Awareness Satsang: Become A Giant Of A Human Being

Encouragement to be on the spiritual journey.

So there's a story going on,

I don't know it's England or the US,

And it's a pilot who's trying to get his license back and I'll tell you what happened to him.

He was,

He's a commercial pilot,

So he was really struggling with this feeling coming in that he needed to wake up.

So he was just a normal asleep guy,

And he has this feeling coming up from his soul,

His heart,

Going,

I want to wake up,

I want to wake up.

And he keeps feeling that he's in this kind of virtual reality that has no meaning,

And he feels like it's not real.

Okay,

Now this is an experience that can happen to us when we get cut off from our hearts by our intellect,

Okay.

So he felt like since he was in this fake reality,

So when he's piloting the plane,

It's okay if he pulls the red levers and turns off the engines.

So he does this,

He puts his hand on the levers,

He's flying 300 souls to turn off the engine,

And the co-pilot puts their hands on top of his hands or his arm to stop him.

Now with the touch,

Okay,

The physical touch,

The pilot realizes that he's not in a fake reality,

That this is a reality,

And he's just done this serious thing,

Okay.

So remember,

It's the touch that brought him back to his heart,

And to his feeling,

And to his body,

And to sanity.

So he is removed from the cockpit,

And he's seating with the stewardesses,

And he again starts feeling,

Oh,

It's a fake reality.

I've got to test and see if it's real.

So he goes to start to open the door,

And the stewardess stop him and put their hands on him,

And he comes back to,

Ah,

This really is a reality.

Okay,

The reason I want to raise this is to expand your minds about how evolution works and what you're facing on the spiritual journey,

And actually how much safer it is to be a conscious seeker than to stay asleep.

Although,

You know,

We have our difficult moments.

So what was happening was this man's soul that was trying to wake him up was communicating,

And he heard it through the ego,

So it all got distorted,

You see?

So instead of awakening up to his divinity and maybe starting to meditate or something,

What this does is the soul saying,

You need to wake up,

Then spotlights and exaggerates his reality that is walled off by his ego or how stuck in his mind he is.

Now,

He's an extreme case,

But some of us know what that state's like.

I know some of you do.

I can feel it.

I know this,

And certainly it was what my state was in when I was in that trouble in my 30s.

Okay,

You guys,

Part of the reason for this state is because we are so exaggerating the masculine,

And we are downgrading the feminine with her more emotional perspective,

More body-based,

You see?

So,

In him,

The connection to his body and emotions was just a tiny,

Tiny trickle,

And he was just caught in his head,

Okay?

So,

This is part of what's happening even with politicians,

In a way,

When they get in a war mindset.

They get the same kind of cut off,

The same kind of insanity.

Okay,

I'm spelling it out to you because I'm really wanting you to be able to take care of yourselves and,

You know,

Help you return to your body,

Return to your emotions if you get out of touch with them.

In fact,

Even to prevent you getting out of touch with them,

Okay?

So,

There's some things.

Like,

Abraham talked about the importance of vitamin B for our nervous systems.

Really,

When you're evolving,

Vitamin B.

It helps soothe.

Magnesium is another one.

Exercise.

Now,

One of the things that was really important for me was getting Shiatsu.

See,

If I wasn't receiving touch,

I would have to go,

You know,

At least once a month,

Really.

It's every two weeks to get Shiatsu,

Which was done through the clothes,

And I just liked it.

It just really suited me,

But some people might like Reiki or something to help them into their bodies because when you come back to your mammalian self,

When you come back to the body,

You come back to your mammalian self,

You open up to your emotions.

You can stay present more easily.

Yeah.

You know,

Hugs from people you live with.

You know,

Pets.

I'm big on pets.

Whatever you can do to reaffirm the body,

The fact that you are in the body,

That your body is your vehicle.

Now,

You know,

In the non-dual perspective which this comes from,

The body is not the absolute truth.

But if you try to leap to heaven,

Leap from your body and kind of leap out of your body to get heaven,

Get to heaven or get to enlightenment,

You are going to experience like what the pilot did,

Kind of a mental instability.

Our religiosity teaches us to kind of jump out of the body to get to heaven,

That there's steeples on churches,

That God is somehow up there,

Not deep in our bodies.

God is deep in your body.

You know,

As I developed,

I could,

I began to feel the members of my family in my body.

And I began to be able to feel when my children were distressed,

And this is when they were grown up,

When they weren't living at home,

And I would feel it through my body.

So,

Many of you guys struggle with kind of trying to find enlightenment through your heads.

You know,

The trouble with this story of the pilot is this is the kind of thing that's happening all over.

And there was a tax guy,

There was a Canadian who got chased by a tax guy who was obviously unstable for 16 years and put through incredible hassles by our tax department.

And it was just a guy that was kind of a bit loony.

Yeah.

Thing is,

You see,

When I'm working with you and you're trying to be spiritual,

It's not like you remind me of the pilot,

But there's a little bit of that.

It's like a little bit of running away from the heart,

From the feminine aspect.

You know,

Especially when I was evolving a lot,

The masculine,

My masculine energy,

The masculine,

If I was making a shift in the masculine,

It would come in through the top of my head down to my feet.

And when I was making a shift into the more feminine,

It would come up from my feet up to the top of my head.

And that is a beautiful illustration of the male and the female.

The feminine comes from the Earth up.

She finds God through her relationships,

Through taking care of her children,

Birthing her children,

Taking care of her children.

In the masculine,

It's a little bit like Moses getting the Ten Commandments.

A little bit more like straight from the divine,

And you bring it into the physical later in a way.

It's a little bit like… You know,

The masculine has to do with the tribal consciousness.

The feminine's more the personal.

The tribal consciousness is sort of like the rules and regulations that we need to survive,

Like the social structures.

