The No. 1 Secret To Real Success

Today we're diving into the number one most important secret to real success in life.

We all want success,

We're looking for success,

We're taking action towards success,

We're buying things,

We're doing things.

Within our heart is a desire to achieve success,

To be happy,

To be contented,

To get what we want.

It's a natural human tendency.

However if you look around you'll see that most people are not happy and even if they get what they want they're still not happy and they want something else.

And majority of people are looking at others and comparing themselves negatively.

So if someone has more followers,

Someone has more money,

Someone has more status,

Someone has better clothes,

Looks better,

Whatever it is,

Then we can negatively compare ourselves and say compared to this person I'm no good,

I'm no good,

I'll never get there and only if I get this thing,

If I get this one thing then everything will be great.

But it doesn't work and we end up craving,

Running around,

Feeling something's always missing no matter what.

In this session you're going to learn how to create your own measure for success in such a way that you can get out of this trap of never having what you want,

Never being good enough,

Never getting everything that you desire and once you do this you will be able to experience so much joy and happiness right now in your life and every day.

This is such an important thing,

This is one of the most amazing breakthroughs in psychology and listening to this session and then doing the exercises at the end of the session can completely change your life.

So are you ready for a shift?

All right let's dive into it.

To begin with I want to share a story with you,

A story that illustrates what we are diving into.

This is a story from an olympic athlete and you would think that winning the gold medal or breaking a record would be one of the most wonderful things in the world and so many people would love that gold medal.

Here is a story from someone who did that and what happened to him.

Many years ago in the 1968 olympics there was a man called Robert Beeman.

He's an American long jumper from Brooklyn,

New York and his lifelong dream was to win the olympic gold medal.

After so many years of hard work and sacrifice he was finally given the chance to join the USA olympic team and compete in the 1968 olympics in Mexico.

He almost didn't qualify because of nerves but he managed to pull through and finally he had his opportunity to reach his long dream,

His lifelong dream.

The big day came and he bounded down the track he leapt into the air for just seven seconds before landing in the sand.

In those seven seconds he had managed to leap eight meters 90 centimeters that's 29 feet two and a half inches.

His jump was so remarkable and literally off the charts that the officials didn't have the necessary tape to measure it.

After suspending the event to find the tape they returned to confirm that Beeman had broken the world record by almost two feet.

His feat was so remarkable that even now it's cited as one of the top five most amazing olympic achievements ever.

Talk about success and as the result was announced Robert Beeman realized that he'd arrived at his ultimate destination.

He'd achieved massive success.

Now in real life he was an olympic gold medalist and to gold medalist and to his surprise a world record holder.

He had finally achieved his lifelong ambition and even exceeded it.

So if this is what makes us happy he should have been the most happy man on earth.

He should have been ecstatic and lived happily ever after because he is a gold medalist.

But what actually happened?

Recalling those moments of glory many years later Beeman explained that the celebrations lasted for only a few moments.

