As I keep increasing my mindfulness and meditation practices,
A feeling of solitude increases.
Consequently,
I feel no motivation to get engaged in routines that used to define my self-identity.
Is this intense feeling related to this practice,
Or is it just another delusion?
So when you can sustain your mindfulness for a while,
When you're at that state,
What you experience is that the stimulus that comes through senses,
Whether that's taste,
Smell,
Hearing,
Or sight,
Does not excite you as much.
There's no over-excitement,
Nor is there a some type of a downside to that,
Or depression or whatnot.
So your mind remains fairly steady within a certain bandwidth instead of going up and down in excited or non-excited fashion.
So basically the rules that govern your behavior,
The ought-to's or the ought-not-to's,
Become based in the background,
And you become freer from those rules that used to govern your behavior in your life.
This doesn't mean that you don't want to do anything.
This means that you are able to focus better on those things that really needs to be done.
To make an analogy,
Let's say we went to a shop to shop for some item.
Then despite all the different shopping materials,
Different items that seek to distract you,
Or different advertisements in stores that seek to distract you,
You're able to focus on that one item that you definitely need and be able to just buy that item.
But as I'm sure we've all experienced,
Sometimes you go to buy one specific item,
But you end up with a shopping cart full of other items that you never thought you needed,
But you end up buying anyways.
Or sometimes we feel depressed because we want to buy a lot of items but we don't have the money to.
Or sometimes we complain at the store itself for displaying so many different items to distract us and to kind of compel us to wanting to buy these items.
And oftentimes these days we see some advertising on the internet and we engage in impulsive buying.
And once we buy that item,
Once it arrives,
There's not much use for it.
And this phenomenon is getting worse because all the advertisements online are now being customized to individual desires,
Individual needs that they have analyzed using the data that they have gathered from your shopping behaviors.
So to be able to maintain the focus and the attitude that whatever distractions out there,
I'm focused on my needs only and be able to just buy that one item.
That's the right attitude.
So we always keep ourselves unimaginably busy trying to deal with all the countless things that are happening around our lives.
Even though there's no way that your ability,
Your bandwidth can handle all the things that's happening.
And because we can't deal with everything we want to deal with,
We always despair and think that we're not good enough.
So in midst of this countless relationships and activities,
If you believe something is essential to your needs,
You do it despite whether you like it or not.
If it's not essential,
You don't do it.
To be able to focus on that essential needs,
That's important.
So maybe let's take two different extreme examples.
One is,
Say you are married,
But you're not really fulfilling the role as a spouse in a marriage.
That's one case.
But on the other side,
Maybe you're too focused and obsessing over the desired intent or the prescribed intent of what being a spouse is.
You package that around thoughts of ethics and you kind of chain yourself to that specific role that you have defined.
So as the questioner said,
Freeing yourself from all these different boundaries that you have set for yourself is actually a good thing.
But what I want to point out is how you describe this as an intense feeling.
So in practice,
An intense feeling is not a desired outcome.
Because it may represent another hidden desire.
That's why I despair is watching yourself a little deeper.
