It took a little over three weeks to build up the courage to talk to Nathan.
With the envelope tucked under her arm,
Hiding the Fertility Clinic's logo,
She slowly walked into the kitchen,
Where he sat at the counter,
A beer open beside him,
Scrolling through his phone.
He looked up,
Saw her pale face,
And frowned.
What's that?
Lauren's throat closed.
The results from the Fertility Clinic.
He sat down his phone,
His expression shifting.
He opened the envelope with careless fingers,
As if rushing past the moment would somehow make it easier.
His eyes scanned the paper once,
Then again.
The silence stretched so long,
She thought she might collapse under it.
They read the letter together in silence.
Nathan quiet for the first few moments,
And then blurted out,
But I thought my sperm count was too low.
I thought this wasn't going to happen for us.
Lauren's breath snagged in her chest.
She swallowed hard.
Nathan,
There's.
.
.
There's something I have to tell you.
His brow furrowed.
Tell me what?
Lauren,
This is good news.
This is what we've been waiting for.
His voice was hopeful,
Boyish,
Almost.
And it twisted the knife.
She shook her head,
Her hands trembling as she pressed the paper back onto the counter.
It's not that simple.
Nathan straightened,
Unease flickering in his eyes.
What do you mean?
Lauren felt the words pressing against her ribs,
Threatening to choke her.
The test results in the letter,
As it write,
I am pregnant,
She whispered.
His face softened in stunned relief.
She let him touch her hand for just a moment before she pulled away,
Tears spilling hot down her cheeks.
But it's not.
.
.
She could hardly get the words out.
It's not yours.
The color drained from his face,
As though she'd struck him.
He stared at her,
His mouth parting but no words coming out.
Then finally,
In a voice hoarse and hollow.
What are you saying to me?
Lauren's chest burned,
Her lips trembled.
But she forced herself to look into his eyes.
The truth heavy as stone between them.
You were out.
I was so heartbroken that the last IVF treatment didn't take.
I was unraveling.
He'd only come by to bring back your drill.
Nathan was reeling,
His mind struggling to process what she was saying.
The words hitting him like physical blows.
What?
Who dropped off the drill?
His voice was barely above a whisper,
Confusion written across his features.
Nico borrowed it to fix the deck at the cottage in the spring.
Nico?
The name hung in the air between them.
She watched,
Understanding dawn in his eyes,
Slow,
Terrible,
Irreversible.
The color drained from his face as the pieces clicked into place.
Nico,
He repeated.
And this time it wasn't a question.
It was the sound of something breaking.
Nathan staggered back as if the floor itself had tilted underneath him.
His shoulder hitting the kitchen island hard enough to rattle the fruit bowl.
The beer bottle slipped from his hand and shattered on the tile.
Amber liquid and foam spreading across the floor.
He didn't even look down.
His gaze was locked on her,
Wide and wounded,
Unbelieving.
You,
He whispered,
And the word came out broken.
With Nico,
My brother.
The emphasis on those last two words was like a knife twist.
Not just any man.
Not a stranger she could blame on loneliness or confusion.
His brother.
The person he'd shared a childhood with.
The weight of trying to cheer up their mom,
Their missing father,
And all that went with that for the last 34 years.
Lauren's body shook so violently she had to grip the back of a chair to stay upright.
I never meant for it to happen,
Nathan.
I swear,
I never.
.
.
When the word cracked like a whip.
His hands were shaking now,
Clenched into fists at his side.
When did this happen?
How many times?
How long has this been going on?
It was just once.
I felt so alone with so much grief and despair.
When he roared the word and when she flinched back,
She never heard him raise his voice like that.
Never seen that look in his eyes.
The night after.
After the last appointment,
When you went out with friends,
The words tumbled out in a rush.
You were gone,
And I was alone,
And he came by to return the drill,
And I was falling apart,
And he just.
.
.
He stayed.
He was there for me.
As soon as those words were out,
She already wished she could take them back.
The accusation hit its mark.
Nathan's face contorted with pain and rage.
So this is my fault?
Because I needed one fucking night to process that I can't give you the very thing you want most of all?
Because I couldn't sit there and watch you cry again?
To watch you fall apart with absolutely nothing I could do or say to make any of it better?
He was shouting now.
No,
That's not what I meant.
Lauren tried to interject,
But his ragged breath cut her off.
Sound escaped his throat more like grief than rage.
More like something dying in this moment.
I'm sorry,
She whispered.
His voice cracked completely now,
The words coming out as a sob.
You're sorry?
You slept with my brother?
My brother,
Lauren.
And got pregnant with his child?
And you think sorry even makes a mark?
That it could even matter?
The kitchen felt like it was spinning around them.
Nathan gripped the counter,
His knuckles white,
His breathing shallow and rapid.
All those years,
He whispered.
His breath hollow now,
Emptied of everything.
All those years,
I watched the way he looked at you.
At family dinners,
At holidays.
The way he'd connect with you when he thought I wasn't looking.
And I told myself I was imagining it.
I told myself he'd never.
He shook his head,
Laughing bitterly.
God,
I'm such an idiot.
Nathan,
Please.
How long,
He asked again.
Quieter now,
But somehow more terrifying.
How long have you been in love with my brother?
It wasn't like that.
Wasn't it?
His eyes were wild now,
Searching her face for any trace of the woman he'd married.
The silence stretched between them,
Thick with years of marriage crumbling in real time.
You've destroyed everything,
He whispered finally,
The words falling like stones.
Everything we were building,
Everything we were,
Everything I thought I knew about who you are.
He turned away from her then,
His whole body shaking.
And Lauren realized that this,
This moment,
When their marriage truly ended.
Not when she kissed Nico.
Not when they gave into the passion they felt for each other in that guest room.
But right here,
Watching Nathan's trust in her die.
She couldn't help but think of her mother in this moment.
The absoluteness.
The cold shutdown.
The end.
And there could be nothing more left to say.
Get out,
He said,
Without turning around.
His voice barely audible.
Just get out.
I can't even look at you right now.
