Episode Sixteen: The Interview - Gianna Elvia

The kitchen is has been a place of oppression,

But it's also a very safe space I'm not that great at boundary setting in real life Um,

But I like no you can't cook with me You can't come into my kitchen and even in professional settings where I've worked in kitchens I've kicked people out of the chin.

I'm like,

Can you Get out How do you self-define how do you self-identify how do you describe yourself as a human being?

Wow Damn,

Kristin Okay,

Well,

I think I the first thing that pops into my head is obviously a book lover I think it's probably the first identity I didn't he's definitely a hard one for me Chicana Latina Tejana.

So someone's from Texas Latina from Texas I think this is super important to me someone from San Antonio the very specific Culture and specifically someone from the west side of San Antonio Gay is also probably number three.

I've definitely struggled with gender and used various identifiers identified as non-binary for a while for a few years and and then thought I was trans masculine and Definitely think I'm on some sort of spectrum,

But I think for political reasons.

I just say female have to check that box But I rather not I rather just be a person I love doing I love doing drag It definitely is fun to be someone else.

I explore different parts of yourself.

I am a cook.

I am a Minister,

I am a partner.

I'm a friend That's it.

I think those are all the identity My grandma specifically is Italian and the rest of our family is Mexican and Mexican-american and So she's very Catholic and so she take me to church with her She was a like a Bible school teacher so I would I have memories being a kid and going to Her little class like before I was old enough to go to the school.

She would just like take me my mom Kind of strongly identify at one point as like Buddhist So she would constantly talk about and read like some of some like meditations and things that way my dad used to be Hare Krishna when he was a young person and so My dad specifically he would use like various names for God and he would tell me like various Hindu stories and and different different descriptions of God and I'm very grateful for for both of my parents spirituality because I was able to Be free and in spirituality in the sense that I I could see God as multifaceted when I started doing like ministry as like a younger person teenager College starting to talk to people who are really only raised in the Catholic Church or only raised in the Christian Church Where they were very much told like who God was and God's very,

You know God's like a white man and God's either very loving or very angry,

But there's very specific identity that God has and there's only it's only that versus that God has all these different identities That's very fluid and is as fluid as like as humans are like there's just all of us represent God and and I think that's that really frames like how I interact with people and how I interact with the world because I thought that You know God is trees and God is plants and rocks and water and I have this respect for the planet and this like needs protect the planet What's your grandmother was her Catholicism More conservative or was it more?

Mystical I'm not too sure because so she's Italian She's like her her side of the family was on like on farms and then her mom moved to the city but they were farm people and so What I understand about like in Mexican and Mexican American That we have non Christian spirituality.

She also had that so there are some things You know when we talk about like the evil eye very similar to the Mexican Believe there's different things that she would do and believe that weren't Christian But she wouldn't ever think that they're not because they're so embedded into her life She's so wild this this one memory of that go I'd go with my grandmother I would say every Sunday probably until I went to college they started going to different church She likes to speak while the priest is speaking So particularly like during the rituals when the priest is blessing The the bread and and the wine and she knows the word so she's saying like everyone's silent and my grandma's saying the word and I was like grandma.

You can't say the words.

It's the priest is talking because you know people are looking at her and they're like what's wrong with this old lady and She's white.

I'm a priest and I was like,

Oh like yeah Like who am I to tell you not to be part of this this ritual like that?

That was really beautiful to me because I as a very young person I was probably I think eight years old That's when I got first meeting I had told like the deacon of the church that I was gonna be priest told me I couldn't and So since then I was very angry and always wanted to be a priest and here's my grandmother.

She's not angry She's just like I already am a priest.

No one has to Odane me or tell me give me any training like I'm here.

I'm part of this So a thing that I've been like thinking about and something I want to to create as like my theological work is something that I call Like cosina theology like kitchen theology and it's centered around women and femmes It's not just not just women but but femmes who are in the kitchen Obviously not only women and femmes are in the kitchen but it's traditionally women and femmes and I've only been in the kitchen with women in that and So the kitchen for me is a sacred space and that is where God is usually and where God shows up or spirit shows up and from a very Little age,

You know I've watched the women in the family interact with each other in the kitchen because it was the kitchen where and my grandmother's that My grandma and my mom and her and her sister would sit around they would drink coffee and they would talk and because the kitchen is The place where men weren't allowed they could say whatever they wanted their husbands were not there Their children were not there I was there in the corner,

But you know,

They would say stuff in front of me in the kitchen that they wouldn't say elsewhere right,

And so I I heard all these these these tragic life stories,

But also happy stories and all sorts of stories like I think there's a lot of laughter in the kitchen and there's crying and there's yelling and there's a lot of processing and Not just in the cooking process but also in the eating process and the it's a lot of sharing and I think when Because I'm so very Catholic and I think of communion I think of sharing not just sharing and communion with with God but sharing that communion with other people But through stories because stories are very important to me but I see them how they work in the world and how they Can change people's lives if you hear a certain story It can change your point of view or if you're a kid and you hear certain stories,

You know It really can shape how you think I've been very blessed Like I only really work with people in kitchen that I like Where I've had friends You know that I I think I don't even put myself in that space It's like I don't let me consider you a friend,

But I wouldn't cook with you You know,

There's there's certain people that I'm like I wouldn't cook with you and other people that I don't know I had there was this one co-worker because I worked at the kitchen also professionally where we didn't have to speak like there was one time we didn't speak to each other for an hour and we had all these orders and you were just Knocking them out and we were helping each other and no one was talking we were communicating without speaking And I thought that was the most perfect form of communion in the kitchen that I could think of Let me okay,

Let me say this when people ask me like how do I community built The way that I can do it personally,

You know what is the way to build community and I would say cook a meal together and Also eat together like share that meal that you made and people usually get the meal sharing part I think you know we go to dinners a lot of dinners But it's also the cooking process because you you get to know people real fast of the people temperament if they're how they react to stress or how they if they're super meticulous with shopping or if you know what they don't they don't like doing Simple tasks they want to do something more Difficult like you didn't know their personality for me.

