Lesson 1 - Search For Meaning Over Money

And the reason why I'm picking this topic today is it's about a 15-minute lecture and I wanted to talk to my men because there's a lot of programs out there for women and girls but not a lot of programs for men and boys.

And a lot of times you'll hear me say I work with men and their sons because if a man wants to send his son to therapy with me,

A lot of times it's best if I work with both of them because the son is likely had programs passed down to him.

So let's talk about some of those programs.

Men have to reprogram themselves at some point in their lives.

What usually happens is that what people call a midlife crisis,

Right around 50,

55,

A man starts to question like,

Hmm,

Did I make the right decisions?

I don't know if I like this life,

Did it turn out the way I really wanted it to?

And because of those questions,

They then begin to want to do some inner work.

But where do they go when they want to do that inner work?

Because when they search the internet,

It feels like all the programs are for women.

Now women,

You're going to benefit from listening to this and even if you don't benefit yourself,

You'll be able to relate to your man with this information.

So that's part of why I said,

Women,

You're welcome.

Come on in,

Have a seat.

Let's all get talking.

So first thing I want you to be thinking about is men are not allowed to feel emotion.

Our society has done them a disservice and told them,

Don't cry,

Don't be a girl,

Or all of these kinds of topics or statements that make them suppress their emotions.

Be strong,

Those things,

Grin and bear it.

I can go all day,

Can you?

You can put some comments in the chat if you know some.

So these are some of the things that men hear,

But what we do allow them to feel,

There's just a few emotions that we do allow them to feel.

And society kind of encourages them to feel this way.

Anger,

Right?

If somebody bothers you,

Beat them up.

Anger is an acceptable emotion for men.

However,

Anger is a secondary emotion.

They felt something else before the anger,

But they didn't know how to express that thing because they have been taught to suppress the emotion.

So because they felt something else,

They couldn't get it out,

And so it showed up as anger because anger is what they are allowed to feel.

Because it's okay for a man to go out and be strong and beat somebody up,

Especially if he's protecting his woman,

Right?

That's okay.

Not okay,

But that's what society has told us.

So put a pin in that,

Anger.

Now there's a second one,

And this one more than anger has been accepted,

And that is lust.

Have you ever heard a little boy,

Maybe five,

Six years old,

And they're like,

Oh,

He's going to be a ladies' man.

Oh,

He loves the girls,

Right?

It's okay for him to feel lust,

Even at just five years old.

And so very early on,

Boys are encouraged to pursue girls,

And even when they are not heterosexual.

So they're taught to go out and get this,

Hello,

To go out and pray almost,

And that's why so many men don't know what else to do but lust after a woman.

They don't know how to love them,

And this may even happen in same-sex couples.

So they don't know how to show their love.

All they know how to show is lust because society has taught them that,

And society has really taught that to them in making it okay for them to go ahead and lust.

And so now we have anger,

And we have lust.

I'll put those in the chat for my live people,

And if you are listening to this recording,

Yay,

I'm so glad you're here.

So anger was first,

Lust is second,

And then the third one is greed,

Right?

He's going to grow up and buy his mama a house.

He's going to grow up and be rich.

Can I get some hearts right there?

How many of you have heard this?

Men,

If you're here,

If you're listening,

Let me get some hearts.

Ladies,

If you know this,

Because maybe you have a brother or even a father who was taught this.

So anger,

Lust,

Greed,

And the greed comes out in so many ways,

But a lot of times what happens most often is that the man overworks himself.

All he can think about is ambition,

Ambition,

Get to the next title,

The next income level,

Money,

Money,

Money.

And that greed,

The only way he can show that he has money is to buy more things,

Bigger houses,

Better cars,

Boats,

Jewelry,

Whatever it is that he values.

He's going after those things and that is the way he shows the world that he has made it.

So for men,

They only are allowed three emotions.

Ladies,

We are allowed a whole gamut of emotions,

At least 20 or 30,

Maybe more.