He said when i got to the medal stand i said to myself what am i i said to myself what am i going to do i've reached one stage and so what's the next peak experience in my life he's standing there getting the medal around his neck and he's thinking what's next a week after the event he'd almost abandoned athletics completely instead of training for his next event a week later he was sitting at a desk taking classes towards a master's degree now this is not what we'd expect from someone who has reached the peak success i've heard this from best-selling authors they hit the number one new york times i had a chat with someone recently he hit number one and he was happy for about two hours and then he felt all right what's next is that it so all these things that we think are going to make a huge difference to our life in most cases they don't because they are fleeting transient moments in order to overcome this and to become genuinely happy consistently happy so how do we do this in order to make this shift we have to learn and understand a few very important things the first thing is the concept of the gap and the gain this is a concept that has been popularized by someone called dan sullivan who's a coach for entrepreneurs and what he found with his entrepreneur clients these are people who are very successful they have lots and lots of money they are running their own businesses they have a lot of freedom getting results right these are some of the top people in in the world in the country and they're kind of in the highest level of wealth right so they should be very very happy with themselves but what he found is that even when they achieve success instead of being happy and grateful they felt that was never enough it was never enough right so let's say you say i want to make a hundred thousand a year i want to make two hundred thousand i want to make a million a year they would hit these goals and then they would say yeah i know i made a million bucks a year but what i really want to do is to finish this thing and get this thing and buy this thing and take care of this and i got this problem and i got this problem so none i got this problem so none of that matters the surprising number of multi-millionaires and billionaires are actually on anti-depressant drugs so what dan sullivan realized is that when somebody is wanting something they don't have when they are measuring themselves against what is missing what is lacking what is not there they are living in the gap so to understand the gap imagine being where you are now right wherever you are in your life and then imagine your dreams and goals ahead of you like on the horizon in the future the distance between where you are now and where you want to be is the gap and the further and the further away it is the more disturbed we can feel oh it will never happen oh it's so hard oh dear oh dear and so it doesn't matter how much someone has if they are thinking about what they don't have then they are in the gap i went to the grand canyon two days ago just got back from a wonderful hike along the rim and down into the canyon a little bit and if you've ever been to the grand canyon you can imagine being on one side and then there's this huge canyon and then there's the other side right the gap is like the distance between one side and the other in order to get it you have to go through all this complicated stuff and it's very difficult nearly everyone lives their entire life in the gap i'm here now and i haven't got what i want and so i am not letting myself be happy i experienced this myself many many times where i was starting out in my business and i was like oh wouldn't it be wonderful to write a book and i was excited to write a book and i wrote a book and then i'm like oh but you know it didn't get as much success as i wanted or i want to write another book or i i don't have as much money as i want or i want to live somewhere else i remember one time i was living in hawaii i lived in hawaii for many many years perfect weather perfect day seven o'clock in the morning walking along the beach beautiful sand is warm under my feet the sun is just rising up everything is just pristine i had plenty of money great relationships doing what i wanted i should have been the happiest person in the world living in this paradise island in the middle of nowhere doing whatever i want complete freedom but i didn't feel happy because i was in the gap i was thinking oh but i want to finish this and i want to do this and i haven't done this so i couldn't take in the view i couldn't realize how far i'd come so if we live in the gap we will always be miserable because we are comparing ourselves with something we haven't got i'll give you another story there was this very wealthy woman and she was staying the night in a very expensive five-star hotel on the penthouse floor true story and she got up there and she went in the bathroom and she noticed that the taps were not gold-plated they were not real gold-plated taps she had a complete fit a total meltdown complained complained complained absolutely ruined her stay because they weren't gold-plated taps real story so instead of being grateful that she's in the penthouse suite having an amazing life she's absolutely outraged because there was not proper gold-plated taps in the bathroom now most of us are not dealing with a situation like that but we are dealing with some version of the gap and just to understand this is relative this is like an elastic band it can keep expanding and expanding and the more we are getting what we want the more our standards increase and then it keeps getting pulled and pulled and pulled and eventually it snaps back and we end up very upset so it doesn't make any difference how successful you are how unsuccessful you are the gap causes pain and sorrow no matter what the gain on the other hand is where you know where you are now and then you look backwards towards how far you come and how grateful you are for everything in your life so it's almost like imagine you lose everything in your life imagine you got absolutely nothing right imagine you're living under a bridge with one pair of clothes that doesn't fit with no money with a bunch of serious illnesses freezing away and then imagine getting everything you've got now and then imagine getting everything you've got now you know we'd be like oh my god this is the best ever this is incredible i've got somewhere to live i've got different clothes i've got a car i've got some food i've got tea i've got all these things right when you when you go back to zero and then you realize how much you have and how far you've come and how many things you've learned and how much wonderful experiences you've had and how much you've discovered in your life and the people you know and all these