Hi there,
And welcome to this chocolate chunk of NLP talk,
Which is about the power of language,
A very specific power,
Because in NLP language is a wide-ranging subject.
There's one particular part of it that really did make a huge difference to me,
And I wish I'd known this when my children were younger.
Now the language that we use has a really powerful effect on how we think,
And this is because one of the properties of our unconscious mind is that it's listening all the time,
And it uses those words as instructions.
It's always listening,
Almost every cell in our body is always listening,
And it takes everything that we say as an instruction.
It has no judgment,
It doesn't make any judgment about what you're thinking or saying,
And those words that you're using doesn't say,
Oh these are wrong,
Or these are right,
It just listens and takes them as an instruction.
So what do I mean by that?
Here's an example,
This is one that you've probably heard of loads of times.
If I ask you not to think of a pink elephant,
What are you thinking of?
Yeah,
You're going to be thinking of a pink elephant,
Because your unconscious mind doesn't hear the not,
It just hears think of a pink elephant,
Takes it as an instruction,
And straight away pops into your mind that picture,
That visualisation,
That understanding that you have of a pink elephant.
Now it doesn't understand that you're asking it not to do something,
A negative instruction just doesn't exist for the unconscious mind,
Everything is an instruction.
Now you'll be thinking of,
Okay there's lots of examples of this,
If you're in a park and you see a sign that says don't walk on the grass,
What are you thinking of?
Straight away you're thinking,
Oh yeah,
The grass is there but I can't walk on it,
And it's all that you can think about.
Now I said to you that I really wish that I knew this when my children were young,
I would have saved a lot of time and I would have not have been making my children feel uncomfortable when they played in the garden,
Because this was something that my children would do that drove me around the bend.
What they'd do is every time they went into the garden,
They would get some kind of implement and might even just use their hands and they would dig the dirt just outside the back door.
They would go out there and it would be the first thing that they did,
Go straight to the dirt and dig it.
Every time they said they wanted to play in the garden,
I said to them before they went out the door,
Yeah sure you can go and play in the garden,
But don't dig the dirt.
I thought I was doing the right thing,
I thought I was actually telling them the thing that I really didn't want them to do and that somehow they would avoid it,
Because they didn't want to displease me,
Because they had an instruction from me,
Because I was their mum and I wanted them to not dig the dirt.
So of course I did what most of us do,
Which is give that instruction.
I said,
Yeah go and go and play in the garden,
But don't dig the dirt,
And they would go straight out and dig it,
Which is why I say I wish I knew this when my children were young.
We do it all the time don't we?
We say,
Don't spill the drink,
Don't worry,
Don't do that,
Don't,
Don't,
Don't,
And all we're doing is actually giving an instruction to the other person's unconscious mind and certainly ourselves when we're doing it to ourselves,
Oh don't be stupid,
Oh don't think like that.
We're doing it all the time and all we're doing is really bringing our unconscious mind awake and saying,
Oh this is something I need to pay attention to.
Now how do we change our language so that we're not doing that?
There is a simple principle that you can use and that is to reverse it.
If I give you a situation of,
What if somebody's life depended on not thinking of a pink elephant,
What would you say to them?
What would be an alternative?
What you could say is,
Think of a purple rhinoceros,
Give the positive instruction as to what you want them to do and this is where the language can be changed.
What we can do is tell somebody what we want them to do,
Rather than what we don't want them to do.
If you're speaking to yourself,
Rather than say,
Don't be stupid,
You could say,
Think better about that.
There are many ways that you can change your language so that you actually give the instruction that you want,
Rather than the thing that you don't want and speak directly to the unconscious mind and give the instruction so that that's what they're thinking of.
The principle here is to use the power of do.
Instead of,
Don't walk on the grass,
You could say,
Keep to the path.
Instead of,
Don't spill the drink,
You could say,
Keep the liquid in the cup.
Instead of,
Don't dig the dirt,
I could have just said,
Yes,
Go out and play in the garden,
Use the swings,
Build yourself a tent.
In fact,
Avoided anything except don't dig the dirt.
So,
Thank you for listening to this chocolate chunk of NLP and why not explore others in this collection,
Creating choice and compassion in your life,
One small chunk at a time.