And because of this,

Men can sometimes find it hard to navigate relationships because if a woman has 20,

30 different emotions that she can move through and he only has two or three,

He doesn't know what to do with that.

Now the one that we're going to focus on the most in this series is that greed.

Why?

Because I am a financial therapist,

Performance and financial therapist,

And that is the one that would make it easier for a man to come and see me.

So I typically work there.

However,

Deep down inside,

The real reason why a man typically comes to see me is because he is lonely.

Now he doesn't know that.

He's not saying that,

But he knows he doesn't feel,

It just doesn't feel good.

And maybe his wife no longer respects him or likes him.

Maybe his children don't like him or respect him either.

Maybe he feels like his colleagues he can't be himself with.

Maybe he's competing with them,

Even his friends.

He doesn't have anyone to turn to.

He is misunderstood.

He's not this predator prey person that society says he needs to be.

He's actually kind and gentle,

But he doesn't know how to express it,

Especially since society said,

The nice guys finish last.

Then why would he be a nice guy?

Absolutely not.

He needs to finish first.

He is a winner.

He is a champion.

Now many of you know this guy,

And I'm not saying this is all the guys,

But I am saying that there are many guys who have been pushed in this direction because of societal programming.

And we have to help them get to the healing.

So we have to create programs that are specifically for men.

Why?

Because if we don't,

And they just see,

Heal your emotions,

They're going to say,

Oh,

I should tell my wife about that.

Oh,

I should tell my daughter about that.

Oh,

That's nice that they're doing that.

They're never going to see themselves in that heal your emotions program.

Doesn't sound like them because they don't have emotions.

What?

I don't have emotions.

I'm good.

I'm strong.

I'm a man.

So they don't see themselves in that.

We don't market to them.

And for that reason,

They're stuck to their own devices.

What are their own devices?

Drugs,

Alcohol,

Food,

Work.

A lot of times it's work,

Overworking themselves.

Could be gaming.

I live in Las Vegas sometimes and lots of gaming going on there.

Could be sports and hobbies.

They throw themselves into other things thinking if I just overload myself with these other things,

It'll fill the voids,

I feel,

But it won't.

So that's why we created the Men,

Money,

And Emotions series because the void that you feel as a man can't be filled with any external things.

You have to do some internal work.

So I want to give you a couple points today and something you can use right now immediately.

The first thing I want to make sure you know is that there are four types of money emotions.

And remember earlier I said the greed emotion is the one we're going to work on in this series and that's because these four types of money emotions are what I can reach a man if we talk about it.

Now this first one doesn't happen as much for men.

It happens a lot for women,

But it is fear-based emotions when it comes to money.

Now that sometimes means that you are afraid to even go out after it because of fear of the unknown.

Now that does happen for some men,

But not as many men.

That one is more my women.

The second type of,

And I'll put this in the chat for my people who are here live,

That is fear-based emotions.

The second one is lack-based emotions.

Lack meaning it's just not enough,

Not enough,

Not enough,

Not enough.

Oh no,

What if we don't survive?

You know,

Kind of like that.

You just don't have enough of anything.

And a lot of comparison can happen around lack emotions,

But comparison really happens when we get into the lust-based emotions.

And the lust-based emotions really fall into that greed and desperation,

Like you will do anything for money,

Even lose dignity for money.

Hey there.

And so you'll lose dignity for money because that's how much you lust after it.

And then the last one,

And I talked about this a little bit,

And that is the lonely-based emotions.

Huh.

Really?

Let me see,

Maybe that'll help.

So that is the lonely-based emotions.

So the lonely-based emotions,

Those are when you feel misunderstood and you're trying everything and nothing seems to be working and you feel like these people should understand that I'm doing my best,

Like my heart is in the right place,

But they don't understand and you don't understand them either.

So that's where the loneliness comes in.

So those are the four types of money emotions that men often feel.

My ladies too,

But I especially like to address this in men because men have been told that their job is to support,

To take care of,

And so they do their best in order to do that.

And in order to do that,

They think that money is the only way they do that.

I once worked with a man who told me,

I don't understand my wife.