And it's all very good,

But if it's too extreme and it disowns this personal,

Subjective,

And the feminine or makes that wrong,

We're in trouble.

And really,

You guys,

Especially the women,

This is why you have trouble loving yourselves because the personal,

Subjective,

Emotional has been discounted in favor of the organizational structure thing.

But if you discount the personal,

Subjective,

You lose the personal connection to God in there.

And if you lose the personal connection to God,

You're toast.

You're lost.

You're in confusion.

Now this,

You know,

May be like difficult to get your minds around.

I don't know.

I don't know how much it maybe is going,

Oh,

I get it.

This explains a lot.

Or whether it's just like what she's talking about.

But I'll tell you,

You know,

When I complained in the question and answer yesterday,

I was complaining that inside our spiritual journey,

Many of us underneath were coming at our spiritual journey with the perspective of a hedge fund manager going,

Okay,

What's the results of my effort?

What's my profit loss?

What can I exploit out of this situation?

What can I get?

And really,

You know,

The spiritual journey is the death of the ego,

But sometimes we try to use it to make the dreams of our ego come true.

So,

I'm just wanting to remind you guys the spiritual journey and just life that it's to love.

That's the whole point.

To love.

To love yourself first and to love everybody else in all of life.

That's it.

That's it.

And that brings enormous peace after the battles of the ego are done.

Because the ego doesn't want to love.

It was built on fear.

It doesn't even know about love.

That's why on the journey,

You have to take it on faith that love exists because your ego is keeping you from experiencing the love that you are.

And the more you give up your ego,

The more you experience love.

That I can feel kind of a strengthening of your hearts just hearing this.

And remember,

A lot of it will just be beyond your consciousness.

Don't worry.

See,

I was so lucky because I had that leukemia experience with my son.

So,

It was like I could never ignore it or forget it.

It's like that miracle healing.

So,

When I went to transform,

Which was far harder for me than to help support a miracle healing for my son,

That was easy.

But when it came to really loving premisuda,

Oh my goodness.

Horrifying.

It was horrifying for me.

I'm not kidding.

I mean,

So much that I flipped out.

I mean,

That's how… And then,

Of course,

I just had to pick up the pieces and love myself anyway.

But,

You know,

Whenever I came to difficulties on the journey,

I always came to,

Well,

I can never turn my back on the fact that my son had this miracle healing from leukemia,

Which was proof that God existed,

Basically,

To me.

Right.

So,

There is a deep innocence within you,

Within all of you.

Yeah,

It's within all of you.

And it's being strengthened today.

And,

You know,

If you've turned your back on it and you're trying to be happy,

You're going to experience how impossible that is.

You can't be happy if you've turned your back on your innocence.

You can't.

You know,

There's the phony happiness of,

Say,

The guy who's accumulating real estate and he gets another house.

So,

He's happy,

You know,

For a couple of days.

That's a phony happiness.

That's not the real happiness.

And,

You know,

There is this guy that was one of the boys'—he's the father of one of the boys' best friend,

And he had bought a hundred condos.

Okay?

Remember I told you about the financial advisor that said,

Like,

Start building wealth out of debt,

Which is the same principle of start spirituality with a blank slate,

An open heart,

And maybe just seeking to embody love rather than to try to fix a miserable sinner,

Which is what many of us do.

Anyway,

What happened,

It was inevitable.

It's sort of like I told you.

It's like this stuff always has,

Like,

A sad end.

He started having problems with one of them and the finances and everything,

And they all fell like a domino thing.

So,

He went from being,

Like,

A multi,

Multi,

Multi-millionaire to being absolutely bankrupt.

It's like if you build your house on the sand,

Right?

This is—what I'm really talking about is,

Like,

That building your house on the rock on all levels—spiritually,

Financially,

Emotionally,

All of it—on the rock of truth.

Right.

On the rock of your own innocence.

And I can see it in your bodies,

You guys.

I can see this channel of innocence.

And just stay true to it,

And we'll get stronger and stronger and stronger.

See,

If you're serving love,

You don't look at the spiritual journey like a hedge fund manager.

You're not thinking of profit or loss or anything.

You're just sharing love,

Focusing on love,

Wanting to embody love.

Right.

And I'll tell you,

If you seek to embody love,

You will be brought down to feeling like a zero,

Because the serving love will decimate your ego,

And your ego will make you feel that you are just a failed vessel,

That you are just an excuse for a human being.

And you keep focusing on love,

Keep focusing on love,

And you start becoming a giant of a human being.

You guys,

You want to be a giant of a human being?

You go through serve love,

You experience these ego deaths.

Avama says,

You know,

You have to be a zero to be a hero.

You experience these ego deaths,

And your soul comes into your body.

And over time,

You become more and more grounded,

More and more love powerful,

More and more attractive,

No matter what your features are.

More and more peaceful.

It's just we're all scared of letting go of our egos,

You guys.

And oh my goodness,

I so know the kind of fear of this.

I still know what it's like to walk around feeling like a failure or a mess or whatever.

But I also know what it feels like to reemerge from these periods just so enhanced.

You know,

You start getting fairy dust sprinkled on you.

You get enough fairy dust sprinkled on you to keep you going on the journey.

You see,

We're in this period where,

You know,

I said it's the most difficult for civilizations to shift from sort of a younger soul to a more mature soul.

And you guys understand that in this shift,

There can be an experience of absolute separation,

Where you feel that you are a thousand miles away from God.

You can feel like you're on the other side of the universe from God.

Okay,

This is clearing the separation so that you'll bond with truth.

You guys,

This is what will stop the human race from blowing itself up.

If we do this emotionally,

Do you understand?

It's like we can act it out by dropping a whole bunch of nuclear bombs on ourself,

This absolute separation,

Or we can go through it internally.

Now,

Remember,

You will only be,

Don't take it as homework that you have to do it,

That it's on your shoulders,

Anything like that.