things then you come into the gain look how much gain you have you feel the difference one is this is what i don't have the gap is all about what i'm lacking what i'm desiring what is missing what i'm craving what i'm needing the gain is about how blessed i am how wonderful my life is how many wonderful opportunities i have look how far i've come look what i've learned this is such a critical thing so what we're doing with the gain is we are measuring backwards rather than measuring forwards towards what we don't have so can you see how powerful this is if you spend your life in the gap you always feel unhappy if you live in the gain then your level of joy increases so when we compare ourselves to other people when we compare ourselves to what's happening on the internet or blah blah blah we're in the gap we're in lack and lack is a needy feeling it's a negative feeling in the book the gap and the gain which i recommend you read there's a story of this guy who wanted to have one million dollars he said when i make my one million dollars then everything will be cool i'll be able to relax i'll be able to feel safe everything will be great so he built up his assets to a million and then he said you know what you know it's not i'm not feeling it so two million two million is going to do the job for me so then he worked worked worked and he made his two million worked worked worked and he made his two million and then he was like god you know it just it's just not it just isn't feeling quite right to me i think i need five five million then i'll finally relax right and he just keeps going to five million ten million twenty million it's never enough he's always in a state of lack and scarcity and worry so the gain is how we measure our success come back to zero and then measure up from there what that does is it puts us in a feeling state of wealth and abundance it puts the control of our feelings in our own heart within our own hands it brings the power it brings the power back to us the gap is putting the power outside of us it's basically saying only when external events match up to my expectations will i allow myself to feel happy and as you've learned from this audio so far even when people get what they want it still doesn't make them happy anyway isn't that funny right so the gap has a double whammy on the one hand we're not happy now because we haven't got what we want but then on the other hand when we get what we want we're still not happy and want something else so it's just a never-ending cycle of unhappiness and craving the gain is where we come to zero point zero point is a spiritual state where you have nothing because imagine when you die whichever one will you lose everything that you own obviously do you know anyone who's died friends family right do you know anyone who's died friends family right do they own anything that they used to own now no they might have left a legacy possibly but it's all gone right you can't take anything with you none of us can so we imagine having nothing there's an expression you come with nothing and you leave with nothing right you arrive naked you leave naked so compared to having nothing everything is great isn't it it's all extra so the more we live in the gain the happier we are the more content we are the more grateful we are the more blessed we feel the more we can smile and enjoy our life the more we have appreciation for things and ironically this is the way to achieve more success our chance of external success increases the more we're in the game because it's a high level energy state it's a wonderful feeling state that allows for us to be creative the gap puts us in a state of worry and tension and lack which is a negative state whereas the gain puts us in a state of wealth and abundance which leads to more wealth and abundance and once we develop the habit of being in the game then when we do get the things that we want to create in our life when we do achieve the success the money the car the blah blah blah we will actually appreciate those things more because we've developed a habit of appreciation and being in the game if you've ever done a space clearing where you clear out stuff in your house you know you say you know i don't need all this stuff i'm going to give some of it away to charity and you go through everything you might notice how wealthy you are you go oh wow look at this cool thing i totally forgot about oh i haven't worn this for ages this is great oh look at all these books that i have oh my god i can't believe i got all this stuff you realize how wealthy you are when you start letting go and start looking at it so the game not only makes us feel happier now it also allows us to appreciate more and we have the emotional flexibility to try things out because if something doesn't go the way we want it doesn't matter we still gain from the experience so the first secret to creating lasting success is to come into the game and get out of the gap now that you know these two words you can say to yourself when you get stressed out am i in the gap how about i come into the game another way of saying is am i in lack lack consciousness could i come into wealth consciousness so this is a critical shift in consciousness and awareness that leads to your upgraded success criteria so now let's dive into what is real success for you for you so if you measure your success based on external things that are out of your control what's going to happen you might get what you want but you might not for example if i say i'm only going to be happy when i have x amount of money or when i have a certain car or when i get a certain number of followers or i get a special thing that i want or whatever whatever whatever what i'm basically saying to myself is i am not going to let myself be happy until the external world changes so it has to be exactly 73 and a half degrees i don't want too much wind just a little bit the sun needs to be out then i'll be happy right if i'm living somewhere that's cold i'm going to be miserable the whole time if i say i'm only going to be happy when so-and-so gets back to me and does what i say and likes me a certain way i'm only going to be happy once i have this new product that i've been waiting around for i'm only going to be happy when this new series comes out and i can watch the new episode it just goes on and on and on so we're putting off our joy our sense of success based on things that are out of our control so in other words we are at the mercy at the mercy of unpredictable unreliable things in life so if our measure of success if what we consider success for us personally is externally calibrated based on physical things that are out of our control out of our control we are going to be very disturbed individuals we're not going to enjoy our life and we're