again,

It's a borderline of going into the shadow space of the victim of feeling pity for oneself.

It's more neutral.

And then set the intention to start noticing more often where you are giving away your power,

Perhaps not speaking up,

Perhaps not following through,

Or choosing to belittle yourself in certain scenarios.

And when that happens,

Simply notice with that honesty and have compassion.

One doesn't even need to do anything.

Because being in a space of calm awareness,

Compassionate awareness,

You are changing the vibration of that situation.

And you do that often enough,

There will naturally come a flow of change.

Perhaps it's change within yourself,

Of making a different choice,

Of getting to the place where you can voice yourself.

Sometimes it even happens that with our own inner transformative states that are taking place,

It is powerful enough to change the environment,

Or even the feelings and the perspective of the other that is involved.

Persistence with this conscious,

Compassionate awareness will show its fruits over time.

Trust that,

Have faith in that,

Believe in that,

And simply set an intention right now of choosing that conscious,

Compassionate awareness,

And then following through with that.

Day after day.

If you would like to explore the world of archetypes and archetypal psychology a little bit further,

And get to know yourself a little bit deeper,

And also strengthen that self-awareness,

Then please do have a look at the archetypal psychology courses that I have available for you here on Insight Timer.

Thank you for journeying through this archetype of the negotiator with me,

And I wish you well on your journey of compassionate self-awareness.