You will be brought through it as you can.

And,

You know,

The whole point of the satsangs is that if you get a moment like that,

Because it will just be a moment or five minutes,

You'll think,

This is what Pramasutra was talking about.

That's the whole point.

Yeah,

I feel like I've scared you now.

And it's like,

You guys,

Can you just not be scared?

Can you just go,

Like,

I'm grown up.

This is a safe journey.

This woman knows what she's doing.

She's with me all the time.

She's with me all the time.

I can get through anything.

I can email her.

I can talk to her on the phone.

Come on,

You guys.

It's sort of like,

You know,

You got to find your balls,

Women too.

We got to find our ovaries,

Right?

We got to,

You know,

Come on.

I did it.

And,

You know,

I think if somebody had told me what I would face ahead of time,

I would have been just like you going,

Oh,

But then nobody was there,

So I just had to do it.

Please don't be scared.

You know,

Be scared of the world blowing itself up and go,

Okay,

I'm going to make this shift.

Be scared of family unhappiness coming down the family line to your children going,

I'm going to make this shift.

Right.

That hit home with a couple of you.

Well,

That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

If you've got a bonded mama,

If you've got a mama who's bonded to her heart,

That's better for your kids.

You know,

As I said,

You know,

Okay,

My family,

Like,

Bless their hearts,

You know,

I mean,

It's,

It's,

It's just not their fault.

I mean,

I chose them to be the way they are.

It's all good.

But it's sort of like,

You know,

When I was raising them,

And it was kind of like,

Well,

You know,

Are you kids,

Your kids,

What are they going to turn out like?

And,

And,

You know,

One of my guys is just devoted to working with the homeless and the other one's like,

Very good at supporting this family of six kids.

And he,

He just,

He just manages really well.

Right.

They had a mom that was bonded to her heart,

Flawed,

Blind,

Blinkered,

But bonded to her heart.

So,

Even when I say,

You know,

Like,

They picked up a lot from their dad,

It's like,

They don't get,

They don't get far from their hearts.

This is my point.

They stay close to their heart like their mom did.

And I remember when I was raising them,

And I was thinking,

I was thinking,

I can't even encourage these kids to go to university,

Because what's the point?

This,

We're just getting so out of touch with our hearts.

So,

I just didn't do anything.

I didn't discourage it or encourage it.

The one boy went for one year.

But both of them make lots of money.

Yeah,

It's like this,

Getting just simple like an Aboriginal,

Just getting simple.

Sticking with the truth of you,

What's close to your heart,

Speaking the truth.

If you get wildly caught in your head,

Do something to help like exercise,

Massage,

Vitamin B.

Coming forward to ask questions.

Everybody that's asked questions will,

Will tell you that it's very therapeutic to show your cards and to come out of hiding and expose the difficulty because we're all so human.

That's it.

Okay,

That's good.

There's some enrichment of your experience going on.

You know,

This stuff will weave in very subtly.

You'll,

You'll start,

You know,

The more you wake up,

The richer and the more threads your lives have,

The richer the tapestry.

Yeah,

It feels like an enriching going on.

That's good.

There's also the thing,

Remember you guys,

What Amma said,

That when you're coming into more power,

This is really,

Really,

I was going to say really,

Really expensive.

That's so funny because it's,

I wanted to say it's really,

Really important.

I don't know why I said expensive.

I'm thinking maybe,

Maybe it can be tough to do.

But Amma says,

You know,

When you're moving into more power,

It will be like,

You'll see it first in the dark.

So,

It's like the sculptor getting a big ugly rock,

And he starts working with it,

And he turns it into a piece of beauty.

So,

You know,

When we're moving into more power,

It can look ugly.

We might erupt into a huge temper tantrum.

You know,

It might be something like that.

Or you might say something to your partner that is just really cruel when you don't usually do those things.

And this is,

You know,

We don't get the bigger power without some degree of stepping,

Of coloring outside the lines,

Of being less than a perfectly good girl or guy.

You just don't get it.

It has to include some kind of transgression or mistake,

Even if it's inside you,

Something like suddenly getting a barrage of negative thoughts.

This is why I want you to be soft and gentle and kind of forgiving of yourselves for what you think are your errors,

Especially if you can see that this seeming darkness turned into more love power.

Over and over again,

I would see some darkness in me,

And I would start working with it,

And it would become enhanced love power.

Or I would do something that shocked myself,

And I'd just work with it,

Forgive it,

Work with myself,

And it was always heralding more love power.

It's like thinking of a sprouting seed.

Is it very pretty?

The seed is totally misshapen.

It's ugly.

It hasn't even connected up to the earth yet to get the nutrients.

It seems to have no value,

But it's growing.

It's becoming.

Okay,

I've lost you on this.

It's interesting.

Well,

You can stay really small,

Good girls.

Go ahead.

It's your choice.

Be a good girl,

Really rigid with yourself,

Really judging with yourself,

And have at it.

Kind of the choice,

You guys.

Right.

Really,

It's a choice.

Yeah.

That's why I talk about,

Can you just be wallflowers?

You guys,

It's sort of like,

You know,

We all do this in the journey.

I wanted total enlightenment,

And I wanted great accolades,

And I wanted a house and everything that I thought would be the result of coming into enlightenment.

And when I look back,

I go,

Oh my God,

I was totally corrupt.

And I didn't even realize it.

It's okay.

It's what we're like.

And life taught me.

And I stayed true to the love.

And that's what you guys,

I can feel it.

You know,

Even as the ups and downs of this satsang,

Because sometimes I feel you're really with me,

And then sometimes I lose you.

And what I'm feeling is the channel to your innocence in your unconscious is getting stronger.

Okay.

And that's where we make our connection to God.

If we're not connected to God in our unconscious,

We can,

We don't get anywhere in the journey at all.