I give her everything she asked for.

I give her everything she needs.

I give her everything she wants and I just can't satisfy her.

I don't understand.

And I said,

Sir,

Client,

You haven't given her you.

That's what she really wants.

Those diamonds,

Those cars,

Those clothes,

Those furs,

Those vacations.

Yeah,

She wants those,

But she really wants you.

She hasn't gotten that.

Blue is mine,

Mind blown,

Aha moment.

Not that he could immediately,

I didn't wave my magic wand and make his life better.

Not that he could immediately address that,

But at least he understood all this time I've been giving her external things when what she really wanted was connection with me.

And that is a lot for a man to learn.

Now let me give you some actionable things that you can take so that you're going to be taking some notes and you need to write them fast because I'm going to give you some questions that you should start asking yourself and this is going to help take you to the next level.

Going through my notes and.

So going through my notes and here we have.

So the first question I want you to ask yourself is,

Is now a good time for me to start addressing the voids I feel?

Is now,

And you can put this in the comments people if you're here live just so you can,

Everybody can remember these questions because they're going to go kind of fast.

Is now a good time for me to start addressing the voids I feel?

That's question number one.

And question number two,

What's going well?

One of my favorite questions,

Love this question.

You can ask yourself this.

You can ask other people this too,

Especially if you don't want them to answer anything negative like you just don't have time to listen to that stuff and you're like,

Hey,

What's going well?

Don't ask them how they're doing because then they might come with the,

How they're really doing.

Just say what's going well and then they'll have to tell you what's going well.

So ask yourself that question.

What's going well?

You need to know the answer to this.

And then you want to ask yourself,

What challenges am I experiencing?

What challenges am I experiencing?

Is it that I'm not connecting with people?

Is it,

I got a lot of material things,

But I still feel empty.

What challenges am I experiencing?

And write them down,

Write down the answers to these questions.

Next question you want to ask yourself is,

Where has this been a pattern in my life?

Because it's likely that this has gone on throughout your life from childhood to teenagehood to even early adulthood,

And now it's still happening in your life.

Where has this been a pattern?

Now that question right there,

I'm just going to pause for a second and tell you,

You may not have an immediate answer for that.

Give yourself,

Allow yourself to go ahead and create the answer as you go.

Allow it to unfold.

Allow those aha moments to come to you once you have started to ask yourself that question.

So last two questions I want you to ask yourself.

What is the story I tell myself about these patterns?

So for example,

Let's say the pattern is that you're always rescuing somebody.

And you tell yourself,

Well,

If I don't help them,

Nobody else will,

Or they have nobody else,

Or they won't be able to do it themselves.

Almost like you're their God,

Right?

They can't do it without you.

So that's the story you're telling yourself about that pattern of the 19th person you've rescued.

And so then this question is super important,

And it's going to sound similar to the other question,

But it's different.

Go with me on this.

Last question.

You ready?

What is the story I'm telling myself about the story?

You see?

So why is the story the story?

So you could say,

Oh,

Well,

I'm like this because my father was like this.

Oh,

I'm like this because,

You know,

My,

My,

My mom taught,

Taught me to be a hero.

Like she taught me to be a gentleman.

I'm like this because,

Like whatever the story is,

You need to be clear on that because the more clear you can be on that,

The more you can do something about it.

But this is not,

We're not going to stay here.

We're only getting the insight here because we need to move along.

We need to keep this moving.

And the more we can keep this moving,

The more we'll be able to take it to the next level.

So sorry about that.

The next time we get together,

We're going to be going through six,

All 16 different emotions.

Nope.

I take that back.

The next time we get together,

We are going to be doing a little bit of planning.

We're going to be looking at your wealth,

Your health,

Your adventure,

Your love,

Your legacy.

What is it that you want in your life first?

And then we're going to talk about those emotions that affect all those areas of your life.

So that is our lesson.

We're going to go into meditation,

But I'm going to pause for a second.

I'm so glad you were here for this.

If there's something you'd like to share with me,

I love to hear it in the comments.