That's where I experience God and Spirit is moving moving in the in the kitchen and specifically because the kitchen has also been a form of oppression For me and for a lot of other women in friends The kitchen is has been a place of oppression,

But it's also a very safe space Because at some point that was the only place I was told I was supposed to be but now as an older person I can I have and can retain that space and I've seen the sacredness of it and have chosen Who can come into my kitchen and I and that's not a metaphor that's like a real kitchen because I'm not that great at Boundary setting in real life.

Um,

But I'm like,

No you can't cook with me You can't come into my kitchen and even in professional settings where I've worked in kitchens I've kicked people out of the chin.

I'm like,

Can you Get out So one thing that my grandfather my dad's side left I was a hundred like he gave us the recipe book that he wrote and it's like a hundred of his recipe So I reprinted a few of them there's maybe maybe 20 recipes that I that I printed and the way I Reprinted them because the way he wrote it it was like he was leaving it not just for his family But for somebody to be like other than us But his know at the beginning like he he wrote in really big letters keep butter in freezer at all time Hey,

It's just really big letters And I thought that was hilarious and in his recipe book he He also has stories in there.

They're not just recipes that he talks about a time where he was a veteran of Korea and He talks about how they went for two weeks like they had run out of rations and I didn't have any food they hardly eat like they'd skip a few days and then they'd eat something and that they went through this one clearing and there there was a bread truck that was giving out bread to the troops and there was the French bread and they're each allowed I think it was like a low for was like two loaves and And he put them in his pocket.

So I think it was two he put the loaves in his back pocket and He ate like half of it there and and that you know That was such a powerful story to me like that He he related because he'd always talk about the war like he was one of the grandfathers that You come in he's talking about the war,

But he would he would talk to my dad about it So he never shared these food story with him and so it was it was important to have his food memory Of that with him where he's like that was one of the happiest moments of his life Where he didn't have any food and he has been this terrible situation where yes He he volunteered to go and he went very young as soon as he could sign up because like he he would help pick spinach You know,

They're migrant workers and he worked at Grocery stores he'd work at wherever he could find work.

So as soon as he could he went into The war because they had better benefits if they were promised Mexican kids Mexican American boys they'd be able to come back and they'd have a house and They could go to school if they wanted,

You know,

And and so that's what that's why he was there So here's stories my grandfather when he worked at grocery store like the snack that they all ate at the grocery store was crackers and chubby cheese and Mustard and that was like their dinner So all these food memories are also so faded like with groups of people so that one he he talks about the boys that he worked with at the grocery store and he talks about the military story of the Men that and that were with him in that group like it's it was a communal experience talks about Him and my grandmother arguing about the recipes about his recipes were better He's like my recipes are better than yours.

You don't add enough butter I think it's also it's also good to understand like that.

There's sometimes contention in the kitchen even with people that you love There was a time when I moved to Denver and I was away from my community in San Antonio and I had his recipes with me so I'd make specific like enchilada salsa that he made and Put it,

You know for enchiladas and to have to have him in my kitchen when I was in my family I was like,

Oh my god,

I'm gonna have to go to the grocery store.

I'm gonna have to go to the grocery store I'm gonna have to go to the grocery store.

I'm gonna have to go to the grocery store.

I'm gonna have to go to the grocery store And to have to have him in my kitchen when he's not he's no longer alive But able to have his food there and have that connection with home was very special So I think when we we think of sacred I think we think like it always has to be happy and always has to be a super positive space but sometimes it's also very dark and I I always have been attracted to the very sad and probably some Catholics very sad parts of Spirituality but in that sadness like God's still there that that's still spirit I mean you will you will see me in my work kitchen crying while I'm washing dishes or chopping vegetables I'm always crying and it's not about the work.

It's about childhood traumas to come up while you're cooking and I kind of just acknowledge them and I've been able to work through stuff in the kitchen and that's that's also how I see it as sacred because it's like was that a positive experience?

No But did it yield really good fruit?

Yes.

Specifically when I was an undergrad and I was taking religion theology classes I had a teacher who was like you can't write about other people's experiences.

You have to write about your own experiences and while I agree with that I think that we have to have space for inherited stories.

So like no we shouldn't be speaking for a community that's not our own But these people are my community and I'm not speaking for them,

But I'm speaking with them there's something about when we talk about like inherited trauma like yes,

I heard these stories,

But there's also before I heard it I inherited physically their stories and people often say like no when you hear a story you'll be hearing a story you already have it in your DNA which is a very interesting way to think about it,

But it feels true like when I hear a story I'm like,

I feel like I've heard this before even if I never have A lot of folks a lot of us spiritual folk are trying to recreate community on a massive scale and so we'll see obviously Thanks for listening to episode 16 of Bite-Sized Blessings the podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us as long as we open our eyes to it and whether you choose to listen to our bite-sized offerings for that five to ten minutes of freedom in your day or the longer interviews we're grateful you're here I need to thank Elvia Rendon for sharing her story today as well as the creators of the music used Taiga Sound Productions,

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Rommel Pro,

Frank Schroeder,

And Shield Music For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com On the website,

You can find links to other episodes as well as to books People and music I think will lighten and brighten your day Thanks for listening and here's my one request Be like Elvia,

Find your sacred space and then create love and community within it Thanks for listening and here's my one request