You just stay in the nuts and bolts superficial.

It's when you connect to God in your unconscious,

When you,

Yeah,

Let God get through to you in your unconscious.

Yeah.

And they really knew this in ancient Hawaii with the Huna.

This was really understood,

And this is why they did body work so much.

And one time,

It was the tradition that if you really wanted to break through your misunderstandings,

You would go climb,

Kind of climb this hill or mountain,

And they would work on you for 15 days straight.

Kahunas would take turns working on your body for 15 days straight.

It reminds me of that woman I sent you guys a video about,

This woman who locked herself in this little cabin for 45 years.

It's like you kind of get the same results.

You get like the ego just can't withstand it,

And it dissolves.

And the question they used to ask the seekers who were climbing up this mountain to get this body work for 15 days are,

Are you prepared to die?

Because you have to be prepared to die.

You don't die to who you've been.

You know,

The spiritual journey is a lot like motherhood.

You know,

You decide to have a baby,

And then you lose control.

I mean,

You get the child that you get.

You cannot control it.

You can't even control what that child does.

You might have raised all your family in a very uniform way,

And the kids all do different things with it.

The same with the spiritual journey.

You can't know the outcome.

I mean,

You can have glimmerings.

It's like I had these glimmerings of being this really,

Really loving woman.

But you just have to walk the journey.

The thing is,

You guys,

I mean,

I've noticed it even with me that with,

You know,

Swami's slightly depressing comment about the state of the world,

It's really accelerated me on some very deep levels.

It's like all systems go.

There's no point to,

You know,

Circle around in anything.

It's not true.

You know,

Amma says the coming to earth is a big deal,

And it's considered very brave.

It's considered like actually going to an Ivy League,

That the results are this enhanced quality of the soul,

And that it's considered great bravery.

I'll tell you something.

Amma wrote a book,

Started to write a book to explain all this to us,

And she threw it in the fire because she said,

You're going to misunderstand it all.

And Swamiji,

Swamiji,

You know,

Dug and got little tiny fragments of it.

And one of them was that when we come to the earth,

Like we're going to be born,

Well,

First of all,

We come to the earth and we'll be like in a dew drop.

Our soul will be just in a dew drop.

Just in a dew drop.

And then it might move somewhere else.

And finally,

It goes into the male semen.

Uh-huh.

Right.

I don't,

I mean,

I think that's understandable.

I don't know what would be not understandable,

But I'm obviously new,

So.

But my heart breaks about this book,

You know?

It's like,

Oh,

What a miracle it would be to be able to read what she wrote.

But even this little bit about the soul coming in as just being a dew drop for a bit,

You know,

And then slowly making its way,

The semen.

And many sages say,

You know,

The soul comes and goes during pregnancy.

And then really sets in just before birth.

It's kind of visiting,

Visiting relatives.

It does a lot of kind of exploring and preparation.

Yeah.

And then it's born.

Mm-hmm.

So,

We would have done that.

We would have been in a dew drop,

In our dad's semen.

We would have really expand your mind,

You guys.

Whoa.

One of the things,

You know,

When the blessings are growing up,

My family,

We were allowed,

It was an intellectual family,

So we were allowed to raise any philosophical point over the family dinner.

So,

We didn't talk about people,

And we didn't talk about things.

We talked about ideas,

And it was like philosophy,

Politics,

And you could say anything if you backed it up.

The only trouble was,

If you tried to live anything other than a very rigid set of expectations,

All hell broke loose.

So,

As long as you were sitting at the dining room table talking,

You could stand for anything,

Argue for anything,

As long as you backed it up.

But you go live it?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Talk about the mind-body split.

And actually,

This is part of what you guys are facing a little bit in the spiritual journey,

In the jump to actually live it.

But the sad sayings,

I'll tell you,

The power of them,

It's,

You know,

It's the power of you turning up to be bathed in this energy.

It affects your,

Isn't that interesting I'm getting,

It affects your genetics.

Certainly,

It affects the cells of your body.

It will affect your genetics too.

They're actually finding that genes are more changeable than they thought.

It's like the person who is,

You know,

Who got a good gene thing against cancer,

But if they smoke a lot,

It will reverse.

Yeah.

There's part of you that's just kind of a little confused with all the different threads of what I'm talking about,

But that's good.

Feel your bodies.

Feel your heart.

You know,

Your head's like,

Don't live there.

Don't live in the head.

Live in the heart.

Yeah.

Live in your bodies.

You know,

Again,

I'm going to talk about growing up.

I used to,

Like I said,

My mom grew up on this farm and my dad grew up in a,

You know,

Blue blood household.

And I used to,

When I would drive my car,

I would feel sometimes the conflict between the two different worldviews,

And I would have to pull over to the side of the road and just be with the conflict.

I could not drive with this.

Okay.

That is really good if you get like that,

Because you're lodging in your body.

Right.

And it was why my life forced me to find a solution.

I was forced to find a solution because I was so crippled that way.

You guys,

Face any internal conflict.

It is always resolvable in a higher plane,

In a higher leap.

I promise you,

Some of you,

You know,

Somebody was feeling sort of sad and cut off,

And wanting to avoid those feelings,

But that will keep you there.

You feel the feelings,

You do what you can for yourself,

You pray,

You seek comfort,

You observe yourself and what you're going through.

And what will happen is you will jump closer into your heart to solve it.

That's what solves it.

You get closer to your heart,

You jump into your heart more.

Let all your conflicts resolve in this deeper love and understanding.

Don't sideline,

Don't try to control it.

Be in it,

Even if you have to pull over to the side of the road,

Like I did.

One of the things that,

Remember,

I got the family,

Oh God,

I got the family going off to family therapy,

Right,

When I was 21.

It was hilarious.

And I remember,

He was a really lovely Jewish fatherly psychiatrist.