going to always feel lack just think about it right there are three levels of life things that you can control things that you can influence and things you can't control most things we can't control that's a huge number of things like even if you're in business right and you want to sell a certain amount of products and you want to do a certain amount of things you can't control other people to do things even with the work that i do as a spiritual life coach and mentor and course creator podcaster etc i genuinely intend to help people and i really hope people's lives change from my heart and i know that i can't change anyone else at all right if you want to change yourself then you can and if you don't then you won't and that's totally up to you isn't it nothing i can do about it i can share these things from my heart to the best of my ability but you are a self-sovereign individual you can do whatever you want with your a self-sovereign individual you can do whatever you want with your life so even when we try and help other people we can't guarantee they're going to take any benefit or they're not going to do anything it's completely up to them so if our measure of success is i'm only successful when this this this and this and this happens externally we are going to feel lack gap missing something craving something most of our life what we're going to be doing today is recalibrating our definition of success so that it is things that are completely under your control under your control if your definition of success is achieving things that are in your hands then you can be very happy almost all the time so how do we do this it's a very deep but simple practice and it has essentially two parts and you can pause the audio and do this at the time once you understand it so the first thing we want to do is write down what is your current definition of success what do you think success is and just be really honest about it because we picked up ideas of success from other people from the world from the media so normally we consider success to be money or looking a certain way or having certain things or being in certain places having a certain status right they're externally verifiable things in most of the world someone would say oh that person's a success if she or he has a certain amount of money and a nice family and has you know certain things and they live in a cool place and they have a nice car and they have status and people look up to them they say oh they're successful they might be miserable they might be addicted to drugs they might be all sorts of things but they look externally like they've got everything you know the joneses of the ideal of success the joneses have got everything we're trying to keep up with the joneses so take a moment now if you want to just pause this audio and think about what is your current definition of success and don't be ashamed about this we all picked it up we've all picked up some idea of this from the world around us and once you've written that down just take a look at it and just note how many of those things are out of your control even the body is out of our control really isn't it we can say i want to lose a certain amount of weight i want to get a certain amount of muscle mass or whatever it is it might happen it might not happen but if our sense of success is based on the scale we're in trouble aren't we because we don't know it keeps going up and down what about if our skin looks a certain way you know we can't we can't guarantee these things are going to be completely the way we want them to be all the time even our house i want it to be all nice and tidy we can do our best but if you have kids a lot of my clients have children and they they want their house tidy but the kids are running around there's something they can do about it but um children tend to be a little bit messy so just tune into it how many of the things are out of your control and the bigger the number is the more potential distress we will have because we are basing our feeling of happiness and well-being and contentment and success on things that we actually can't control we can influence we can influence they might work out the way we want but we could be waiting a long time and then even if we do get what we want it's no guarantee we're going to be happy anyway just really tune into this think about this notice how it makes you feel to be comparing your well-being basing your well-being on things that may or may not happen it's a very unnerving and emotionally draining place to live and before we go further i just want to mention something that i imagine might be on your mind but what about achieving things in the world surely there's nothing wrong with that if you're a high achiever like i am and you want to get things done or make things happen you might think well you know would i do anything to make things happen you might think well you know would i do anything if i didn't care about these things so i didn't want success in these physical things would i bother doing anything and what's wrong with that to be perfectly clear there's nothing at all wrong with wanting to achieve things in the world in fact i think it's great to have goals and to want to improve our health and our life and our wealth and do more service and etc etc there's nothing wrong with any of it however we don't want to base our well-being on those things because then we will always be in a state of lack the big question here is is it possible to want to do things without feeling negative without feeling a lack can we actually do something without needing it is it possible to move towards upgrades and more money and more success and more things without feeling bad the answer of course is yes we can feel really really really good now and also do things to improve our life in various ways they're not mutually exclusive we don't have to feel terrible they're not mutually exclusive we don't have to feel terrible to have an interest in improving things and actually the more content and secure and safe and relaxed we feel in the now based on everything we've already got the more creative and expansive we can be in moving towards new things because we already feel safe and secure if you're worried about everything going horribly wrong then you're going to be afraid of taking risks and doing difficult things because you could lose it all but if you already have everything and you feel good now then you can try stuff out and if it doesn't work it doesn't matter you're not worried about it so you have the flexibility to move into higher and higher levels of success without feeling stressed isn't that wonderful this is a paradigm shift this is a game-changing idea that hardly anyone in the world even thinks about so how do we move into this higher state?

