Four proven strategies to enjoy stress-free family gatherings this holiday season.
Whether you grew up in a tight-knit tribe or barely ever connected,
The holidays tend to be an expected time for families to come together for gatherings.
I heard a client refer to it as her community service for the year and another said it was the most cherished time of year and both ends of the spectrum still experience stress.
Stress from wanting things to be perfect,
The length of your to-do list,
Budgeting for higher expenses,
Figuring out gifts,
Making everyone's favorite food,
Setting up holiday decorations,
Cleaning for company,
Dealing with triggering family dynamics,
Expectations of others,
Staying healthy through flu season,
Judging or comparing yourself,
Not having enough time and not having enough help and everything else you already have on your plate makes this holiday season very full.
You feel me?
If you experience any of these,
Guess what?
That means you're a human too.
I'm not here to be a Pollyanna and say that with these four tips family gatherings will be stress-free and all of your worries will melt away.
However,
I can say that these four tips have been the keys to helping me personally and countless leaders I've coached and witnessed the results firsthand when it comes to creating stress-free family gatherings.
Last year one client even said,
I finally focused on what I wanted for the holidays to feel like,
Not what I thought it was supposed to look like.
Now I have my sanity and a deeper connection to my boys.
You see,
So many of us are programmed to follow old traditions and to-do lists because we always have and we tell ourselves that if we change we're not doing what we're supposed to do,
Especially if you have kiddos and people who expect you to carry on holiday cheer traditions.
It can often feel like,
If not you,
Then who?
So it's easy to justify that you may as well keep yourself seasonally stressed at best for the greater good of your family gatherings.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Stress ensues when we think we have fewer resources than demands.
Think not enough time,
Money,
Help,
Etc.
It's that old too much and not enough battle that can lead you straight up to massive meltdowns or less obvious passive-aggressive responses to people who absent-mindedly pile on your plate.
So here you go.
Here are the four ways to have a stress-free family gathering.
Family gathering tip number one.
Check your mindset.
What type of relationship have you created for yourself in your mind?
Is it the one that judges you constantly or cheers you on?
For the majority of us humans,
It's the one that judges the shit out of you.
And since you're the only one who can hear that voice,
You're also the only one with the power to change it.
For most of us,
This means fear-based programming that has been hardwired into the way you talk to yourself and you don't even notice it.
It's a journey to get there,
But the moment you start getting curious about your mindset instead of being taken down by it,
The sooner it is possible to change it and experience the stress relief that follows.
Next time your inner critic shows up around holiday anxiety,
Ask yourself,
What would I do to help my best friend if they were in this exact same situation?
Would I stand up for my best friend if someone was ridiculing them?
Would I cheer them up and help them see how perfectly imperfect they are?
Change your mindset today and become your best friend instead of your biggest bully.
With permission to be human,
You'll be well on your way.
Family gathering tip number two,
Look for love.
Whatever you look for,
You find it.
So if you're looking for things to annoy you,
You'll find them.
I used to be a pro at finding everything that annoyed me about holiday expectations and I'd be reminded of them every year and those stories were reinforced.
Then one year,
I decided that if it was that easy to find what annoyed me,
How easy might it be to find where love was popping up?
Love for traditions,
Love for one another,
Love for food,
For connection.
One of the most palpable ways I found love was when my husband James was about to leave his corporate job to work full-time with me in my business.
During a holiday party,
I was pulled aside and asked if I knew the divorce rate for couples that go into business together.
Since I was actively looking for love,
What would have previously been very annoying was transmuted into love.
While it was packaged in a fearful way,
I knew they shared it because they loved us and our marriage deeply and they wanted us to remain a healthy unit.
It was an act of love if I chose to receive it that way.
Now,
This isn't about pretending people don't say shitty things that are just shitty.
Those exist too and if you look at things through the love lens and still don't find it,
Then it's time to rethink who gets invited to be a part of the holidays in the future.
The more love,
The less stress.
Family gathering tip number three,
Ask for help.
Instead of assuming you need to take on everything alone,
Ask people what their favorite parts of the holiday are and then put them in charge of that area of the season.
Love cooking?
Great,
They can lead the kitchen efforts.
Get joy out of decorations?
Fabulous,
They are now the chief design artists of holiday cheer.
Is no one excited about cleaning up?
No worries,
Ask everyone to pitch in a little so hosting doesn't all fall on your shoulders.
Think one person oversees dishes,
Trash,
Storage,
Etc.
Whatever you decide,
Don't do it silently or hope someone will read your mind.
Ask for help and see what you can receive.
Family gathering tip number four,
Do less.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should and just because you've done it in the past doesn't mean you have to do it in the present.
If it causes you stress,
Consider if you're telling yourself if you have to,
Should,
Keep doing it or if you want to get to keep doing it.
Then reconsider all the have-tos and shoulds.
Maybe you don't need to host at all.
Maybe it's time to pass the baton.
Maybe you don't need to pull out all the decorations.
Maybe you can just have your favorite ones.
Maybe you don't have to send everyone cards.
Maybe just the ones you receive get a reply.
What might you do less of so you can experience more well-being?
Whatever you choose this holiday season,
My wish is that you choose inner harmony for yourself in whatever that may look like.
Happy holiday stress-free season,
My friend.
You got this.