He was perfect for me.

He was like a benign dad,

You know.

And he looked at me once and he said,

You know,

You say your mom like doesn't agree with how you guys live or whatever.

And he said,

But she stays pretty close to it all.

She stays pretty close to your dad,

Janet.

I went,

Oh,

Yeah,

Yeah.

What are her feet doing?

Not just what she's saying,

But what are her feet doing?

Because I was just so confused with all the talking her feet were doing.

And then that helped me see her more clearly.

Right,

That she wasn't choosing truth or anything.

She was just proselytizing out of her inner discomfiture with her life choices.

You guys,

Let yourself see really clearly,

Okay?

See really clearly.

See clearly.

Let yourself see clearly.

It's like,

I will see more clearly this week.

And may I get all the support,

Self-compassion that I need for seeing more clearly.

You guys,

Your journey is done by something beyond you.

So,

There is an energy working that's beyond all of us,

Helping us.

And when we come together for satsang,

We're really saying yes to this.

Or,

You know,

Obviously with Amma,

You're,

Whatever you do with Amma,

But I'm just talking about these satsangs.

That just by coming,

You're opening the door and you're saying yes.

And you don't have to force yourselves.

You don't have to monitor yourselves.

You don't have to be hard on yourselves.

Just turn up and observe.

Notice.

Do your best.

Yeah.

Like,

I was speaking to somebody,

And they were just saying,

Like,

What a soft comfort the satsangs were,

And how accelerative it had been for them,

Coming in over the ethers in ways that they couldn't have even quantified beforehand.

They couldn't have even thought it would work this way beforehand.

And I just knew it would work this way because I attended some satsangs of somebody who was really illuminated,

And that's what happened to me.

You see,

I just pass on what I learned.

And it was incredible what happened for me attending these satsangs,

And I thought,

Satsangs would be a good idea,

And I got a lot of support from Stephanie for getting this work out.

Yeah.

You know,

I've bumbled into it.

I've bumbled into this whole thing.

We're all bumbling into our lives.

Yeah.

You know,

We're here to face what we have to face,

Whatever it is.

And we either got,

Like,

A tall order.

We might have got something that we've put off for the last 20 lives,

You guys.

We might be facing it.

We might be facing particular heavy threats from some lives.

Sometimes we have a life where we just come to help one person,

And our own individual enlightenment isn't the focus.

It's some kind of karmic thing to help,

To repay somebody or help somebody.

It's just wild.

It's wild tapestry.

And we just discover what we're in as we live.

Remember,

Do you hear that again?

We discover what we're in as we live.

We find out what our work is,

What we're working on.

Yeah,

We discover it.

It's that way,

You guys.

It's a discovery.

It's a heart discovery.

It's a discovery.

And there will be hard times,

And there'll be good times.

And the good times will make it so worth it.

And if,

You know,

If you guys,

You know,

From satsangs,

You witness the hedge fund manager stuff in you and give it over to Amma,

That will accelerate you so fast.

And okay,

There's one more thing I want to say.

The reason this one can put words to these things is because I felt all the dense feelings that we don't want to feel.

I felt all the hatred,

All the rage,

All the fear,

Until there's hardly anything left.

And because there's hardly anything left,

There's kind of a felt comprehension that makes it easily expressed in really simple terms,

Like back to the aboriginal consciousness,

Where keeping it simple.

You guys need reassurance.

You know,

You'll know you're coming into your heart because you're softening.

You're just softer.

You're softer with yourself.

You're softer with others.

That's it.

You know you're coming into your heart if you're a little more peaceful in your normal.

I'm not talking about when you're going through a conflict or having,

You know,

Going through something,

You won't feel peaceful,

But you'll feel more peace in your baseline.

Softer,

More peace,

Less reactive.

That's it.

That's it.

Even an enlightened person can feel emotions.

You know,

If you watch Amma when her mom died,

You know,

I thought at that time,

I thought,

You know,

Amma would just shrug it off,

Like,

Oh,

Meh,

Just passed over the earth,

You know,

Passed off.

But there was a lot going on just looking at her.

You could see what a deep thing it was,

For it seemed to me she was in a really deep thing with her mom dying.

And I saw how much,

No matter how enlightened we are,

We have our humanness.

She lost her mom,

You know,

We have our humanness.

And one of the things I feel,

Some of you may think that this is presumptuous,

But I feel great compassion for Amma for the fact that for 40 years,

She's been doing what she's doing.

And her prayer was,

May everyone be able to sleep,

Not have fear at night,

At least one night,

And may everybody have a full belly for at least one day.

And look what's happened.

And she is God,

But she's also like a human mother,

The mother of us.

Yeah,

And the reason I'm raising it is really because when you see Amma's humanity,

You can see your own humanity.

When you feel compassion for Amma,

You can feel compassion for yourself.

Yeah.

Can you see that Amma's dreams haven't come true the way she asked?

Maybe,

Maybe your dreams haven't come true either,

Like the way you wished.

You can have compassion for yourself,

Like you have compassion for Amma.

Right,

You guys,

With the more you go on the spiritual journey,

The more human you become,

In the best way.

The more you get your deep humanity back.

And Inge was writing me about how,

Where are you,

Inge,

Are you there?

Oh yeah,

There you are,

About how the babies have,

Talk about with the,

You know,

About the person coming in to help the mom get to know the baby.

You know,

Like,

Didn't you write to me about this,

That when a woman was pregnant,

There'd be somebody that she'd speak to?

I can't hear you.

Is your audio on?

Your audio's not on?

Can't hear.

Oh well,

Don't worry,

Inge,

It's okay.

Oh there you can,

Yeah,

Okay.

Do you remember writing me about that?

You did,

Right?

Yes,

I do.

Yeah,

Yeah,

I do.