We want to base our measure of success on things that are 100% within our locus of control that are in our personal control so other people are not in our control money like making a certain amount of money is not in our control then basically almost everything's not in our control so what is in our control?

Let's do a little practice i'd like you to smile a really really big cheesy smile with your teeth a really really big cheesy smile with your teeth a big grin show your teeth a really big smile keep smiling ah doesn't that feel a little bit better just keep smiling if you want you can choose to smile right unless you've got some major illness or something you can choose to smile and that's in your control just as an example right you can choose to take a nice gentle deep breath let's just take a nice deep breath breathing all the way out let's just do two breaths in through the nose and long breath out through the mouth so we'll just do that a few times two quick breaths in through the nose and breathe out slowly through the mouth and let's just take a few natural gentle breaths however you like great you can choose to take a few breaths and if breathing a few breaths is considered success then you can do that and you are doing great so you can smile you can breathe we can also think powerful thoughts in our mind for example we can think thank you thank you thank you to life thank you to the universe thank you to the divine thank you to ourselves thank you to others choosing to be grateful is something in our control that we can do counting our blessings is something we can do sending good thoughts to others wishing others well is a huge donation a huge donation to the world and to other people and it makes us feel good being grateful for all the blessings in our life like if we drink a cup of tea a cup of coffee a juice you say thank you thank you thank you this is in your control right so i'd like you to just tune into this what are the things in your control what are you in control of in your life there aren't that many but there's quite a lot there's enough to be very pleased about just take a moment to write down some things that are in your control that are meaningful to you so i'll give an example some things that are in your control that are meaningful to you so i'll give an example before before you do this this in my case i consider it to be successful when i smile because it's in my control and i feel good about it i'm successful when i give thanks i'm successful when i remember i am a spiritual being when i connect with the divine i can give good wishes and pure feelings i can have a loving attitude towards life i can breathe in good feelings and breathe out i can choose my day to the best of my ability choose what i'm doing i can have a goal that i've chosen a vision a dream i can move towards my vision i can choose to exercise right i'm just giving some ideas these are all things in my control now it's possible that if we are under a different situation like if a war broke out or we're you know that we're in different situations we can't do certain physical things because of the situation but a lot of this stuff in our life we have a huge amount of control over many many many areas so i'd like you to think about a new definition of success for yourself things that are in your personal control so you can start it by writing down i am successful when i am being or when i'm doing when i'm thinking and make sure that what you write down is things that are in your personal power so if your definition of success is that i'm successful when i'm drinking tea and you're in a situation where there's plenty of tea around then you're very successful you can say our life is great and if i do anything else and this is all extra right i'm successful when i think good thoughts and these are the good thoughts i'm going to think i'm successful when i smile at people right so you have hundreds and hundreds of opportunities to feel content to feel success to come into a feeling of wealth come into the game come into the game so take a moment to write down your list this might be the most important thing you've ever written down in your life because you are recalibrating your definition of success so that you can attain success feel good and experience internal wealth as much as you want all the time so think about this and write it down come into the game come into the feeling of wealth as you do this and you can come back when you're ready you can pause this session if you like yay hopefully you did that if you didn't you can go back it makes a big difference when you actually do these things rather than just knowing about them but knowing about them is also a huge success right i had a client the other day and i told her to do this as a exercise to write down 10 things that she could do that in her power and then choose the top three because if you think about it right if you can be successful when you think about it when you think about it because if you think about it right if you can be successful with three things that are in your control and you really can consider that is success for you personally in your heart then you're gonna be really really successful aren't you so for example in my case i consider being aware of who i am as a spiritual being is a huge success because i immediately feel better like i'm a spiritual being i've come down on this planet don't own anything just knowing who i am and i've come down here and i can smile and i can be grateful for all the opportunities that is a wonderful success and i'm really really ecstatic about it right everything's extra from that point in i can give thanks i can give thanks being able to hold