There is a belief that many people carry without ever questioning it,
That wanting more makes you demanding.
More presence,
More care,
More consistency,
More effort.
Somewhere along the way,
The desire for more gets translated into something undesirable,
Excessive,
Unreasonable,
Too much.
If you ever held back from expressing a need because you didn't want to be difficult,
This talk is for you.
My name is Martha Curtis,
I'm a psychotherapist and coach,
And I work with creatives and I support individuals who are or have been in abusive or high-control relationships.
A lot of the people I work with are thoughtful,
Emotionally aware,
And considerate.
And still,
They hesitate to ask for more.
Not because they don't know what they need,
But because they've learned that wanting is risky.
In this talk,
We're going to unpack the belief that wanting more makes you demanding.
We will look at where this belief comes from,
How it's reinforced in relationships,
And why it shows up most strongly in people who learned early to adopt,
Accommodate,
And manage emotional environments.
And this is not about encouraging entitlement,
It's about restoring accuracy.
And by the end of this talk,
I hope you'll feel clearer about the difference between need and excess.
You may recognize how often you've silenced yourself in the name of being reasonable.
And you may feel steadier in your understanding that wanting more is not a character flaw,
It actually is information.
Many people learn early that harmony depends on restraint.
They notice that expressing needs creates tension.
They observe that wanting more leads to withdrawal or irritation.
And they adapt by wanting less.
Over time,
Wanting itself becomes associated with danger.
Not because the need is unreasonable,
But because the environment just can't or won't meet it.
And then in adult relationships,
This belief often resurfaces when needs aren't met.
Instead of addressing the gap,
The focus shifts to the request.
You're asking too much,
You're never satisfied,
Why can't you just be grateful?
The issue stops being capacity and becomes character.
And this reframing protects the status quo.
But a need is information,
It points to what supports connection,
Safety and continuity.
A demand is rigid,
It removes choice,
It doesn't allow for negotiation.
Many people who fear being demanding are not making demands at all,
They are making requests and watching them go unanswered.
And in some dynamics,
Your self-limitation serves others.
If you don't ask for more,
Nothing has to change.
If you minimize effort remains optional.
If you doubt yourself,
The imbalance stays intact.
The myth that wanting more is demanding often thrives where reciprocity is low.
When people repeatedly suppress needs,
Something happens internally.
Resentment builds,
Self-doubt increases and connection thins.
You may start questioning whether you're allowed to want at all.
This is not emotional maturity,
This is actually contraction.
Wanting more often emerges after growth.
You become clearer about what sustains you.
You notice what drains you,
You recognize patterns that no longer fit.
The desire for more doesn't mean dissatisfaction,
It means alignment is being recalibrated.
You might want to pause the recording here and give yourself some time to reflect.
You could write these down and return to them later.
Ask yourself,
Where have I held back from asking more?
What did I fear would happen if I spoke up?
Whose comfort was I protecting?
What would wanting more say about my self-respect?
And there is no need to answer these fully,
Just let them surface is enough.
Wanting more does not obligate anyone to provide it.
Wanting more clarifies whether there is capacity,
Willingness and shared direction.
When you allow yourself to want openly,
You move out of internal negotiation and into honest assessment.
And that shift changes relationships,
Even when the answer is no.
The myth that wanting more makes you demanding survives because it keeps people quiet.
But wanting is not a problem to be solved,
It's a signal to be listened to.
You are allowed to want more without apology,
You are allowed to notice when less isn't enough,
And you are allowed to take that information seriously.
And if this talk resonated,
Consider sharing it with someone who has learned to make themselves smaller to keep the peace.
Sometimes clarity begins with allowing ourselves to want something.