It was a story from people in Africa,

The Dagara people,

And a lady,

She died some years ago,

She she told her pupil the story that in former times,

The elders or the wise people were sitting around the house or being somewhere where the woman is pregnant,

And they tried to listen to the song of the baby,

To the song of the one who's coming in,

And if I do remember it right,

They taught the song to the people living there,

That they could sing the song to the baby,

And they also were watching the community,

What they're missing,

What their needs are,

The community needs,

And so they tried to find out what the medicine is that the baby brings,

So they were very aware and looking who is coming there,

What does the population need,

And very,

Very welcoming,

This very special person bringing the medicine,

And maybe medicine isn't always sweet,

So yeah,

Yeah,

Right,

The name of the lady who told the story was Zobonfu Somme,

She did a lot of grieving work as well,

And yeah,

Yeah.

Right,

So I get this really light feeling in my heart hearing this,

Speaking this,

And I'm wondering with women,

Is this something that we would go like,

What a heavenly world,

Right?

We could be doing this,

We can be doing this,

And maybe with the rise of the feminine energy,

We can do this.

I know there's some women that know the point of conception when the baby's conceived,

And I was never that conscious,

I couldn't tell,

But it's so possible to be so aware,

You know,

When we're bringing in our young ones,

Yeah,

Right.

Right.

Well,

May we have a world like this.

Yeah,

It's not far away,

It's just a few changes,

It's just a dropping out of our heads into our hearts,

And we would see the universal need for this,

Because in our families,

The most loving one is the one most likely to be scapegoated,

But if you've got people preparing like that,

For whatever the child brings,

The child's gift can be received.

Yeah.

Okay,

Opening up for questions.

Is anybody desperate?

Hi Masuda,

This is Trilla.

Yes,

Trilla Chan,

Yeah.

Yesterday you were asking me at the beginning if I have a question,

I think I was not ready.

Today I feel I want to share something,

And I would love to hear your advice.

Okay,

Good.

Looking at my last,

This year,

You know,

It's quite intense.

Yeah.

My mother died five months ago,

My brother-in-law out of the sudden died roughly two months ago,

Now this week,

A very dear friend,

The lady I'm kind of living with as a roommate,

86-year-old lady.

Yeah.

She died also.

Oh,

She died.

Yeah,

But she wanted to go,

She was,

You know,

86,

She had cancer.

Right.

And it's totally okay,

And as much as it can be okay.

Right.

So within five months,

Pre-death,

And why I'm saying that,

I want to bring it together with my big challenges you're aware of,

The fear of the fear,

Fear of losing control.

Yeah.

Feeling currently,

There's no real sorrow or mourning yet for the old lady who just passed.

I mean,

Obviously,

I know her only since six years,

She grew close to me,

But still,

Plus we're busy,

The children are there,

And we're quite,

You know,

Distracted,

But I feel no mourning yet.

So I'm wondering,

Is that maybe protecting myself from kind of sorrow or mourning again,

Or maybe I'm just not that close.

She's not my mother,

She was just a good friend,

I saw more or less daily when I live here.

So that's one string I want to share with you what the situation currently is.

On top,

I know I can feel quite deep,

Especially,

I know I can open up my heart,

Especially,

You know,

That when I'm,

You know,

There's one woman currently in my life,

I can open up very much.

And I feel very deep or with animals or songs,

I can open up really my heart very deep.

But bringing that together,

And that's what I want to hear your words,

Your wisdom.

This week,

I had the first time a new job,

But I had to give seminars,

Like 45 minutes away.

And you know,

About my troubles when I'm a little bit like this distance away.

Yeah,

Fear of feeling fear of fear of losing control shows up.

Yeah,

These two and a half days,

45 minutes away.

And all went fine.

It was a great seminar.

All was beautiful.

Obviously,

These feelings came up these strong emotions,

But I didn't feel the real fear was not coming up on no panic attacks or nothing.

Well,

So but what I cannot do in these situations,

When I'm gone,

I cannot go deep.

I don't want to allow these feelings.

I don't want to go deep.

Now,

I'm wondering,

Is that something like,

Is that whole thing,

The fear stuff,

The fear of the fear of losing control?

Is that just blocking myself of being in my heart feeling very deep,

Feeling deep feelings,

Which may be painful sometimes.

I don't know if it makes sense,

But.

Yeah,

Totally makes sense.

Yeah.

But obviously,

I can't,

I cannot allow to feel it when I'm gone somewhere.

And I have to stay for another half a day to give the seminars there.

Right.

So I just keep myself busy and not allowing to go very deep into these feelings.

I'd rather go in the body,

As you mentioned at the beginning,

I do something to distract myself,

Either being busy,

Distract my mind or do something for the body.

Because I cannot allow these deep,

Strong fear of the fear of losing control feelings when I'm gone,

But they don't show up at home when I'm safe.

Right.

So I'm wondering how much does it all have to do with not being able so deep in my heart,

Feeling whatever kind of pain is there,

Or I don't know if it makes sense what I'm sharing with you,

But.

Yeah.

You know,

There's a level that the fear and the fear of losing control is sort of this wall that walls you off from your full self.

It's covering up your full humanity.

So as long as it's there,

It will be operating in your whole life,

Cutting you off from your whole humanity,

No matter whether you feel your feelings deeply when you're away or not.

You know what I mean?

It just is a big control mechanism.

But it doesn't matter if you don't want to feel deeply when you're away.

Like,

I get it.

It's like,

Why would you?

Like,

Don't,

If you don't feel to.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Don't.

I mean,

Just be,

Yeah,

Just be yourself.

Just be like,

Yeah.

You don't want to set up a big theft attack.

That's reasonable human behavior,

What you do.

It's all good.

So what I want to,

That's kind of the shift I'm wanting for you is just to realize that you're okay the way you are,

Even carrying this thing on your back about the fear.

Do you know you're doing really well with it?