a vision imagine what i want which can also include external things just thinking about my life and what's possible is success being able to move towards improving my life is success right see the difference i'm considering success to be things that i can do that are in my control not the outcome i'm not saying i will be successful when i have x amount of money when i have x amount of this x amount of that i'm saying i'm successful when i have good thoughts when i have good feelings when i'm smiling when i'm grateful when i'm moving towards things that i'd like to create physically not when they get here but when i'm moving towards them when i'm activating and taking advantage of the potential to do actions that lead to success so the opportunity to engage in life the opportunity to move forward the opportunity to grow and to learn and to try things out is success and anyone will tell you who's a successful person physically that ultimately physical outcomes are a result of taking action consistently in a certain direction right if you want to build a house you have to do certain things to actually build the house if you want to set up a business you have to do certain things if we only consider the business the success then we're not going to be happy till we've achieved it and we might not even be happy then we might be annoyed if we consider moving towards it every day is success then we enjoy the process we enjoy doing it there's a wonderful expression that i'd like you to really tune into is that when you chase your shadow and when you're facing away from the sun chasing your shadow you can never catch it but when you turn and face the sun your shadow follows you when you face the sun your shadow follows you so what we're doing is we are facing the sun we are saying what are the things in my control that i can feel very very blessed about and external success will follow us as we live in the gain and we realize how blessed we already are because success attracts success so this is an extremely powerful thing this is becoming a fairly long session so i'm going to close up now with a few reminders and this is something to listen to again and again because we have been programmed programmed by society every time you go on social media you're going to get into the gap what you don't have what someone else has what's better than what you have oh this person's having such a great time on the beach and they got all this money and i haven't and this and that the whole world marketing advertising is all gap based consciousness almost nobody lives in the gain almost nobody has recalibrated their yardstick of success so this is in some ways a lonely pursuit because almost everyone else is running around after things and you're this outlier this unusual person who's experiencing real success right so listen to it again come back to your list i want you to write this down i invite you to write this down in your journal and and also pull it out of your journal put it next to your bed put it on the fridge put it somewhere you see it put it on the mirror this is success come back to real success come back to the gain again and again and again and again i'm so blessed right like right now just very practically there's loads of things in my life that i want to upgrade physically because i'm running a business and there's different things going on and of course they have to be taken care of so i'm not running away from doing anything in my life however i feel really really really wonderful about the fact that i'm happy and peaceful and content and excited about my life i'm not thinking oh god wouldn't it be wonderful when blah blah blah i'm like no there are challenges in my life there are things that need upgrading there are all these things happening but i'm so blessed to even have the opportunity to do any of this stuff so that's the shift we're blessed we're blessed we're blessed look how much wealth we have look how wonderful everything is we could have absolutely nothing from zero point look what we have and then we have the wonderful opportunity to move forward to move forward and the more we consider success to be things like smiling giving blessings thinking good thoughts being of service to others then we can feel that real satisfaction that real joy that every day is a blessed day and the final thing i'll mention is to write down three wins or three successes every day based on your new criteria of success so before you go to sleep you write down your three three or more wins today i smiled and gave blessings today i worked on something that is moving things forward and i feel really good about the fact that i did it and i also won because i remembered what life is all about right you're winning this is great and you can go to sleep feeling grateful and satisfied that you're taking advantage of life you're enjoying things and you're moving things forward so i'm so happy for you hopefully you found this inspiring and game-changing this is something that i have been thinking about for years and i'm just so pleased so excited that these ideas can reach more people because how much more happy would our whole world be if everyone recalibrated success have everyone realized how much gain they have that people lived from a place of wealth and abundance in themselves what kind of world would we have and it all starts with us so thank you thank you thank you for listening thank you for being here i'm very grateful for you you're making a huge difference in the world with this consciousness wishing you every success on a regular basis i hope you feel better and better and better every day happier and happier more and more wealthy lots of love and talk to you soon