You know,

You are.

You are.

You obviously came into phases and they're like on the numerology thing.

There's some numbers that people have and fear is a big motif for their life.

And it's like the soul just wants to crack it wide open.

But in this time,

You can accelerate past your scheduled life and even go on into a life that was the next one in line so you could overcome all this fear.

Do you see what I mean with an acceleration?

But Sweeney Pai,

Trillichand,

Like you're just,

You know,

You just,

You're okay.

It's just,

It's,

It's,

You're okay.

Yeah.

Right.

It's good.

I mean,

You know,

The thing that bothers you is just that you lost the connection to your full self as a kid.

Right.

So you're living right now with this pack on your back of the fear and the restrictions.

But I tell you,

Like,

You're good.

I mean,

You know,

You're,

You're good.

It's all good.

Yeah.

That's the message coming from the divine to tell you,

Like,

You know,

It's good.

You're,

You know,

You're looser with yourself than you were when I first met you.

Okay.

Yeah.

You don't believe all your thoughts quite so strongly as you used to.

You've made room to bond with another person.

You know,

You're,

You're good with your nieces and nephews and animals.

You help other people through the yoga.

It's good.

It's good.

You know,

This one,

I was really crippled for years with all my garbage,

Absolutely crippled.

And then it ended.

Yeah.

That's,

That's how it is.

We walk with the burden and then it's,

It finishes.

We start seeing through it or,

But it doesn't even have to get better.

It can just,

You're just all okay.

All of you,

Everything in your life is okay as it is.

And if mourning isn't coming up for this woman,

You know,

Sometimes the wiser we get,

The less we mourn personally like this,

The more kind of,

We just weave in more love.

We don't mourn.

We're,

We,

We,

We feel less separate.

We feel more bonded to all reality.

So we actually mourn less.

I don't know how to explain it.

But I,

Yeah,

What your feelings with this old woman just sound fine.

And,

You know,

Maybe if there's things to feel,

You might feel some deep sadness in six months,

But that sadness would just come up as you were clearing your connection to your God self.

And as that happened,

This memories of this woman might come up.

You see,

Any grief for other,

Any other person is just clearing our connection to our God self,

Ideally.

When we lose somebody,

If we can feel the grief of it and let it connect us up to all of life,

Then that's really good use of mourning.

Or let it connect us up with more wisdom.

That's a really good use of mourning.

I'm going to say again,

I'm very happy.

It's good.

Just keep going.

Yeah.

It's off your shoulders.

Something bigger than you is taking care of it.

You're on the right track.

Happy,

Happy.

Thank you.

Can I say one last sentence?

Please.

I don't know if it's a question.

I don't want to make it much longer because others might want to share something,

But I want to weave what I asked to your main topic yesterday about the,

You know,

We want to get out of something,

Out of a spiritual journey,

Like the hedge fund manager you shared also earlier in the satsang,

Right?

Sometimes I wonder when do I get back to kind of normality where I'm able to travel anywhere where I want again with not having this limitation of traveling more or less one hour around here and even within this one hour.

You know,

That's what sometimes bugs me a little bit.

You know,

I know it's the only solution.

It's in the spiritual process.

And maybe I have to learn something.

You know,

That's the tricky thing,

Which I'll tell you,

It'll be when you get so fed up with it.

You can't do it anymore.

Yeah.

You know,

Or you love somebody so deeply that you're just going to go and drive to see them.

You just,

You just refuse to do it anymore,

But it cannot be rushed.

It cannot be legislated.

It cannot be forced.

You just grow out of it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

You'll find out,

You know,

You'll find out.

Yeah.

And like I say,

You know,

You,

Yeah,

It's like you'll find out what you're in,

What your life,

How it goes,

You know,

But when we're stuck in something,

It is very hard to imagine ever being free.

I never,

You know,

I hardly ever thought about enlightenment.

You know,

I was just trying to,

You know,

Take my next step and feel better,

You know,

Cope better,

Be happier,

Right?

It's like that.

And then as a byproduct of just moving ahead,

You know,

Stuff gets lifted off us.

Right,

Right.

And if you,

You know,

If you're getting really frustrated with it,

You can let the frustration,

You know,

Okay,

This cannot be done in a doing way.

But I would make breakthroughs sometimes when I got to such a fever pitch of prayer,

You know,

Where I was just so intensely yearning,

Screaming,

Wanting,

Desperate for,

I got it.

Right.

And it meant that I was willing to move through my conditioning at that level.

Yearning to know,

To have the feeling of being in Amma's arms,

Yearning to know what love is.

That is our best motor.

Rather,

We tend to try and figure out strategies or figure stuff out,

Just like the yearning of a child wanting their mama.

You know,

Amma talks about how with spiritual seekers,

With God,

You know,

God gives us toys because we're outwardly focused.

We gives us things in the world to keep us happy.

But it's when,

Just like a child gets sick of their toys,

And they're desperate to know their mama,

They desperate from see mama,

And they scream with a certain pitch that will motivate the human mother,

The human mother will hear pitch,

She will come running.

The same thing happens in the spiritual journey,

It reaches a pitch,

And it starts releasing out.

But Trilochan,

It's already starting to release out.

You know,

You can see the improvements.

Just,

Like,

Don't give it to yourself as a to-do thing to learn to pray with this fever pitch.

You just,

It's just when you get desperate enough,

You do it.

But you don't,

You know,

Your way may be different.

It may be just sponging up the love,

Gradually sponging up the love,

Seeing the brilliance of the universe giving you a love relationship that will help catalyze you to step beyond this,

That will activate your heart.

See the brilliance of the universe.

This is it.

See how loving it is to activate your heart,

To give you the oomph,

To take steps.

It's just brilliantly orchestrated to help you out,

Like,

And just seeing the safety of that.

You know,

That's,

I have enormous faith in you.

It's all good.

Yeah,

Just keep going.

I have enormous faith in all of you.

I have to say this,

Because you would not be coming if you didn't deserve the enormous faith.

I mean it.

You wouldn't,

You wouldn't be able to stand the heat.

You wouldn't like it.

Yeah,

So we're really late,

But we can,

Yeah,

We've got,

If you guys have to go,

Then just go.

But Michael,

Did you have something?

Hi,

Paramahanswara.

Hi,

Everybody.

I really just wanted to say one thing.

And I really,

You know,

Just want to send my love and empathy to Torsten.

I went through,

You know,

A time like that myself.

And,

You know,

I,

That's all I wanted to say,

Really.

I can really understand.

Michael,

I've got a question for you.

Have you had any difficulty integrating that experience of uncompassionate,

How do you say uncompassionate love?

That is so funny.

Unconditional love that you experienced on the phone?

Last couple of days,

Yeah.

I've had some difficulty.

I've had,

I've had a little bit of difficulty feeling it.

It's been there,

But it's,

Yeah.

I haven't had any crying spells or anything,

Which is the only way I guess.

Yeah,

No,

No,

No.

Not that you should.

It's just that I was going to,

I wanted to say this,

Like,

So we talked and you,

Okay,

So I asked you to phone me.

So I really stepped forward to kind of rescue you in a way,

Because I knew that you were stuck in your ego and you were just going to go round and round and round.

And then when we were talking,

I pointed out that kind of paradox you had,

That conflict you had,

You know,

What I see in lots of you and I had myself,

It's like a split inside.

We've got one hand going one way and another hand going another way.

I pointed it out and Michael had a direct experience of unconditional love that just flowed in and,

You know,

God was in his heaven,

Right?

That was it.

And what really was done in a way is,

It was like the Creator used surgery to cut away some ego for you so that you could have this direct experience of love.

Okay.

Now,

Michael,

This is what's really important for you if you want to feel more of that love and to get on track for accessing more of that love.

Okay.

It's like I'm seeing that you're going to have to,

I'm seeing you as you're sitting down cross-legged and you're going to have to stand up,

Take your full stature and start walking the journey.

Okay.

Working with you a little bit has had a little bit of dealing with the hedge fund manager,

And partly it's your business training,

Right?

Okay.

But now with that experience of unconditional love,

You are no longer going to be able to play in the hedge fund area.

Okay.

You are honor bound.

You'll find that your discomfiture will get,

Will start getting intense if you don't do this,

Like realize that you are a spiritual seeker,

You are a divine being,

You're a spiritual seeker before you're a professor.

You're a seeker first,

And it's,

Your task is to be able to how to walk your journey now,

How to walk it,

To put it in action in everything you do,

Right?

And then you'll become a big gift to humanity as a byproduct.

But don't think about that.

Realize that you are just,

I don't know how far you thought you're along,

Michael,

But you were just sitting cross-legged and you're just standing up and sitting going,

You know,

Preface to that,

You know,

But you,

You know,

My feeling is you will really start to walk it as you proceed.

So a lot of your,

Your,

The way you're thinking now is not going to work for this bigger walk.

And this bigger walk is going to be more focused on the welfare of others,

Like your students,

Your family.

I mean,

I know that you already do,

But there's a deeper level wanting to come.

Um,

Right.

And more honesty and,

Um,

This kind of willingness to just be yourself more,

You know,

It's like,

It's just like,

You're like with Trinidad.

It's like,

You're good.

You're good,

Man.

You're good.

You're good the way you are.

You don't have to figure everything out so much.

You know,

If you lose the unconditional love,

You start,

Um,

Um,

Prayer,

A mantra,

Call speak Amma,

Amma,

Amma,

You know,

Lokaha Samastaha.

You just do that.

You don't,

You don't go up into your head and try to figure it out and go,

Okay,

This is like my conditioning.

And how do I get my family to risk?

You don't do that.

You just say a mantra.

And,

And,

And,

And you feel,

Yeah,

No figuring out.

And then you just get shown there'll be a shift.

You'll,

You'll,

You'll get an education as you walk it.

You get shown as you walk it.

You cannot stand or sit and have it figured out in advance.

You can't.

You,

You earned that experience of unconditional love.

You also earned me reaching out and,

You know,

Encouraging the phone call.

It's like,

You're good.

It's just,

We,

It's just this,

We,

We just have to learn how to take inner action and action ourselves.

We all want like a,

The teacher to solve it all.

And we can't,

It's,

It has to be walked.

Right.

And you can know that you walk surrounded by Amma's love,

Surrounded by my love.

And we're all bumbling idiots.

Right.

Right.

But it doesn't have to be figured out so much.

You can't figure out your journeys.

Witness your attempts to figure out,

Strategize.

The answer is always love,

More love.

That is always the answers.

After we finish all the somersaults and mental gymnastics,

It always comes back to love.

It always comes back to love.

Right.

Okay.

I feel like you're going to get this,

Michael.

Yeah.

How do you feel right now?

I feel really blessed.

Yeah.

You,

You,

You handled being humbled very well.

And Trinita and you too.

That's really good.

Oh,

You guys are such blessings.

You have no idea.

You're such blessings.

It's like your God consciousness is just,

It just shines through.

Just even your pictures,

You guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so strong.

It's the strongest thing in you,

Of you.

Even when I look at you.

Right.

And the innocence,

The innocent willingness,

You know,

Turning up,

Opening.

It's often uncomfortable.

Yeah.

I see all of your innocences.

This is this channel to your innocence that I was talking about.

It's like,

It's just,

Yeah.

And remember at this time,

The universe is giving quadruple bonuses for any spiritual action.

Yeah.

Times a hundred,

Every step you will get rewarded a hundred more.

Okay.

And all my blessings.

And I'm always with you.